HOLY-CRAP-ON-A-CUPCAKE degrees Kelvin
I liked this. Lots of funny bits. I had to put down my cup of juice. :[
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Following this, the gates of Hell open up within the subject's intestines as Satan himself violates the subject's scrotum with a pickaxe. A complete SK-Class Scorched Earth Scenario completely razes the interior lining of the affected individual's digestive tract as murderflame rages throughout in a demonic vortex with a temperature of roughly HOLY-CRAP-ON-A-CRABCAKE degrees Kelvin.
Oh god, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. I lost my shit so many times while reading this.
I loved the nod to a certain well-known SCP at the very end.
EDIT: This is not referring to 682. It's the much more subtle one about the Euclid. Much better done than the 682 one, in my opinion. But how in the heck did you feed it to THAT SCP? It doesn't even have a mouth!
This is the last toilet-humor -J I upvote. I mean it this time.
However, the instant before the crucial moment of blessed release, SCP-666½-J triggers a DK-Class Dominance shift, seizing control over the subject's nether regions and causing a massive shutdown of all the subject's bodily exits.
Instant upvote. Can't help but say "dookie class dominance shift" in my head. I am okay with this.
I screamed. I cried. Several times I had to stop reading and lie down as my throat threatened to force itself out of my mouth. My entire family thinks I had a stroke, and were in the process of calling 911 before I managed to choke out, "I'm fine." It currently hurts my head every time i breathe and there may be lasting brain damage. This is the pinnacle of comic genius. If this is not published and read by every single sapient being in the universe I will be in active revolt by tomorrow.
Oh my goooooood. Oh my gooooooooood. Fucking PeppersGhost man, this is why you should write more. Holy fuck I haven't laughed this hard in forever.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
This is the best Joke SCP ever. All the upvotes that went into SCP-___-J should have gone into this.