I'm not really sure what the reader is meant to be taking away from this. How would you like the reader to feel by the end of it? You talk about various bigotries, and then groups of D Class have very limited visits which don't seem to reveal very much, and then the interview doesn't particularly reveal much either. There just isn't very much impact, and I'm not sure how much help reviewers can be without knowing your intent (especially with potentially controversial subject matter).
If you can outline the story you have in mind (or even the background and logic for this group), that would help. Then we can consider which story elements would best serve your plan - I suspect that won't include the very brief investigation logs, but it might include longer versions of that, or a longer and more detailed interview.
A few other minor points:
- I'm not sure the esoteric object class is warranted here. This is Euclid as currently described.
- If the abandoned hospital is not itself anomalous, I would suggest removing its designation and making -B into SCP-BBBB. It's a little jarring to have the -A designation for a place, and then -B for entities.
- Phrases like "is to seep into the population", "are very straightforward about this" and "things which are frowned upon in modern society" are not terribly clinical. I suggest "becomes known to the public", "are forthright in expressing such beliefs" and "forms of bigotry and prejudice".
- I have no idea what your MCK scenario is, or how it relates to the properties of the anomaly.
- I would suggest that describing the behaviour of -B as "belief in Catholicism" is rather misleading about mainstream Catholic teaching. I would reword that section (eg "professes to practice Catholicism, but based on highly heterodox teachings").
- Why are the views of -B believed to be the effect of -A? There is no evidence given for that statement.
- Ending an interview with heavy redaction and implied violence is very cliched and doesn't give the reader a strong finish to the story. I would plan your ending very carefully when you think about the story you want to tell.
(account deleted) 16 Dec 2018 02:25
