News for August 2017

Welcome to this installment of site news, where we wish all you students best of luck in the new school year!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month1, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

Featured Articles

Editor's Choice Articles

  • SCP-3250 ("Jesus Fried Chicken") - Rumor has it that on the third day Christ's body was in the cave… Colonel Sanders came out. By LilyFlowerLilyFlower and minminminmin. A fantastic work that starts with a relatively silly premise… and then pushes it: from absurd to hilarious to unsettling to horrific. However, the article never loses sight of the comedic core - both authors are aware that the Colonel is at the kernel of this piece, so to speak, and in keeping on eye on him and one on his chicken manage to straddle the line between comedy and horror. It's a thin, breaded line, and the dynamic duo do it with aplomb.

Event Featured Articles

The theme for the month of August was crystalline!

  • In SCP-1511 ("Mobile Paradise"), by anqxyranqxyr, one man shattered the grand illusion…
  • In SCP-1083 ("University Skull"), by EskobarEskobar, the skull saw all…
  • And in SCP-3637 ("Many Waters Cannot Quench Love, Nor Can The Floods Drown It"), by WerylliumWeryllium, a family persevered for millions of years…

Rest of the News

Missing out on articles? Enjoy a recap on the articles from the past month.

Week of August 1st:

Game on!


  • SCP-3965 ("Zhulong") - SCP-3965 is a vaguely reptilian entity currently located on Mercury. The entity demonstrates morphological elements of Sphenodontidae, Xenodermatidae and Panthera, and is approximately 12km in length, with an average width of 50 meters. Written by AnboroughAnborough.
  • SCP-3341 ("Arabian Nasnas a.k.a. Somali Hungruf") - The juvenile is a rabbit - the adult is a cyborg. Written by MrWrongMrWrong.
  • SCP-3307 ("Cornucopi-ass") - SCP-3307 has no abnormal outward characteristics, and is physically healthy. However, when in the presence of any other human, SCP-3307 will begin to produce food or drink inside its body, which is expelled by vomiting or defecation. Written by RecursiveRecursionRecursiveRecursion.
  • SCP-3082 ("Neverland's Lost Boys and Girls") - Um… Would you believe me if I said I have magic plant powers? Written by rioludoodlerioludoodle.
  • SCP-3887 ("Monster under the bed") - Testing has shown that any substance or material presented to SCP-3887 so far is able to be used as sustenance, but it has shown a clear predilection for SCP-3887-A's socks. Written by NoxferoNoxfero.
  • SCP-3747 ("Death by Vacuum") - IURC: Inter-Universal Relay Chat. Written by not_a_seagullnot_a_seagull.
  • SCP-910 ("Dust, Embodied") - You're watchful, dutiful, and cold. You are the tomb of your old self. Written by PedantiquePedantique.
  • SCP-3142 ("If you can dream it, you can do it (as long as your dream is of being broke))" - For generations, ██████'s work has captured the imaginations of Americans young and old, and we honor his memory with this coin's appropriately whimsical denomination of $i — the basis of imaginary numbers. Written by RelevartRelevart.
  • SCP-3770 ("One Thousand Footsteps Towards the Promised Land") - Heartbeats, but not mine. I see something the sky- I thought it was a faint cloud at first but now some mist has cleared, I am relatively close to the planet Jupiter. Written by Fingo7Fingo7.
  • SCP-3146 ("Money Match") - SCP-3146 is a video game by the name of “Magical Hearts XX: Upgrade Ultimate ~EXTENSION~ DESTROYER Ascend!”. Written by TieflingTiefling.
  • SCP-3062 ("The Lone and Level Sands Stretch Far Away") - I tried to devour Mohammed. I found a sharp rock and tried to dig into his flesh. All that came out was sand. Written by Sterbai Sterbai .
  • SCP-3237 ("A Man Who Is Not Cold") - Two different temperatures have been recorded from SCP-3237: A consistent -34.8°C in the area roughly corresponding to SCP-3237's 'skin', and an inconsistent 400-600°C2 throughout the rest of SCP-3237's 'body', including exposed areas such as the eyes or inside of the mouth. Written by Aeroxx1337Aeroxx1337.
  • SCP-285 ("A Hack Job") - Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Hax by Gamers Against Weed! Written by BananaRepublicBananaRepublic.
  • SCP-3102 ("The Conflagration") - When threatened, agitated, or heavily stressed, SCP-3102 will burst into flames. Written by megalanmegalan.
  • SCP-343-J ("Russell's Soup Can") - Containment staff placed at DH-343 are to have scored at least a "Three-Alarm Habanero" on the Standard Dogmatic Spiciness Exam in either atheism or an Abrahamic faith. Written by daveyoufooldaveyoufool.



Author's Pages

Week of August 8th:

Long ago, in a distant land…


  • SCP-3996 ("The Tangential Frontier") - SCP-3996 was being ridden by a deceased corpse, believed to be the remains of a resident of Ghost Town who attempted to return to the prime dimension after an advanced period of time. Written by TuftoTufto.
  • SCP-2495 ("The Well and the Pit") - …there are ideas on both ends of the spectrum so far away from normal we can't fucking conceive of them without the aid of psychedelics and they spread even better than anything else. Written by TaffetaTaffeta.
  • SCP-3571 ("OLLIE'S OBSTACLE COURSE OF OBVIOUS OBLITERATION!") - Common names for courses have included “AMAZING ANDY'S ALLEY OF AWE!”, “CREEPY CARL'S CRAZY CRYPT OF CALAMITY!”, and “WACKY WILLY AND WILD BILL'S TRAPS OF TRULY TREACHEROUS TERROR!” Written by 10DryDays does not match any existing user name.
  • SCP-3095 ("Bird is the Word") - SCP-3095-1 were first discovered in New York City, after an organized group made up of pigeons attempted to claim the Statue of Liberty for themselves.
  • SCP-3686 ("Evan Deserves to be Remembered") - He didn't deserve what he got. He deserves what he'll be given. Written by DrMagnusDrMagnus.
  • SCP-1512-EX ("3D Bioprinting") - SCP-1512 are six (6) electro-mechanical devices, capable of artificially creating cellular matrices resembling functional human organs when provided with proper cellular material and growth media. Written by Sad Xiao does not match any existing user name.
  • SCP-3187 ("Honu") - Long ago, the Hawaiian peoples lived in harmony with the giant sea turtles. Then, everything changed when the Europeans invaded. Written by ChubertChubert.


Author's Pages

Week of August 15th:

Have you tried turning it off and on again?


  • SCP-028-J ("PC Load Letter?!") - In the event of an XK-Class End-of-World Scenario, please see a network administrator. Written by DrMagnusDrMagnus.
  • SCP-3133 ("An Email to O5-05") - The trolley problem never considered if you could switch places with the one person strapped to the track… Written by CannedBreadCannedBread.
  • SCP-3663 ("The Adventure of the Cardboard Box") - Following the event, two bodies of former personnel were recovered from within Site-54. Autopsies showed the cause of death was a buildup of paper residue/wood pulp in all major blood vessels, as well as sinuses, ear tubes, and the majority of the digestive and respiratory systems. Written by MaliceAforethoughtMaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-3524 ("You Cannot Contain Us") - U źuty ich Isitoo worship Dr. ██████ █████ as U, and believe that one day, he will free them from containment, as well as destroy the entirety of SCP-3524, excluding themselves. Written by taylor_itkintaylor_itkin.


Week of August 22nd:

Gentlemen, we know that God is everywhere. We have also found where He is not…


  • SCP-3710 ("Elon MUSH!") - If you believe that, then I have an Iditarod to sell you… Written by DrBleepDrBleep.
  • SCP-076-J ("IN OWN WORDS") - If you ask Able, he's the best. You can't ask anyone else because Able killed them. Written by daveyoufooldaveyoufool.
  • SCP-2693 ("Transcendent Trial-and-error") - A close encounter of the seventh kind. Written by very_kellyvery_kelly.
  • SCP-633 ("Ghost in the Machine") - Hello, I am the Ghost. Pleased to meet you, Researcher. Written by Syka BeeSyka Bee, rewritten by RogetRoget.
  • SCP-3064 ("Hymn of Courage") - SCP-3064-6 is notable for being the oldest known physical instance of SCP-3064 to exist, and demonstrates that SCP-3064 has been present in human culture since at least 1400 BCE. Written by TzuvembiTzuvembi.
  • spikebrennan's proposal - Bertrand, my assistant, puts it more bluntly: we’ve built a box and we’re pushing God out of it… Chiseled by spikebrennanspikebrennan.
  • SCP-3171 ("How the Foundation Came to Operate a Phone Sex Hotline") - Yeah, I bet you like spending time with your family, you dirty whore… Operated by ZoltanBerrigomoZoltanBerrigomo.
  • SCP-3079 ("300 Tricks: Stage Magic Made Easy") - It will teach you 300 amazing tricks that really work, and 1 that really doesn't. Prepare to be amazed by The Great HippoThe Great Hippo!
  • SCP-3260 ("10 Years Later") - Be the change you wish to see in the Foundation. Written by JukseJukse.
  • SCP-3525 ("A 5-Star Lyft Driver") - This is not Cash Cab. Written by gishfacegishface.
  • SCP-3081 ("H A N D M I L K ™") - SCP-3081-1 are large organisms resembling human hands. SCP-3081-1 locomote using the thumb and index, ring and little fingers, while the middle finger acts as a head. Written by TL333sTL333s.


Fandom Stuff


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