I hope you lot like poker or you'll probably hate this one.
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This kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I like poker, but most of this article is just a wall of text that's an overly detailed play by play of a hand of poker. Without that, there's not much content to the story except some somewhat clumsy dialogue. Also, this kind of rubbed me the wrong way:
"Carter cased them. His thought patterns were something like this.".
Slowing down, Randomini?
I'm inclined to agree with Kaiser. This doesn't even really feel like a story, nor does it particularly flesh out Carter as a character. Why is this here?
I like poker.
It probably wasn't best to do a play by play of a game. But it did give us some insight to the life and personality of Mr. Carter, which I figure was the intention here. So I'm good with it.
Same here. Feels like I'm starting a novel, which I probably am.
I can appreciate that you're trying to introduce this character and put a bit of flesh on its frame, but man…you wrote a play-by-play of a card game. There are few things less interesting or engaging that you could have written about, and after that, that flesh turns out to be somewhat insubstantial anyway.
I don't think it worked for Ian Fleming when he wrote Casino Royale, and I'm not sure it worked here. Carter reads like a generic super!businessman, and the few glimpses we see of a personality, like his choice of drink, end up feeling out of place.
If, however, you're insisting on a mixed drink with a single spirit and pineapple juice, then you want a Jackhammer or a Matador.
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page revision: 5, last edited: 18 May 2020 23:10
