SCP-273-J
rating: +33+x

Item #: SCP-273-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All cans of SCP-273-J are to be seized from commercial retail locations, and every new shipment of SCP-273-J is to be automatically redirected to the Foundation1 and stored in Locker-811, located in Sub-Level 73C in Site-198.

D-Class personnel, janitors, and dehydrated individuals are not allowed to enter Locker-811 under any circumstances. All personnel are additionally advised that they are not to drink SCP-273-J under any circumstances, including the circumstances in which they are dehydrated, thirsty, or have spent more than 2-3 days in a desert environment without replenishing their personal drink supplies.

Description: SCP-273-J refers to a series of canned fruit juices sold under the name 'Freezies'. A can of SCP-273-J is marked with the brand name 'Freezies', accompanied by the sentence, 'It's Freezingly Good!', on the side of the can. SCP-273-J is sold in several different flavours2 : Apple, Orange, Pear, Peach, and Mango. No manufacturer's logo or name can be seen on the can itself.

Once a can of SCP-273-J is consumed by a human, SCP-273-J will drastically lower the temperature of the individual's body parts and organs to one below -1 degrees Celsius in a span of about an hour, slowing all body parts and organs to an almost-complete standstill and achieving an effect similar to the effects of cryogenic freezing. However, the human still exhibits signs of life, which include a slow, rhythmic beating of the heart, slight movements in the facial region, and attempts to communicate while speaking around a frozen tongue.

On May 15, 20██, at approximately 1545 hours, D-6745 (designated SCP-273-J-1) was in the process of transporting a carton of SCP-273-J to Locker-811 when he reportedly 'felt thirsty'. After he noted that there were no other available ways for him to quench his thirst, D-6745 consumed a can of peach-flavoured SCP-273-J. By 1615 hours, D-6745 had experienced the full effects of SCP-273-J, and had become frozen in place in Sub-Level 20B in Site-198.

Researchers assigned to SCP-273-J attempted to interview D-6745 a few hours after he was frozen, only to obtain information described by the researchers as 'pure nonsense'. Following the conclusion of the interview, D-6745 proceeded to be subjected to experimentation attempting to reverse the effects of SCP-273-J. (See Addendum 273-A)


Interview Log 1:

Interviewer: Doctor Reese Martens, head researcher of SCP-273-J
Interviewed: D-6745 (Charlie Blackwell), also known as SCP-273-J-1
Date: May 16, 20██, 1443 hours
Venue: Between the break room and the bathrooms, Sub-Level 20B, Site-198

Note: All dialogue from the interviewed subject has been roughly translated to English.

RM: Can you hear me, SCP-273-J-1? Can you hear me?

CB: hieuyeuifjb jhsxkushhsi hhsuhihoi hushwhs whweue suioddjcpdjedehh (Translated: I can hear you. Please don't refer to me as SCP-273-J-1, please.)

RM: Why did you drink a can of SCP-273-J, even though you knew its effects?

CB: ycduyfctehuhh (Translated: I was thirsty.)

RM: We're going to have to find a way to reverse the effects of SCP-273-J on you. Do you mind if we do a couple of tests on you?

CB: wyedguwegc jexwjebej shwh hsdhuiucgi!!!!! cugugedugcogc!!!!! ffiudopupu cgfsfgdifguiegigig!!!!! (Translated: Sure, why not.)


Addendum 273-A: List of attempts to reverse effects of SCP-273-J on D-6745

Attempt 1:

Idea suggested by: D-1568

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: 2 gallons of boiling hot water were poured into D-6745's mouth and down his throat.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745.

Attempt 2:

Idea suggested by: D-1678

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: 2 gallons of boiling hot chocolate were poured into D-6745's mouth and down his throat.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745. Subject mumbled that the “hot chocolate was delicious”.

Attempt 3:

Idea suggested by: D-3678

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: 2 gallons of boiling hot coffee were poured into D-6745's mouth and down his throat.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745. A sound similar to that of groaning was heard from subject, and subsequently, subject mumbled that he “hated coffee”.

Attempt 4:

Idea suggested by: Doctor Cassidy

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: Doctor Cassidy kissed D-6745 fully on the lips.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745, apart from a slight red discolouration on his cheeks.

Attempt 5:

Idea suggested by: D-1765

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: D-6745 was placed inside a sauna and left there for 12 hours.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745.

Attempt 6:

Idea suggested by: D-4357

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: D-6745 was placed inside a powered tanning bed and left there for 12 hours.

Results: No physical change or change in skin complexion was observed in D-6745.

Attempt 7:

Idea suggested by: D-7898

Proposal Status: Approved (with reluctance)

Details: D-6745 was placed inside a cremation oven and left there for 12 hours.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745. Subject mumbled that he 'did not want to go in there again'.

Attempt 8:

Idea suggested by: D-4514

Proposal Status: Approved

Details: D-6745 was slowly roasted over an open fire for 24 hours.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745. Subsequently, researchers remarked that subject smelled 'tasty'.

Attempt 9:

Idea suggested by: D-987

Proposal Status: Denied Approved

Details: 50 crushed Carolina Reapers were stuffed into D-6745's mouth at once.

Results: No physical change was observed in D-6745. Carolina Reapers fished out of subject's mouth with difficulty.

Attempt 10:

Idea suggested by: D-3456

Proposal Status: Denied

Proposed Idea: D-6745 was to be dropped into the Sun and fished out afterwards.

Rejection Reason: Too expensive.

Attempt 11:

Idea suggested by: Doctor ██████

Proposal Status: Denied Approved Denied! Approved!!!! - Doctor ██████

Details: The ██████ was poured down D-6745's throat.

Results: A noise similar to that of screaming was heard from D-6745 for 12 continuous hours. D-6745's body broke in half approximately eleven hours into the screaming, and both halves subsequently spontaneously caught fire. The entire process lasted for approximately 48 hours, before both flaming halves of D-6745's body spontaneously exploded.

End Note 1: Holy [DATA EXPUNGED]. Well, that takes care of one problem. - Doctor Reese Martens
End Note 2: Experiments to attempt to reverse SCP-273-J's effects on D-6745 have been postponed. - Doctor Reese Martens
End Note 3: On the other hand, experiments to attempt to clean bits of D-6745 off the floor of Site-198 have been opened! Cast your proposals today!- Doctor Reese Martens


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