SCP-O5-J
rating: +2+x

WARNING

The following SCP file (SCP-O5-J) has been classified TOP SECRET by order of the O5 Council.

UNAUTHORISED PERSONNEL WILL BE TERMINATED UPON ATTEMPTING TO ACCESS FILE SCP-O5-J VIA MEMETIC KILL AGENT

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED





















































































































































































































































( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)






EXTENDED LIFE SIGNS DETECTED
AUTHORISED PERSONNEL VERIFIED
ACCESSING TERMINAL LOG 8675309

There is one (1) SCP document awaiting approval on your server.

Do you wish to access Terminal Alpha-19-O5-J-B2-97-Omega-Delta-Beta-Safe-Euclid-Keter-Thaumiel-Explained-Neutralised-Apollyon-Embla-AndTheOtherOnes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27-28-29-30-31-32-33-34-35-36-37-38-39-40-41-42-43-44-45-46-47-48-49-50-51-52-53-54-55?

yes

WARNING! SECONDARY SECURITY COUNTER MEASURES ACTIVATED! PLEASE STAND BY…

Memetic lock agent activating.

are you fucking kidding me

What [REDACTED] did you just say about me, you [REDACTED]? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the [REDACTED], and I’ve been involved in [DATA EXPUNGED], and I have over ███ confirmed [REDACTED]. I am trained in [REDACTED] and I’m the top [REDACTED] in the entire [REDACTED]. You are nothing to me but just another [REDACTED]. I will [DATA EXPUNGED], mark my [REDACTED]. You think you can get away with saying that REDACTED] to me over the [REDACTED]? Think again, [REDACTED]. As we speak I am [DATA EXPUNGED] and [DATA EXPUNGED] so you better prepare for the storm, [REDACTED]. The [REDACTED] that wipes out the [REDACTED] little thing you call [REDACTED]. You’re [REDACTED], kid. I can be [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and I can [REDACTED] you in over [REDACTED] ways, and that’s just with my [REDACTED]. Not only am I extensively trained in [REDACTED] combat, but I have access to the entire [DATA EXPUNGED] and I will use it to its full extent to wipe [REDACTED] off the face of the continent, you [REDACTED]. If only you could have known what [REDACTED] your little “clever” [REDACTED] was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have [DATA EXPUNGED]. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re [REDACTED], you [REDACTED]. I will [REDACTED] all over you and you will [REDACTED] in it. You’re [DATA EXPUNGED], kiddo.

Extended life signs detected.

access Terminal Alpha-19-O5-J-B2-97-Omega-Delta-Beta-Safe-Euclid-Keter-Thaumiel-Explained-Neutralised-Apollyon-Embla-AndTheOtherOnes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27-28-29-30-31-32-33-34-35-36-37-38-39-40-41-42-43-44-45-46-47-48-49-50-51-52-53-54-55

Please enter your password.

O5-3HasAMassivePenis

Password accepted.

Please enter your custom keyphrase.

No.

Custom keyphrase accepted. Welcome, O5-6.

Please click on this command to visit the verification page.

jason i'm going to fuck you up the next time we meet i know that's a berryman-langford sleep meme from the link and i'm not inoculated against it. we don't even have proper verification pages. would it kill you to use the link shortener? oh wait it would, since you'd have to sift through the database with all the other memes, you arrogant fountain-hogging lizard-baiting 231 fetishist

Sorry, I do not understand the command.

override

Enter override code.

O5-3IsTheKingOfSexAndHasItOnWithO5-6'sMumEveryWeekend

Override accepted.

help

What would you like help with? Enter your query below.

how do you change an override code

Please contact O5-3 to change any of your passwords or secure phrases.

fuck you jason

Confirmed. Initiating call to Mobile Task Force M69 to engage in sexual intercourse with O5-3.

NONONO STOP STOP STOP CANCEL

Confirmed.

access SCP-O5-J

Downloading SCP-O5-J to your secure drive…

SCP-O5-J (proposal)

Item #: SCP-O5-J

Object Class: Keter

Security Level: O5

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-O5-J must be visited by O5-6 and several other senior staff members every Saturday to ensure their "needs" are met and that they are contained effectively. SCP-O5-J will be held at their house, with permission to leave and interact with others as they please. SCP-O5-J is Keter because they may seek out and entrap other humans - this is permitted and O5-6 is to watch this process every time it occurs.

Description: SCP-O5-J is O5-6's mum.

deny

Are you sure you want to deny?

YES

Would you like to leave a message to the article author?

Jason this isn't funny, I'm sorry I sent that text to your sister but this has to stop. Please stop clogging up my approval queue with these fake entries and please stop implying that you had sex with my mother. You didn't. I know you didn't. I hope you didn't.

Confirmed.

god damn it

Sorry, I do not understand the command.

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