Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment
http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/kothardarastrix, tab 1. Maybe this guy should be a -J, but I'll see what y'all have to say.
Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment
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» Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment
Summary:
A snake that makes people use alliteration, a fun and educational pet for children.
The page you've linked is nonexistent, and I assume it is because it was summarily deleted for being an on-site sandbox. Please make a sandbox page on the sandbox website and update this thread with that link.
The page is in the correct place, I just made a link instead of pasting the url as an act of foolishness. Problem is now fixed.
Thank you for pointing this out.
It lacks much content for the mainlist. It is just a format screw with a single gimmick of having a specific alliteration with the letter S. As a -J, I doubt it would last because there isn't much of a joke being told. Due to its length and amusing premise though, it suits the Log of Anomalous Items.
Here is some suggestions to expand the concept:
- Have it cause one to speak alteration with other letters.
- Maybe remove the format screw and just have the anomaly be that it affects people who are directly speaking to it to speak alliteration.
- Add character to the snake. I see the potential for an amusing interview log of a researcher having a hard time trying to talk to it.
- Add a product description from Dr. Wondertainment that makes it more clear it is intended to be an educational product.
I will say, I do see a good skip with an interesting trait being made here. Also, I'm a sucker for any Wondertainment skip.
These are all great ideas. I’ll see what I can do.
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Re: Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment by 
Kothardarastrix, 19 Sep 2018 13:22
Okay, I have significantly expanded this entry. I limited the effect to words spoken near the SCP, made it sentient, added an interview log, and threw in an alliterative pet equivalent of the Little Misters. Bring on the feedback!
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Re: Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment by Kothardarastrix, 20 Sep 2018 04:03
There is a slight format issue. The Item Number is simply supposed to be Item # and the Summary is supposed to be Description. Anyway, to the text.
Site-██'s reptile wing
I recommend putting a number for what Site. Sometimes it is frowned upon for stuff to be censored in the Special Containment Procedures. Also, "reptile wing" sounds kinda off and it is supposed to be capitalized, I think.
1.1 meters (3.6 feet)
The length in feet is unnecessary.
You can break the Description into smaller paragraphs. Having it be this huge block of text would sometimes put off a reader. You could start the second paragraph at the part where it talks about it being able to talk. The third paragraph would be when its mention the articles, prepositions, etc.
SCP-XXXX is capable of human speech, although this speech is affected by SCP-XXXX's own anomalous effect, a mild cognitohazard that forces all beings within an approximately 3 meter radius to speak primarily in words beginning with the letter "s".
This could be reworked a little. The first sentence implies the snake told the Foundation that it talks that way because of its effects. I think it be better if that is just how it is that it's speech is alliterative, but speaking to it causes one to do so. Also, this part kinda can be broken down to two sentences.
This effect also applies to speech emitted through speakers or other digital means. Written words are unaffected, but SCP-XXXX appears to be illiterate, rendering them useless for communication with it.
I would rewrite this as "This effect also applies to speech emitted through speakers or other digital means, but written words have been found to be unaffected." The rest I'm not sure. It sounds like it belongs more in an earlier paragraph, since this isn't much about its anomalous effect which the section details.
There is some spacing errors in the interview. Also, the interview should start with a <Begin Log> and end with a <End Log>. Now, the final note at the end after the interview is unnecessary. Readers would be smart enough to understand that from reading the interview and seeing the ending document.
As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn
There is some slight edits I suggest to the final document. Have the word "Amazing" with Alliterative Animals and state it as a brand new series. Other than that, I like the names you have. I have a few suggestions if your are interested to help complete the list.
Okay, I've made some of the edits you suggested and others in their general spirit. I think it feels a lot better now, and the simple typos should all be fixed.
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Re: Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment by Kothardarastrix, 22 Sep 2018 03:52
Yes, it is indeed better. I recommend getting a second opinion. Also, here is some names to complete the list:
- Bonnie the Bashful Bunny or Berry the Bashful Bat
- Edgar the Enticing Echidna
- Kyle the Kind Koala
- Ursula the Undaunted Ural
Would think of more later.
I think the idea is interesting in that the concept of where they came from or the methods by which they communicate with one another would be an interesting study. I can imagine that may foundation researchers would rather study these guys.
I also think that the fleshing out of the portfolio of Dr. Wondertainment is a great thing.
I would say that a picture would be nice.
I have a few more names as well:
- Vicky the Vocational Viper
- Xaviar the Xenial Xenarthra
- Yoda the Yodeling Yak
- Zek the Zesty Zebra
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Re: Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment by 
XaiviarNightwing, 22 Sep 2018 16:59
I can imagine that may foundation researchers would rather study these guys.
The Foundation always does that. What do you mean they would rather?
Anyway, that would be funny to see, but I feel that lowers the punch of the ending that Sammy is not the only one.
I just meant if I as a researcher drew the short straw to research SCP-049, I would quickly ask to trade with the person chosen to research Sammy and friends.
I think it is great Sammy isn't alone, as I personally see this as more than a just a joke SCP, as the OP thinks it could end up. After all, it is good to have contrast for the anomalies in the dark by having reminders of why we feel the pull of the unknown. It make me think the SCP universe feels more real, in that there are forces like the good doctor balancing things out, and reminding us why we are not just Destroy, Destroy, and Destroy. This I find to be heartwarming, which is a great palate cleanser for this scary and often hostile environment.
However, I do see your point, it may be better to have the other animals in an on site link to a story. I personally like it when I find a good article and fall into the rabbit holes of narrative it creates in universe. I would love to see this turn into Dr. Wondertainment's Animalia Alliteration Acres.
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Re: Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment by XaiviarNightwing, 22 Sep 2018 19:27
That's exactly why I wanted my first SCP to be from Dr. Wondertainment. He embodies all the magic and wonder that could exist if people would stop trying to take over/destroy the world with it.
And I do plan to produce more material/invite others to do the same about the other alliterative animals. I doubt that their gimmick would earn them any more places on the mainlist, but they'd make decent anomalous objects or tale material. I have an especially good idea for [DATA X-PUNGED], the clear Mr. Redd of the set.
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Re: Sammy the Superfluous Serpent, by Sr. Supertainment by Kothardarastrix, 22 Sep 2018 20:31
That's exactly why I wanted my first SCP to be from Dr. Wondertainment.
Yeah, my first two SCP articles are Wondertainment and it is a fun GOI.
And I do plan to produce more material/invite others to do the same about the other alliterative animals. I doubt that their gimmick would earn them any more places on the mainlist, but they'd make decent anomalous objects or tale material.
Yeah, I only see a tale happening. Also, I got an idea for one that would go with a headcanon I have for Sammy when it is posted on the mainlist and succeeds.
the clear Mr. Redd of the set.
I would be careful. It could come off that you are riding off of the Misters too much.
/forum/t-7531382/sammy-the-superfluous-serpent-by-sr-supertainment#post-
page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
