T Rutherford, standing in front of (?)
Name: Dr(?) Prof(?), QC(?), The Revd Fr.(?) T. Rutherford.
Security Clearance: 1-4, and hopefully never 5.
Location: All.
Duties: Research Head, Data Entry Clerk, Janitor, Janitorial Director, Archivist, Foundation Certified Dentist, Foundation Certified Physician, Foundation Certified Cannibal, Payroll Accountant, Anomalous Art Historian, Licensed Ectoentropic Waste Disposal Expert, Site Barber, Security Officer, Hazardous Materials Logistics Expert, Cafeteria Staff, Maintenance Worker, Field Agent, Containment Cell Architect, and Barista.
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Staff should engage with with T. Rutherford relative to whatever role he is currently occupying. Under no circumstances should attention be drawn to the inconsistency/impossibility of his shifting professions.
Description: T. Rutherford is a man in his late 20's, pale in complexion, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Despite having been "employed" at the Foundation for 11 years, there is no record of Mr. Rutherford ever having been hired.
At the beginning of a standard work day, T Rutherford will unassumingly enter a Foundation site, usually during periods of high staff ingress. At the end of the work day, he will disappear in a similar fashion. Tracking devices, isotope tagging, and direct tailing efforts have revealed that Rutherford does not tangibly exist outside of this time-frame. For periods of 8 - 250 hours, Rutherford will assume an arbitrary position within the Foundation. He will possess all required skills and credentials to fulfill this role, if only to an unremarkable level. These skills range from basic masonry, all the way to string-theory mechanics.
Due to staff density, T Rutherfords presence typically goes unnoticed. If ever questioned about his peculiarity, Rutherford will employ various excuses and clumsy gaslighting techniques. These may include:
- "Huh? Who?"
- "… Buddy, have you been huffing amnestics?"
- "You must be thinking of that other guy."
- "Janitor!? Look at this badge! I'm your superior officer!"
- "No clue what you're talking about pal, now you want your lab coat pressed or what?"
- "Yeah, I've got a degree. It's from the University of Shut Up."
- "No, you're anomalous!"
- "Good afternoon, and welcome to this symposium on- what? … No, this is the first time I've been to site-21. I'm not sure who you saw unclogging that toilet, but it wasn't me."
Rutherford has also given inconsistent answers when asked what the "T" in his name stands for. These have thus far included Terry, Thomas, Tomás, Tyrion, Tango, Tarzan, Tennessee, Tiberius, Tutherford, Ted, and Thorpe.
From the desk of O5-9
Yes, we know. Just ignore him.
He's hardly the strangest person we employ. He's "contained", harmless, and actually does his job… whatever his job is that day. How about you do the same, and stop bothering us with this crap? We've got literal Gods to fight here people. Prioritize.
Secure, Contain, and so on.
