Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol III
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Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future. – Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site-██

This is the third volume of the log. Access to the first and second volume of the log can be found here and here, respectively.

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A broken ceiling tile in the cafeteria of Site-88. Even if deprived of sight or any means of observing it, any individual entering the room will be instantly aware of the tile and its broken state, generally resulting in mild discomfort.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/1998
Location of Recovery: Site-88, Baldwin County, Indiana.
Current Status: Still residing in the Site-88 cafeteria.
Note: Hey, I tried my best. — Repairman Belmont, 06/15/1998

Item Description: A blank, hard-covered book, filled with seemingly-random English text. After reading one page in its entirety, the reader will be unable to identify which page they are reading after that and flip back to page one, where the same effect will occur indefinitely until the book is taken away by another person.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2004
Location of Recovery: The Wren Library in the hands of a 22-year-old man that had been missing for 3 days.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A small ceramic jar that damages any item(s) put inside of it. Level of damage varies, however marks on damaged objects resemble those made by a large axe, despite the jar being too small to contain such a weapon.
Date of Recovery: █/█/2011
Location of Recovery: Shanghai, China.
Current Status: Used to shred documents in Dr. ████'s office. In storage.

Item Description: A standard school chair. Anomalous properties manifest when no personnel are within a twelve-meter radius; the item will move about five meters every four minutes. Pressure sensors have indicated it moves at about 20 km/h.
Date of recovery: 08/01/200█
Location of recovery: ██████, Portugal.
Current Status: Site-19 anomalous storage.

Item Description: Multi-passcode locker in Sector █-A. When the passcode ██-██-██ is entered, a large colony of ants will exit the locker. No anomalous activity has occurred when different passwords were employed.
Date Of Recovery: 12-09-██
Location of recovery: Site-19 weapons testing facility.
Current Status: Uninstalled and used to generate food for entomophagous anomalies.

Item Description: An extremely long picture frame that displays the entire extended family tree of the person that's viewing it. (Displays the entire family, dead or alive)
Date of Recovery: 09-01-2002
Location of Recovery: Art Gallery in Memphis, Tennessee.
Current Status: Displayed at Site-██'s entrance captioned with, "Think of who came before…"
Notes: I swear, John needs to stop saying he's related to George Washington. As if anyone's gonna believe him.

Item Description: A foam toy sword that, when used to attack a living animal, has the effect of a real sword.
Date of Recovery: 03-12-2010
Location of Recovery: Walmart in Oroville, California.
Current Status: Kept in Site-19.

Item Description: A standard metal foldable chair that is non-anomalous until a person tries to sit down. Object will slide back approximately 5 feet once a person's buttocks is 3-inches from seat.
Date of Recovery: 04-9-2020
Location of Recovery: The O'Dooley family reunion in ████████, Minnesota.
Current Status: In the break room of Site-18.
Note: This was funny at first, but it's getting old quick. I'm requesting it be moved to Site-██. - Researcher Janus
Request denied. - Director █████

Item Description: A taxidermy of what appears to be a creature of similar genetic makeup to SCP-682. Has various pressure pads in different places beneath its skin which play an audio file of a voice similar to SCP-682's saying various encouraging and/or positive phrases. The taxidermy's skin cannot be broken and the source of the audio files is unknown. SCP-682 has not been informed of this anomaly's existence.
Date of Recovery: 04-21-2020
Location of Recovery: The holding cell of D-95538, who had been assigned to SCP-682 testing the following day. D-95538 claimed that the taxidermy was there when he arrived, despite the guards tasked with escorting him to his cell having no recollection of seeing it.
Current Status: The medbay of Site [REDACTED]. Reserved for personnel suffering exacerbated mental illness/emotional complications.
Note: It has been deduced based on preliminary testing that the audio files are not prerecorded. Current tally of unique audio files observed: 751

Item Description: A coffee mug with the word "Joe" written on to it with permanent marker. When drinking any liquid out of the mug, a sentence in the fashion of a typical "Yo Mama" joke is heard.
Date of Recovery: 10-22-2019
Location of Recovery: A pawnshop in █████, Washington.
Current Status: In the office of Dr. Davis at Site-██.

Item Description: A series of twelve Acer brand computer screens that reproduce random paintings by American abstract artist Jackson Pollock out of broken glass when damaged. Repairing the screen and damaging it again produces a different painting. Three screens out of twelve remain intact as of ██/██/20██. They are presumed to have the same anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 5-6-2020
Location of Recovery: A computer store in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An elevator that propels itself upwards at an abnormally high velocity when any of the four buttons on its interior side are pressed, despite possessing no apparent means to do so.
Date of Recovery: 5-7-2020
Location of Recovery: A supermarket in ██████, France.
Current Status: Destroyed after sixth test.
Note: How the ████ did you forget to put the ████ing mattress, Philips? ████ thing could've gotten an actual classification if it didn't break because of you!

Item Description: A black rectangle made of unknown composition with the inscription "[REDACTED]" (Note: The word "REDACTED" in brackets is actually written on it, and is not an authentic act of redaction on the Foundation's part.) on it, which, no matter the position of the person viewing it always displays itself as if they were directly in front of the item. Seems to be two-dimensional as opposed to the standard three dimensions.
Date of Recovery: 5-8-2020
Location of Recovery: A candy shop named "Conifer's Confidential Confiserie" that sold various CIA, ████ and Foundation-themed foods. Dismantled by the Foundation on ██/██/20██ after it was identified as a security breach.
Current Status: Hung above Dr. Roosevelt's office.
Note: What? I think it's pretty funny.

Item Description: A red bath towel, slightly faded due to prolonged exposure to sunlight. When worn around the neck of a human subject in the manner of a cape, the subject believes him/herself capable of flight. Affected subjects often display strong desires to jump from high places in order to demonstrate this ability.
Date of Recovery: 11/5/2020
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] Toy Store, Clifden, Ireland.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Wearing this item does not actually confer the power of flight. Affected subjects should not be unobserved until the item has been removed, to prevent them from causing themselves accidental injury.

Item Description A Duracell brand 312 hearing aid battery capable of holding up to 40 Ah, and outputting a maximum of 12V, 400A. It is also capable of being charged using a standard car battery charger.
Date of Recovery 13/5/2020
Location of Recovery Blister packaged on a shelf used for holding batteries at a car wash in [REDACTED], Ohio.
Current Status In Dr █████'s car battery compartment.
Note: Despite being chargeable and usable as a car battery, due to the small size of this item, both Dr █████'s car battery compartment and charger have been modified.

Item Description: A standard wooden garden rake that causes all sapient beings in a 10 meter range around it to be compelled to step on its teeth, receiving the handle in the face or equivalent of such at a high velocity. Doing so permanently inoculates the affected individual to the item's effects but also acts as a short range amnestic, as subjects express surprise when hit by the handle and are unable to identify its anomalous properties, sincerely believing they stepped on the teeth by accident.
Date of Recovery: 5-16-2020
Location of Recovery: Spontaneously manifested in a hallway on Site-██. Recovered after an estimated 23 personnel members were exposed to its effects during an SCP-███ containment breach, significantly slowing down the handling of the breach and causing the death of ██ personnel.
Current Status: Suspended 15 m above the ground in an open-air storage compartment on Site-██.

Item Description: A pair of plastic breasts of the kind sold as gag gifts, manufacturer unknown. When being observed by a human, the object breaks the observer's train of thought, compelling them to consider their biases related to women. The effect ceases simultaneously with cessation of viewing, but the subject can continue to explore the same line of thought afterwards.
Date of Recovery: 10/31/1968
Location of Recovery: Household of ███ ███████, Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: Kept in a drawer in the office of ████ ██, Site-19's Head Relationship Psychologist, for use in resolving or preventing conflicts between staff stemming from staff members' biases towards women. May be transferred to other sites per request with ████ ██'s approval.

Item Description and Current Status: So, we've got a fella in a humanoid containment cell that can only be described usin' informal vernacular - you can't talk about 'im using any sort'a upper-crust "clinical" terminology, in other words. The guy himself doesn't seem to know that he's an anomaly - ol' Dr. Umen wants to feed 'im amnestics and let 'im go, considerin' that he's not a threat to normalcy or anythin'.
Date of Recovery: We got 'im back on May 30, 2020.
Location of Recovery: Down in a city near - actually, we can't tell you any a that considerin' that it's top secret or somethin'.

Item Description: A collection of seventeen miniature horse figurines. When placed inside any mobile vehicle, the automobile will anomalously be able to reach speeds of Mach fourteen. The property is present regardless of the vehicle's functionality or condition.
Date of Recovery: 6/9/2020
Location of Recovery: Burent County Rodeo Arena, Burnet, Texas, U.S.A.
Current Status: Two instances were destroyed during retrieval. The remaining fifteen are in storage.

Item Description: 997 (and counting) new episodes of Bob Ross: The Joy of Painting. These videos are entirely non anomalous except for the fact that Bob Ross has been deceased for 25 years and these episodes were made after his death. Evidence suggests that these episodes are made by Bob Ross and are broadcasted from Corbenic.
Date of Recovery: Ongoing.
Location of Recovery: Each episode will randomly replace an advertisement slot of sufficient length on the █████████ network. A Foundation bot has been installed to reroute these episodes to the Foundation database and fill the empty time slot with the original programming.
Current Status: Currently available to all Foundation staff to increase morale, painting supplies are available in the break room at Site-██ for use during breaks.
Note: On ██/██/████, an episode was rerouted into the Foundation database and reviewed as per procedure, but instead of starting in usual fashion, Bob Ross said the following: "Hello to my friends at the SCP Foundation, while I am sad that you won't let me continue painting for the world I understand why, and I am happy that my show will continue to bring joy to members of the Foundation and even someone as important as O5-█. With all that out of the way I'd like to thank you all for joining me here this week, if this is your first time watching the Joy of Painting, I'd like to extend a personal invitation for you to pull out your paints and join me, for a relaxing half hour of painting, and I'll show you just how easy it is to make some of the most beautiful art you've ever seen." Episode continued as usual except for the painting, which was later confirmed to be a depiction of SCP-354.

Item Description: A shipment of twelve █████████ brand acoustic guitars exhibiting the anomalous property that each of the guitar strings will not stop vibrating until manually stopped by use of a person’s finger, and that none of the parts can be damaged. Use of dead or non-biological material will not stop the vibration of the strings, and despite their immunity to damage, the parts still exhibit identical microscopic structures and properties as the materials of the original guitar models. The anomalous properties of the shipment are only exhibited if the original guitars from the shipment contain all of their original parts.
Date of Recovery: 8-12-2016
Location of Recovery: A Costco store located in ██████, Arizona.
Current Status: Eleven in storage, one in the office of Dr. ████████████.

Item Description: A ████████ brand refracting telescope that when looked through will rotate to point toward the nearest blue giant type star at a speed of approximately 6 rpm from the center of mass of the telescope.
Date of Recovery: 25-6-2018
Location of Recovery: A pawnshop located in ██████████, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 0.76 0.53 meter branch from a birch (Betula papyrifera) tree that when held with two hands and swung against another material will exhibit the properties of a bladed weapon, cutting cleanly through the object. No physical changes to the branch are noted to happen when the anomalous properties activate. During a test where the branch was held with one hand, 0.26 m of the branch snapped off from impact force. The end that snapped off was found to be non-anomalous and incinerated afterwards.
Date of Recovery: 2-11-2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, British Columbia, Canada.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An otherwise mundane member of the species Homarus americanus (American lobster) that will enter a state of hibernation if the material surrounding it is at a temperature below 100°C. It has been shown that the lobster can survive temperatures of at least 3,422°C, although further testing is required. Additionally, the specimen does not require food or water in order to survive and does not appear to undergo the molting process common in others of its species.
Date of Recovery: 6/17/2020
Location of Recovery: Off the coast of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A white, lined piece of writing paper (size A4) that when touched, records every action said person takes for 24 hours. After a day, the information written on the paper disappears and the process can start over again. The paper takes no effect if it has been touched already within the last 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: 30/10/2001
Location of Recovery: In an elementary school classroom in █████████, used for a student's English assignment.
Current Status: Currently laying on Dr Glass' desk at Site-██.

Item Description: A large red button with the text "REGICIDE" written on it in white. When pressed, a prerecorded voice stating "That was Regicide" plays and the highest authority figure in a 30 kilometer radius dies.
Date of Recovery: 09/28/1978
Location of Recovery: Vatican City, Rome.
Current Status: █████████████████████████████████████████████████

Item Description: A hand-made moonshine still, any liquid placed within the still when boiled will be transformed into pure ethanol vapor. Once condensed within the still the vapor will transform into a liquid identical to “moonshine” style liquor.
Date of Recovery: 31/03/1954
Location of Recovery: A rural shack in Henderson, West Virginia, USA following massive amounts of moonshine suddenly being disseminated among the local populace.
Current Status: In storage.
##r, k, b

Item Description: A label maker, that has an infinite supply of paper.
Date of Recovery: 5/10/2008.
Location of Recovery: An office in █████████, Tennessee.
Current Status: Being used by Site-███'s Scientific Department for labels.
"Could whoever keeps changing the font on the label maker stop?" - Site-███ Management

Item Description: A mirror, in which the reflected image shows the "true" orientation of the subject rather than a flipped image.
Date of Recovery: 11-25-2017.
Location of Recovery: █████, England
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A five-tasseled dream collector constructed from an ash wood frame and beads, flax twine, and barred owl feathers. When affixed to the wall of a room, all sleeping occupants will fail to enter stages of rapid-eye movement, or express periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD) or restless legs syndrome (RLS).
Date of Recovery: 7/31/2020
Location of Recovery: A bedroom in rural ███ ██████, California.
Current Status In Site-77 Oneirology Studies storage.

Item Description: A small plastic sword exactly ten inches long with a plastic handle. When held an entity resembling King Arthur will manifest exactly 5 feet away from the individual who held the object in question.
Date of Recovery: 15/02/2020
Location of Recovery: █████████, England.
Current Status: In Site-19 Unknown/Unexplained Objects storage.

Item Description: A collection of kitchen equipment. Set includes pans, pots, cutlery, rolling pins, tongs etc. Any person within a four meter radius of the set will change visual perspective to that of a bird’s eye view of the kitchen à la "Tasty" instruction videos. Anomaly appears to follow majority of set; removing a single piece from the set does not bring the anomalous effect with said single piece. Effect wears off when walking away from set. No adverse effects to user besides mild disorientation. Outside observers have noted no change in behavior or physicality of users while interacting with the set.
Date of Recovery: 14/07/2018
Location of Recovery: ███ Bistro, Nashville, Tennesee.
Current Status: In Site-47 kitchen.

Item Description: A ███████ brand portable music player. Initials G.J. inscribed on the back in permanent black marker. If used to play any mp3 file containing a piece of music, the device will make demeaning remarks about the user's music taste in an unidentified male voice with a "smug" tone upon the conclusion of the piece, or whenever it is paused by the user. If any attempt is made to play a file in a lossless format, the device will fail to play the file, with the same voice proceeding to go on a long, expletive-filled rant scolding the user for being a "pretentious audiophile" in a noticeably angry tone. Recorded rant lengths range from five minutes to six and a half hours. No anomalous effects will manifest if used to play an mp3 file containing anything other than music.
Date of Recovery: 25/08/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████████ Used Electronics Store in Laredo, TX. Purchased by Dr. Fernán, prompting the discovery of its anomalous effects.
Current Status: In Dr. Fernán's office In Site-38 standard item containment.
Note: At first I was happy to have a new mp3 player, but the damn thing was driving me crazy - Dr. Fernán

Item Description: A brown leather wallet that holds one penny. If the penny is removed from the wallet for more than two minutes, it will teleport back into the wallet. All other currency placed in the wallet is unaffected, including other pennies.
Date of Recovery: 08/10/2020
Location of Recovery: Found on the body of Agent ████████, who was killed while containing SCP-████.
Current Status: Placed in Light Containment at Site-73. A memorial to Agent ████████ has been installed in the break room at Site-73.

Item Description: The corpse of a brown rat with a pair of wings attached to its back. The wings have DNA similar to that of a European herring gull, but are completely vestigial, containing nothing but skin and fat. The wings are completely naturally attached to the body, but a beak, also similar to that of a herring gull, has been attached to its snout via superglue. A note tagged via string around the carcass' tail reads "Rat with Wings".
Date of Recovery: 08/13/2020
Location of Recovery: Basement of an abandoned house in ███████, ████████.
Current Status: Placed in cryogenic storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A copper doorknob that, when placed against any vertical surface, forms a 6'-8" door in the wall. When removed, the anomalous door dissipates. If the door is open when the item is removed, the part of the wall making up the door will remove itself from the wall it was once part of.
Date of Recovery: 03/14/1993
Location of Recovery: Found in possession of D-█████ while attempting to escape from Site-██.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A drinking glass that automatically refills with what appears to be water, but is actually dog urine.
Date of Recovery: 12-21-2019
Location of Recovery: Confiscated from Junior Researcher Barr in cafeteria of Site-██, where he was apparently attempting to use it for a prank. Barr has been severely reprimanded.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A virtual reality gaming headset of independent make with one video game pre-installed and no possibility of importing other games. While the item is placed on a person's head and turned on, the subject is unable to vocalize voluntarily and is forced to intermittently vocalize a number of different phrases and exclamations shared by all subjects. The most common phrases include "I'm gaming", "So this is immersion" and "I've never really lived before." These vocalizations gradually increase in enthusiasm and become less articulated, culminating in wordless screaming. Subjects have described the video game installed on the object as "an endless dishwashing cutscene where you can look around".
Date of Recovery: 07/14/2019
Location of Recovery: Offices of ████ ████████, an independent game studio in Dallas, Texas. Owner and employees consistently claimed they'd made "the most exciting video game of all time", citing testers' reactions, and appeared to possess no knowledge of the item's anomalous properties or the game's nature.
Current Status: Stored in a Standard Containment Locker at Site-129.

Item Description: Explain how this 20██ HSC English Advanced Common Module Paper causes the writer to write any information about it in the form of a short-answer question. (2 Marks)
Date of Recovery: What occurred on the day of 12/11/2019? (1 Mark)
Location of Recovery: Discuss the effectiveness of the Foundation's method of recovery of this 20██ HSC English Advanced Common Module Paper from the NSW Education Standards Database. (3 marks)
Current Status: Evaluate how effective the containment of this 20██ HSC English Advanced Common Module Paper is in a filing cabinet in Site-██, whilst also replacing the paper on the NSW Education Standards Website with a non-anomalous version of the paper. Include examples of other containment procedures of similar objects. (4 Marks)

Item Description: A self-writing ballpoint pen that never runs out of ink; once the cap is taken off by a subject the pen will begin to write down the thoughts of said subject on the nearest source of paper.
Date of Recovery: 10/28/2019
Location of Recovery: ████████ Office, Richmond VA.
Current Status: Kept in Researcher Deloria's office at Site-██.

Item Description: A ticket (front row, slightly left of center) for a concert in [REDACTED], OR, occurring on September 3, 2020. The band mentioned on the ticket, a small local group, was not playing in any location on that date. In fact, there was no concert taking place in town on that date. Despite this fact, those viewing the ticket often mention vague memories of the concert, often sharing interesting stories if multiple people view the item simultaneously.
Date of Recovery: 9/9/2020
Location of Recovery: Found on a bench at a bus stop in Portland, OR.
Current Status: Being tested, in hopes of piecing together a coherent account of the non-existent event.

Item Description: A nickel that can't be flipped heads or tails, but instead always lands on the rim instead.
Date of Recovery: 3/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Found in a bank in Los Angels, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A spherical object that 50% of humans perceive as a bowling ball, and the other 50% perceive as a red rubber dodgeball. When interacted with, the object takes on the physical properties of whichever type of ball the subject perceives it as, until it is touched by another subject.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2009
Location of Recovery: ███████ ████, Virginia
Current Status: Punctured during a test. Remains placed in storage.
Note: I wish I was one of the ones who saw it as a bowling ball. I'm told that it looks cool in a deflated shape. - Dr. Norms

Item Description: A pair of 'Bose Audio Sunglasses' that when worn will stick to the individual's skin. When music is played during this time at the one-minute mark it will raise in volume until it is nothing but high pitched screeching. Subjects at this point go deaf.
Date of Recovery: 8/15/2020
Location of Recovery: A home in Allentown, Pennsylvania
Current Status: In storage at Site 15.

Item Description: A pair of slippers that resemble white rabbits that can't be physically removed by any known method once worn. The slippers do not impose any negative side effects to the subject.
Date of Recovery: 4/25/2000
Location of Recovery: A retirement community located in Greenville, North Carolina
Current Status: Currently worn by Junior Researcher Dr. Richard
Note: Just my luck that I would be the first one to test these things. - Dr. Richard

Item Description: A patterned button-down shirt that changes its pattern at random intervals. These patterns consistently will clash with other elements of the outfit it is worn with.
Date of Recovery: 08/28/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████-brand store in Zürich, Switzerland
Current Status: Researcher Aurora's closet. Missing.

Item Description: A washing machine that, when used, will cause all clothing items inside of it to vanish and be replaced with a single unmatched sock.
Date of Recovery: 06/02/2014
Location of Recovery: A Laundromat in ███████, Colorado
Current Status: In storage at Site-17
Note: Okay, which of you pranksters thought it would be funny to move this to the botany wing's laundry room? - Researcher Aurora

Item Description: Cotton T-shirt, size medium, plain white coloration with a cartoon drawing of a beehive on the front. No tag or identifying information is visible, nor can signs of removal of a tag be found. When worn, causes the wearer to sneeze at random intervals (between 5 minutes and 9 hours). Each sneeze produces between 3 and 17 live Western honeybees. Bees produced in this fashion are not aggressive and are generally described as "confused." They display no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 14/9/2020
Location of Recovery: Abandoned on a park bench in Cincinnati, OH
Current status: In testing

Item Description: A black leather jacket that when worn will raise the wearer's confidence drastically. Several individuals who have worn the jacket have claimed that it made them feel "cool and confident".
Date of Recovery: 05/07/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████ Supermart, Arkansas, United States
Current Status: Kept within Site-473s psychiatrist office. Available to on site staff upon request.

Item Description: Broomstick similar to those seen in popular media related to witches, generally around Halloween. Despite its aged appearance, testing has revealed that the item was commercially made within the last 5 years. When a human subject attempts to ride the broom in the manner witches are generally depicted doing, the broom will allow the subject to fly, admittedly at a relatively slow speed (20 miles per hour is the observed maximum).
Date of Recovery: 31/10/2018
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Columbus, OH, United States
Current Status: In low-value item storage.

Item Description: A plush resembling a Stingray, made by the Wildlife tree brand. Item acts as a living Stingray, but does not breath, eat, blink, or sleep. Item uses its pectoral and pelvic fins to propel itself through water. When removed from water, item will begin to flop around, appearing to suffocate.
Date of Recovery: 2/10/2020
Location of Recovery: New England Aquarium
Current Status: In aquatic wildlife containment at Site-██
Note: You guys forgot to mention that I've taught the lad a few tricks! -Dr. Brine

Item Description: A pair of black Bluetooth █████ brand headphones that when worn prevent the wearer from hearing anything other than the audio coming from them, if any is playing. Headphones do not appear to run out of battery, and any connected devices will display them as having 100% battery.
Date of Recovery: 5/12/2017
Location of Recovery: A Best Buy in █████████, Tennessee
Current Status: In possession of Researcher Cook, to assist with her sensory processing disorder.
Note: Please stop connecting my headphones to your phones to play loud bass-boosted music. It wasn't funny the first time, and it's not funny now. -Reasearcher Cook

Item Description: A two-slice toaster. Markings indicated it was manufactured by Warren Wilson's Kitchen Technologies. However, no such company is known to exist. When the toaster is used to toast bread any baked goods, considerable time dilation is experienced by the user. The amount of time dilation is variable, but testing has concluded that each second in baseline time corresponds to between 5 and 10 minutes under the item's effects. Only the person who pushed the lever down experiences the time dilation; if multiple people cooperate to push down the lever, all of them will experience the anomalous effect.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2020
Location of Recovery: Employee break room in the back of a small, locally-owned bookstore, Avalon, CA
Current Status: In employee break room at Site-██, for use by all personnel.
Note: This thing is great when you have a lot of paperwork to catch up on! —Junior Researcher Alexander

Item Description: A MacBook Pro with permanently damaged keyboard keys. No attempt to fix the keys has been successful. The laptop is operable though the keyboard does not work. Using an external keyboard has been proven successful in operating the laptop.
Date of Recovery: 5/7/2005
Location of Recovery: In a tech support shop in Chicago, IL
Current Status: In possession of Foundation Site-██ security operative Lieutenant Bond.
Note: The laptop is operable though the keyboard does not work. Using a external keyboard has been proven successful in operating the laptop, so I use it for work, nice little oddity. — Lieutenant Bond

Item Description: 144 138 100 containers of strawberries that have the flavor of peaches. Inside of strawberries is light orange colored instead of the standard pink, though the outside is unchanged.
Date of Recovery: 10/13/2020
Location of Recovery: A grocery store in ███████████, Mexico
Current Status: 38 containers sent out to Site-██ for consumption, remaining containers in cold storage.

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