I understand that you have used the ████ as your placeholder, but it's a bit difficult to read. Most people just use XXXX or YYYY or symbols. It's easier on the eyes.
During testing, the object is never to be hooked up to any object that can communicate with the Internet.
"hooked up" —> "connected". "that can communicate" —> "capable of communicating"
SCP-████ is a ████████ console and a ████████████ Virtual reality Headset. SCP-████ has a heavily modified operating system, and 3.5 petabytes of storage, well beyond the expected storage capacity of an ████████ of similar design.
We have a problem here. Place yourself in the shoes of the researcher. They want this object for testing. They go to the containment locker that this is stored in, and there are five other game consoles, three of them with VR headsets. What do you do?
In short, redacting information like this seems unnecessary a lot of the time. Assume that the reader is a researcher with sufficient clearance to read the document. Fill in the blanks. For more "Redacted And You" information, this guide is pretty useful.
Their mindset will be partially uploaded into SCP-████'s internal storage, which will be deleted upon the subject leaving SCP-████.
I believe you mean "conscious".
they will then be transported into the game "Minecraft", dubbed SCP-████-A
Ignoring the missed capitalization, the SCP-XXXX-A designation should have been mentioned earlier where you stated there was a Minecraft-esque game loaded into the anomaly.
SCP-████-A will always start out the same, but will also be unique to whoever is using SCP-████.
This could benefit from some rephrasing. Try out: "SCP-XXXX-A launches with little variation." or "Subjects booting SCP-XXXX-A experience some variation of start-up."
If they sustain an injury within the game, they will exhibit an injury of similar degree if they exit SCP-████-A while injured. Performing any action within SCP-████-A that would cause injury to the subject in real life will not injure the subject, such as punching a block.
You could condense and conjoin these sentences. "Subjects will experience pain and injuries inflicted upon them within SCP-XXXX-A, with exception to actions that would self-inflict injury (such as punching hard surfaces)."
If a subject within SCP-████-A "dies", they will also die in real life.
There has to be a better way to say this. Something like "Subjects that expire within SCP-XXXX-A instantly lose all vital functions and die."
If they are killed by an "entity", that entity will materialize within a 5-meter radius of the subject.
This is the first mention of an entity at all. Since I know things about Minecraft, I can assume you mean like a Zombie or a Skeleton or something. Make mention of this earlier in the article.
In the event an SCP-████-B instance manifests, it is to be terminated as quickly as possible.
You've already mentioned this in your containment procedures. No need to do it in the description.
It looks like your testing log isn't formatted (bolded, in block text, etc.). When posting your draft, I feel that it is important to put your best foot forward. Sure, it's a pain to put in all the formatting, but it's a pain to write in general you want to give the ideal version of your article, and that includes making things look nice and neat. There is a helpful test template in the How To Write An SCP page.
Note: Anything that happens to the subject in SCP-████-A will happen to them in real life. both of these tests concerned death by natural causes. What if an entity within the game causes their death?-Dr. Anton.
This is a very expository. Not only that, but it tells us information that we already know. It's mostly filler, and I believe it could be removed.
Subject was told to play the game riskily, to increase the probability that the subject did not die of natural causes.
We can assume this just from the researcher instructing the D-Class. We don't need the second sentence to hammer in that nail anymore.
At T+3:46:18, [DATA EXPUNGED].
Please review my last point about redacting data. This could be an incredibly interesting point that you've left out. Remember, you have an audience to entertain.
