Item #: SCP-724-J
Object Class: >:3
Fucks Given: n/a
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-724-J is to be kept in a standard containment locker. Staff are advised not to interact with, feed, or otherwise encourage the continued existence of SCP-724-J.
In addition, SCP-724-J is to be continuously loaded like a freight train, flyin' like an aeroplane, feelin' like a space brain one more time toniiyiiiight I'M ON THE NIGHTRAAAAAIN bottoms up I'M ON THE NIGHTRAIN fill mah cup I'M ON THE NIGHTRAIN ready to crash and buuuuurn I NEVER LEEEARN SCP-724-J is no longer permitted within 5m of a computer keyboard.
SCP-724-J's anomaly manifests in its complete disregard for morality, the feelings of others, the rules, and proper hygiene. It has developed asthma from its tobacco addiction, has failed to file tax returns for seven years in a row, has been implicated in a string of shoplifting incidents in Texarkana, and has been known to drive its 1997 Harley-Davidson FLHR Road King while drunk from Costco store-brand whiskey.
Dr. █████: I'm not gonna mince words here - he needs to get his act together. We're all very worried about him. His brother must be rolling over in his grave.
Dr. ██████: You know what, I think he's the reason why his brother was so sad. Maybe if he gave Sad Roach a better chance to connect with his only living family member, both of their lives would have been improved. But 724-J won't open up to anyone because he thinks he'll be emasculated, and it just makes me angry. 723-J deserved better family members than this.
Upon initial contact, SCP-724-J was seen leaving a "roach motel" pest trap at Site-19, along with SCP-72█-J.1 After a five-hour firefight with security staff with a total of 13 Foundation casualties2, primary containment was established upon apprehension.
SCP-724-J Intake Log
Interviewer: Dr. Lisle Naismith
Dr. Naismith: Do you think this kind of behavior would have made your brother proud?
Dr. Naismith: Well? I can sit here all day, if I need to.
Dr. Naismith: Wait a minute… how did you get tiny sunglasses?
D-2999: Sorry to interrupt, but some guy from Pizza Hut says he has $5,000 worth of extra-large plain pizzas to deliver to Dr. Lisle Naismith?
Dr. Naismith: How the hell—
SCP-724-J: pony up, motherfucker
Dr. Naismith: BAD ROACH, NO!