I did a thing. Echo helped a lot. Blablah.
SCP-1392 / Discussion
Forum
» Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions
» SCP-1392
This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1392.
illness or disease similar to on found in the item's time period
This sentance just seems off to me.
Ehh, like I said on chat, this just doesn't do anything for me I'm afraid.
I like this quite a bit. Also you've introduced me to a thing I didn't even know existed.
+1 for you
illness or disease similar to on found in
Shouldn't that be 'one'?
the lack of blood flow to the brain over the extended period cause irreversible brain damage
Shouldn't that be 'caused'?
Further testing on the negative feedback threshold found the effect to happen between a Class II and a Class III haemorrhage.
This sentence strikes me as super awkward, and I wish something could be done with it. But since I'm focusing on this stuff, you've clearly done your job already. Hope it goes over well for you!
Meh. It doesn't bring enough that's new to the table. Maybe if it let out one of the other humors?
h
(account deleted)Employees may submit a request for treatments at the referral of a site physician.
I will never upvote an article that uses the skip as the employee health plan. This never, ever, under any circumstances, makes sense.
SCP-1392 is an antique scarificator, dating back to approximately 1883. The components of the object consist of brass, with the exceptions of an ebony handle and blades of surgical steel.
This is awkwardly phrased. I feel like "originally manufactured in 1883" works better than "dating back". You could also just say "the object consists of brass components, with an ebony handle etc.", since "with the exception" implies that it's almost entirely brass, which doesn't appear to be true.
The brass and ebony components are in outstanding repair
"outstanding repair" sounds unscientific.
Like mundane scarificators
"Mundane" is bad tone. "Like scarificators of similar manufacture" would work better.
When the scarificator is used on a subject with an illness or disease similar to on found in the item's time period
An illness or disease similar to one found in 1883? So not the actual illnesses, then. Also, does this only apply to illnesses discovered by the late 19th century? Those documented by western medicine? And then there's the fact that we're mostly dealing with the same diseases now as then; TB, measles, syphilis, influenza, etc., these are all the same things.
Addendum 1392-01:
I don't get how this was supposed to work. It sounds like the Foundation had a nurse conducting an experiment on D-Class with the intended effect of inducing unconsciousness, but then when it happens it's like this big medical emergency, to the point that she has to call a physician. Why the hell is a physician not around in the first place when they're carrying out medical experiments using anomalous artifacts?
The hope was to find the upper limits of the objects effect
Poor tone.
Unfortunately, the lack of blood flow to the brain over the extended period cause irreversible brain damage, and he was terminated
Use of "unfortunately" here is poor tone. Also, "subject" instead of "he" would work a lot better.
he visited a local naturopath for a more natural treatment
The lack of any qualifiers or quotation marks implies that the Foundation believes that naturopaths do in fact provide a "more natural treatment", whatever that means.
Ms. M: Fucking finally. This seems like a lot of work for a stupid trinket. Don't you have like, I don't know, ghosts or sasquatches to catch?
Man, we really need to stop telling people who we are and what we do when we take them into custody.
Ms. M: She never said anything else about them, but I assumed they affected the other three humours.
Granted, I don't use naturopaths as I believe in actual science and medicine, but I don't think they subscribe to humorism.
This could have done with a proofreading, and it feels way too familiar and subjective for a supposedly clinical document. The concept doesn't do a whole lot for me, and the mysterious "I'm going to give skips to people so they can use them for some reason, then magically disappear" person at the end is tacked-on and doesn't add anything. -1.
This feels a bit like an OTT item to me. That being said, the item itself is unique enough that I'll give it some leeway just because lots of people have probably never heard of it before. No vote.
/forum/t-655127/scp-1392#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
