Item #: SCP-5820
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Operatives are to remain on alert for activity indicative of SCP-5820's modus operandi. Following the disruption of SCP-5820's California enterprise by Foundation personnel, it has become highly probable that SCP-5820 will attempt to continue its operations elsewhere. Business registries across the United States are to be monitored for any suggestion that SCP-5820 is attempting to re-establish itself.
Foundation algorithms monitoring telecommunications are primed to recognise calls which indicate that SCP-5820 is selecting new victims. Should this occur, operatives are directed to place the affected household under covert surveillance until the pre-arranged date, at which point a sting operation is to be enacted involving appropriate MTF personnel.
Description: SCP-5820 refers to Sneaky Buggers Humane Extermination, a California-registered pest control company linked to a number of anomalous incidents in the southern region of the state.
An SCP-5820 event typically begins with a cold call1 to a chosen target. Victims are informed that their home has been scouted and discovered to have a termite infestation requiring immediate fumigation. An estimated 83% of homeowners to date have accepted this request without suspicion.2
Appointments are scheduled within two working days of the initial call. As per SCP-5820's alleged policy, householders are strongly recommended to be present for the set-up process. SCP-5820 employees (designated hereafter as SCP-5820-1) will arrive at the job site in a 2006 Ford E-series commercial vehicle with Sneaky Buggers branding.
Instances of SCP-5820-1 are humanoids of indeterminate sex, clad in hooded mauve boiler suits and rebreathing equipment with tinted visors. A typical operation involves three instances of SCP-5820-1.
SCP-5820-1 do not announce their arrival, and generally reach the location fifteen minutes before the allotted time. A fumigation tent is rapidly erected around the designated structure, with immediate attention paid to covering doors and windows. As a result of this, occupants are not given a chance to vacate the building. Upon finishing the set-up operation, all instances of SCP-5820-1 will enter the structure. SCP-5820-1 typically re-emerge within one hour and begin to disassemble the tent.
Following an SCP-5820 operation, the affected building is left with severe to critical structural damage.3 Exploration of an affected dwelling’s interior also reveals the total corrosion of non-osseous biological matter.4 In addition, paper currency and financial documents have been notably absent from all buildings investigated.
Before leaving a job site, SCP-5820-1 will stake a wooden advertising sign into the lawn. All signs recovered to date have carried the same slogan:
A few less parasites in your neighborhood!
- Sneaky Buggers Humane Extermination -
Interview Log:
Interviewed: Dwight and Nora Marlowe
Interviewer: Agent Aaron Bagley
Foreword: On 2020/05/23, the Marlowe residence in Pasadena was severely damaged following alleged fumigation by SCP-5820. Human remains were found inside the building, later confirmed as belonging to the Marlowes' 39 year-old cleaner, Anamaria Vasquez. Both Marlowes had travelled out of state shortly prior to the incident.
Agent Bagley posed as an Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) officer for this portion of the investigation.
<Begin Log>
[Removed extraneous preamble due to excessive hostility of the interviewees towards Agent Bagley]
Dwight Marlowe: Let me get one thing straight, okay? My gears are fucking grinding. This shouldn't have happened at all, let alone-
Nora Marlowe: On our vacation!
Agent Bagley: In all seriousness, Mrs. Marlowe, you shouldn't be on vacation right now. Which reminds me, ma'am - can you please take several steps back?5
Nora Marlowe exhales, irritated.
Agent Bagley: Thank you. Now, are you finally going to be civil with me?
Dwight Marlowe: Why? Why should we be civil with you, when they did that to my goddamned house? Look at it, buddy!
Agent Bagley: We can't help you if you're going to somehow insist this was our fault.
Dwight Marlowe: I'm not saying it's your fault… nobody said it was your fault. What I'd like if you understood is that you should be doing more to protect the likes of myself and my wife here. I saw on Rush Limbaugh that-
Agent Bagley: Sir, I don't know what you're talking about but I'm warning you to calm down. I've been working with the EPA for, oh, around a decade now, and this is the most extensive damage I've ever seen carried out by termi-
Dwight Marlowe: Antifa.
Agent Bagley: I'm sorry?
Dwight Marlowe: Let's just say I tick a lot of their boxes.
Agent Bagley: This is going to be your final warning. I would strongly suggest, Mr Marlowe, that you listen to me, an expert, instead of whoever it is on the television.
Dwight Marlowe: It's all expert-this, expert-that these days. Why should I expect you to know better than me, then? You're giving me all this shit about termites, but I'm telling you that there's people out there who think I'm an asshole, think my wife's an asshole, for no reason other than-
Agent Bagley: With all due, uh, respect, Mr and Mrs Marlowe… we've got a person deceased here. Anamaria Vasquez.
Nora Marlowe: Oh my-
Dwight Marlowe: Should have told me that before, then…
Agent Bagley: I was getting there, but… you know what? Let's try to take this with a little more nuance from now on. About Ms. Vasquez-
Dwight Marlowe: She was over to spray a little bit of Lysol around while we were gone.
Nora Marlowe: Well, that and see the pest control guys in.
Bagley adjusts his mask.
Agent Bagley: These pest controllers, "Sneaky Buggers"… you just accepted their word? Didn't give them a Google or anything first?
Dwight Marlowe: Buddy, I'm the managing director at a Forbes 500 firm. I know the sound of a legitimate business offer when I hear one.
Agent Bagley: The fact we're even having this conversation should strongly indicate otherwise.
Dwight Marlowe: The hell do you know about business?
Agent Bagley: Enough to know that you got fleeced, sir.
Dwight Marlowe: Fleeced? Well, if you're so sure they was termites that done this, at least those guys fucking tried. I don't buy a word that comes out of your "expert" mouth, buddy.
Agent Bagley: Okay, I think we're, ah, just about done here. I had more questions, but if you're not going to treat this with sincerity or respect then I'm afraid there's very little else I'm gonna be able to do for you.
Dwight Marlowe: You know, there is one thing. Call my fucking lawyer and insurance provider!
<End Log>
Incident Log 2020/06/05:
Foreword: Site-67 personnel received notice of an ongoing SCP-5820 event. A unit of MTF Epsilon-6 (“Village Idiots”) was dispatched, under the command of Agent Bagley.
09:23 - The team arrives at a subdivision of Irvine, CA, to find a residential home beneath a large tent.
09:25 - Verbal engagement via loudspeaker is attempted, though MTF Epsilon-6 receives no acknowledgement from any subjects within the building.
09:50 - No further attempts at communication have been successful. Agent Bagley authorizes a breach of the building. All personnel are equipped in full-body containment suits with breathing apparatus due to the potential risk of pesticide exposure.
09:52 - The team breaches the tent. Interference of unknown origin knocks out body-worn recording equipment for the remainder of the operation.6
09:56 - Witnesses report seeing Agent Bagley and his six operatives emerge from the tent. All are non-verbal, and follow Agent Bagley back to their vehicles.
10:14 - Radar indicates that the operatives have left the scene and are en route to Site-67, where a security detail is arranged to meet them. Communication attempts by facility control are ignored for the duration of the journey.
10:37 - MTF Epsilon-6 arrives back at the facility. Site security personnel are alarmed by Agent Bagley’s failure to engage with entry instructions and a quarantine procedure is enacted within the facility’s parking structure.
10:39 - A number of MTF Epsilon-6 operatives, including Agent Bagley, attempt to exit their vehicles against the orders of security personnel. Bagley is tackled by a Site-67 guard, dislodging his protective apparatus and releasing a large number of Cryptotermes brevis (drywood termite) specimens from within his empty tactical gear. The remaining “operatives” become aggressive, prompting authorization from facility command to open fire. Damage to the subjects’ equipment reveals similarly empty suits, with the exception of Cryptotermes brevis in significant quantities.
10:40 - The groups of Cryptotermes brevis reconvene and begin to approach personnel in an amorphous mass. Personnel start to retreat from the parking structure.
10:41 - Facility guard Samson Gregory is overcome by Cryptotermes brevis. Fearing further contamination, other members of personnel close the garage fire doors before he can escape. Gregory is completely incapacitated by the insects entering his body through orificial means, and is then dragged into the center of the largest swarm.
10:43 - The swarm is brought under control with the use of flamethrowers, and surviving specimens are placed into appropriate faunal containment units. Note: Investigations into their suspected properties as a gestalt entity similar to SCP-5993 and SCP-5693 are ongoing.
The remainder of field operations regarding SCP-5820 have been handed to MTF Lambda-12 (“Pest Control”) and the Entomology Department.
Returning to the property in Irvine, operatives discovered that the fumigation tent had been removed by persons unknown. Inside the unstable frame of the building were the skeletal remains of nine individuals. They were genetically identified as Dwight and Nora Marlowe7, as well as Agent Bagley and his Epsilon-6 operatives.
Three SCP-5820-branded boiler suits were found discarded on the kitchen floor. In addition, the following message had been staked into the driveway:
fuck off narcs!
- p.s. apologies about ms. vasquez;
her martyrdom shall be revered in the class war.
Addendum:
Following the incidents in Irvine and at Site-67, personnel attempted to trace the vehicle associated with SCP-5820. It was ascertained that the van left California State Route 73 in the vicinity of Crystal Cove State Park due to its sudden absence from traffic camera footage. Investigation of the area revealed tire tracks leading three kilometers into the brush. At the end of the tracks, operatives discovered a termite mound four meters in diameter.
Probe equipment was deployed, revealing an extensive network of subterranean tunnels beneath the mound. The van was found within a central chamber, with a note affixed to the windshield.
Sorry – we’ve moved!
- Sneaky Buggers Humane Extermination -
A number of deceased termite specimens within the abandoned nest were then recovered for analysis. All specimens, in addition to those captured in the Site-67 assault, are understood to have been of the "pseudergate" caste - termites which perform the function of workers whilst retaining the potential for reproduction.
The presence of soldiers and monarchs within this particular colony has yet to be observed.
