Canon Mass Orientation Tool
In Character: New administrative staff with sufficient security clearance may use this tool to more efficiently familiarize themselves with the information in the SCP database. For security and data-integrity purposes, this form of access is read-only.
Out of character: It's a tool that makes it easier to go on an archive binge. You can use the Canon Mass Orientation Tool a lot or you can just be a CMOT Dabbler, it's totally up to you.
Item #: SCP-2342
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2342 is to be kept in a standard mylar comic book storage bag with a white cardboard backing, and stored in a standard containment locker at Site-19. Access to SCP-2342 for research purposes requires Level-2 clearance.
Description: SCP-2342 is a near-mint copy of The Amazing Spider-Man vol. 1, No. 2521. It has a small crease on the back cover and very light yellowing of the pages. This copy differs from other known copies of the original print run in that there is an one-eighth-page-sized ad on the inside of the back cover that does not appear in non-anomalous copies of the book. See Addendum 2342 -A for the full text. The ad contains no contact information and does not mention a product. Instead, it asks a series of questions, each answered with "You already are, aren't you?" When this ad is read by a sapient entity capable of reading and understanding English, henceforth designated SCP-2342-X, SCP-2342 anomalous properties manifest.
SCP-2342-X believes itself to be a comic book character. Each instance of SCP-2342-X remembers its biography consistently with existing records. However, each instance also remembers life events consistent with common comic book stories and motifs. Test subjects report memories such as fighting evil super-powered beings alone or with a group of other "heroes", experiencing "hi-jinx" as a teenager with high school friends, or finding romance while serving as a fighter pilot stationed in France in 1943. These memories seem to be in some way connected to the subject's past and psychological profile. This effect does not dissipate on its own, and testing with amnestics has had no results.
This effect was first discovered while SCP-2342 was in transport to Site-19, almost immediately after recovery. Agent ███████ and Agent Connors were dispatched undercover to ███ █████, CA, after agents embedded in local police noticed several people arrested for disturbing the peace at an event, all of whom are currently in Foundation custody and designated SCP-2342-1 -4. These people had all attended a party hosted by █████ ████, from whose collection this and several other non-anomalous comics were recovered. At this gathering █████ ████ allowed guests to read some of his prized comic books. Agent ███████ and Agent Connors were securing █████ ████'s hotel room, in which SCP-2342 had been left open to the ad. Agent ███████ was exposed long enough to read the ad as the book was being closed and contained. (No other books had been left open.) Once on board the transport vehicle, Agent ███████ began aggressively questioning Agent Connors about stealing her "research". Later questioning reveled she believed Agent Connors to have stolen her research into "Gamma-normative Delta-transformative" technology while the two were students in graduate school. Agent ███████ was later reclassified SCP-2342-5 and is being held in standard humanoid containment in Site-19. Agent Connors was commended for quickly recognizing an anomalous effect and keeping it contained until reaching Site-19.
Addendum 2342-A: This is the text of the anomalous ad appearing in SCP-2342.
My broken one I sing to you: Would you like to be amazing?
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Something to remember about ideas for new site tools, no matter how neat or useful they might seem:
So don't be like me. Ask a mod first, then try to implement it.
Also, anyone who wants to is free to use the above image.