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WARNING: THE SHARK PUNCHING CENTER DATABASE IS

CLASSIFIED

ACCESS BY SELACHIAN SYMPATHIZERS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED
PERPETRATORS WILL BE PUMMELED, TICKLED, AND EATEN

Featured SPC


At one point, orange-belt Christine Cooke, age 8, punches Bobble in the snout. The force causes him to fly through a structural beam and load-bearing...

Featured Tale

by GargusGargus


You know, most folks who think about the ocean usually only think about the surface level. You know, the bright blue areas with all the fish and plant...

Featured GoI Format document

by DjoricDjoric


Item #: SCP-1329 Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: The security perimeter of Site-97 is to be monitored by armed patrol and...

The Best SPC Page of All Time

by DjoricDjoric


“The Real Adventures in Capitalism” is a memetic condition consisting of spontaneously-occurring false memories of an animated television show of the...

News

21 Oct 2019 08:10

A decades-long internal investigation has confirmed longstanding suspicions that sharks are still, in fact, super awful.

June 23, 1999

Transdimensional data corruption has caused numerous unwanted files to manifest on SPC servers. The source of the intrusion appears to be the "Secure Contain Protect Foundation", a parallel entity from an alternate plane of existence, probably. Despite the inherently absurd nature of the SCP, they seem to consider us to be a joke. I'd like to see them try telling that to my nine dead grandmothers.

March 3, 1942

Gee, this sure is a lot of war right here.

October 12, 1893

BREAKING NEWS! Empirical evidence has been uncovered which irrefutably proves that sharks are super awful. Personnel are advised to endouble their fisticuff engagement as they sally forth against the selachian scoundrels. Show 'em what for, chaps! Ods bodkins and sakes alive!


Documents

NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE All Arenas that are using SPC-2970 are to enact Procedure SUCKER PUNCH and dispose of the bodies. By following CICOAPOCO standards, SPC-2970 is to be considered Deactivated until further notice. Search, Punch,...

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS CLASSIFIED WAY-GNARLY UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS WILL BE MET WITH IMMEDIATE PUGNATORIAL ACTION. NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE SPC-3733 is currently pending Ethos Commission approval for global distribution.1 ...

NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE SPC-3787 is currently on hiatus due to failed beta testing. Operation SEA-HORSE will resume functionality when the selachian-fear response can be removed from all SPC-3787 instances. Several methods of removing...

Aftermath of SPC-001 use in the field. Note the mocks and threats directed to the Mistaken Beast written on the selachian's corpse. Project #: SPC-001 Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities: Use of SPC-001 has increased the effectiveness of pugilistic processes and reduced risks posed to Center...

At one point, orange-belt Christine Cooke, age 8, punches Bobble in the snout. The force causes him to fly through a structural beam and load-bearing wall at Mach 1.5, levelling the building....

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Tales

Shelby Waters used to call sharks kings of the sea. He had loved them ever since he was a child. So when after graduating high school, a local Sharky's Calzone Palace offered him a job to walk around the pier in the titular mascot's costume for advertising purposes, he took them up on it. One day,...

SCP-4373 Site Director Boris Vilakova woke to light filtering through the waves outside his bedroom's porthole. As usual the first thing he thought of was O5-1's email last month. Boris closed his eyes. Despite his attempts to do otherwise, his mind locked onto that message with immobilizing...

More of Fuller's Crap | Dread Circuses Hub | Not My Circus Not My Monkeys Victor gazed up at the steely blue sky, its subtly unfamiliar hue serving as a grim reminder that he stood on an Earth that was not his own. The cobalt blue sea before him was similarly foreboding, its opaque surface...

Everwood swung. Shirley ducked. 3,000 newtons of raw cybernetic fist pelted Billie straight through the gut. Flesh exploded. Everwood jolted back but found herself stuck: her wrist was caught in the gut flora....

look it had to be done Listen while you read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0krxo46Ifbo ▸ More by this Author ◂ Translations: F.A.Q. Dr. Cimmerian's head exploded in a cloud of red mist. The man who'd fired the shot was hanging from a rope off the side of a wooden sailing...

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Foundation Universe

ONEIROI SEA CONNECTED CONSCIOUSNESS It was all just a dream! CRAWLER: SEA BASS | QUERY: TOUCHING DREAMS | SEARCH: OW SUBNET OCEANIA_SALT | AND NOT: UNCONNECTED AND FREE, NO RELATIONSHIP TO ANYTHING | ANOTHER SEARCH VARIABLE: NON_SALT_LUBRICANT WAIT AREN'T WE ALL HAVING WET DREAMS HOT AND...

Item #: SCP-4373 Level 4/4373 Object Class: Euclid Classified Oceanic regions in which SCP-4373-1 instances have been spotted. Special Containment Procedures: Special containment procedures have been updated following 2020/08/25 (See Addendum 4373-2). The total global population of the...

SCP-1767 being recovered by MTF Gamma-6 disguised as fisherman. Cranial apparatus is clearly visible. Item #: SCP-1767 Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1767 is kept in a custom built aquarium, equipped with automated and manually operable medical equipment. Vital signs are...

About halfway through the walk, the subject reported seeing a black figure in their periphery. Turning around failed to reveal its location....

The first significant reference to SCP-4416-type phenomena can be traced back to the July 26, 2010 airing of conspiracy theorist radio broadcast Mondays on the Alex Jones Show....

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Jokes

Project #: SPC-3871 Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities: The SPC-3871 units are outfitted with several components that can greatly enhance the pugilation ability of Center agents. SPC-3871 is to be distributed among highly trained Center agents involved in direct military actions against sharks. As...

Item #: SPC-172 Object Class: Apollyōken Selachian Pugilization Contingencies: Due to its anomalous effect, SPC-172 is unpunchable. In lieu of the abandoned full-scale punching campaign of SPC-172, the DARWIN CAN EAT MY ASS protocol has been enacted to drive SPC-172 to extinction through...

Item #: SPC-1057 Shark Punching Contingencies: SPC-1057 is to remain in the Lap Pool at Recreation Center 23 until a method of transfer to a smaller, private tank has been devised. In the interim, the Lap Pool is to be closed, and members redirected to Recreation Center 22 for aquatic training....

From the office of the Athletic Coordinator. Ladies and gentlemen of the Centre. When we founded this organization, we had a simple mission statement: Sock. Pummel. Combat. From our humble beginnings following the consolidation of several covert anti-shark organizations1, right on through till...

Project #: SPC-173 Standardized Pugnātorial Coaching: SPC-173 is to remain pool-side at Oceanic Resort Area Ali indefinitely. Personnel vacationing at ORA Ali are required to spend at least sixty minutes within visible range of SPC-173 per twenty-four hour period of their stay at the retreat for...

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