Item #: SCP-SAFE-J
Object Class: Safe, Euclid, and Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The dangers and difficulties of the safe and unsafe aspects of SCP-SAFE-J are still being determined. Please use your safest judgment when dealing with SCP-SAFE-J-A (the Safe component of SCP-SAFE-J), SCP-SAFE-J-B (the Euclid component of SCP-SAFE-J), and SCP-SAFE-J-C (the Keter component of SCP-SAFE-J).
Description: SCP-SAFE-J is a set of 3 safes (all █████ ████ brand safes), which are visually identical to each other. SCP-SAFE-J-A is a Safe safe, SCP-SAFE-J-B is a Euclid safe, and SCP-SAFE-J-C is a Keter safe. Whilst the safety of each safe is implied by its object class (whether Safe or not Safe), the practical safety of each safe is outlined below.
The Safe safe is safe for testing, and needs no extensive containment. The Euclid safe is safe, so long as it's not near the Keter safe, in which case only the Safe safe can return the Euclid safe back to safe. The Keter safe is never safe - its in-progress containment procedures attempt to keep this safe as safe as the Safe safe, but the Keter safe will never be as safe as the Safe safe or the Euclid safe.
Current staff assigned to the SCP-SAFE-J safes are Dr. Safe, Dr. Euclid, and Dr. Keter. Dr. Safe is in charge of the Safe safe, Dr. Euclid is in charge of the Euclid safe, and Dr. Keter helps with both the Safe safe and the Euclid safe. The Keter safe is overseen by all three doctors, and it takes the combined efforts of Dr. Safe, Dr. Euclid, and Dr. Keter to ensure that the Keter safe is as safe as Dr. Safe's Safe safe and Dr. Euclid's Euclid safe.
Recently, it's been found that macro-scale microwave emissions into Euclidean space by the Keter safe can heat up and thaw out food, drink, and other groupings of items that would be considered a meal. The meals thawed by the Keter safe's ability to thaw meals are designated SCP-SAFE-J-D, and can be used to keep the Keter safe safe (giving the thawed meals a Thaumiel object class). Thaumiel thawed meals are safe to use on Dr. Safe's Safe safe, Dr. Euclid's Euclid safe, and Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's unsafe Keter safe. The safety of the doctors' Keter safe's Euclidian intrusion of macro-scale microwave emissions, and the safety of Thaumiel meals thawed by its ability to thaw meals, have been confirmed to be safe (but not Safe) by Dr. Safe, Dr. Euclid, and Dr. Keter.
Safe to say, when all components of SCP-SAFE-J are safely contained (Dr. Safe's Safe safe, Dr. Euclid's Euclid safe, Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's Keter safe, and the safe Thaumiel thawed meals caused by the safe (but not Safe) macro-scale microwave emissions into Euclidean space by the Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's unsafe Keter safe), the whole entity of SCP-SAFE-J is considered Safe.