Canon Mass Orientation Tool
In Character: New administrative staff with sufficient security clearance may use this tool to more efficiently familiarize themselves with the information in the SCP database. For security and data-integrity purposes, this form of access is read-only.
Out of character: It's a tool that makes it easier to go on an archive binge. You can use the Canon Mass Orientation Tool a lot or you can just be a CMOT Dabbler, it's totally up to you.
Item #: SCP-2262
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2262 is stored in a standard storage locker at Site-73. Any access to SCP-2262 will only be approved following submission of stated research aims, and all researchers must complete Questionnaire SCP-2262-A and score less than 25% beforehand. Any anomalous behaviour will result in psychological evaluation or administration of amnesiacs, at the approving staff member’s discretion. The attached photo may be observed freely, as no cognitohazardous or related effects have been reported or observed from viewing of the image.
Description: SCP-2262 is a small torn piece of paper, measuring 29mm x 20mm. Object was torn from the lower right-hand corner of a standard █████-brand notepad, and has been written on with black ink. The only mark is an upper-case ‘B’. Testing indicated nothing anomalous in the composition or layout of the paper, and the ink has been confirmed as originating from a standard ██-brand ballpoint pen. Experiment SCP-2262-02 has confirmed no anomalous effects in the paper itself.
Object was recovered from the desk of ██████ █████████, a 27-year-old typesetter and occasional comic book artist from ███████, Germany.
SCP-2262’s cognitohazardous properties will be activated when any individual who has any interest, latent or recognized, in typesetting, design, comic books, or indeed any high level of aesthetic appreciation of typefaces or composition, looks at the item. Upon looking, the individual will become increasingly irritated and fascinated by the letter, displaying escalating hostility towards it and its aesthetic shortcomings, real or imagined. These feelings of hostility seem to be dependent largely on the individual’s preferred artistic or aesthetic training or inclinations, and focus on whatever aspect of the letter the individual has most knowledge of; observed focuses of hostility including the font’s appearance, colour, spacing, ‘balance’, and the relatively low score of the letter ‘B’ in Scrabble given its difficulty in attaching to words.
Addendum: Transcript of on-site interview between Researcher █████ and ████ ██████, former work colleague and friend (presented here in translation from original German)
Researcher: So, Herr ██████, how are you feeling?
██████: How do you think I’m feeling? That was fucking crazy, man! Are you from the police?
Researcher: No, we’re here to piece together what happened. We're-
██████: (interrupting) I’ll tell you what happened! It’s that fucking B! That mad bastard did it, I don’t know how he did it, but that B!
Researcher: (withdrawing SCP-2262 from his pocket, in mylar bag) This letter, you mean? What's the problem with it?
██████: (becoming frantic) Jesus, what’s the matter with you?! Get it away, you sadist! What’s the problem?! What’s NOT the problem? Shit, the kerning, the composition, the little blobby thing at the bottom – what the FUCK is that blob doing there?! Why is it leaning?! And is it on the line, is it beneath, what?!
Researcher: Please, Herr ██████, calm down, and start from the beginning.
██████: Okay, just…keep that monstrosity away from me, okay? So ██████ came in this morning; he was smart, he'd shaved, looked like my friend again, you know? But he wasn’t talking or anything. Still, that's fair, I thought, job’s hanging in the balance, leave him to it.
Researcher: I see. And what happened next?
██████: [haltingly] Well, he suddenly stopped and said “Hey, you people, come and look at what I’ve made!” By the time we got there, he was lying down, and on the desk was that letter.
At this point, ██████ abruptly bursts into tears, and his speech becomes incoherent apart from what were believed to be mumbled apologies and demands for explanation. Following this interview, amnesiacs are administered to both workers and police, and a cover story involving a workplace suicide is put into place. No media attention has been garnered at this time.
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Something to remember about ideas for new site tools, no matter how neat or useful they might seem:
So don't be like me. Ask a mod first, then try to implement it.
Also, anyone who wants to is free to use the above image.