rating: +24+x

Item #: SCP-3803

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Sky Condition Prognoses is to be maintained as a private company based in the Republic of Singapore, presenting itself as specializing in the development of weather prediction technology. Appropriate office and warehouse space is to be purchased within the city and designated Microsite-887. Sky Condition Prognoses is to maintain legal ownership of SCP-3803 (COSPAR designation 1999-075A) and preserve the illusion of actively operating it. Periodic releases of legitimate weather data1 are to be distributed via papers published in the Journal of Applied Meteorology and Climatology. Interest in SCP-3803 by state-sponsored space administrations is to be discouraged by embedded agents.

SCP-3803 is to be monitored by Space Observation Network Node-55 at Priority Level 2. Any course corrections carried out by SCP-3803 are to undergo risk assessment by Space Control Center personnel. Minor divergences in course that endanger other satellites are to be explained as human error by Sky Condition Prognoses personnel. Significant divergences are to be presented as the result of major malfunctions in ground control equipment.

Upon the launch of an SCP-3803-1 capsule, SON Node-53, -56, and -58 are to track its descent trajectory and predict impact coordinates. Aircraft in danger of collision with an SCP-3803-1 capsule are to be rerouted by agents placed in regional flight control centers. Fleet 7 assets are to retrieve downed capsules and deliver them to MS-887 for analysis and processing. Civilians found to have observed SCP-3803-1 or SCP-3803-2 instances are to be treated with a Class-C amnestic. Civilians displaying prolonged or repeated interest in SCP-3803 are to be relocated via RET procedures2.

Description: SCP-3803 is a satellite in geostationary orbit above the Indian Ocean (0°N 91°38'E) measuring approximately 6.5 m x 6.5 m x 8 m in size. The exterior panels of the satellite are comprised of an unidentified, extremely dense material (estimated to be at least 25 grams per cm3) with an abnormally low light reflectance value (< 0.1 LRV.) The interior structure of the satellite and the full extent of its capabilities remain unknown. SCP-3803 prevents orbital decay via a nuclear pulse propulsion system, and has remained at its current position relative to the Earth's surface since tracking began in 1999. Emissions analysis indicates that the output of the on-board reactor exceeds the capabilities of modern technology.

SCP-3803-1 is the collective designation of organic atmospheric reentry vehicles originating within SCP-3803. SCP-3803-1 instances are launched twice per month, and fall within the boundaries of the Indian Ocean in 99% of recorded cases. Each vehicle is comprised of an amorphous exterior and a hardened interior capsule. The chemical structure of the exterior resembles the protective mucus exuded by gastropod mollusks. No anomalous properties have been detected in this substance aside from its high thermal resistance. The interior chamber of each SCP-3803-1 instance is a seamless cartilage sphere measuring .8 m in diameter. Exposure to saltwater (salinity within 25-45ppt) causes the cartilage to emit pheromones associated with curiosity, relaxation, and caution inhibition in humans3. In testing, subjects exposed to the pheromones exhibited significantly more interest in the capsule, and were 37% more willing to ignore warnings against opening it.

SCP-3803-2 instances are sheets of A4-sized yellow paper bearing printed text. SCP-3803-1 capsules each contain one batch of 100 pages, which are stored loosely within the interior chamber. SCP-3803-2 pages are identical in terms of font, layout, and information content within batches, though these factors vary widely across the body of all recovered instances. Textual analysis of SCP-3803-2 reveals three consistent themes:

  • Noting a commonly perceived inadequacy in modern life.
  • Suggesting the involvement of powerful interest groups.
  • Referring to a revolutionary new scientific development (often fictional or unrelated.)

All documented SCP-3803-2 instances contain the phone number █ (███) ███-████, formerly linked to the Accounting Department of the now-defunct Eagle Hardware & Garden, Inc. Calls to the number are answered with a recorded message cycling through a wide range of languages4. Voice analysis has identified the speaker's slight accent as Welsh Cardiff. Efforts to track the physical location of the receiver remain unsuccessful.

Addendum 3803-A (Full Text of Phone Message):

We're sorry, but an unprecedented surge in sales has depleted our local stocks. We appreciate your patience while we work with our supplier to resume sales as soon as possible. Your business is the most important thing on this world to us. Please call again soon, and we'll do our best to answer your interest with the most affordable prices anywhere on Earth.

Addendum 3803-B (Sample SCP-3803-2 Text):

Having trouble understanding the mating rituals of other sentient mammals? One cool lepidopterologist discovered this amazingly simple formula that vastly increases the human ability to interpret subtle sexual advances! The US National Institute of Health despises this guy and seeks his ruination! Order now, and increase your chance of spawning offspring tenfold! Call and ask for our special deal: Buy one, get one! █ (███) ███-████

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