SCP-1-800-J
rating: +46+x

Item #: SCP-1-800-J

Object Class: LIMITED TIME OFFER!

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1-800-J can be easily and safely stored anywhere in your home! SCP-1-800-J can be used safely by any member of the family1! No stains! No mess! No permanent physical or mental trauma!

Description: Are you tired of anomalous items CONSTANTLY threatening your normal, every-day life? Do you want to live happily, knowing that the world can turn another day without being destroyed by an all-powerful entity? Now you can! Thanks to the all-new SCP-1-800-J from the SCP Foundation, a normal life is just a single click away! SCP-1-800-J is easy to use! Simply point SCP-1-800-J at the offending anomaly, press the button, and ZAP! The anomaly is safely contained in a specially-made containment chamber, just for it, and you can go about your average every-day life! It's THAT simple! No more containment breaches! Each containment chamber is specifically designed around the entity's anomalous effects, to keep it from ruining your day! SCP-1-800-J works on EVERY type of anomaly you can think of! From Safe to Keter to Apollyon! From humanoids to infohazards to anti-memetics and everything in between!

But don't take our word for it! Here are some reviews from our satisfied customers!:

"Thanks to SCP-1-800-J, we now have several new anomalous items that need classification. Don't even ask me how many eyes grew on the walls of 173's container." -Doctor █████

"Tried using SCP-1-800-J on 682. Nothing happened. Figures." -Doctor ███████

"Where the [EXPLETIVE] did this thing even come from?!" -Doctor ███

Companies like Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd. and Dr. Wondertainment would charge you FORTUNES for similar products. But SCP-1-800-J is only $19.99! That's right! SCP-1-800-J is only $19.992!

But wait, there's MORE!

Call the number below in the next ten minutes, and we'll send you a SECOND SCP-1-800-J, absolutely FREE! You get 2 SCP-1-800-Js for the price of one! Don't wait another second, because this offer is NOT available in stores! Call NOW!

Addendum: To order, call 1-800-███-████. The SCP Foundation is not responsible for any accidents, injuries, or casualties caused by misuse of SCP-1-800-J. Please allow 1-2 business days for your order to be processed, followed by 6-8 weeks for your order to be delivered. Must be 18 years or older to order. Call now.

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