rating: -20+x

Item#: SCP-5036

object class: Euclid

Description: SCP-5036 is a randomly manifesting group of entities, who take the form of middle-aged men of Russian descent with each having unique cartoonish features. These features vary from encounter to encounter but usually SCP-5036 instances are depicted as having grossly out of proportion arms, small heads, tiny feet and usually wear protective American football gear. A single SCP-5036 instance will manifest itself when certain criteria are met: The person affected has had previous employment at either Microsoft, Valve or Sierra software companies, Is confirmed to have chronic heart disease or is in a state of incredible sadness or anger. When manifested the affected subject, here referred to as SCP-5036-1, reports that they see an instance of SCP-5036. This situation always ends with the SCP-5036 instance offering SCP-5036-1 a sandwich, depending on the ingredients different situations occur: When a SCP-5036-1 provided sandwich has bacon, or any other pork product, SCP-5036-1 will be granted immortality, and cannot be harmed by any means. any other combinations of ingredients will lead to sudden and complete organ failure.

Special Containment Procedures: All regions with Microsoft, Sierra or Valve offices are to be monitored for suspected SCP-5036-1 instances, such as immortal beings. SCP-5036-1 instances afflicted with immortality are to be contained in standard humanoid containment cells fashioned to the respective SCP-5036-1 instances’ liking, Class A amnestics are to be administered and effective instances of SCP-5036-1 should be allowed to roam the facilities they are contained in. Staff are only permitted to interact with instances of SCP-5036-1 with extreme caution, as normal disciplinary measures cannot be effectively utilized.

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