First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

First SCP. Satire of... something? God I'm pretentious. Sorry.

QSKSw 15 Jun 2014 02:17

I (think) had a friend once who sent me some photos asking if I could write them into SCPs. I wasn't a member here yet, but I picked a blurry photo of a kid in a costume whose face you couldn't see. I didn't have any ideas. Cut to a few years later, about 2 weeks ago. I came up with a vague idea involving some other blurry pictures I had taken myself. And then I realized I'd been through 3 hard-drive wipes since then and no longer had the photos.

Which ironically helped. The idea was solidified, and I started writing. And then I realized how many SCPs it's similar to. I had my mind set on this being my first SCP, but it would be seen as a cheap knock-off. Which is fine, first SCPs can't be expected to always be good. But then inspiration struck again. What if my SCP was made by a toy company to "compete with sales" of other SCPs, like Megabloks to Lego? What if it was also made as an alternative to the company's existing products and freaks out when you mention it…… like Duplo to Lego? I… I like Lego. Only analogies I got.

This idea is probably terrible, but I'm going with it.

http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/qsksw#scp

Feedback appreciated, especially negative. Negativity gives me ideas what to improve.

EDIT: I've found one photo; got that up. Apparently both photos were mine, so I'm looking for the other. After the frustration I'm going through trying to find it, I might base an SCP off of prepaid cellphones. That makes sense in context.

Last edited on 22 Jul 2014 07:40 by QSKSw Show more

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

dankaar 15 Jun 2014 03:16

Honestly, it doesn't feel like a Wondertainment product. They tend to feel more like Willy Wonka. This one feels more like Nightmare Before Christmas.

You also used the Robo-buddy shtick regarding legal info. Considering that the "Misters" don't do that, you probably will want to drop it. Also, the interviewer sounds nonprofessional, like he doesn't care about the SCP. That's probably something the Foundation would frown upon.

Finally…

If there are no sapient entities able to directly observe either component of SCP-XXXX at any time after SCP-XXXX-2 has manifested, SCP-XXXX-1 will begin to glow violently.

Care to… elaborate on the bolded part? Or change it? I almost laughed when I got to that part.

Last edited on 15 Jun 2014 03:18 by dankaar Show more

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 15 Jun 2014 03:30

I've been thinking about it, and you're right, this doesn't fit Wondertainment. I'll try blackboxing the company name. Done.

The legal infodump felt off to me as well. I'll try to soften it.

I've been having alot of trouble with the interview. An earlier draft had the interviewer acting MUCH worse and I've actually toned it down since. I'll keep working on his personality.

As for the glowing, that was all I could think of at the time to describe what I was thinking, but while I was thinking of how to explain it, I came up with words that made more sense. That should be the quickest fix so I'll do that now. Done.

Last edited on 15 Jun 2014 05:02 by QSKSw Show more

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

RA Hopper 15 Jun 2014 03:36

Well, for starters, I'm pretty sure you mean "reclassification," not "recalcification," and this thing needs its grammar checked. Otherwise, the idea just doesn't grab me in general-it would only work for me if it was based on some SCP-blackboxes that you don't actually have to know about before reading the article.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

dankaar 15 Jun 2014 03:42

Huh? Oh, yeah.

Crosslinking MUST be handled well, or it'll look like you are trying to leech votes. Outside of series 1, very few SCPs use crosslinking because they are hard to pull off. It would be best for you to get more experience under your belt before trying a crosslink.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 15 Jun 2014 04:33

I knew cross-linking was generally frowned upon, but I wanted to see if I could make it work. I had my reservations about it, but I have my reservations about this entire SCP, so I figured I'd just throw it out there. The name and link have been replaced with a generic reference to the abundance of Skull SCPs, but the object can still be individually identified by the description. I can rework the entire tag if that isn't sufficient.

As for "recalcification," that is intentional to imply that the SCP is an infohazard damaging it's own documentation, in addition to being satire of typo-laden first SCPs. But I am aware that Meta SCPs are just as bad as crosslinking and can tone this down as much as necessary, or remove it entirely. "Recalcification" itself has been fixed.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

azzleflux 15 Jun 2014 04:28

This doesn't read as a satire of first SCPs at all. Instead, it just feels like it's trying really hard to be lolrandom and pathetically dangerous at the same time. Some notes:

• Yeah, this definitely doesn't feel like a Wondertainment items. The toys from Dr. W are supposed to be based on childish wonder, adolescent thrills, the frivolity of youth. This feels like someone intentionally wants to hurt someone. When Wondertainment products are dangerous, it's accidentally so because consequences are not entirely understood because, y'know, children.
• It's not very coherent. I don't see how these aspects fit together at all.
• On that note, there's no reason to include the rot skull here. There's not even a reason to assume that Dr. W would also call it a rot skull. It has nothing in common with the original article other than the physical object's similarities and just feels like a cheap reference to a more successful work.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 15 Jun 2014 04:50

I might be doing satire wrong, yeah. I think subconsciously I'm satirizing something but the more I say "first scps" the more I start to doubt myself.

• Wondertainment has already been replaced with a black box.

• The skull that summons a bunny boy that re-writes things has to stay, I know it makes no sense but I'm confident that I can get it to work somehow. I'll try work on making the page itself more coherent.

• As I said in an above post, I had my reservations about 077's inclusion myself. The idea was that this SCP is a product made to compete with other skull SCPs, and the maker considers acquisition by the Foundation to be a "sale." But I'm obviously not being clear and should work on it.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 15 Jun 2014 21:18

I received some more notes in a PM which included a suggestion that this feels like a Wondertainment product that was cancelled before "production." I'm going to try that. Can easily revert back if it doesn't work.

Still have alot of work to do.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

dankaar 15 Jun 2014 21:56

Might want to shift focus to this being made by a Wondertainment Knockoff? You don't run into the issue of it not feeling at all like a Wondertainment item, while avoiding the issue of "looks like you're trying to make a Wondertainment item."

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 15 Jun 2014 22:45

How did that not occur to me? Working on that now.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 16 Jun 2014 01:55

Update. I reworked a lot of the things that were wrong, and hopefully it's slightly better now.

I'll keep at this until it's good, I'm patient.

EDIT: I'm not used to Wikidot forum structure and don't know if this qualifies as a double post.

I apologize if it does.

Last edited on 16 Jun 2014 01:57 by QSKSw Show more

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

Zyn 16 Jun 2014 02:41

If significant changes have been made to the draft, it's fine to make a post stating so and notifying the community that a new version is up for review.

It's the "bump"/"why is no one reading my draft" posts that are discouraged for spamminess, so you're fine here. :)

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 18 Jun 2014 03:47

Extensive rewrite.

• Same information, but tone feels more tight, and less wacky.
• Effects description is more concise, with better definition between variants.
• Addendums are now more clear as to what this thing actually is.
• Interviewer is still a dick, but it is now implied to be on purpose.
• Meta effects reworked slightly.

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

(account deleted) 18 Jun 2014 19:34

SCP-XXXX-1 is the upper half of a human skull with various attached electronics.

Perhaps with various attached electronic components? And we're given no indication of exactly what these electronic parts are, what the individual components do, or whereabouts they're located on the skull, whether they're beneath the eye sockets, or on either sides of it, whatever.

Also, that first interview log. I have no idea about who "Dr RESEARCHERNAME1" is, or why it is that he's interviewing SCP-XXXX-2.

Overall, yes, I get its intended as being a parody of early Foundation articles, but it just isn't doing anything for me, its not interesting enough to hold my attention span. On the plus side, its not too badly written, but the idea is really uninteresting, to be honest.]

Last edited on 18 Jun 2014 19:35 by (account deleted) Show more

Re: First SCP. Satire of first SCPs.

QSKSw 19 Jun 2014 07:50

Photo and descriptions of electronic components added.

It is now blatantly stated Dr. Placeholder was chosen on purpose to test SCP-XXXX-2's psychological effects.

I am confident that I can make this SCP good with enough work, and am willing to keep at it until I succeed.

Last edited on 20 Jun 2014 00:23 by QSKSw Show more