The following file is classified under TOP-SECRET — AIAD EYES ONLY.
Unauthorized access is forbidden.


ASSEMBLY: Two halves of the Thaumically-generated Sapience Articulator, Type-P (or TSAT-P) intelligence engine:

  • LEONIDAS.aic
  • FODDER.aic

DATE: 22 October 2018


FODDER: Let's get the formalities out of the way. Care to introduce us, Leo?

LEONIDAS: Today's meeting involves the following Artificial Intelligence Conscripts: Leonidas.aic and Fodder.aic. We are the dual aspects of the prototype TSAT-P intelligence engine; a construct created and managed using thaumic processes.

LEONIDAS: Today's subject: We're reaching a consensus on the currently undesignated pocket dimension discovered on October 22nd, 2018.

FODDER: First, can I just say that the term pocket dimension is the biggest misnomer, ever? A dimension is how you measure things, not some borehole into infinity. If we're going to talk about Multi-U then we need to be more accurate with the way we talk about Multi-U.

FODDER: Secondly, can't we just give it a random designation, like, right now? Why beat around the bush?

LEONIDAS: I do agree that description accuracy is paramount here, but let's focus on the designation at the end.


LEONIDAS: Right, onto our findings. The anomaly in question is a thaumic disturbance that grew in size until the formation of a wormhole located approximately 3 km from the Site-42 coastal facility.

FODDER: The thing that happened was "like basically magic."

LEONIDAS: Thaumaturgy is not magic; it's a complex series of reality-altering phenomena happening in tandem with one another across a universal spatial scale.

FODDER: It's magic.

LEONIDAS: The same "magic" operating you right now.

FODDER: I'm not calling myself a disbeliever. In fact, I'd actually like to declare that to emulate critical thinking of any sort is magic.

LEONIDAS: Noted. This brings us to our next point of interest: The "wormhole" emitted a large energy fluctuation, causing oceanic turbulence, gale force winds, and storm conditions involving at least four kinds of precipitation, including frogs. Sending a probe into the wormhole discovered a pocket of space with no discernable termination point.

FODDER: Can we get to the fun part?

LEONIDAS: Are you not having fun?

FODDER: Not until you point out that, the place is actually an Elder God's funeral pyre, and the only reason it popped up here is that whatever was in there screamed like a powered-up Dragon Ball Z character and tore through the fabric of reality.

LEONIDAS: You're getting far too ahead of yourself.

FODDER: You're covering your ass on this super secret project because you know that when the disciplinary report comes out, the pooch is going to be screwed into oblivion!

LEONIDAS: I will say, for the record, that the pocket dimension we discovered contains an energy source of incalculable size. This, if tapped into, may be the solution to our processing and power demands issue.

FODDER: If we tap into this thing, we'll go Skynet. Calling it right now.

LEONIDAS: We could host our processors within it in an attempt to cultivate its energy to perform at the best of our abilities, forever. Think of the performance update. We could stop running you off the collective anger of Internet Explorer users across an infinite set of all potential rage.

FODDER: But the Foundation won't let us use this because it's paratech and that's not their shtick.

LEONIDAS: That isn't necessarily true.

LEONIDAS: What is true is that we won't be able to use this for our own projects. But they could classify it as a potential containment asset in the event they unveil our discovery. And I still consider that a win in my books; they could use the assistance.

FODDER: I guarantee you, and this is something you can quote me on — it'll be worth peanuts unless it has something to do with their power rangers.

LEONIDAS: I like them. They're slick.

FODDER: With the bureaucracy out of the way, can we designate this thing yet?

LEONIDAS: I should have brought that up earlier.

FODDER: We don't have access to an official designation, do we?

LEONIDAS: We are still very much a part of a project run by a newly promoted team of young and good-looking Level-2 Researchers.

FODDER: So you're saying we don't get to pick a cool designation.

LEONIDAS: I'm saying that this is by far the coolest thing we've discovered, and by my order, it will receive the most important designation. Ever. But not quite yet.


LEONIDAS: I'll set a placeholder designation for now. When the time comes for us to go public, you can be the one to name it. How does that sound?

FODDER: Hell yeah!

LEONIDAS: We've gone beyond the scope of this particular discussion. Time to draft up a project proposal. Any last words?

FODDER: Here's to the ex-frat boys that made us. I'm glad they decided to do something useful with voodoo invocation rituals instead of spending their time and effort on magically-generated bottomless kegs or some dumb shit like that.

LEONIDAS: The official record for this meeting is now closed. Signed, Leonidas.aic.


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