Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol II
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Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future. – Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site-██

This is the second volume of the log. Access to the first volume of the log can be found here.

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A long-egg reversal machine, resembling a table-top sausage grinder. When a long egg is introduced in the hopper at the top of the device and the crank is turned, the long egg is consumed and a series of normal raw chicken eggs, complete with shell, emerge from the lower chute.
Date of Recovery: 10-9-2017
Location of Recovery: Royal Wootton Bassett, Wiltshire, England
Current Status: In the Site-17 culinary experimentation kitchens.

Item Description: A common raven (Corvus corax) that, when viewed for prolonged periods, causes subjects to temporarily perceive text as passages from the poem "The Raven" by American writer Edgar Allan Poe. The effect roughly lasts between 15 minutes to 1 hour. Several researchers have reported hearing the raven call them "Edgar", though none have the name Edgar.
Date of Recovery: 05-23-2016
Location of Recovery: Boston, Massachusetts
Current Status: In Site-66's aviary.

Item Description: A VHS tape with an adhesive sticker that reads "OH FIVE FOOLS" written in black marker containing an hour and twenty minutes of footage. The contents of the tape depict former and current members of the O5 Council tied up and being tortured by robed figures wearing masks demanding to know "Where is our god?" before fading into static. The tape ends with a final still of the disemboweled corpses of the Council members and the message "Soon." Members of the Council report no unusual activity.
Date of Recovery: 12-7-1981
Location of Recovery: At Site-01
Current Status: In the possession of Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") to aid in an investigation ordered by the O5 Council.

Item Description: A 152mm Soviet howitzer round in mint condition. Round fires normally; however, when ejected and left to itself, after five minutes, appears to be brand new with a new projectile and powder. Currently has the effects of a normal 152mm round when making contact after being fired.
Date of Recovery: 4-16-2004
Location of Recovery: Illuka, Estonia
Current Status: Awaiting approval by O5-█ for use in battery training for security teams at Site-██. In low-containment storage at Site-██.

Item Description: The corpse of a 57-year-old man named Pedro █████. Subject spontaneously grew large amounts of teeth within the frontal lobe of their brain with some protruding from their head. The teeth resembled that of a shark (Selachi). The cause is unknown and the incident was caught on CCTV footage inside a gas station.
Date of Recovery: 4-18-2007
Location of Recovery: █████, Puerto Rico
Current Status: In cryogenic storage.
NOTE: How in the [REDACTED] - Dr. Richard

Item Description: A collection of 216 fountain pens. Each pen, when used to write, will deploy the user's blood in the place of ink.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Grave, The Netherlands
Current Status: Each pen has been clearly labelled, and is pending approval for use by the Foundation's Demonology Division.

Item Description: A folded love letter addressed to a unknown female named S█████. The top of the letter has a drawing of a depressed cartoon character greeting and it is stained with tears. Making contact with it causes a subject to begin shedding a tear. Subjects then describe a deep feeling of regret or a feeling of pity for the writer of the letter.
Date of Recovery: 8-11-2015
Location of Recovery: Los Angeles, California
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A heavily burned corpse of a nearly hairless primate with a highly developed brain and nervous system. No RHIt marker of any encryption or RAND-tech label was found within the creature's DNA, suggesting that it was either owned by and, if sapient, living as a Sticker Man and/or a pilot. The skull is fractured in a way not consistent with energy or siphon weaponry and thus any further research was halted.
Date of Recovery: 33 by 17 A/H (null cycle)
Location of Recovery: An above-ground heated mineral disposal device in sector-████/██ of New India.
Current Status: Determined to contain illegal implications and thus was transported to the ███████'s on-site incinerator. All in-depth and detailed records were secured in L-KON-4 level harmful media storage.

Item Description: An external hard drive that, when plugged into any computer not housed within a Lenovo brand shell, contains only a collection of random photos of cats, and it is impossible to add files to the drive, or move, rename, copy, edit, or delete the photos. The pictures are different every time the hard drive is unplugged and plugged back in. When used with a computer housed within a Lenovo brand shell, it works like a normal external hard drive and shows no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 02/06/2005.
Location of Recovery: A house in San Diego, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A preserved rat carcass (Rattus norvegicus), wrapped in black adhesive tape and pierced by several dozen cocktail sticks. When held, grants the holder complete and perfect knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the recent death of one Arthur Long.
Date of Recovery: 13/04/1956.
Location of Recovery: The residence of Maria Carney, fiancee of Mr. Long, also recently deceased.
Current Status: In storage at Dr. Torr's office.

Item Description: A wooden barrel that, when opened, manifests a mummified capuchin monkey (Cebinae) in a clown outfit. The cadaver rapidly decomposes into dust and ash when the barrel is closed.
Date of Recovery: 09/12/2006
Location of Recovery: ██████, Missouri
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large NASA t-shirt. The stars depicted on the shirt emit very small amounts of solar radiation and light via an anomalous manner.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/2012.
Location of Recovery: ████████, Virginia
Current Status: Framed in Researcher Caroll's office.

Item Description: The word "██████", a verb which has resisted all attempts at being conjugated or otherwise modified.
Date of Recovery: 3/9/2018
Location of Recovery: A thesis paper written by a student attending ████ State University, arguing the existence of a verb in the English language that is incapable of being modified.
Current Status: As the word is constructed, knowledge of it is minimal. The original paper is in storage.

ERROR: Duplicate File
Item Description: A document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that has not been observed in reality.
Location of Recovery: Site-02
████████████ Department
Date of Recovery: 2018-06-01
Current Status: Storage
Scanning…
[DATA CORRUPTED]
EωreKλ

Item Description: A worn dish-cloth with an effective mass of 0 grams, which is unaffected by gravitation. The composition of the cloth has been analyzed and found to be non-anomalous fabric. The cloth can otherwise be manipulated as typical, despite acting as if it were in a microgravity environment.
Date of Recovery: 3/08/2018
Location of Recovery: SpaceX Falcon 9 Booster, post-landing. No such object was included in the flight's manifest.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A severed mummified human foot that causes visual hallucinations at random times when observing it. Individuals will see an emaciated humanoid entity that has a large mouth for a face with multiple tongues licking the foot. Affected subjects report feeling uncomfortable or uneasy, and that the entity is staring at them despite it reportedly lacking eyes. The effect lasts until the subject turns away or after roughly a minute when observing it.
Date of Recovery: 5/12/1998
Location of Recovery: ██████, Peru
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A nail used in the left hand of Researcher Yeshua during execution by █████ alliance against the ██████ for ███████ ████ ██ ████ that when used to puncture a human hand will cause no bleeding. The wound retains all other negative health effects.
Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Location of Recovery: ██████ mid-transport to ████████████ tomb.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A copy of the book █ ███████ ██ ████ that doesn’t appear on any reflective surface. If a page of this book is taken out, it does not obtain this anomalous behavior.
Date of Recovery: █/██/2015
Location of Recovery: █████, Pennsylvania.
Current Status: Storage.

Item Description: An orange, ███████-brand Phillips-head screwdriver that, when inserted into a screw, will always screw it outwards, regardless of the direction of twisting.
Date of Recovery: 8/6/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, New Jersey
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black Sharpie pen that, when used to write, instead hovers toward the nearest wall and draws upon it horizontal marks representing the heights of all humans within a ten-meter radius.
Date of Recovery: 8/9/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, Oregon
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A recipe for meatloaf which will always result in a meat-free dish, regardless of ingredients used. To date, this has included tofu, salads, and egg-free pastries.
Date of Recovery: 2/15/2007
Location of Discovery: ██████ Family Cookbook in Holmes County, Ohio
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A photosynthetic Red-footed tortoise (Chelonoidis carbonarius).
Date of Recovery: 7/13/2017
Location of Discovery: Newark, New Jersey
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A golden-mantled ground squirrel genetically identical to an artichoke.
Date of Recovery: 12/12/2012
Location of Discovery: Billings, Montana
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A digital folder holding exactly 3000 copies of a single JPG of a cartoon skeleton. The folder cannot be copied, deleted, or edited in any way. It can, however, be moved onto a hard drive. Looking at the folder causes large amounts of stress and fear for the user.
Date of Recovery: 9/13/2017
Location of Recovery: Public computer at the ████ Library in █████, Maine.
Current Status: backed up to hard drive in Dr. ██████’s office.

Item Description: An earbud with a missing jack that transmits a message in Morse Code. When deciphered, it specifies to SCP-██'s date and geographical location of recovery. Said SCP object posesses anomalous effects relating to radio waves.
Date of Recovery: 12/01/1999
Location of Recovery: Vancouver, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An abnormally notable piece of 2x4 board. When test subjects are asked to randomly select a wood board from a set of wood boards that includes the object, the object will always be chosen. When questioned on their reasoning, subjects report a nonspecific sense of notability.
Date of Recovery: 07/12/2009
Location of Recovery: Springfield, Illinois
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A doll resembling a child, wearing a heavily damaged dark blue dress. Its arms are detached from its body, and its fingers have not been recovered. When either it or its arms are photographed, they emit small amounts of Cherenkov radiation, causing them to glow softly.
Date of Recovery: 13/7/2018
Location of Recovery: Marlowe, Ontario
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: One cow cadaver. Cadaver shows no anomalous properties other than the location of discovery.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: South Pole–Aitken basin, the Moon.
Current Status: Remains in location of discovery.

Item Description: A one gallon jar full of preserved brine shrimp. Each shrimp is entirely composed of human nervous tissue, but apparently structured anatomically accurate to a living instance.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A single double AA battery that possesses an unlimited amount of energy despite extensive use.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Labs Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A plain composition notebook that is ordinary in every way, with the exception of the conversion tables in the back. The table contains conversions that are impossible in real life, such as 'Joules' to 'Decibels per Second'. When calculated in the notebook, the calculations work out in a sensible and reliable manner. When transferring to other media, the mathematics abruptly falls apart, making all of the equations false.
Date of Recovery: 09/10/2018
Location of Recovery: The engineering department office of [REDACTED] University.
Current Status: Located in the extra-dimensional research laboratory for use in calculations.

Item Description: A snowglobe that, when shaken, causes snow to fall within 3 meters of the user for a period of 20-30 minutes. Effects still occur in locations where snow is irregular.
Date of Recovery: 01/18/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Pennsylvania
Current Status: Storage. May be used during winter holidays to improve morale with a wintry atmosphere.

Item Description: An unmarked wooden box of 100 steel paperclips. The objects, when bent, return to their proper shape and will automatically link together when placed in clumps.
Date of Recovery: 03/26/2005
Location of Recovery: Abandoned Staples shipping crate in Sacramento, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 17th-century iron maiden that plays "Iron Maiden" from Iron Maiden's debut album Iron Maiden at approximately 100 decibels when closed. This sound is only audible within the device itself.
Date of Recovery: 6/9/2017
Location of Recovery: In the cargo compartment of a van discovered in a parking lot of a bar located in █████████, North Carolina. The owner of the bus is unknown; at the time of discovery, an Iron Maiden cover band known as ███████ was scheduled to play in the venue on the following day. No solid link between the vehicle, either band, or the venue can be ascertained at this time.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An aluminum thermos that, when filled with water, will begin emitting a low-voltage electric current. When empty, or filled with any other substance, the object will instead emit low frequencies of microwave radiation.
Date of Recovery: 1932
Location of Recovery: Beijing, China
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A washing machine that, upon starting a cycle, becomes transparent for the entirety of the cycle. The laundry remains fully visible.
Date of Recovery: █/█/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Virginia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A compass that always points to the closest human with B-positive blood type.
Date of Recovery: 6/5/198█
Location of Recovery: A hospital in ███████, Oklahoma
Current Status: In Site-██ infirmary

Item Description: An AOL free trial CD that constantly emits the sound of a dial-up modem.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████.
Location of Recovery: New York, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A standard Australian Government Passport. Upon holding, the passport details will automatically be of the holder's details.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/2003
Location of Recovery: Sydney Airport, International Terminal, NSW, Australia.
Current Status: In a standard containment locker at Site-45.

Item Description: A chrysanthemum blossom that instantly turns to iron when touched by a human being. Object returns to organic form when released.
Date of Recovery: 09/17/2013
Location of Recovery: An apartment in Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In a vase at the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A plant-like organism that does not resemble any known terrestrial species. Does not have any other anomalous properties until fully grown. When fully grown, it asexually produces a seed pod. The seed pod starts as a small ball of dough and grows to bloom into a pizza with a diameter of 30 centimeters. Pizza has no anomalous effects when consumed. Pepperoni is present on the upward side of the pizza. The pepperoni function as seeds.
Date of Recovery: 10/2/2016
Location of Recovery: Lexington, Kentucky.
Current Status: Seeds stored in Class-VI Long-Term Cryogenic Storage. Wild instances confirmed neutralized. Pending SCP designation.

Item Description: A remote control whose mute button can affect anything it's pointed at, turning on or off their ability to make noise for 48 hours.
Date of Recovery: 02/19/2023
Location of Recovery: ████ ████ st, Maryland
Current State: In Armory at Site-33. Permission may be granted for limited use during stealth missions.

Item Description: One (1) Malboro Menthol cigarette carton, of which contains one-hundred ninety-eight (198) cigarettes. Upon using one (1) cigarette, the user will immediately contract severe lung cancer. Upon unfolding the wrapping, they will read "Don't [expletive] smoke cigarettes."
Date of Recovery: 08/24/2001
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], a convenience store in [REDACTED].
Current Status: In medium-threat storage in Site-45.

Item Description: A cube made of a red, metallic substance similar to darmstadtium, one inch on a side. If cut, both pieces will regenerate.
Date of Recovery: 12/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Barrie, ON, Canada
Current Status: 192 in storage, available as requested. Unknown if there are instances still uncontained.

Item Description: A white blanket which causes severe tactile hallucinations when worn by individuals aged 12-29.
Date of Recovery: 22/01/2005
Location of Recovery: Central London, UK.
Current Status: In Storage. Accessible to Level 2 personnel or above.

Item Description: A metallic folding chair which slides backwards when a human is trying to sit on it, thus making the victim fall on their rear. There is no detectable means of the chair's movement.
Date of Recovery: 09/15/199█
Location of Recovery: ██████ High school, Columbus, Ohio.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A diary with no name on the covers or pages, which reveals a seemingly endless amount of pages if attempted to be flipped to the previous page. Each diary entry gets increasingly ambiguous the more the reader flips the pages backwards. Longest recorded run is 7███ pages, where it states "Day ████. I have done it. It shall take us. all of us" Research about the ambiguous messages is currently ongoing.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A home in ██████, Pennyslvania. The item was found on a desk in the inhabiting family's home. Memories of the recovery purged.
Current Status: In Testing.

Item Description: An opening in a basement wall which connected to an alternate but largely similar version of reality. The homeowner contacted local authorities after witnessing a person from the other reality exit through the wall. Local Foundation agents intercepted the call and dispatched a containment team.
Date of Recovery: 08/27/18
Location of Recovery: A single-family home in Lexington, Kentucky
Current Status: Neutralized

Item Description: A ████ brand soap bar which possesses a corrosive effect when used on human skin. The item has no effect on non-biological objects. The item also has no effect on domesticated animals.
Date of Recovery 23/10/20██
Location of Recovery ██████, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A wiki containing an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: This site may actually help us by providing evidence to disprove rumors. - Professor Tor

Item Description: An anomalous log describing how a wiki contains an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The log is not anomalous, as it explains how the website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: Do we have a Professor Tor in the Foundation? - Dr. Unread

Item Description: A red fountain that converts ink into cat's blood when used to write.
Date of Recovery: 1/6/2019
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A █████ brand mechanical watch that, when a bipedal animal of any species has a line of sight to it, will cause said bipedal animal to vomit.
Date of Recovery: 04/10/20██.
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada.
Current Status: A non see-through box in storage, may be used for testing if authorized by level 2+ personnel.

Item Description: A plush doll of an elephant-cat hybrid. Subject will always remark the object is "Nice".
Date of Recovery: 11/06/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Mexico
Current Status: In Dr. Richard’s office.
Note: Nice. -Dr Richard

Item Description: A wooden stick that, when measured in yards, shows 2.1 yards of length. When measured in metres, shows 1 metre of length. This is theoretically impossible.
Date of Recovery: 02/25/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current status: In storage.
Note: All measuring equipment has been double-checked. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A Podium which gives the person standing behind it minor anxiety, whether or not anyone else is in the same room as them.
Date of Recovery: 06/28/1999.
Location of Recovery: █████ Center, ███████.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A right-handed ██████ brand baseball glove with all construction materials composed of human tissue. DNA tests have concluded that the epidermis which stands in for the leather belongs to ██████████ █████████, ███ ███████, and ███████████ █████, all citizens of ███████ St. Houston, Texas. When a human inserts their hand into the baseball glove, it physically connects itself to the subject, becoming part of the body and replacing the hand. Amputation is the only form of removal.
Date of Recovery: 3/15/2018
Location of Recovery: The house of Little League Baseball coach ██████ ████, Houston, Texas.
Current Status: Kept in chilled storage in the medical ward of Site-██.

Item Description: ███████ brand Christmas lights, colored red and green; when in the line of sight of any recording device, the entirety of the device's hue will change to either red and green.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/198█.
Location of Recovery: █████, North America.
Current Status: In a standard storage facility.

Item Description: A metal desk fan whose fan blade is capable of reaching speeds of █████ RPM when on the highest setting. The effect is linear, as the fan blade's speed increases at a constant rate of ████ RPM until reaching the top speed. All other settings have no anomalous properties. This effect allows for the fan to 'fly' around the area it is in.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Alabama.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Bosch washing machine which makes clothes dirtier instead of cleaning them.
Date of Recovery: 21/5/2018
Location of Recovery: ██████ Dry Cleaners
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A fully organic apple whose skin is invulnerable.
Date of Recovery: 02/05/2015
Location of Recovery: Discovered in the home of Mr. ████ when he was in the hospital for a tooth injury from attempting to bite the apple.
Current Status: Insides rotted. Skin still remains in storage.

Item Description: 20 1 meter long glue gun refills. Objects regenerate while being used, consistent with how fast it's being used.
Date of Recovery: 25/1/2018
Location of Recovery: Room 318 in ██████ ████ K-8 school.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Anyone who needs hot glue is welcome to use these, there's a glue gun by the box they’re in. Just put them back. -Researcher Lime

Item Description: The object appears to be a standard United States fire extinguisher, though in place of the text "Fire Extinguisher" is "Fire Distinguisher." When pointed at any item and the trigger mechanism is activated, the object will release a male voice which is described as "Condescending" and determine what the item is.
Date of Recovery: 03/28/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School located in Ohio.
Current Status: In secure storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A wooden leg prosthetic that would kick a subject when their backs are turned to it.
Date of Recovery: 2/6/1978
Location of Recovery: Stockholm, Sweden
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 13 12 goldfish that can "swim" and breathe outside of water and sink and drown when put inside of water.
Date of Recovery: 1/08/2019
Location of Recovery: ███████ fair, Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A toilet seat that lifts itself whenever it is unobserved.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Woman's restroom at Site 11.
Current Status: Swapped with a non-anomalous seat in the men's room.

Item Description: A 60's era CRT television that plays "lost episodes" of television programmes aired prior to 1965. Several series are featured, with programmes airing as they appeared when they were first broadcast. The episodes are played on a never ending loop from oldest to newest. At this point in time, none of the staff at the site in which the television is stored have found a way to turn it off. Attempts to destroy the object remain unsuccessful.
Date of Recovery: 17/08/2009
Location of Recovery: ███████, England
Current Status: In storage at site-█ (next to Dr. Spoon's office, for research.
Note: Several episodes known to be "lost" are missing from the loop. This implies that these still exist in a recorded form somewhere. - Dr. Spoon

Item Description A DVD of the 1994 film Pulp Fiction. When the scene in which Uma Thurman's character overdoses on heroin is reached, viewers will experience symptoms in line with a heroin overdose, resulting in death.
Date of Recovery 2/9/10
Location of Recovery Los Angeles, California.
Current Status In storage.

Item Description: A globe that, when spun makes subjects feel as though they're currently on a rocking boat. Subjects often lose their balance because of this feeling. It is recommended that those who often experience sea sickness do not interact with this item. Feeling dissipates after 2-13 minutes. Where America is has been replaced by the text "I hate botes" [sic].
Date of Recovery: 3/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Earth, Texas.
Current Status: Contained at Storage Site-██.

Item Description: A redwood tree that is unharmed by any methods. The branches and pines tie in knots when line of sight is broken completely. Method is currently unknown.
Date of Recovery: Unknown.
Location of Recovery: ███████ █████████, Sacramento, California
Current Status: Remaining in ███████ █████████, monitored by camera.

Item Description: A small cloth "sling bag" full of clothes which, when swung at a person's head, will hit them with a force equal to a thrown rock.
Date of Recovery: 3/22/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████████ School, ██████ City, Cavite, Philippines
Current Status: Contained at Site-25

Item Description: A yellow graphite pencil that constantly levitates 0.9 meters off the ground. Additionally, it always points towards 54.5028° N, 3.1486° W, which is the town of Borrowdale, England.
Date of Recovery: 7/11/2005
Location of Recovery: Thomas Robinson High School in Tampa, Florida.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A male giant anteater (Myrmecophaga tridactyla). Periodically, various species of the family Formicidae will appear in and emerge from any cracks and holes in a 1.5 m radius from it.
Date of Recovery: 03/02/2014
Location of Recovery: Reid Park Zoo, Tucson, Arizona
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A set of 8 Matryoshka dolls with distorted internal geometries; the doll with the largest external dimensions features the smallest internal dimensions, while the doll with the smallest external dimensions features the largest external dimensions. Objects were recovered placed inside one another in order of decreasing internal dimensions.
Date of Recovery: 6/4/2002
Location of Recovery: Leeds, United Kingdom
Current Status: Objects were separated and placed into individual storage at Site 25.

Item Description: 12 paper straws of unknown make, which cause whatever fluid they are inserted into to become identical to ████'█ brand sweet tea.
Date of recovery: 4/11/2005
Location of recovery: A small 750 square feet apartment in ███████████, FL.
Current status: In storage.

Item Description: A scale model of the human skeleton made of a nontoxic amalgam of chromium. When it comes into contact with a human being, it becomes gaseous, and enters their body and coats their skeleton in itself.
Date of recovery: 4/11/19
Location of recovery: Output chamber of SCP-914, after a test with ████████.
Current Status: Coating the skeleton of Dr. ████.
Note: Dr. Mann really wants to get his hands on this thing - Dr. ████.

Item Description: A stainless steel spoon that only reflects the face of individuals whose names contain anagrams of the word "spoon".
Date of Recovery: 02/01/2019
Location of Recovery: The Home of Dr. Spoon.
Current Status: Storage. Documentation contains photographs of the object dressed in a doll's lab coat with paper bow tie, with images taken at such an angle to show Dr. Spoon's face reflected in the object.

Item Description: A plastic decorative skull that, when thrown, will change trajectory towards another person's face.
Date of Recovery: 09/19/1998
Location of Recovery: Civilian hotdog stand, ████, New Mexico
Current Status: Storage.

Item Description: A blue horseshoe magnet that is only attracted to non-magnetic materials.
Date of Recovery: 4/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Found in a dumpster behind a department store in Des Moines, Iowa.
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s office.
Note: Can we do more research with this? It’s attracted to air and won’t stop floating. -Dr. █████

Item Description: Windows.System.OntologicalException.
Date of Recovery: 2016-11-03
Location of Recovery: Microsoft Corporation Headquarters in Redmond, Washington.
Current Status: Bug closed. Could not reproduce.

Item Description: Two 10 x 6.5 x 5 cm wooden jewelry boxes that, when both lids are closed, swap contents between the boxes.
Date of Recovery: 1-6-2019
Location of Recovery: One of the boxes was found in a thrift store in █████, Illinois. Its anomalous properties were observed when Researcher ███████ noticed that whatever he put in the box would vanish when closed, and reappear when closed and opened again. A GPS device was used to find the location of the other box in a nearby home.
Current Status: Storage, pending investigation for SCP status. At Site-██.

Item Description: A toothbrush with a compulsory effect. People using it to brush their teeth will invariably hold the brush steady and instead intensely shake their heads.
Date of Recovery: 17/5/1997
Location of Recovery: At a residential home in Lidköping, Sweden.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A graphite pencil, when used to write, instead forces the holder to produce a photorealistic drawing of a █████ brand audio speaker.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████,██
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A coffee table that stubs a subject's right toe when not in direct line of sight.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2015
Location of Recovery: █████████████, Oak Creek, Wisconsin
Current Status: Stored at Site-██. If access is needed, contact Dr. ████████████
Note: This anomalous item will not be intended for purposes of entertainment, experimentation, or consumption. I'm looking at you ██████. Dr. ████████████

Item Description: A notebook in which all drawings made on it appear to be governed by 2D physics. Drawings locomote as if they are in a liquid medium.
Date of Recovery: 10/05/2019
Location of Discovery: ████ ██████ college at ███████, █████
Current Status: In storage.

ITEM DESCRIPTION: A 10 CENTIMETRE BLACK PVC CUBE WITH NO MARKINGS THAT MAKES ALL DOCUMENTATION ON IT BE IN AN ALL CAPS FORMAT.
DATE OF RECOVERY: 17/05/2019
LOCATION OF DISCOVERY: AT A MCDONALDS RESTAURANT IN WASHINGTON.
CURRENT STATUS: IN STORAGE AT SITE-35.

Item Description: A 1950's music box that plays a different melody each time it’s cranked. Notable things are it plays backwards every 25 times cranked, and on rare occasions asks you to dance.
Date of Recovery: 04/08/2019
Location of Discovery: Foreclosed property in California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 7" vinyl copy of MC Hammer's 1990 album Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em that generates an impenetrable, invisible force-field around it, roughly 3 cm in radius from all points on the record. Replicas of the record based off of visual scans reveal that it contains the song "U Can't Touch This" looped 13 times.
Date of Recovery: 12/02/2019
Location of Discovery: A dumpster in ████, Ohio.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An opaque, light blue liquid that, when drunk by any human, causes them to stop seeing all shades of blue.
Date of Recovery: 05/█/2007
Location of Discovery: Abandoned chemistry lab, ██████, Wyoming.
Current Status: In storage pending further research.

Item Description: A Sony 1979 Walkman portable media player that only plays Earth, Wind, & Fire's September on loop. Any human who hears the song within 5 meters will believe the date is September 21, 1978 until out of range.
Date of Recovery:21/██/2000
Location of Discovery: A flea market in Chicago, Illinois.
Current Status: In storage at Site-15

Item Description: A small set of wooden Russian nesting dolls, the largest marked "1.99" at the bottom. When putting the nesting dolls back inside one another, another smaller nesting doll appears in the smallest nesting doll.
Date of Recovery: 05/09/2008
Location of Discovery: In the "Miscellaneous Object" section of a Good Will.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 1968 Pontiac Ventura painted in an off-white color, which only has three wheels. Despite this, it remains evenly balanced, as if it has four wheels. Attempts to put a fourth wheel on result in the tire with the most wear to simply "fall off" if the car is moved, regardless if the lug nuts are tightened. Anomalous feature had gone unnoticed until Agent ████████ attempted to drive the car off the lot, at which point the right-rear wheel fell off.
Date of Recovery: 04/14/1995
Location of Discovery: "Mad Sam's Used Cars", Detroit, Michigan
Current Status: Stored in Site-77 Sector-B Parking Garage.

Item Description: A General Electric U25B Locomotive (Numbered 20█), wearing the paint scheme for the (defunct) Rock Island Line. The engine is capable of movement at low speeds (~10 mph/16 kph or less) without the need to start the engine. Was sold to the Foundation as it required an overhaul which RIL could not afford to do as a result of financial troubles. Overhaul was performed within six months of purchase by Foundation.
Date of Recovery: 02/██/1966
Location of Discovery: Chicago, Illinois
Current Status: Used for shunting duties at Site-45 Rail Depot
Note: It is unknown if 20█ had this anomalous property before or after it was rebuilt. Interviews with former owners/operators are inconclusive. 20█ underwent a second rebuild in 2009, and it retained the anomalous property after the overhaul was completed.

Item Description: An M60 Machine Gun that will act as if jammed after firing exactly twelve (12) consecutive shots. The only way to clear the jam is to open the magazine cover and observe that there is no obstruction. Upon closing the magazine cover, the gun will fire again, provided there is nothing else fouling the firing sequence. If a burst of eleven (11) shots or less is fired, the gun will not jam, provided no dirt or debris enters the system.
Date of Recovery: 8/14/1979
Location of Recovery: ████████, South Africa
Current Status: Jammed In Site 06 Weapon Storage. Any testing must be approved by Dr. Baker IV.

Item Description: An hourglass of unknown make or brand which has Martian Soil in it instead of typical sand, despite access to Martian Soil being impossible at time of recovery.
Date of Recovery: 4/19/1987
Location of Recovery: ███████████, Singapore
Current Status: Kept in researcher Johansson's office for decorative purposes.

Item Description: A metallic spinning wheel about a meter in diameter, attached to a pedestal. The wheel spins with the power provided by the motor, which gets fuel from the spin of the wheel, violating the first and the second law of thermodynamics.
Date of Recovery: 27-2-2011
Location of Recovery: A laboratory located in Washington, USA
Current Status: In display at the foundation physics research branch.

Item Description: A tape measure with a seemingly infinite amount of measuring tape, numbered at every inch of length. At multiples of 5280 inches, the numbers restart from 1.
Date of Recovery: 5/28/2000
Location of Recovery: A Home Depot store in the UK.
Current Status: In storage at Site-77.

Item Description: A bottle of ███ █████ ██████ Lager that contains a liquid chemically similar to human sweat. Any amount emptied from the bottle is spontaneously refilled when the cap is replaced. Only one bottle out of a six-pack displayed this anomalous property.
Date of Recovery: 11-10-2015
Location of Recovery: █████ ████ ███████████ convenience store, Newton, MA
Current Status: In storage. Missing, presumably stolen.
Note: I bet that's Tom fucking Brady's sweat. Some asshole could make a damn fortune with that.

Item Description: A CD copy of metalcore band A Day To Remember's "What Separates Me From You" which, when the listener listens to one of the songs from the album, it replaces the man in the cover art and the other art with the listener.
Date of Recovery: 6/21/2012
Location of Recovery: Birmingham, England.
Current Status: General media storage.

Item Description: A double-barreled shotgun with an over/under configuration, with the furniture made of pine wood. The gun lacks any markings, aside from a name scratched onto the upper-barrel near the break-action. The anomaly is that the name scratched into the side of the gun changes almost daily, and only does so when it is not observed directly. While there does not appear to be a pattern behind the name it selects, the gun has frequently chosen the names "Shelby", "Tony", "Arik" (sic), and "Bobby".
Date of Recovery: 10/19/1918
Location of Recovery: Abandoned trench near the French/Belgium border
Current Status: Site-85 Firing Range

Item Description: A stack of copy paper that folds into whatever is illustrated onto a sheet of the paper. Branded Georgia Pacific, and recovered from a Home Depot in California. If animals and living things are illustrated, the drawing is sentient. Note that all illustrations fold into small versions of big things, into 3d shapes. It does not seem to animate black holes, wormholes, and other "impossible" items.
Date of Recovery: 9/14/2008
Location of Recovery: Los Angeles, CA
Current Status: In a wooden box at Site-19, stored in Dr. █████'s desk cabinet. Dr. █████ is trustworthy and has not misused any of the paper made himself many lunches and snacks; he has not, however, used any paper with intent to harm.

Item Description: A cabinet in New York that simultaneously changes to any kind of closed object when object is not in direct line of sight. Objects of transformation since its finding include a cupboard, a drawer, a pot, etc.
Date of Recovery: 8/20/2010
Location of Recovery: New York City, USA
Current Status: In the 2nd floor office in Site-85, next to Dr. Hadley's desk. It is used as a file or document storage along with 20 other cabinets at the office.

Item Description: An abandoned Soviet thermonuclear warhead, except that its contents contain unknown Uranium/Plutonium isotopes not found on Earth, and was theorized to be of extra-terrestrial origin. It also emits a low-frequency humming noise whenever any living being is within 10 meters of proximity. It is thought to have a yield of roughly 34 MT, although when it was first forged, it was said to have a yield of a mind-blowing 95 MT. The date of its creation is thought to be around the 1950-60s.
Date of Recovery: 25/07/200█
Location of Recovery: Found in a rusty transportation van submerged in long grass near the town of Serov, Sverdlovsk, Siberia, Russia.
Current Status: As of 16/11/20██, it is confined in Area-[REDACTED] which is located under the southern Pacific ocean somewhere near Point Nemo away from human activity, as only 1 of its 3 fail-safes remain intact. Work is underway to repair the warhead and to examine the properties of its contents.

Item Description: A 49-year-old Hispanic man. He can speak any language, even made up ones, but cannot read or write.
Date of Recovery: 9-10-2003
Location of Recovery: San Jose, California
Current Status: Living at family home, but must stay in contact with The Foundation at all times.

Item Description: An ████████ brand black microwave, which heats the center plate at a perfectly even rate, while not heating any area outside of this plate.
Date of Recovery: 3-21-20██
Location of Recovery: "Peculiar Pieces" store in Denver, Colorado
Current Status: Kept in Site-██ cafeteria for personnel usage.

Item Description: A nineteen-ninety-nine Window's Ninety-Eight computer that prohibits the user from using numbers. Pressing any of the number keys result in the number being spelled out. The computer will adjust wording to reflect on the addition of more "numbers". Device lacks a serial number.
Date of Recovery: July Twenty-First, Nineteen-Ninety-Nine
Location of Recovery: "Best Buy" located in Warner, New Hampshire
Current Status: Located in Site-Eighty-Four Break Room Relocated to library. Not to be accessed unless requested directly.

Item Description: A brown coffee mug of the ████ brand. Drinking from the mug's left (as of the handle) side causes any liquid to taste much warmer than usually, and drinking from its right side causes liquids to taste colder. This effect applies to all drinkable liquids, but it won't apply to liquids that are not meant to be put in a coffee mug, such as magma, snow, etc. However, the mug won't be damaged in any way by such liquids.
Date of Recovery: 27-6-20██
Location of Recovery: "Hoshe's Store", Washington DC.
Current status: On Site-0█ cafeteria, for site director use only.

Item Eggscription: An egg carton containing 8 eggs; when talking or writing about the egg carton, the subjeggct will continuously make poor-taste egg puns. The anomalous eggect does not take place while eggs are outside of the carton.
Date of Eggcovery: 11-8-2012
Location of Eggcovery: "FoodChute", Columbia, South Carolina.
Current status: In Site-303's cafeggteria.

Item Description: A white, quilted, coil mattress, measuring 135 cm by 190 cm. All tags meant for instruction or identification have an absence of text or symbols. All attempts to fit a fitted sheet onto the bed, regardless of dimensions of the sheet or number of personnel participating, will result in at least one corner failing to fit.
Date of Recovery: 01-19-2013
Location of Recovery: London, Ontario, Canada
Current Status: Permanent storage at Site-19.

Item description: A wooden box with the drawing of the sun on it. All subjects exposed to the box, as in standing closer than 3 meters to it, touching it or looking at it for more than 5 continuous minutes, will report the feeling that they are watching the sun itself. They report feeling unusual heat, generating from the box, and the drawing looking exactly as a colored picture of the real sun. The box lacks any other unusual, anomalous effects.
Date of Recovery: 7-6-2012
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], USA
Current status: Used as decoration on Dr. ███'s office, Site-██

Item Description: A pink colored DVD with no visible markings to identify any previous owner. When viewed the DVD appears unwritten. When played on a DVD player, an image of English actor Benedict Cumberbatch appears spinning on a pink background with the song Kiss Me Thru The Phone by Soulja Boy playing. The video will play on repeat until DVD is removed.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/20██
Location of Recovery: A dumpster behind a record store in ███ █████████, CA
Current Status: Shredded on 14/2/20██
Note: I ordered it to be destroyed after the first three hours - Dr. Landon

Item Description: A rogue US Military reconnaissance satellite with the designation RD-███ █. On the 30/██/200█ at 20:21 UTC the AFSC (Air Force Space Command) lost contact with RD-███ █, though its position was still being monitored by ground satellites. AFSC scientists attempted to re-establish radio contact and regain control of the satellite, but failed. 3 hours later at 23:25 UTC the satellite began sending coded signals back to ground control. These were then deciphered to reveal the message "Hippity Hoppity this satellite is our property". The US Military immediately suspected an expertly performed hacking, and the Foundation were contacted to help with further investigations.
Date of Recovery: 30/██/200█ at 23:25 UTC
Location of Recovery: Some 450 Km somewhere above the southern pacific ocean.
Current Status: As of 5/██/200█, the satellite completely deviated from its current orbit. It now resides at 526 Km above Earth, with an orbital inclination of 25° relative to Earth's equatorial plane. Currently being monitored and tracked by ground satellites at Site-[REDACTED]. The hacker(s) have not been identified, though signal tracing determines that the hacking originated from somewhere in the state of South Australia, Australia.

Item Description: A red balloon that cannot be popped by any known means nonanomalous means.
Date of Recovery: 28-05-2019
Location of Recovery: Found jammed in the turbine of a downed commercial airplane in Mexico.
Current Status: Popped. Remains are nonanomalous.

Item Description: A pair of blue skinny jeans of an unknown brand. When worn, its pockets anomalously fills with sand, giving the wearer an urge to throw the sand into someone's face while yelling, "Pocket sand!"
Date of Recovery: 28-05-2019
Location of Recovery: █████████, CA
Current Status: Missing
Note: POCKET SAND!

Item Description: A pink pillow with red glitter of an unknown brand. The tag lodged in the side of the pillow was blank and no company adress was seen. When a person places their head on the pillow, the person will have immediate sleep paralysis about a world of pillow constructs. When the person wakes from the sleep paralysis, a mini copy pops in the side of the bed of said person called "Pillow Monsters". The copy is an exact match of what pillow monsters in the sleep paralysis generates.
Date of Recovery: 08/08/2007
Location of Recovery: ████████, Italy
Current Status: Kept at a locker in Site-56's Objects Room #44
Note From Dr. Higgins:

Why do I see so many monsters at my sleep? Monsters, like pillow mechs. They, I saw them munching and biting each other and cotton coming out like a normal pillow. I just don't know what is happening. The place is Earth as a pillow itself, and the mechs are probably their "futuristic" style. I don't know what is happening. I'll get more information as soon as I can.

Item Description: A cereal box with the brand: "Koko Krunch Element", a brand of cereal in the Philippines. When the cereal box is poured out, a type of element not known in the periodic table will generately spawn in thousands of solid bits in the shape of a rock.
Date of Recovery: 07/09/2007
Location of Recovery: Marikina, PH
Current Status: Kept at the Anomalous Element Laboratory (AEL) in Site-49

Item Description: A drawing of a rainbow in crayon. Any instances of the word rainbow will be colorized similarly to the drawing if appearing in a sentence that mentions the drawing. Personnel report a similar effect when the drawing is discussed verbally, found to be caused by [REDACTED CLEARANCE LEVEL 5/PATAPHYSICS].
Date of Recovery: 3/3/2003
Location of Recovery: Wizard Island, OR
Current Status: Lost in a fire, infohazardous effect still present.

Item Description: A blue IPhone 6 Plus. If the battery goes below 50% charge it will begin to vibrate violently without the vibration motor being activate, will continue to vibrate even after the battery reaches 0% charge.
Date of recovery: 10/8/2017
Location of Recovery: Cupertino, California
Status: Incineration Approved by Dr. █████████ on 26/5/2019
Note: Stop making inappropriate remarks about the item please, be professionals - Dr. █████████

Item Description: A baseball that, when thrown, will invariably move in the direction opposite to the direction that the thrower is facing in.
Date of Recovery: June 30, 2019
Location of Recovery: A baseball diamond in ███████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A simple clay pot painted with unknown writing thought to be a derivative of Swahili. When broken or smashed, the object will dissipate into a large swarm of flies recognized as the genus Glossinidae Glossina. The swarm will then press together into the shape of the original, undamaged pot and reform.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/1979
Location of Recovery: ██████, Tanzania
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A marble that can only be perceived as two marbles
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2019
Location of Recovery: Dr. Smith's personal marble collection
Current Status: On display in Dr. Smith's office

Item Description: A member of the Alpheidae family of animals (commonly referred to as pistol shrimp) with firearms of an unknown make and model instead of claws.
Date of Recovery: 9/22/2019
Location of Recovery: Atlantic Ocean
Current Status: In Reinforced aquatic anomaly containment unit in site-██

ERROR: Duplicate File
Item Description: A document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that has not been observed in reality.
Location of Recovery: Site-02
████████████ Department
Date of Recovery: 2018-06-01 Caution: [DATA CORRUPTED]ard
Item Description: A document describing spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that tic has not been observed in reality and never will be observed in any reality where reality is real. A+B=MC2
Current Srtatus: So you j ust do whatever they tell you?
Current Status: Storage
Quote by ██ Floyd - “Can someone else fix the memetic scrambling in the data please? This is the third time I’ve had to sort through corrupted duplicates for this single entry in a month. That can’t be a coincidence! This stupid document is supposed to be harmless! For Gods sake if pataphysics doesn’t take a look at this bloody paperwork soon I’m going to [DATA EXPUNGED]”
ehazmëm

Containme Pro: NULL.cosma
A+∞=?

ANTI-MEMETIC LOCK ENGAGED

(In my bonds I brand a ring of seven singing scythes. With my cup I drink the day and think of dying lives. In my bonds I brand a ring of seven singing scythes. With my cup I drink the day and think of dying lives. In my bonds I brand a ring of seven singing scythes. With my cup I drink the day and think of dying lives.)

Item Description ~ 2 on site entries detailing a document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation,” including the original file and an anomalously generated false duplicate. Both had been discovered to have been corrupted by a previously unknown memetic agent and a debilitating cognitohazard. This effect is now known to have originated from the document both detailed, and has spread to most known files regarding the item.

Date of Incident ~ [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

Location of Recovery ~ N/A

Current Status ~ Neutralized. NOTE: Memetic hazards and cognitohazards within the documents contained in these entries have been thoroughly neutralized and are safe for viewing by foundation personnel. All nonrelated files regarding this item except [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED] are to be terminated. The termination of the item in question is pending approval. The corrupted files in their non memetic forms will remain untouched in this database so further study may be performed. Foundation personnel affected by these memetic effects have been administered amnestics. Personnel without Level 3 Clearance or higher not given proper authorization are prohibited from research into the item. Investigation into foundation researchers [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED] and [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED] in the foundation ████████████ Department have been initiated. - [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED], Director of Foundation Pataphysics

(Break the scythe upon my knee and burn the cups of gold, sing and dance and die in vain and howl to moons untold.)

END ANTI-MEMETIC LOCK

Item Description: A brown wallet. The money amount in it keeps increasing. It will increase until it reaches the limit of money. When it reaches the limit, the wallet will break and [DATA EXPUNGED]
Date of Recovery: 9/29/2019 (mm/dd/yyyy)
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status:

Item Description: A box that changes its color over time. This box can also escape containment when contained.
Date of Recovery: 9/29/2019 (mm/dd/yyyy)
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status: Escaped from Containment
Notice: The wallet must be contained in a room made by reinforced concrete. This can block the object from escaping by passing solid objects.

Item Description: A life-sized doll filled with interstellar particulate matter and trace amounts of metallic hydrogen. The item mimics the appearance of the late astronomer Carl Edward Sagan.
Date of Recovery: 1996/12/21
Location of Recovery: Fred Hutchinson Research Center, Seattle, Washington
Recovery Log: On the morning after Carl Sagan's death, mortuary technicians noticed Sagan's body had gone missing. Law enforcement dispatched on-site reported that a person or group of persons had stolen and replaced the body, discovering the doll alongside a Freedom From Religion brochure. Foundation agents later released a cover story proposing that the incident was a practical joke.

For the ensuing two months, Sagan's cadaver could not be located. To mitigate distress within the Sagan family, Foundation agents planned a necessary cover-up funeral. On February 27, 1997, the Amnestics Department orchestrated a secular public memorial service for Carl Sagan's life. Throughout the service, personnel posing as funerary staff dispersed a specialized gaseous Class-E/W "Solace" a/mnestic cocktail. As a result, persons attending the service had memories and feelings associated with melancholy and grief replaced with a reinforced mass fondness for the late Sagan.
Current Status: Item is contained within a shrine to Carl Sagan at Site-64.

Item Description: A black ███ brand ink pen that only writes in blue ink, despite the color of ink in the pen. The pen is still able to write if the ink tube is entirely removed.
Date of Recovery: September 2, 2018
Location of Recovery: On the side of a highway near █████ █████, Indiana
Current Status: In Dr. ████'s office.
Note: I continuously pick up this pen instead of my actual black pens, and it's really beginning to annoy me. - Dr. ████

Item Description: He's an adorable little ████-brand trainer that makes people communicate about him as if he's a cute animal of some sort.
Date of Recovery: 13/06/2019
Location of Recovery: ████████, England
Current Status: In a desk drawer in Dr. ███████'s office.
Note: I've named him Jerry. Also, he likes to attack other, less worthy shoes. - Dr. ███████

Item Description: A black Honda Varadero motorcycle, that constantly hovers ~3m off the ground, no matter what sort of terrain it is in.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: An automobile shop in Hampshire, England
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s possession for personal use.
Note: It goes faster than normal, but you need a [EXPLETIVE] ladder to sit on the damn thing. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A small plastic button colored red, that lights up when pressed. Subsequently, smooth jazz permeates the room from an unidentified source.
Date of Recovery: 28/09/2019
Location of Recovery: A pawn shop in Windom, Minnesota
Current Status: Sitting on Dr. ██████'s desk.
Note: Stop taking my button. The jazz helps me work. - Dr. ██████

Item Description: An unlabeled record that is broken almost perfectly in half. Anything spoken or whispered within a 5-foot radius of the object is repeated a second time. Anyone within the radius does not notice the repetition.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████ Records in New York City, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black plastic domino with one white pip on each side. The domino can only be knocked over by a human index finger, and it always falls backwards, making it almost useless as a domino.
Date of Recovery: 09/09/19██
Location of Recovery: A toy store in Vicksburg, Mississippi, on top of a full box of normal dominoes
Current Status: In storage. The normal dominoes were placed in the Site-19 break room after examination.

Item Description: Twenty Nineteen sheets of construction paper that change color every 10 minutes. The papers can only be damaged if cut with a pair of safety scissors. If a sheet of paper is cut into pieces one tenth of its original size, the paper becomes "stuck" on whatever color it last displayed and no longer shows any anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2017
Location of Recovery: ███████ Elementary School in ████ ██████, Kentucky
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A USB flashdrive that becomes invisible when held in the hand. After leaving the hand, it becomes visible again. It contains no data and any files saved to it are unrecoverable.
Date of Recovery: 04/10/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Forest, ██°██′██″N ██°██′██″W
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Worthless piece of junk deleted my backups — Agent Greg

Item Description: A no book no that no when no described no will no put no the no word no ‘no’ no in no between no of no every no word no and no will no replace no numbers no with no the no word no ‘no’. No the no remains no of no the no book no retain no the no same no anomalous no properties.
Date of Recovery: No No/No No/No No No No
Location of Recovery: A no Library no in no the no Philippines.
Current Status: Incinerated
Note: Thank. [EXPLETIVE]. - Dr. ███

Item Description: A correction tape that will change the colour of the tape to black if used on the word ‘white’.
Date of Recovery: 8/10/2019
Location of Recovery: In a shut down school in ██████.
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Ironic. -Dr. ███

Item Description: A standard working Foundation computer entirely made of various types of cheeses that immediately transforms all electronics in 30 cm radius into cheese. The affected electronics will not lose their functionality despite being made of cheese.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2019
Location of Recovery: Dr. Clockworks’ office located in Site-19 Facility 23
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Rosen, why couldn’t you fix my computer like a normal person? - Dr. Clockworks

Item Description: A white indestructible teddy bear. Feels soft when touched.
Date of Recovery: 3/10/19
Location of Recovery: A thrift store in ███████, Mississippi that was robbed on 28/9/19, owner deceased of gunshot wound through throat, item found next to body
Current Status: Given as a birthday gift to Dr. █████'s youngest child
Note: I feel like my daughter would enjoy this, I'm sure it can take a bit of a beating - Dr. █████

Item Description: A standard Target franchise uniform that when being worn will make the wearer believe they work for the Walmart franchise. Wearers will then proceed to move in the direction of the nearest Walmart branch, regardless of the conditions in the aforementioned direction. If the location is met, then the wearer will begin to work as if they were an employee (stocking shelves, operating registers, helping customers, etc). Effects will ware off roughly 5-10 minutes when removing the uniform.
Date of Recovery: 16/10/19
Location of Recovery: An air vent inside of a Montana Target location's storage room.
Current Status: Incinerated

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