Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This is a log of these items, many of which have been destroyed to avoid drawing interest and to save storage space. Others have been taken for personal use by the research staff. This log should be used as a resource, should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Doctor █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██
Item Description: An unbreakable lamp.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In the possession of Doctor Rights.
Notes: This was the item that brought the so-called “non-SCPs” to my attention. Attempted to requisition for testing; all requests, threats, and bribes were denied.
Item Description: A penny which, when flipped, will always land "heads up".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: Melted down.
Notes: Can’t believe that none of the researchers kept this to win bets with.
Item Description: An ordinary brand ███████ number 2 pencil, which will balance easily on its tip for hours at a time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: I’m not even sure why this is an anomaly. Maybe it just had a very flat tip.
Item Description: Extremely efficient gardening shears, brand unknown.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██████
Current Status: In possession of the roof gardening team.
Notes: Hard to describe unless you've actually handled them, but I did and these are just remarkably useful gardening shears.
Item Description: A large stone which generates mild internal heat, slightly warm to the touch. Otherwise not unusual.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Placed in the core of Mt. ██████, an active volcano. Stone may or may not have been destroyed by heat.
Item Description: A bouquet of roses and other assorted flowers which are resistant to wilting, crushing, and burning.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, ████████
Current Status: Unknown.
Notes: I understand these once sat on Break’s desk while she was a secretary, but now that she is in training as a field agent, I’m not sure what’s happened to them.
Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: This would obviously be a pain to work with- but didn't they at least try to see how it worked?
Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing. They also appear to reproduce by binary fission every week.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:████, ███████
Current Status: Salted, remains incinerated.
Item Description: Hammer which will consistently miss the nail intended as its target when used by humans. Use of machinery or robots to guide the hammer results in normal function.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:██████, ██████
Current Status: Identified by agent working in Site 19's maintenance shed, currently in storage.
Item Description: A parrot which, although not otherwise anomalous, seems to have memorized the entire works of Shakespeare.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, ███████
Current Status: In stasis. Looking for an agent, researcher, or other party interested in keeping it.
Interested. I'll fill out the necessary forms later. -Agent Yoric
Item Description: A small rock that emits a bright white light from an unknown source. Otherwise unremarkable.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, ███████
Current Status: Currently in the possession of Doctor Light.
Notes: No radiation, no heat, no evidence of particle decay, no life signs, nothing. I plan to keep it as a flashlight, and believe it will serve as a nice reminder of the inexplicable nature of the universe.
Item Description: A broken jian (Chinese sword) made of Telekill Alloy, crafted by Dr. Clef during the SCP-239 Clef-Kondraki incident.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Disassembled and melted back into component parts. Telekill Alloy was recovered for other use.
Notes: In the end, this just wasn't interesting enough to keep around.
Item Description: A 1964 Smith & Wesson .41 Magnum Revolver. When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!"
Date of Recovery: 09-03-████
Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Current Status: Not destroyed.
Note: Perfectly serviceable and well-maintained aside from the anomaly. Secured in Site 19's vintage weapons depository.
Note: Accuracy or even proficiency with the firearm is not required for the anomaly to function. Voice sounds whether or not the shot is, in fact, "nice".
Item Description: A wire clothes hanger. Only long-sleeve, blue, men's dress shirts with collar sizes between 15.5" and 16.5" can successfully be hung upon it. All other clothing articles simply drop off to the floor when hanger is employed.
Date of Recovery: 09-15-████
Location of Recovery: Halifax, Nova Scotia, CA
Current Status: Melted down. Resultant slag shows no anomalous properties.
Item Description: One tetherball. When employed as intended in a tetherball match, item shows a 5.9 kg total increase in mass when moving counter-clockwise about the pole. Weight returns to normal when moving clockwise.
Date of Recovery: 9-29-████
Location of Recovery: Bratislava, Bratislava Kraj, SK
Current Status: After thorough internal and external analysis, no harmful extradimensional properties were detected. Currently set up for play at Site 17, outdoor recreation zone ██, pole █.
Item Description: A carton of thirty (30) 60W incandescent bulbs. Ten minutes preceding burn-out of a light bulb, human subjects in the vicinity would become aware of an itching sensation.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Destroyed, waste remanded to storage.
Item Description: High-fidelity credenza-mounted record player. Musical records played in the device always produce a reproduction of a "live" performance of the piece, even if there was never such a performance made.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1975
Location of Recovery: Tucson, Arizona
Current Status: Housed in Site-64's recreation room.
Item description: A flowering dogwood tree that appeared to grow shoes. The growths are actually made of wood and bark. They are only clearly visible when the tree has shed its leaves.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: West Vancouver, BC
Current Status: Transplanted to TAF-1, Sector-28.
Note: May have died naturally of transplant shock, Foundation botanists are investigating.
Item description: A nuclear snowglobe. When shaken, instead of falling snow, it shows a miniature-scale nuclear explosion. It emits no radiation, sound, or force, and the explosion pattern changes every shake. Aftereffects such as radioactive snow and black rain have been observed. At random intervals, the snowglobe will contain a small shed, car, or truck, which reacts to the explosion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia
Current Status: In storage.
Notes:
If nobody minds, I'd like this for my desk. — Director Peters
Item description: Appears to be a normal larch tree, but anyone who approaches too closely (3-4 centimeters) is overcome with nausea and begins to vomit. Analysis after the fact shows traces of apomorphine in the subject's blood.
Date of Recovery: 25-12-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, California, USA
Current Status: Destroyed by multiple shells from SCPS Guardian's 76mm cannon during NSFS practice.
Note: Item was deemed useless and too annoying to contain. The target coordinates for Guardian's next NSFS shoot were altered to those of the tree. The ashes and splinters did not demonstrate the nauseating properties of the entire tree.
Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████
Current Status: Shot with pistol. Corpse shown to have no unusual properties.
Item Description: A karaoke machine that causes most listeners to enjoy the song played, regardless of previous opinion.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/200█
Location of Recovery: ███████████, ██████████████
Current Status: Currently in Break Room 12 at Site-17, with note indicating unusual effect.
Item Description: An unbreakable silver bust of the goddess Athena, which will occasionally become several pounds lighter or heavier than previous. Average weight is normal for a sculpture of its size. Not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Greece
Current Status: Located in Dr. Bright's office, periodically used for target practice.
Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, California, US
Current Status: Located under a locker in Storage Room 19-553B. Maintenance team required to extract object.
Item Description: A large seashell, apparently naturally produced, although corresponding to no known species. No similar specimens have been located to date.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████ Beach, ███████
Current Status: Previously located on Dr. ██████'s desk, destroyed when dropped. Fragments in storage.
Item Description: A microwave capable of heating metals and plastics at high temperatures, with no adverse effects.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Missouri
Current Status: Set up for use by all personnel in the Site 19 cafeteria.
Item Description: A Slinky toy that goes up surfaces, instead of down.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, England
Current Status: In use with SCP-███ to detect variances.
Item Description: A mirror that reflects all objects normally, except for the one holding it.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, France
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A pair of shoelace that systematically unknot while in use, no matter the knot used to tie them.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Japan
Current Status: [DATA EXPUNGED] with extreme prejudice by Dr Bright after a prank.
Item Description: A blank pop can which fills drip by drip with ████, a popular brand of cola.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/200█
Location of Recovery: ████████, Canada
Current Status: Object housed in Dr. ██████'s office minifridge.
Item Description: A highly magnetic hammer. Has been noted to affect non-magnetic metals.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Moldova
Current Status: Used to detect possible metals in SCPs.
Item Description: An electronic thermometer that reports any temperature below 0°C as -20°C.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, California
Current Status: Destroyed by grinding.
Item Description: Six-sided die that can occasionally land on a seven.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ████████ Gaming Society in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: Being used for research by Dr. McCallum.
Research my ass. He's just using the damned thing to cheat on his saving throws. Dr. Morgan
Item Description: A "hot-and-cold-pepper plant": a Capsicum chinense cultivar each of whose fruits contains, at random, either menthol or capsaicin.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ██████████, Sweden
Current Status: Maintained in Site 19 greenhouse, in use by cafeteria staff.
Item Description: A deck of cards which functions normally when used in most card games, but will always produce the desired outcome when used for card tricks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Unknown, possibly lost.
Item Description: C███-C███ branded and stylized cola glass. Any liquid drunk from glass reported to taste like P████ brand cola
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Destroyed by canteen worker P. ███████, dropped after being washed.
That was my favourite glass too - Dr. Aeish
Item Description: A mini-fridge that rots its contents every Wednesday night.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, █████
Current Status: Crushed.
Item Description: A .500 ███ ██████ sidearm that discharges all loaded cartridges as if they were blanks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: In transport.
Someone keeps switching it for my service revolver. I know it's you, Carb. Suggest using it for training exercises.- Agent V████
Item Description: A plastic trash can that ties any plastic trash bag closed upon becoming full, provided the lid is shut.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, █████ ████████
Current Status: Housed in Site-17 men's restroom.
Item Description: A NEHI-brand Peach Soda bottle cap that, having been dropped into a sink garbage disposal, proved to be indestructible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: Location unknown.
I swear you guys, I totally set it down next to the phone. It'll turn up. - Junior Researcher █████
Item Description: Glass paperweight which constantly floats exactly seven (7) centimeters above any given surface.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██
Current Status: Shattered in bizarre a capella accident. Dr. McCallum is currently being questioned.
Item Description: Eleven children's books (recommended for readers aged 4 - 6 years) with copyright dates between 10 and 15 years in the future — that is, between 2005 and 2010. Aside from having come from a future date, the books are not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1995
Location of Recovery: St. ██████████ Church Flea Market, ██████, ██
Current Status: With the publication of [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] in February 2010, the books are no longer anachronistic (comparison of text and illustrations with publicly-available copies of all 11 books shows no differences), and have been claimed by Dr. ████████ for his daughter.
Item Description: A drinking glass that visually appears to be able to hold a pint (568 ml) of fluid, but overflows when more than 35 ml is poured into it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998
Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois
Current Status: Currently in Agent Bibs' personal field gear.
"Drinking contests are a great way to gain information out of otherwise unwilling folks. By the way, folks who work at [REDACTED] can't hold their liquor." -Bibs
Item Description: A series of pornographic VHS tapes that, when rewound, would continually change actors, sets, and methods of coitus. All appear to relate to actual filmed movies, though the quality is low.
Date of Recovery: █-██-1995
Location of Recovery: Hackensack, New Jersey
Current Status: Missing, presumed lost. Recently recovered from the possession of Dr. ██████. Missing, presumed lost.
Item Description: A 30-inch-tall statue of a clown. In room where it was placed, a giggling sound would be noted whenever lights were turned off.
Date of Recovery: 5-16-200█
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current Status: Shot approximately 150 times with a 9mm sidearm by Agent ██████, until nothing remained but splinters. No anomalous properties recorded in the remains.
Fucking clowns… -Agent ██████
Item Description: 1 m commercial signage with a large stylized neon ice cream cone. When unobserved, wording will change to "10 000 FLAVOURS; ONE UGLY COOK!!"
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada
Current Status: In storage. Used by Prof ████████ during annual safety lectures regarding memetic SCPs to measure audience's attention.
Item Description: A metal gauntlet that does not conduct heat. Estimates date it to ██th-century England.
Date of Discovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, United Kingdom
Current Status: Currently part of Dr. Edison's private collection.
Item Description: An adult male capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) several thousand miles away from the natural habitat for its species, with bright blue and green fur.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Wisconsin
Current Status: Identified as lost exotic pet with ██████████-brand hair dye. Returned to owner; class-A amnesiac administered; recovery agent reprimanded.
Item Description: An HB pencil which cannot be used to write, and only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1979
Location of Recovery: █████, Liechtenstein
Current Status: Accidentally snapped during testing (1993); portions of pencil did not retain anomalous properties, and were subsequently incinerated.
Item Description: A 24000-carat diamond, cut in the size and shape of a common construction brick. Date of Recovery: ██-██-197█
Location of Recovery: ███████, South Africa
Current Status: In storage pending identification of source.
Item Description: A white cotton-and-polyester t-shirt bearing the words 'SCP: SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT" on the front, and a crude but recognizable cartoon of SCP-173 on the back, with the caption "SCP-173: DON'T BLINK". Aside from the security breach it represents, the item has no anomalous properties.
Current Status: In storage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████ Thrift Store, New York City, New York
Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Bookshop, ██████████████████, Wales
Item Description: 16-month day planner (September 2009 to December 2010) manufactured by the ██████████ company which will duplicate anything written into it across all other units. This only works for date/time entries that have not yet come to pass.
Current Status: 17 units in Foundation possession; unknown number remain in circulation (estimated at █). Research personnel are monitoring new entries in an effort to locate remaining copies.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ ███████ Office Supplies, ██████ ████, Florida
Item Description: An Ikea-brand wall clock which seems to disappear and reappear once every second.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland.
Current Status: Disappeared at 1124 hours GMT on ██/██/19██. Item never materialised, presumed irretrievable.
Item Description: A rubber-and-metal flyswatter which, when used to kill an invertebrate, causes the user to burst into tears.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Free Clinic, █████, Suriname
Current Status: Incinerated.
Item Description: An ordinary Pontiac Firebird, bright orange with yellow stripe decals.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: 900 meters below ground level, in an unnamed mine in ███████ province, China
Current Status: Rock around car was carefully extracted, following which the car was brought up through the shaft. After testing revealed no other anomalous properties, the car was broken down into scrap.
Item Description: An instant-film camera with no obvious modifications. When a photograph is taken of an animate object, the developed image is a cartoonized version.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Current Status: Junior Researcher ███████ attempted to take a picture of SCP-███ with it. After whirring for ██ minutes, the camera shattered into several pieces; no photos were produced. Broken pieces displayed no anomalous qualities, and were incinerated.
Item Description: A goldfish with the ability to float in the air at will, without suffocating.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Germany
Current Status: Died of enteric redmouth disease. Swim bladder retained floating ability and is under storage for future studies.
Item Description: A spear that, when thrown, pierces the heart of the nearest humanoid and extends several spikes from its blade afterward. Agents are to note that "the nearest humanoid" is typically the person who threw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████, Ireland
Current Status: Incinerated.
Item Description: A seemingly normal hourglass. The anomalous behavior lies in the ability of the sand to fall against gravity's pull.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Virginia
Current Status: Stored until the glass bulb was accidentally broken, allowing the sand to exhibit its anomalous properties and falling upwards where it came to rest on the ceiling. The sand was gathered and released into the atmosphere. The remainder of the hourglass was incinerated.
Item Description: A Risk set that has a variable number of pieces, appearing and disappearing as needed on the board. Sounds of battle are produced by the dice when rolled on hard surfaces rather than the expected clattering.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Oregon
Current Status: Available in Area 43 break room for recreation.
Item Description: A tape measure that consistently measures the interior of any hollow object to be significantly larger than the exterior.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site ██, Analytics Lab █
Current Status: Melted down. Resultant slag shows no anomalous properties.
Item Description: A Salvation Army major's hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to have perfect dental health, with all instances of cavities, breakages, fillings, discolorations, tooth loss, and malocclusion being instantly repaired. The wearer's teeth revert to their unrepaired condition when the hat is removed.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Shelter, ████████████, Chiapas, Mexico.
Current status: in storage.
Item Description: A piece of vine charcoal that causes "Someone help me! I'm trapped in the charcoal!" to be written every several seconds whenever used for writing or drawing.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Scotland
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A white table-tennis ball produced by the DHS company, marked as "Four Star". Note that DHS is only known to manufacture balls up to "Three Star" grade. In addition to showing an unusually efficient bounciness, it launches with extreme velocity when in contact with DHS-made table tennis bat rubber.
Date of Recovery █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Site-██, Recreation Room
Current Status: Item's anomalous properties were discovered when Agent █████ used it in a friendly match against Researcher ███. Item flew through open skylight, current location unknown.
Item Description: A bottle of bootleg █████ █████████ perfume, which attracts cats in a 1 km radius when used. Discovered after a gathering of over 4,000 cats caused a traffic jam in downtown ███ ███████.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███████, ██████████
Current Location: Stored in an airtight container, Low-Value Item Storage, Site-██.
Item Description: An upright piano. If a human touched any of the piano keys, the human became irresistibly compelled to play the piano and sing popular Broadway show tunes, for a period of three hours or until the player was incapacitated. It is to be noted that the item did not provide musical talent, knowledge of tunes, knowledge of lyrics, or the ability to sing on-key.
Date of Recovery: 4-28-200█
Location of Recovery: Recreation center at Foundation Site 33. Piano had been at that site for several years but its unusual properties did not manifest until Incident [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: Disassembled by sledgehammer by a mob of Foundation staff during a "performance"; resulting detritus incinerated. Residual ashes evidenced no unusual properties.
Item Description: A men's Western-style hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to compulsively tell jokes that are racist or otherwise offensive to those within earshot.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Mississippi
Current Status: Incinerated with considerable enthusiasm.
Item Description: A #2 pencil that, when used, causes the writer to unknowingly make spelling errors. Spelling errors can be corrected using the pencil.
Date of Recovery: 6-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 supply cabinet
Current Status: Destroyed. Materials demonstrated no unusual properties
Note: Are you sure the person who reported this wasn't just really bad at spelling?
Item Description: A plastic 1 gallon jug which causes any liquid placed into it to have a hint of lemon flavor. No anomalous properties have been found in the material of the jug or any liquid placed into it.
Date of Recovery: 12-██-2000
Location of Recovery: Purchased from a Target store by Agent ████████
Current Status: In Site-19 storage
Item Description: A cylindrical iron rod, 77 cm in length and 1.6 cm in diameter. The object is invisible: light of visible wavelength passes through the object without reflecting or refracting.
Date of Recovery: 07-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Xian, China
Current Status: In Site-19 storage. Yellow reflective tape wrapped around both ends of object for safety purposes.
Item Description: A 30g tube of grey face paint that causes subjects to react violently to objects making sounds higher than 55db, provided that the paint covers at least 60% of the face.
Date of Recovery: 08-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Storage locker of noted filmmaker [DATA REDACTED], California
Current Status: Stored in Site-12 Basic Security Storage Vault Stored in Site-18 Locked Security Storage Vault
Note: Ladies and gentlemen, find an alternate way of testing your own personal zombie-elimination theories… unless we can find more of it, that is.
Item Description: A 3.5" floppy diskette with a copy of MegaZipIt (c), an MS-DOS program which compresses any file to half its original size and allows for uncompression without data loss.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-198█
Location of Recovery: Computer lab on the campus of ████████-██████ University
Current Status: Diskette was misplaced in 200█. Copy of binary on mainframe at Site ███ exhibits no anomalous properties on operating systems other than MS-DOS.
Note: What the ████? This doesn't even work out mathematically? And why don't we have this standard on all of our computers?
Item Description: A ████ Brand plasma screen television which, when viewed through a window any type of glass or mirror, appears to be blank and powered off.
Date of recovery: 11-24-20██
Location of discovery: █████ Station in ███████, Texas
Current Status: Resides in the Site-34 employee breakroom.
Note: Can we get a new TV here? Those of us with glasses can't watch it…
Item Description: A standard Foundation field machete, repeatedly discovered in various places in the Site-██ grounds half-buried and covered in rust, when it should have been safely in storage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: Purchased from regular equipment suppliers.
Current status: Broke in half due to cumulative rust damage. Fragments melted down, slag shows no anomalous properties.
Item Description: Non-branded tablet computer; date stamps on parts read between 1937 and 1941. Contains serial, parallel, USB and ethernet ports. Operating system is non-standard, reads in an as-yet untranslated language, but interfaces with physical networks and recognizes files from all known OS.
Date of recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: █████████ Computer Repairs, ███████, ██, USA
Current status: Undergoing decryption and translation analysis at Site ██
Item Description: A white plastic "halo", which will shine and float when above anybody who has not committed any of the 7 deadly sins. Will glow red when placed above anyone else.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███, ████
Current Status: Melted itself down after being placed above Dr ████ ██████s head.
Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream loudly when placed next to foreign currency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Bank, ██ ██████, ██
Current Status: shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no anomalous properties.
Item Description: A snow globe containing an 11-second time loop of a snowman murdering a bystander with an axe.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Ski Resort, ██, USA
Current Status: On Research Assistant Reject's desk, for aesthetic purposes.
Item Description: A ██████-brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if bobbled too hard.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of recovery: Seattle, Washington
Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office safe.
Item Description: A standard-issue Foundation lab coat. The fabric (identified as a standard cotton/poly blend) requires ██ times the amount of energy/force to burn, tear, or otherwise alter the garment's physical properties. There are existing tears and stains on the coat, and is reported as somewhat softer than normal.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of recovery: Site ██'s laundry room
Current Status: Further experiments are to be begun ██-██-20██, after which the item will be destroyed In Agent Bib's domicile, to be worn only during Researcher duties.
Note: Don't even think about taking it. They told me to grab a lab coat that I'd like, and I liked the soft, ████ed up one. Who the hell cares if its crazy durable?
Item Description: A ████████-brand set of encyclopaedias that, when opened, will always open directly at the desired entry.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Canada
Current Status: Currently located on Dr. Serveaux's office bookshelf
Item Description: A set of 16 rose-scented candles which, when lit, cause music to start playing in the vicinity. This music is described by test subjects as 'sensual' and does not appear to have a source. The music is not heard by people who cannot smell the candles, and cannot be recorded by any known means.
Date of Recovery: 06/07/20██.
Location of Recovery: ██████, New York State.
Current Status: The wicks of two of the candles have burnt up completely. Testing revealed that the remaining wax of the candles has no anomalous properties, and has been disposed of. The remaining candles are in storage at Storage Site-██.
Item Description: A book shelf full of Haynes Manuals for various makes of cars which, upon removing a volume, changes to a manual on an apparently random subject without creating a break in the shelf of books. Notable subjects have been "Growing your own Lemurs.", "Force Multipliers.", "Military Grade Railguns." and "The Female Orgasm.". While these manuals follow the typical style and tone of a standard Haynes Manual the subject is, obviously, very different.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In the possession of Dr Coleman. Currently some 400 manuals have been removed and are being cataloged by him.
Note:- One manual can be removed every 24 hours. Suggest Dr. Coleman is permanently assigned to cataloging after the events at Site-67. -O5-12.
Item Description: A [REDACTED]-brand graphing calculator. When directed to perform any operations involving exponents, a small graphic resembling SCP-███ is displayed following the completion of the operation. SCP-███ is currently uncontained, and is suspected to have been recovered by the Chaos Insurgency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Jiangbei District, Chongqing, China
Current Status: Destroyed. Photographs depicting the anomaly can be found in Storage Site 40.
Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, ████████ Museum, ████████.
Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden at site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture added to Site "Blacklist" of restricted materials.
Item Description: A marble bust of Elvis Presley. When any Elvis song is played within earshot, the bust will sing along with the song.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Memphis, TN
Current Status: In Site ██'s staff lounge.
Item Description: A copy of "The Collected Works of HP Lovecraft", published by ████████ Free Press. Any subject who reads the book is immediately and irreversibly reduced to a state of gibbering madness.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: New York, NY
Current Status: Incinerated. Ashes show no anomalous properties.
Item Description: A CD containing a copy of ████ ████ █████, an eroge visual novel for the PC produced by ███████ ███████ Ltd. Differs from the original production run in that the plot and graphics of each "route" change each time the game is installed. This includes the pornographic "H-Scenes", which are completely different each time.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Kyoto, Japan
Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr. Edison Dr. Bright Dr. Clef Melted into slag by order of O5-█.
We are paying you people to do RESEARCH. Not watch pornography. -O5-█
Item Description: A 4cm x 4cm x 4cm black wooden cube, which memetically induces a rage state in all humans who view it.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Site 19, discovered on the desk of Agent █████ after returning from his lunch break.
Current Status: Smashed to pieces by Agent █████ on sight.
Item Description: Researcher Adams, after prolonged exposure to SCPs, has gained the ability to mentally 'see' what sexual proclivities anyone he looks at may have. Extensive testing has proven this to be the limit of his alteration. Researcher Adams has stated a dislike for this ability, but so far efforts to remove it from him have proven futile.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 17
Current Status: Adams has been reassigned to solo work, although he is considered 'on call' by the Ethics Comittee.
Item Description: A glass dinner plate, 11 inches across. When organic material is placed on the plate, it begins to secrete digestive enzymes (mainly proteases and cellulases) which produce foul-tasting waste products and an unpleasant appearance in food.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria, discovered by Junior Researcher ███████, who initially believed the kitchen staff were attempting to poison him.
Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr █████.
Item Description: A chicken egg which hatches, revealing a dead chicken embryo, and then seals itself every twenty minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria. Discovered by Agent ████
Current Status: Dropped and broken by Agent ████. Remnants exhibit no anomalous properties.
Item Description: A pair of otherwise normal bifocals that function like a pair of binoculars.
Date of Recovery: █-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Norfolk, England
Current Status: Smashed, resulting pieces show no anomalous properties.
Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Minnesota
Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs.
Note: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery. Item no longer classified as anomalous.
Item Description: A black t-shirt depicting a triangular prism. When any white light is shined on the image, it will accurately refract and disperse into a full spectrum of colour.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-197█
Location of Recovery: ████ █████ concert, London, England
Current Status: Currently in storage at Site ██, as a part of Researcher ██████'s t-shirt collection.
Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy source.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ concert, California, United States
Current Status: Destroyed by Research Assistant Reject, who cited it as "ruining America's youth." Pieces showed no anomalous properties.
Item Description: An irregularly shaped piece of limestone approximately 3 kilograms in mass. When prompted for an opinion on the item, all subjects will describe it as irritating, ugly, or pointless. No negative reaction has been noted in subjects who aren't asked about the item.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: St. Augustine, Florida
Current Status: Broken into nine pieces via sledgehammer. Pieces showed no anomalous properties and were discarded.
Item Description: A ballpoint pen. Decimal point in numbers written with the pen will periodically move for the next 314 days.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-20██
Location of Recovery: Accounting department at Site-11.
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23.
Item Description: Milk whose temperature does not drop below 21.111C.
Date of Recovery: 06-22-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Arizona
Current Status: Located in the break room fridge. Disposed of by Doctor Everrett.
Notes: Why didn't we just toss it out in the first place?
Item Description: A large saucepan. When water is placed on the pan and placed on a source of heat, the resulting steam will take on a shape resembling an inanimate SCP-682.
Date of Recovery: 4-18-████
Location of Recovery: Site ██'s cafeteria.
Current Status: In use by staff at Site ██'s cafeteria.
Item Description: A █████ brand name golf umbrella that screams in the presence of thunder
Date of Recovery: 07-18-19██
Location of Recovery: Lake C████████ Venezuela
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23
Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. ████'s home computer
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s computer, with several backups on portable media.
Item Description: An antique phonograph record that plays current "Top 10" songs, changed daily. Music is easily recognizable, though sound quality has severely degraded due to record's age.
Date of Recovery: 02-11-19██
Location of Recovery: Marshall, Carter and Dark auction held in ████████████████, Switzerland.
Current Status: Site ██ Break Room, Framed
