Item #: SCP-10101
Object Class: Awesome
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-10101 is to be given a luxury residence with at least 120 rooms, 15 bedrooms and 10 jacuzzis inside, and a personal butler or two. All requests made by SCP-10101 are to be fulfilled immediately, no matter what the cost. So far, SCP-10101 has requested:
- Collected works of his favorite author, Terry Pratchett, hardbound in only the finest skin from endangered species of animals (approved)
- At least 5 incredibly nubile women every evening, for sexual purposes (approved)
- Expensive food of finest quality, including: fugu, caviar, SCP-████, and others (approved)
- A million zillion dollars of pocket money each week (approved)
Under no circumstances is hip-hop or rap to be played in the vicinity of SCP-10101, who despises this horrible excuse for music.
A field of sheer awesomeness emanates from SCP-10101 at all times. This is not harmful most of the time, but it is recommended that non-awesome staff (such as D-class personnel) refrain from approaching SCP-10101, for fear of having their brains fried.
Description: SCP-10101 is an incredibly handsome teenager, 18 years of age, wearing metal glasses. Hair is blonde, eyes are blue. SCP-10101 likes to wear black and dark blue, prefers jeans. He likes to be called "Jack, the King of Everything"; staff is to refer to SCP-10101 as this under penalty of torture. SCP-10101 loves pineapples and likes sausage, though I dislike chicken and tomatoes; his favorite show is My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. Subject's varied interests include video games, surfing the Internet and writing creepypasta. SCP-10101 does, in fact, shower every day and is not a "no-life virgin", and all who claim otherwise are to be terminated.
SCP-10101 had a difficult childhood: his parents were total squares who didn't allow me to play videogames or go to parties after midnight.
SCP-10101 is friendly towards humanity and is on the side of good. He has helped in capturing or terminating various evil SCPs many times, but refuses to help us capture good SCPs. SCP-10101's stalwart honor and morality puts our organisation to shame and it has been proposed that we reform our partially evil ways.
SCP-10101 has several superpowers, including:
- Sheer awesomeness, comparable to Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Bill Gates combined
- The ability to lift 48736598346587.313352142 tonnes of burden over his head
- The ability to run with the speed of a hojillion km/s
- An IQ of 9873857, and then some (measured using special IQ tests that SCP-10101 invented himself)
- Immunity to diseases, poison, fire, cold, radiation, acid, disintegration, erasure from reality, any physical harm, death, tofu, your mom, and everything else
- The ability to (by mere force of will) heal all diseases that afflict any being, instantly
- The ability to transform/manipulate matter and reality in any way he wishes
- Most spectacularly, [DATA EXPUNGED]
It should be noted that in the past, for some reason, a certain stupid girl named K████ A████████ has rejected SCP-10101 as her boyfriend, instead choosing another boy who was stupid, uncool and not at all as sexy as SCP-10101. It is theorized that K████ A████████ is a stupid bitch who will one day be sorry for this. For now, SCP-10101 has settled for SCP-105 as his girlfriend and concubine.
Cross-SCP Testing: Since the beginning of his stay in the Foundation, SCP-10101 has challenged several Keter-level SCPs to battle and won effortlessly.
- He has once fought SCP-076, despite having - at his own request - bound eyes, tied arms and legs, and plugs in his ears. After the battle, which took a whole of 2 seconds and - of course - ended in SCP-10101's victory. SCP-076 proposed him to join the Mobile Task Force Omega-7, to which SCP-10101 replied: "More like, YOU join my team I'll make one day, wuss!" and laughed in SCP-076's stupid face. SCP-076 was later reprimanded for making such absurd propositions to SCP-10101 and forced to apologize.
- SCP-10101, at his own demand, met with SCP-056. [DATA EXPUNGED] SCP-056 given grief counseling.
- While casually reading through the top-secret Foundation files, SCP-10101 became aware of SCP-177 and requested a duel. He then proceeded to effortlessly win several games with SCP-177. SCP-10101 was not observing the board directly, but rather dictated his moves from another room, all while - at the same time - preparing an omelette, playing I Wanna Be The Guy (on the hardest difficulty level and with the monitor turned off), and balancing (barefoot) on a 0.5mm thin barbed wire over a river of lava (with spikes in the river). Drat, my butt is already hurting from all that sitting and typing. But wait, that's not all: SCP-10101, get this, was not informed of the moves that SCP-177 was making, and just guessed them.
Interview Log: On ██/██/████ SCP-10101, while hanging out with all the cool SCP people (Kain, Clef and Strelnikov), agreed to have some of his words recorded for posterity.
SCP-10101: So, I came up with a way to kill SCP-682. Several ways, actually.
Dr. Clef: Wow, really? Awesome. Do tell.
SCP-10101: It's very simple, guys, you just need to [DATA FRICKIN' EXPUNGED]!
Kain Pathos Crow: Holy crap, you're right. This solution was staring in our faces for the entire time! We're such idiots!
Strelnikov: (in stupid accent) But 10101. To use this solution we needs a computer expert very smart. One that able hack into [DATA EXPUNGED] itself, leave no traces.
SCP-10101: Don't worry. I had Information Technology back in elementary school, and I casually studied [DATA EXPUNGED], [DATA EXPUNGED] and [EXPUNGEMENT DATED] as a pastime one summer. It's been a while, but I think I still have just enough knowledge to pull it off.
Strelnikov: (in stupid accent) You the best, Jack. We go on vodka and SCP shooting mission tomorrow!
SCP-10101: But anyway. You guys think you can set me up for a duel with SCP-777-J?
SCP-10101: Don't worry. I'll try to keep it un-awesome enough that it won't end up destroying the universe… unlike what happened last time. (everyone laughs at the memory of that silly misadventure) Good thing I knew the right SCP item to fix that.
Dr. Clef: Man, we can't thank you enough for that. You're awesome, dude. Keep it up!
SCP-10101: (smiles humbly)