13th-23rd December 2008
rating: +18+x


To Dr. Kain
As you know, the holiday season is fast arriving. As such, it is the time for joy, happyiness, good will towards all men, that sort of thing. And the reason I'm writing this: gifts. I've noticed from the papers I've gotten recently that you have a lot of paperwork you have to go through after that accident. So, I took the liberty to break into your office while you were busy with the Olympia Project and went through and dealt with 55% of your paperwork. Don't worry about it though, you don't need to feel pressured to get me a gift also. Though I could deal with a good look at 244 sometime.
Your fellow researcher,
Dr. Iceberg
PS- When you go over your personnal finances, you may notice a slight discrepancy in the form of 550 missing dollars. Don't worry about it. Merry Christmas!

I found this note on my desk after coming back to my office this evening. I'm not sure whether to feel outraged that he broke in, rifled through my things, and then took five hundred and fifty dollars from my private bank account, or overjoyed that someone did half of my paperwork for such a small amount of cash. I've had professionals ask for three grand for half this amount. So, in the end, I think I'll respond to this the way I do to all social incidents I'm unsure about. I'm going to ignore it, and forget it ever happened.

Unless he does it again.

The experiments with Emma got off to a rough start today. We got a little progress done, but mostly we're just breaking the ice. This ability of hers has gotten her ostracized and treated like she's some kind of freak, monster or deity throughout her entire short life. Created one hell of a roadblock in her head. She really just lets go when she uses her power, letting them control her when she does it. We need to get to the point where she controls them. But that might take some more time, and I am prone to rushing things at times. This one, however, we'll definitely have to take slowly, as I'd rather not have any mistakes to either the staff, myself, or her.

The R&D department have finally gotten a look at the bio-tech, it having finally been released from quarantine. They had countless scans with countless numbers of equipment, at least twenty nine different "certified" experts, and three SCP examine the whole lot of it from top to bottom, several times. Didn't find anything too malicious beyond the norm, and nothing that would spell doom for the staff, so they finally said "uncle" and let it go. Not that I'm complaining. I've seen how dangerous those things are, and I'm thankful that they performed as fast as they did, but still… The little researcher in my head laments the loss of time. I'll have to take over part of the project, and work with the guys if I want to lay some part of a claim on it, and reinstate the excavation. It would be near a crime to let something like that go to waste.

Subject Zero is still waiting for it (her) body to be finished, and it's getting a little difficult to dissuade it (her). In the end, I had to tell her it'll probably wind up being a Christmas present to her. It's sometimes rather hard to give a vague answer to an entity that can read your thoughts, and can tell when you're lying.

As for the Christmas party itself, I've gotten some more planned, but no actual preparations yet. Still at the drawing board stage, so to speak, although I better get a move on soon. things like this tend to creep up on you rather quickly.

Emma is still struggling with her powers. I can understand why this would happen, the girl really has been over some serious emotional roadblocks, but the problem is that we need to either break the block or fix her before it becomes a problem. And I'd much rather not have her become the problem. Because when that happens, the higher ups tend to snuff out the problem.

I'm rethinking some of the things I was going to do on the Olympia Project. Instead of using Emma to alter individual parts of various D-Class, I'm simply going to have her very barely alter and fine tune the host body itself. After all, I've seen some of the things she produces. I'm not sure if the dissembler even has cubbyholes for those kind of things. And if it comes down to that, I'd rather not have to resort to invasive surgery. I've never had a fondness for that. It's always so messy and I dislike getting blood on the walker. Of course, that brings us back to problem one…

I'm going to have to go down to the area of the excavation incident tomorrow, to examine the residual tech, bio-matter and to examine the work done. This will be the first time that I'll have ventured down to the site since before I got the walker. I dislike going there. It always gives me a headache, and a weird paranoid feeling, and I know from personal experience that you listen to those feelings.

I've actually gotten some of the Christmas preparations done! Well, mainly its the importing of a tree and some decorations, and through the usual black market routes. Now, the problem is where am I going to set it up, and what am I going to get for who?

Subject Zero had an… episode today, and oddly enough, I think so did I. It (she) had followed me to the excavation area, and once we reached roughly around fifty feet of the main body, right where I get that weird feeling and begin feeling the twinges of a headache coming on, it (she) got incredibly afraid, saying something about "it" and how it was watching her, before firmly and fully taking residence inside my head. It wasn't quite a possession mind you, but more of it (her) hiding inside of me. Needless to say, all that information and excess soul/ectoplasm/personality began to give me a splitting headache, not to mention Zero constantly whispering to me about that "thing". But the worst part of it was, was that I could see what it (she) saw, and hear what it (she) heard.

My memory gets a bit jumbled at that point, but personnel that were there say that they saw me screaming at the top of my lungs, taking the walker at near full speed out of that entire section of the building, often at the expense of walls. All I have to say about the experience is that I need a rather large glass of scotch. Or a bottle. And that all other personnel working in the area are to wear telekill helmets.

Zero still won't say anything about it, remaining tight lipped about the entire thing. It (she) also says that it (she) won't accompany me down there ever again without a host, but the only thing it (she) would say about that is that "it tried to grab me". What "it" was remains a mystery, as well as how it could "grab" it (her).

Still, the things I saw, that I heard… They fill me with a dread I did not think possible, but then again, they also stir up that researcher part of me, that part that fights the unknown with knowledge, the part most reminiscent of my childhood, fighting imaginary monsters with imaginary swords, secure in the knowledge that they weren't real. Because knowledge is power they say. But then again, they say that ignorance is bliss… And when I think back to those images… I can't help but think of the opening paragraph of H.P. Lovecraft's Call of Cthulhu.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of disassociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

And I can't help but think he might be right.

We finally got back Emma's results for her psych test. the results are a little distressing, at least to me. I have to wonder, why someone would take a child as wonderful as her, and hurt her in such a way that the only way to deal with the pain is to try and permanently seal away part of herself? But then again, that sentiment goes the world over, for all abused and mistreated children.

I guess I'm just an overly sentimental fool, disregarding security procedures for the sake of a child. And I can almost hear Clef laughing at me. Bastard. I hate it when he's right about things like this. Still, if it ever came down to it, I'd protect her over him, but then again, I've seen him survive things that should have killed a normal person in instants.

I've decided to implement the integration stage of the Olympia Project, and "fine tune" the host body when Emma is capable of doing so. Which looks like it might not be for a long time. Still, Zero seems to be happy about this, forgetting all about the terror of yesterday, and says that it (she) even has a name all planned out for the occasion. I've asked it (her), but it (she) says that it's a surprise for the day. I've tried explaining that it might take a few days for its (her) body to fully adapt to all its extraordinary physiology, but it (she) is having none of it. I guess I'll have to wait for it.

And regarding yesterday, I'm going to have the main excavation area investigated by the strange round trinket from the experiments with the clockworks, the one that allows sight into other plains of existence. I'm also going to have on several psychologists as well, just in case. But judging from what Zero said and did yesterday, I don't think it has any extra effects on those who have corporeal forms, although there might be other things regarding the mental health of those in close quarters to the thing.

Also, tests following examination of the bio-matter have come back. Apparently the bio-matter contains traces of mutated human cells, but primarily, its just excrement, like silk or webbing in the animal kingdom. Not only that, but it also all came from a single human donor. I'll have to have the bodies of the infected examined, as well as the surveillance tapes reviewed as well, for any other clues that we may have missed. This "thing" residing in the center may have something to do with this…

I've sent through the clearance and paperwork required to initiate the next phase of the Olympia Project. The integration of the composite materials. Zero is rather excited about the prospect. Her joy is washing into my own consciousness, making me feel almost giddy, despite the certain moral dilemmas I'm facing now. It's rather disconcerting.

I'll be looking at the bodies of the infected tomorrow. I would have done it today, but I was finishing off the last of the paperwork from the incident, as well as that of the clearance papers for the other things I'm planning took longer than I expected. But it's not as if I mind. I never did like looking at the dead mutated bodies of former colleagues. Only in this line of work would I ever be forced to say that on a monthly basis.

I'm not sure what to do about Emma. Although she doesn't say it, she still thinks there's something wrong with her, and I admit, that this is not the best environment for a child to try and prove that there is nothing wrong with them. That they're not freaks, or abominations, but the rest of the world will treat them like they are, or worse, something to be manipulated and used. (Though I suppose I'm not one to talk there, but at least I am putting her mental health first). So we have to lock them up, to either protect them from the world or themselves.

You know, I've been doing this job for so many years now, and I've helped "contain" a lot of people. Helped "terminate" a lot more. Never once batted an eye at any of it. Not a single time. I had always assumed it was for the good of the world. Even now, I use live people (bad people, mind you), as the fodder in certain experiments. Not anything sadistic, but the fact of the matter is that I'm ending their lives, and still, I feel no great remorse. It's just something I've always done.

Except when it came to children. In the time that I've been here, we've only had to terminate three children, and each time it was the absolute last resort, something that was needed for the sake of humanity's continued existence. And each time, I could do nothing to help them. It tore me up inside. But it had to be done.

Bah, enough of this sentimental thinking. Been doing too much of that lately. Tonight, I'm going to relax. And most likely get drunk.

Between waking up yesterday with a severe hangover (too much scotch), overseeing the transfer of a certain Herr Chirurg, finalizing several approval forms for this Christmas bash, and actually organizing and setting up the decorations, and *finally* getting around to integrating Zero's physical body, I've been a little late on my log. But I've been a little busy, so excuse me.

Emma is doing well. She seems to be finally respond to the treatment with some sort of positive effect, and that all by itself brightens my day considerably. Maybe someday soon she'll be able to control her abilities to the point where she can help me put the finishing touches on the Olympia Project.

Actually, speaking of the Olympia Project, I got some help for that from a rather unusual source. The good doctor, Herr Chirurg, has been sent here ever since some roughness involving Agatha. He wouldn't tell me exactly what, but he did mention that he quite liked her eyes.

Still, once you get past his appearance and "mild" dementia, he's quite a likable character. A wealth of knowledge in fact. He's actually aided me in several little asides in regard to the project. He was quite interested in the whole thing. He see's me somewhat as a kindred spirit, and while he does find my physiology interesting, he told me that he's "skilled with the biology of humans…not hounds", and so won't be cutting me open to find out how I work.

So I see it as a fair trade. He helped me with my project, I taught him a little of what we know about the disassembler, despite the fact I'm not allowed to. Let's just not tell the higher ups about that, shall we? As a sort of an extra "thank you" present to the man for his help, and for not eviscerating any of my staff, I'll be getting him a bottle of peppermint schnapps, which Agatha said he quite enjoyed.

And yes, the Olympia Project. Finally, I have begun the integration phase. And to see her there, in the flesh, to hear her twin hearts beating… It was breath taking. I'd liken the experience to becoming a father, although I've never procreated unfortunately, so I wouldn't truly know.

That little hiccup at the end there though, that made me worried. For a few moments I was afraid she was going to die before she had truly lived. It was horrifying. I'm still not exactly certain as to what caused it, but it was worrying nonetheless, despite the fact none of us have seen a resurgence of the event. Still, her body is going through some changes, adapting to its new organs. It'll be a few days before she fully stabilizes enough for us to risk implanting Zero herself.

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