Miss Lohner's Sandbox

Canon Mass Orientation Tool

In Character: New administrative staff with sufficient security clearance may use this tool to more efficiently familiarize themselves with the information in the SCP database. For security and data-integrity purposes, this form of access is read-only.

Out of character: It's a tool that makes it easier to go on an archive binge. You can use the Canon Mass Orientation Tool a lot or you can just be a CMOT Dabbler, it's totally up to you.


SCP-1974 rating: 67
rating: +14+x

Item #: SCP-1974

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1974 is to be contained in a standard low value item storage vault at Site-242. Any D class personnel or researchers may perform interviews or testing with SCP-1974 with permission from any researcher or senior researcher working on SCP-1974.

Description: SCP-1974 is a free-standing ceramic bathtub with a capacity of 148.2 liters, typical of the kind sold in the United States from the 1930's through the mid-1960's. When recovered, it contained 124 liters of water. Any substance added to the water inside of SCP-1974 will be drained or filtered out through unknown means. If drained, SCP-1974 will refill itself at a rate equivalent to the rate at which it is being drained, maintaining a constant volume of 124 liters.

When a subject makes contact with the the water inside of SCP-1974, they will immediately begin to hear two voices. One voice, hereby designated SCP-1974-1, has been described as that of an American male of about eighty-five years of age. The other voice, hereby designated SCP-1974-2, has been described as a male with a thick Russian accent of around the same age. The former claims to be SCP-1974, while the latter claims to be the water filling SCP-1974.

SCP-1974-1 and SCP-1974-2 appear to dislike each other and are described as debating constantly. The debates between SCP-1974-1 and SCP-1974-2 are about capitalism, communism, and the historical and current states of the United States of America, the Soviet Union, and China.
Audio Log-1974-01:

Foreword: Dr. Hull performs an interview with SCP-1974-1 and SCP-1974-2 in an attempt to ascertain their origin.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Hull: Hello! Would you two mind if I asked you some quest-

SCP-1974-1: No, no, no, no, no, no. No. The Russians would've never won if the Cuban missile crisis wasn't resolved. Maybe if you'd gotten an American education instead of a Russian one, you'd be smart enough to not make comments like that.

SCP-1974-2: Oh really? The American educational system was so much better than the Soviet one? Look at the statistics. With the children of the motherland being that much better at science, you'd hope that we could've won a war against you egotists. In fact, with smart Soviet kids and an ally like China, how could the communists not become the dominant political party?

Dr. Hull: I have questions about your origins. Would you please answer them fo-

SCP-1974-1: Because communism was thought up by a deranged kraut. Who wants to share when you can get rich like I was?

SCP-1974-2: The people in China are perfectly happy. And would you look at that? China also has smarter kids than the US and a better economy and a bigger military. Maybe if America could stop staring at its muscles in the mirror, it could try to fend off the impending communist invasion by China. It wouldn't matter though; you'd be beaten anyway. Communism is bound to return to power!

SCP-1974-1: Ha! All you can do is hope. Just like you'll never be able to escape me without dying, communism will never be able to escape capitalism. America is eternal! What do you think of that commie?

Dr. Hull: Whose fault is it that you are like this?

SCP-1974-2: Remember why we're here, tubby? It's because big smart American thought it would be a great idea to try to turn a Soviet POW into a tub of water. Then you thought 'hey, I wonder if I could be a bathtub?'. Well guess what? You can and now we're both trapped here, dammit!

SCP-1974-1: I think water got dumber from getting your consciousness!

SCP-1974-2: Egotistical ass!

SCP-1974-1: Soviet savage!

SCP-1974-2: Wasp!

SCP-1974-1: Kook!

SCP-1974-2: Yank!

SCP-1974-1: Ivan!

SCP-1974-2: I wish I could be drained!

SCP-1974-1: I wish I could drain you! Maybe you'd shut up for once if your only company is worms!

SCP-1974-2: I hope you get smashed!

Dr. Hull: Both of you! For God's sake you're a bathtub filled with water! Why are you arguing about politics of all things?

SCP-1974-1: Because we need something to do!

SCP-1974-2: For once we agree about something.

Dr. Hull: What else do you two do?

SCP-1974-1: We talk about how much we hate you, lardass. So back to debate?

Dr. Hull: Wai-

SCP-1974-2: Indee-

Dr. Hull: Oh no, I'm not done yet. So what you're telling me is that you just sit here insulting each other and going in circles arguing about politics for fun? And then when you get bored of that, you talk about me behind my back?

SCP-1974-1: That sums it up. Now if you'd excuse us doct-

Dr. Hull: Thank you for the information. I will interview you again soon.

[Dr. Hull terminates contact with SCP-1974 and leaves the testing chamber.]
<End Log>

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