SCP-3645
rating: +13+x

Item #: SCP-3645

Object Class: Keter Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-3645 are to be recalled from groceries where they appear. Foundation agents embedded within various grocery chains are to report shipments of SCP-3645. A small amount of SCP-3645 instances are to be kept at Site-81 for testing. The containment team is to scan various communities involving literature for accusations of plagiarism as a reliable way to locate subjects in the early stages, and nursing homes and medical reports for those who are in the later stages. During testing, no personnel are to interact with subjects deemed Stage-5 under any circumstances. All subjects who consume SCP-3645 are to be considered lost.

The factory where SCP-3645 is manufactured is currently being located by the GoI-4889 team, led by Researchers Davey Kurland and Sadie Louis.

UPDATE 6/17/2024: All currently remaining instances are to remain in Low-Value Deep Containment Storage Lockers at Site-81. Out of respect for [REDACTED]1, no further testing is to be carried out with contained SCP-3645. The deal between GoI-4889 is to be followed according to the O5 Council's rulings

Description: SCP-3645 is the product line of Mary Kitchen brand canned corned beef hash, manufactured by Hormel Foods. Until 2018, Hormel Foods was a Fortune 500 company; however, it is common knowledge that it was purchased by Chinese investors The SixthStar Group. It has been determined that The SixthStar Group is a wholly owned subsidiary of GoI-4889 ("Kephart Corporation"), a corporate entity currently on negative terms with the Foundation. The GoI-4889 team theorizes that this was an avenue for Kephart Corporation to more closely affect public consumption.2

SCP-3645 is believed to be the first Kephart affected product, after several years of presumed testing. Instead of the previous recipe, which used only cured beef, the Kephart affected version contains a variable meat material referred to on the label as "Hackmeat®." The contents of Hackmeat are not identical across cans and have been found to have a varying recipe. An SCP-3645 instance could contain portions of:

  • Beef (50-70% of cans)
  • Pork (30-35% of cans)
  • Rabbit (15-20% of cans)
  • Guinea pig (10-11% of cans)
  • Guinea fowl (10-11% of cans)
  • Unidentfied fish in the Lophius genus3 (5% of cans)
  • Unidentfied fish in the Cetoscarus genus4 (5% of cans)
  • Unidentified meat similar to reptilian species. (5% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 99.8% match for British writer Edward Bulwer-Lytton. (40% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 99.8% match for British writer E.L. James (40% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 100% match for American actor Gene Hackman (40% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 100% match for American [REDACTED]5 (67% of cans)
  • Vegan meat substitute (3% of cans)

It is unknown how Hackmeat passed FDA regulations or the trademark office.

Consuming instances of SCP-3645 induces radical changes in brain chemistry leaving subjects unable to understand the concept of a story. This process begins with an essential inability to write original sentences, designated Stage 1. Subjects will frequently find at first that their attention during the act of writing will wander unless they use someone else's work as a template6. Following this, subjects will be unable to form written sentences of their own, often resorting to cliches or commonly used phrases in their language. Accusations of plagiarism are a common way of detecting someone who has consumed SCP-3645, as subjects who do not frequently write are harder to detect at this stage. This is designated Stage 2.

Following which, the progression of SCP-3645 mimics a form of dementia, designated Stage 3. The inability to form original thoughts will spread to speaking, and gradually erode away as subjects have great difficulty following the progression of increasing simple narratives. This has shown in testing with D-Class to extend to all forms and mediums, including literature in all its forms, visual mediums like photography and films, and aural forms like oral storytelling and music. During this, the subject's brain loses the ability to understand its own chronological history with cohesion at a school age level. This means that subjects will not be able to locate past memories, resulting in retrograde amnesia, however some subjects will also form anterograde amnesia and be unable to form new memories. Past this, subjects are catatonic and unresponsive to stimuli, designated Stage 4.

Subjects who reach Stage 5 start to be subject to a reality altering effect. The bodies of Stage 5 subjects are described as blurred, and transparent by observers, and gradually they appear to fade away altogether. This is congruent with a disappearance of all property and writing by the affected subject, in reverse chronological order. These objects, and the subject, at this time appear to stretch until they are in excess of several kilometers long and centimeters thin. All stretched objects pass through solid matter during this time. Any human who comes into direct physical contact with Stage 5 affected persons and Stage 5 affected proxy objects has a 60% chance of exhibiting its effects as well. Memories of subjects are affected as well, gradually disappearing, but the narratives of others are not affected7. By the conclusion of Stage 5, SCP-3645 appears to have erased it's consumers from history. It is believed that Stage 5 subjects are not dead, but are still alive in some unknown capacity due to recorded emissions such as groans and cries during the stretching process.

The only known way to halt the effects of SCP-3645 consumption is the purchase of more SCP-3645, only this is ultimately unsuccessful in the long run and only serves to excerbate the effects. All subjects will reach Stage 5.

Addendum: Interview with SCP-3645-550, formerly Dr. Jacob Saulnier-Harris of the Foundation's Photography Division, and SCP-3645 containment specialists Dr. Hayley McFarlane and Researcher Sadie Louis. SCP-3645-550 is a Stage 3 subject.

<Begin Log>:

McFarlane: Dr. Saulnier-Harris, thank you for cooperating with us.

SCP-3645-550: Well, you know what they say? Birds of a feather, flock together.

McFarlane: Yes, we know that many others are affected, but we're dealing with your case right now.

SCP-3645-550: Guess I was caught with my pants down.

McFarlane: Don't beat up on yourself, it's not your fault.

Louis: This is Kephart's fault. All they do is blackmail people. They blackmailed us with containment breaches, they blackmailed their own creations with their appearance. You wouldn't have known.

SCP-3645-550: Rags to riches? Pillar of the community? (SCP-3645-550 scoffs.) Sick as a dog, that's the naked truth. What a fine kettle of fish indeed. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and I guess you reap what you sew. Nip and tuck. Nip it in the bud.

Louis: Dr. Saulnier-Harris, how are you holding up?

SCP-3645-550: Death warmed over, the lowest man on the totem pole. Last ditch effort let the cat out of the bag. Keeping up with the Joneses? Knock on wood the kiss of death.

McFarlane: He's deteriorating. Listen, he's lost simple connective thoughts and syntax.

SCP-3645-550: Just a hop skip and a jump kick the bucket. Joined at the hip it aint over till the fat lady sings, I heard it through the grapevine. Go the extra mile grist for the mill eleventh hour

McFarlane: Doctor? We're going to show you something you work with, okay? You're going to be fine.

SCP-3645-550: At my wits end back to the drawing board, playing with fire.

(Dr. McFarlane cues up a segment from a film, "Casablanca", and then sits back to observe SCP-3645-550, who calms down and then begins to softly cry.)

SCP-3645-550: Can't hold a candle to.

McFarlane: Do you understand what you're viewing?

SCP-3645-550: (SCP-3645-550 shakes his head) Can't hold a candle to. Can't hold.

Louis: Doctor, can you follow the story? You told me once this was your favorite film.

SCP-3645-550: Can't hold. Can't.

(SCP-3645-550 is weeping. He turns away from the television and stares blankly.)

SCP-3645-550: Can't…see.

This was the last time SCP-3645-550 expressed an original thought. Subject was since reclassified as Stage 4 afterwards and slipped into catatonia a week later.

Addendum-2:

Back: SCP-3644

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