There was an XXXX left. But I changed it per te.
SCP-1581 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1581.
(account deleted)This isn't bad, per se. The style is mostly okay (you may want to do another reading, though, to catch stuff like "the events that went down" and other non-clinical statements), and the writing is decent enough. The anomaly is also pretty well detailed and thoroughly explored, so it's obvious some thought went into this.
Mostly, though, this article is relying on how fucking gross it is to carry it, and while that can work in some instances, I feel like it was intended to be the main event rather than a working element of the story. The result is that it's attempting to cover up some flaws in the storytelling (I don't really care for the "ho-hum, I've got this condition" attitude of the guy in containment), rather than adding to something that was already on the way to being successful.
EDIT: I should stress that even though I downvoted, I admire the fact that you have written a skip that literally has a guy with a magic butthole, and did it in such a way that I didn't instantly hate it.
Thanks for the explanation :) I will probably edit out some non-clinical stuff, been thinking about it before. It's just so hard, when you're naturally writing about something you instinctively try to avoid being clinical. It's definitely an unusual experience to write a skip.
As for the guy's condition, I wasn't really trying to emphasize his behavior, I was trying to show that the condition doesn't actually relate to him and he has no control over it. The interview was mostly written to uncover how the second effect really works (that he really didn't "hypnotize" the researcher on purpose before).And the area within the sphere isn't actually the guy's intestines… That's why I consider the sphere to be the actual SCP. Alas, it may just lack enough concretely worded explanation to be an enjoyable read, I was afraid of that before posting :( But open for any suggestions anytime.
+1
I liked this in the forum and I like it now. For many reasons. I don't feel like it is going for the gross-out factor (though it could) but is going for the sheer WTF factor, which I love.
I always instinctively upvote skips that would make even the most hardened, seen-it-all Foundation researchers just throw up their hands and say, "Okay, why the actual fuck is the universe doing this shit?" I mean the guys intestines. are filled with carrots. And the carrots he shit form a wormhole that go to an infinite carrot-filled intestine dimension. Like, why did the universe do this????? I feel this skip is good company to SCP-1193 and SCP-1877, both of which are some of my favorite skips on the site, and good company to be in.
Above that, I think you've really nailed down some subtleties that really help make this skip. Like the fact that the guys intestines actually aren't anomalously big and doesn't contain the dimension, but the GPS units still read at his location. Or this oddity: "a junction has been discovered in the gastrointestinal tract, where the intestine cavern splits into two smaller ones. The significance of this is unknown, and SCP-1581-1’s intestinal tract itself does not present any such anomalous anatomical features." And the fact that the guy doesn't even like carrots.
And the researcher eating the carrots??? And resetting his condition?? What the shit?? Great stuff!
Fifteen (15) minutes after the interview, Dr. Steel was apprehended by security, trying to gain access to the containment chamber of SCP-1581.
I am laughing at my keyboard right now at how absurd this whole thing is. And the Foundation just has to treat it as business as usual.
I also liked the minor misdirection. When I read "Following the events of Incident 1581-001, SCP-1581-1 is to be confined to the containment unit at all times, and no personnel is allowed to enter the unit without Level 4 authorization and supervision." I was like, oh great he's dangerous. But then you through the curve ball. It's not to keep him away from everyone else, its to keep everyone else away from him!
I really like your style. This is fabulous for your first skip, and I hope to see many more good articles from you in the future.
I like it! A good hook with the last interview, a gross factor, and nifty ideas that are hinted at without being explained away. +1
This is a really interesting entry, I think it works well because it explains just enough but it's so bizarre that you want to know more about it.
I don't think the interview at the end is needed. It makes the fact that it's not 1581-1 doing anything clearer but that's implied in the article already. Ending with "SCP-1581-1 placed in isolation." would better emphasize that this poor guy's been put in solitary confinement for no fault of his own, as if shitting carrots wasn't bad enough.
Didn't really do anything for me. It's very similar to SCP-1689 (the potato sack), which was well executed. This is, to me, a re-tread of basically the same concept, but grosser.
There were a few problems with the execution as well. The interview log didn't sound like a believable transcript of two people actually talking, and the sentence "SCP-1581 is a cohesive lump of semi-digested carrot pulp and mashed carrots, approximately 2.4m in diameter" just seemed odd— the more conventional way of measuring a cohesive lump would have been by volume, not by diameter (and what does "diameter" even mean, when the lump is in a human's body?
Would volume really convey size better than diameter? The radius-to-volume formula isn't something people visualize easily, but a simple diameter is much easier to visualize. Saying it's 7.2 cubic meters in volume doesn't help much in visualizing it, does it?
And it's not inside a human body.
As for bearing similarities to other extradimensional SCPs, well, it's bound to. I just discovered 1689 and I love it, and I see what you mean by this being similar to it, but in my mind there's plenty of conceptual differences that you can't just consider it a copy.
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page revision: 1, last edited: 25 Feb 2021 03:57
