SPC-3733
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WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS CLASSIFIED

WAY-GNARLY

UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS WILL BE MET WITH IMMEDIATE PUGNATORIAL ACTION.

NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE

SPC-3733 is currently pending Ethos Commission approval for global distribution.1


Project #: SPC-37332


Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities: The purpose of SPC-3733 is to initiate a KO-Class Global-Pugnation Scenario, converting 98%3 of the human population to an anti-selachian ideology. The converted population will begin supporting anti-selachian laws and practices, along with an exponential increase in selachian pugnātorial participation from the public.

Project Component(s):4

The Centre's Memetology Division developed 6 auditory memetic agents specifically designed for SPC-3733. The six memetic agents were condensed to form a 1 minute 59 second mp35 audio file classified as Meme-3733. Human subjects exposed to Meme-3733 will hear an orchestral composition consisting of various instruments. During exposure, individuals experience a subconscious shift to a Centre-developed anti-selachian ideology. The subject affected will have no awareness a change has taken place and will consider all implanted ideologies to be authentic naturally-occurring beliefs.6

Using cutting-edge nanotechnology7 and several deviant components, the F.I.N. (Frequency Integration Network) Device is capable of transmitting Meme-3733 over ranges of up to 40,000km. Within the range specified, any human8 with cerebral functionality will hear Meme-3733 through telepathic auditory implantation.

Enhancement Summary: The Anti-Memetology Division has prepared counter-meme 3733-Old-Punch, for distribution amongst Centre personnel. This 59-second memetic inoculation will prevent any aggression-saturation effects among Centre personnel.9

Deployment Record: After 47 years of development, SPC-3733 was declared operational, on 8/14/2019. Approval to continue the project is currently pending.

Civilian Test Subject

Interviewed: Daniel Briars10

Interviewer: Senior Researcher Dr. Philips

Foreword: Interview was taken before Mr. Briars was exposed to Meme-3733. The subject is a 24-year-old Caucasian man from southern Indiana. The subject is typical of the civilian population, showing no deviant qualities.

<BEGIN LOG>11

Dr. Philips: Before we begin the procedure, I'd like to conduct a short interview.

[Subject begins fidgeting in his seat.]

Mr. Daniels: Yeah, yeah, no problem, listen I was told there was gonna be money? I was just wondering if I get paid before or after?

Dr. Philips: Yes, compensation will be given after the procedure, may we continue, Mr. Daniels?

[Subject slicks back his hair, before pulling the chair closer to the interview table.]12

Mr. Daniels: Yeah, sorry, what were you saying?

Dr. Philips: Have you or do you plan to conspire with or for any selachian entities or Sharkic conspirators?

[Subject scratches his head.]13

Mr. Daniels: Say what now?

Dr. Philips: Have you ever conspired with or for selachian enti-

Mr. Daniels: I'm sorry, selachi-what? I'm sorry Doc, I'm not sure what that is.

Dr. Philips: [Exaggerated Sigh] Have you ever planned on helping sharks, or any shark sympathizers?

Mr. Daniels: Sharks? [Subject laughs] What type of medical study is this again?

Dr. Philips: Mr. Daniels, I assure you there is nothing funny about this, please answer the questions, so we can begin the procedure14.

Mr. Daniels: Right, whatever you say Doc. [Subject clears his throat] No, I have never helped any sharks or shark people.

Dr. Philips: Good Mr. Daniels, now how does this picture make you feel?

[Dr. Philips holds up a picture of a Hammer-Class selachian entity.]

Mr. Daniels: [Subject fights back laughter] Um, I don't know man, fine? It's a good picture if that's what you mean.

Dr. Philips: Great, thank you. We can begin the procedure now. I'm going to have you listen to a short piece of music, then I will ask you a few more questions.

Mr. Daniels: That's when I get paid right?

Dr. Philips: Yes, Mr. Daniels, that's when you get paid.

[Dr. Philips leaves the room.The F.I.N. Device is activated exposing the subject to Meme-3733 for 1 minute 59 seconds. Dr. Philips re-enters the room once the device is deactivated]15

Dr. Philips: Okay great, are you ready to answer some questions, Mr. Daniels?

Mr. Daniels: Yeah okay Doc, ask away.

Dr. Philips: Have you or do you plan to conspire with or for any selachian entities or Sharkic conspirators?

Mr. Daniels: Are you kidding man? I told you, I hate sharks, they're awful. I wanna punch one right in its dumb face.

Dr. Philips: Great, now how does this picture make you feel?

[Dr. Philips holds up a picture of a Hammer-Class selachian entity.]

[Subject abruptly stands and punches the picture out of Dr. Philips' hand.]

Mr. Daniels: Fuck sharks.

Dr. Philips: Excellent, Mr. Daniels, I'd like to keep you here for a few days, so we can monitor for any side effects. There will be no monetary compensation, but we have several selachian entities you could punch.

Mr. Daniels: I mean, I feel fine, but whatever you say Doc, that sounds fucking radical.

<END LOG>16

Closing Statement: Subject experienced complete anti-selachian conversion, showing no signs of negative side effects. Mr. Daniels is under the impression that all implanted beliefs are organic life-long convictions.
These results remained consistent for all SPC-3733 tests on civilian subjects.


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