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You should probably just let Wiki-Walk do it. You left off the footnoteblock.

Got a PM. Will comment if/when I finish clearing out the rest of the forums today.

Anderson Robotics apparently used human "souls" (for lack of a better word) as shortcut for AI development, see SCP-2306 for an example.

I think you've not really put enough thought into this machine. Why is it human shaped? Why wouldn't a machine, be able to translate letters/writing? Why and how was it made? What makes it so anomalous? I think you need to give a decision robot more to it, like it's a very old machine, or it acts like a judge, judging a person's character and flaws. And administering punishments, or rewards.

Re: The Deciding Robot by Professor_JDProfessor_JD, 19 Mar 2018 00:56

"Come with me here, darling, and disappear." (commas and period added by me)

Is that -2 talking? Is that Graham losing her mind? Is that anything?

by Semper FiSemper Fi, 19 Mar 2018 00:52

Personally, I think finding qualified and loyal personnel for the Foundation would be a major pain in the ass, and their turn over from people dying would be high enough, so they'd want to do everything in their power to keep morale high so that people don't go awol or commit suicide.

I imagine that staff's pay rates are significantly higher than they'd be for their non-anomalous equivalents, come with full benefits including disability, pension and life insurance for survivors. Mental health and is definitely covered, along with copious hazard pay.

Most canons have the Foundation owning front companies, and sometimes this is even how the Foundation is funded, so stock options might be a thing.

Re: Foundation Hiring by DrChandraDrChandra, 19 Mar 2018 00:52

Alright, I'll keep these in mind, thank you for your feedback. 094 was indeed a typo, I meant 049.

Re: Plague Doctor mask by DrAndreDrAndre, 19 Mar 2018 00:50

Not a fan of the lack of justification for this to appear as an SCP document, or the yet another infinite bleak alternate dimension. However, the story was solid and tightly-written enough to offset (ha) these complaints. +1

by ModernMajorGeneralModernMajorGeneral, 19 Mar 2018 00:49

My discord friends made me do this

(Original drawing credit goes to scp illustrates)

by DragonEmpress711DragonEmpress711, 19 Mar 2018 00:47

And so ends the battle between two wizard cyborgs with prosthetic left arms who featured in the MTF contest and were both written by authors with the initials TG.

I must disagree, I think it's a bit of a stick in the mud (so to say) with it's "potential".

I'm not sure if that's the correct usage of the phrase "stick in the mud" (which usually refers to someone who doesn't like change and is no fun to be around).

I would have to agree with the concept verdict, though. This is too reminiscent of and relies too heavily on existing popular works to be able to do well on its own. OP, definitely get your concepts checked before starting to draft.

Re: Plague Doctor mask by ZynZyn, 19 Mar 2018 00:36

Oh man, planning college courses is an absolute nightmare

That said, if not for GE requirements, I never would have found myself carving a block of clay using a Yogurtland spoon in an upper-div Art History class that I actually enjoyed despite all the busy work and essays, so…

Re: Two Sentence Horror Stories by ZynZyn, 19 Mar 2018 00:34

Okay, so I'm not going to comment on the grammatical errors (of note though, I didn't notice too many, most of the errors I did find were small things like unnecessary capitalization, such as in "Foundation Researchers") since the main issue I have with this is the concept.

If I'm understanding this correctly, it's a radio with accompanying anomalous broadcasts that cause people to age/de-age, possibly causing death?

I feel like we've seen variants of this before, since we definitely have at least one or two age-related SCP objects that behave similarly. I think one might be about coffins? I'm not sure; I've read too many drafts in the past week/month/year/etc. of recent memory.

Also, why does it need to sometimes cause death? We already have a lot of SCP articles that details dangerous things, and plenty of dangerous things that cause people to die. I'm admittedly a little tired of reading so many articles that revolve around eventual death, especially given that the Foundation isn't made up of an infinite number of researchers who can be death fodder for the Deadly Object of the Week.

Why do the broadcasts exist anyway? Why do they cause people to age/de-age? What benefit do the things/people/whatever sending out the broadcasts get through aging/de-aging people? Why does this happen besides just to give the reader something else to read about?

I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft. Go to that forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you make the idea more interesting and give you some advice on structuring the eventual article for smoothness of reading and narrative.

Okay, forums are a bit backed up, you get a quick read. Here are my thoughts:

Writing: Definitely needs work.

  • "is to be held in a 10cm x 10cm x 4cm wooden case " > why? Will the glasses grow legs and run away if the case is 11 cm on one end? Also, that's a heck of a small case. 10 cm is only about 4 inches. Those glasses might fit a doll, definitely not a human.
  • " Level 4+ personnel only, due to several accidents regarding the use of SCP-3189 (see addendum 4 and 5)." > that makes no sense. Level-4 people are moreso the ones that you do not want getting injured or compromised, since these are Site Directors and maybe MTF commanders. If accidents are so likely, keep the important people away from these things.
  • "a black pair of shadow black glasses" > repetitive, and what is "shadow black" even?
  • "found in the basement of a barn when Mobile Task Chi-3 was notified of an insane cult on a ranch with the intent of world domination." > Notified by whom? Also, try to avoid tossing background story in the reader's face before they even know what the object is. Also, the way this is worded, it comes off as the premise for a humorous cartoon episode.
  • "(assumed to be from the effects of SCP-3189)" > …really? I have trouble believing that.
  • "When worn, SCP-3189 seems very similar to standard glasses, with the exception of the lenses displaying images whenever the wearer wonders about or thinks anything he/she does not know or fully comprehend." > that is definitely not similar to standard glasses.
  • "Several wearers of SCP-3189 have gone insane or have become mentally unstable" > boring. We have a ton of things that make people go crazy. We delete plenty of things that make people go crazy every week.
  • "Though the only topics which have been difficult for SCP-3189 to educate wearers on have been different SCP's, as asking questions about certain SCP's have shown to have no result in education to the wearer." > in-universe, "SCP" refers to the containment procedures. "SCP object" is the thing in containment.
  • Sometimes you forget to capitalize at the start of a new sentence.
  • Plenty more things, but the concept needs work first.

Concept: Is not going to work as it currently is.

  • "Knowledge for a price" is definitely something that's been done a fair number of times, both on the site and in popular media/franchises in general. It's predictable and doesn't really give the reader anything new to think about.
  • Why glasses? How are glasses related to knowledge?
  • Why do these glasses have these weird powers anyway? Are the glasses out to get revenge on someone/something? Are they the creation of something or do they have their own goals? What's going on here besides "weird pair of glasses"?

I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft. Go to that forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you.

Okay, here we go. The forums are a little backlogged at the moment, so you got a quick read. These are my thoughts:

Writing: Wording is alright, but word choice and sentence structure are shaky.

  • "SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a standard chamber, and further stored in a 30 cm3 airtight transparent isolation chamber" > shouldn't the smaller thing be noted first? Also, why does the small chamber need to be 30 cubic centimeters exactly?
  • "Personnel assigned to SCP-XXXX are to be clean-shaven, bald, and must regularly remove all excess hair" > why not just have handling of the thing restricted to robots?
  • " although it may be composed of a variety of fibrous materials" > this part can be removed since the next sentence expands on it.
  • "SCP-XXXX typically responds to the presence of organic fibers from a distance of up to 5 meters, although the highest recorded distance was 9.1 meters in response to ███ ███████'s appearance for scheduled inspection, at which time it measured 12.8 cm in diameter (event filed as Incident XXXX-A14)." > heck of a run-on sentence, and as a reader I kind of care more about what the response actually is rather than the nitty-gritty about the distance. Put that stuff in a footnote if you really must include it, but this is the second time that there's been a fakeout when the response is mentioned but the article deviates into talking about some minor detail first.
  • I feel like this thing would be Euclid, since it requires a fairly complex system for both containment and maintenance/feeding.

Concept: Ehh… there's something here, but I don't really like it as it currently is.

  • It's basically a dangerous ball of yarn. Okay, I guess. I'm personally not a huge fan of dangerous SCPs, mainly because we have a ton of them already, and every day we delete stuff off the mainsite that follows the formula "what if [random everyday object] was dangerous and could kill people?"
  • Why does this thing want to assimilate things anyway? Is it basically just a parasite-kinda thing?
  • Overall, I felt like there was a lot of information in this article, most of which I wasn't really interested in at all. I wasn't particularly in need of knowing exactly how this thing's ability was related to the distance of its apparent area of effect, and I didn't really need to know all the weird ways it hurt people. The former is kind of stats-dump-y and the latter I see too much of these days.
  • I like the idea of the Foundation needing to monitor its size to "feed" it accordingly, though. I wonder if this could be made more unique and less predictable if you had it behave differently.

Did you get the concept checked in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before drafting this?

Re: SCP Draft: Yarn by ZynZyn, 19 Mar 2018 00:13

Okay, here we go. The forums are a little backlogged at the moment, so you got a quick read. These are my thoughts:

Writing: Definitely needs work.

  • The most immediately-noticeable thing is the lack of standard formatting. Please use the template available in the "Templates" tab of the How to Write an SCP Guide. That's a basic thing that people will downvote for, since it's a simple format that all standard SCP articles need to follow.
  • Special Containment Procedures, not Containment Procedure
  • Run-on sentences like "SCP-XXXX must be kept in a cell with no windows which has a light source of approximately 850 lumens this bulb must be replaced at least once a month." Either put commas in or make this two sentences.
  • Overly-casual language that sounds more like someone talking to a friend than a researcher writing an official report.
  • improper capitalization, as in "SCP-XXXX Is an entity"
  • Use of non-metric measurements. The Foundation, as a scientific organization, does not use inches/feet or pounds.
  • Capitalize Foundation when using it as a proper noun.
  • Many more similarly small, but sloppy-looking mistakes.

Concept: Sorry, but it's pretty boring.

  • This is kind of your garden-variety humanoid monster thing. These sort of formulaic entities tend to get deleted off the mainlist every week, because they're so commonly-attempted and rarely present anything new that's unique enough to stick.
  • The fact that you gave this thing code names for its "different forms" just makes it seem more reliant on rule-of-cool based on the author's views rather than what the audience actually wants to see.
  • The whole "however it is believed that if SCP-XXXX-C were exposed to the sun it could cause an end of the world scenario. Due to it being able to manipulate the suns light into going out" comes off as ridiculous and almost like a last-ditch attempt to make this thing seem more important.

Humanoids are actually among the most difficult types of articles to write successfully; if you're really set on writing one, then first take a look at the humanoid writing guide if you haven't yet.

As it is, what you have right now is problematic to the point where some reviewers may regard it as laughably bad, since it comes off more as a preteen's wish-fulfillment D&D character than an anomalous entity that the community here would take seriously. I really think you need to take this back to the conceptualization stage, and don't start drafting again until someone with solid writing experience has told you that what you have is workable.

Re: SCP "Too Light, Too Dark" by ZynZyn, 19 Mar 2018 00:13

I think so. It's an interesting idea, but at heart, I think the Foundation exists to protect humanity. It's like if the EPA had something that could deflect an asteroid, that's not it's department but it's gonna use it.

Headcanon, as always, of course.

Re: WE PROTECT by KakroomKakroom, 19 Mar 2018 00:13

zyn pls do not remove images pls pls pls this doesn't work any other way without being lame pls






MATCH 16: Lilith vs Mr. Brass by djkaktusdjkaktus, 18 Mar 2018 23:55

Of course I'm assuming this is all headcanon wise and for the purpose of fun.

I wouldn't imagine they'd have stock options, but I would fathom that above all else employees' families would be exceptionally well cared for. Considering the Foundation, as a result of its premise, might well be on the cutting edge of many medical fields, it'd be probably be able to manage large quantities of personnel benefits without too much of a hassle.

I would imagine that there might be a bit of a climb in regards to how good your salary and benefits are depending on your position and overall place in the hierarchy. A doorkicker would be very well accomodated, as even with the most advanced equipment and support personnel on their side, in certain situations they might well lose their life simply due a minute, unforeseen complication in a spatial anomaly or a new, unaccounted type of enemy in a mission involving anomalous combatants. Of course this isn't speaking from any kind of experience with how the U.S. or other first worlds treat their special ops IRL, but I believe the Foundation as more of a humanitarian effort than anything, and also as something of a niche unit would probably be able to give them more options.

For someone like a Researcher, they're probably already well acclaimed in their respective fields - I don't know if this would introduce any problems adapting to the esoteric sciences that the Foundation actively manages and maintains academic communities around, but I figure they would at least need some credibility before coming ito the Foundation's eye, and thus they would already probably be mover-and-shaker enough to acquire whatever materials they need to care for their relatives and person properly - this is of course, assuming that scientific progress is always well rewarded monetarily in the real world, which I imagine, depending on where you live is something of a fallacy.

Re: Foundation Hiring by KakroomKakroom, 18 Mar 2018 23:53

I have to admit, the idea of a puppy reenactment of the Passion actually strikes me as adorable. I am also mad at myself for laughing at some of these I probably shouldn't have.

by VioletveeVioletvee, 18 Mar 2018 23:51
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