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| Researcher Eskobar, containing trimming SCP-████ grass. |
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Name: Researcher/Landscaper David Eskobar
Security Clearance: Level 3
Duties: Principal researcher for Group of Interest Alpha-388, "Alexylva University," assistant director of Site 38, landscaping duties as needed
History: Mr. Eskobar was employed at Site 38 during a search for possible landscapers to maintain SCP-████ once it became apparent that D-class personnel often deliberately exposed themselves to its effects to avoid other duties. Mr. Eskobar was hired away from a private landscaping firm in ██████, Tennessee with offers of both increased compensation and superior benefits due to his experience in maintaining SCP-████'s non-anomalous analogue, Berberis canadensis. Provisional Level 1 clearance granted.
09/02/██: Massive containment breach at Site 38 leads to deaths of most personnel involved in containment of SCP-████.
11/02/██: Mr. Eskobar reports to Site 38 in possession of SCP-████, delivering to appropriate authorities. Lacking any other practical option, Eskobar is promoted to Level 2 and given oversight of SCP-████ on the condition that he not request a pay increase.
██/13/██: In light of continued good performance, Junior Researcher Eskobar promoted to Level 3, transferred to Site 19 for experimentation with SCP-877.
██/██/██: Incident 234-900 Tempest Night results in a massive containment breach at Site 19. Junior Researcher Eskobar , like a goddamn idiot, attempted to clusterfuck the Foundation initiate multiple containment breaches, planning to weaponize them for self-aggrandizement containment purposes , because that completely makes sense, asshole .
"And that, Eskobar, is why I despise you." —Dr. Mackenzie
Researcher Eskobar experienced an attack by SCP-993 during the containment breach, only being recovered two days later, at the end of Site 19's primary security failure. Eskobar remanded to psychiatric care for █ months.
12/02/██: Researcher Eskobar requests transfer back to Site 38. Transfer approved. Due to standing Foundation requirements, Researcher Eskobar was retained at Level 3 status at Site 38 only and placed over all Safe and Euclid-class objects related to GoI Alpha-388, then numbering █.
11/08/██: Researcher Eskobar given position of provisional director of Site 38 due to retirement of the previous officeholder, with understanding that he is to retain job only so long as he can continue his preexisting responsibilities. Due to the low-priority status of Site 38, no replacement has been assigned to date.
Additionally, Researcher Eskobar remains the only person willing to trim that goddamn thornbush authorized for direct contact with SCP-████.
SCPs Documented:
SCP-046 — "Predatory" Holly Bush
SCP-373 — Ghost Record
SCP-877 — University Microchips
SCP-878 — The Actor
SCP-961 — University Sundial
SCP-1080 — University Creche
SCP-1081 — University Speakers
SCP-1082 — The Whole Truth
SCP-1083 — University Skull
SCP-1084 — Damaged Mausoleum
SCP-1085 — Pound Off the Pounds!
SCP-1086 — Second-Brain Syndrome
SCP-1087 — White Tarsier
SCP-1546 — University Cap
SCP-1893 — The Minotaur's Tale
SCP-1963 — Very Funny Slingshot
SCP-1998 — Concentration Enhancer, Standard
SCP-1851-EX — Drapetomania
Other reports authored:
Game Day, Part I: Smilers — In which a man has a very bad experience with a clown.
Year of the Many — SCP-453 containment breach. Writ large.
The Red Woodsman — A recovery mission and a revolution.
The Happy Ending — Closing time for Site 19 in the 23rd century.
Cursed — Now at three four five dead SCPs and counting but ended by SCP-1022. NO FUN.
Hephaestus — If you're going to experiment, better know your gods. Also, fuck Ron Weasley.
Naptime — Quit looking. Somehow has three times as many votes as the SCP it's based on.
Stare — Gotta do your job. It helps when you don't know how not to like it.
Scripture — SCP-962 gets a little too affectionate.
Love in Leetspeak — A demigod gets a crush.
Ghost — Just following orders. That makes it okay, right?
Stray — Here, kitty kitty. Here, kitty.
Protect — Even if it's not grimdark or evil, you secure, contain, ___.
Home — Mind your own business. I live how I want.
Groups of Interest entry for Alexylva University
Zen and the Art of [DATA REDACTED], a guide for all and sundry.
Three Conversations:
Conversation 1: Omicron — A man and his therapist talk about a dream.
Conversation 2: Numberless — Two agents chat about some missing persons.
Conversation 3: Decommissioning — The last occupant of Site 19 talks to an SCP that doesn't exist.
Parable of the Wayward Son:
Prologue: Dramatis Personae
Act I, Scene I: Commencement
Act I, Scene II: Deontic
Researcher Eskobar is the two-time winner of the annual Personal File Organization Efficiency Maintenance Award, which carries with it a monetary prize of US$10 and a small pin. The winning entry can be viewed here.
