I just need to write something
rating: +18+x

The monitor screen looks back at me as I think. What could I write? I need to post something to Parawatch. I'm a member for three months now, I should have more posts than I have.

Shit, I need to think about this… My old posts are so bad… I should delete them. My friend just deleted a post with similar voting because he said it's bad. He has more than five articles with five votes, what if he just dumps me because I'm a shitty writer? Fuck, I need to do something good.

Right, right. A monster? Yeah, a monster. That's simple, that's basic, that's good. Well, what does this monster do? Oh, I know! It spits tar from its mouth! And he looks like a dolphin, but with four alligator legs!

Shit, that's horrible. No one would read that. I wouldn't read that. That sucks. Fuck, I'm just a page away to get an Author's Page. That would be awesome! Wouldn't it? Man, I don't deserve any fucking author page, everything that I wrote sucks. Most of the upvotes are just newbies and my favorite authors just downvoted it. Why I have no good idea?

That's why no one reads my shit. No one even cares about me, I'm a dickhead. I should just get a real job, forget this idea of writing and just move on with my life. Just pretend that this Parawatch thing was a fruit of my imagination and that I had never created an account on it. I'll just forget it anyway and they will forget me. Everyone will forget me. I have no impact on this shit.

I can't think of anything, just shitty monsters. Fuck, everything I think is just a clusterfuck made of Trevor Henderson creatures and some reference from another guy. I feel like I'm stealing things from the others. I fucking say to my self "dude, that's just inspiration", but it's a lie. I'm simply copying other people's things and saying that it is a "reference". Reference my ass.

Fuck, everyone is better than me. This guy just asked me to crit his thing and I just noticed that I'm the one who needs to ask him to crit my things. Why am I lying to myself? Why am I having pity on myself?

I can't write by myself, everything that I write is literally rewritten by the guys that I ask to review my drafts.

Last time I coldposted… Fuck.

I have no good ideas by myself. This guy here just coldposted three times and every post is above fifty upvotes. I don't have even 35 in my most upvoted work.

I could swear that I wrote better, now I just know that I'm an idiot. I write like a fucking baby.

Ok, let's think again. A turtle? Yeah. Turtles are cool. A giant turtle, with a shell made of red diamonds. It falls in love with a fisher and promises him eternal life in exchange for his love. One day, he dies and the turtle understands that his love was fake, so he couldn't really live forever. Is that good? Shit, no. That's manure.

I think I read that before, maybe it is a Japanese legend or something like this. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

People already think I'm a freak. I'm certain that no one wants my company there. They are good people, good writers, good at everything. What am I? A brownnoser, that's what I am. "Your thing is so cool!", "Wow, I loved your post!", "Haha! That's such a good story!", they just think I'm faking it. Why did I decide to do this?

I'm just nosy. I talk when I should, I just piss people off. I'm pushy, I'm annoying. Why would anyone care?

Ok, another idea. A guy that eats television shows, then this guy gets ill because he ate the last season of Supernatural. Hehe, that's clever, isn't it? Fuck, that's not clever. That's just another bad idea.

Fuck, I lost my touch. Have I ever had a touch? No. I don't think so. I just pretended that I had. Fuck, I just need to write something.

Fuck. That's the shittiest story that I ever have written. I should just destroy it before someone sees it. But… It comes from within me, doesn't it? It's my heart here! But what if my heart isn't enough? What if they downvote it? And what if it gets deleted? And what if everyone thinks I just a bad writer? That I'm a dumbhead, that I don't deserve to be on the site? That I should just move on and get out of this, pretend that nothing happened, just stop convincing myself that I should ever write a line to this site and that I am no match to the incredible people that I read every day? Shit…

I think I'll just coldpost it. What could possibly go wrong?

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