Item #: SCP-1335
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1335 is to be contained in a Standard Safe-Class Containment Unit at Site-██. The containment unit is to be fitted with a drainage system and the collected liquid is to be disposed as Level 1 Anomalous Waste.
As of 12/██/██, SCP-1335 is to be monitored for noise emissions. Following any such emission, SCP-1335 is to be monitored for the manifestation of additional messages.
Description: SCP-1335 is a fortune cookie, identical in appearance to a standard fortune cookie manufactured by Wonton Foods Inc. It displays the anomalous effect of releasing approximately 100 mL of liquid every hour. The liquid released from SCP-1335 is composed primarily of water, but contains traces of lead and calcium as well as an unidentified organic compound.
SCP-1335 was contained on 01/██/██, at the ████████ restaurant. Upon arrival, Foundation agents discovered SCP-1335 in a fountain being displayed as a "genuine Buddhist artifact". At the time of containment, the restaurant had begun an advertising campaign encouraging customers to "come and anoint themselves with the blessings of Confucius". The owner of the restaurant, ████ Smith, and all employees and customers present at the time were administered Class C amnestics, and a standard disinformation campaign was established. Despite extensive testing, the liquid released by SCP-1335 has not been found to possess any anomalous properties.
SCP-1335 contains a strip of paper within its shell. Efforts to remove this object without damaging SCP-1335 are ongoing.
Addendum-1335-1: On 03/██/██, after ██ attempts, the strip of paper within SCP-1335 was successfully removed using a standard toothpick. Upon examination, it was discovered to contain the following message:
please fix your leak
the dripping is driving me crazy
Addendum-1335-2: On 11/██/██, the barking of a Canis familiaris began to be heard from SCP-1335. The barking continued for the next two hours. The following day, a new slip of paper was discovered to have manifested within SCP-1335. It was retrieved, and found to state the following:
would you mind quieting your dog
and fix that leak while your at it
Containment procedures have been modified to account for these additional effects.
Addendum-1335-3: On 17/██/██, the liquid output of SCP-1335 increased to 400 mL/hour. On 19/██/██, the following note was retrieved:
stop ignoring me
i know you can see these
Addendum-1335-4: On 23/██/██, disco music began emanating from SCP-1335 at 100 dB and continued for four hours. Immediately after the event, researchers retrieved the following note:
IM CALLING THE FUCKING LANDLORD
Addendum-1335-5: As of 29/██/██, SCP-1335 has ceased anomalous activity. Reclassification to Neutralized pending.