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SCP-3565 is a light blue dog food bag with a white label that says "FOOD" in the front-middle. No other markings are found on SCP-3565. When introduced to any animal that is hungry, SCP-3565 will zip itself up, rumble, and spill out its full capacity in that specific being's favotite food. It is also said that the scent coming out of SCP-3565 smells of that same food according to the specific being. SCP-3565 also seems to be impervious to all forms of damage and cannot be opened when rumbling, improper self-delete, cleared by me with subtletea witnessing at -11.
Feedback ported:
My issues with this:
SCP-3673 is a small, cheap crystal pendant and chain, with the crystal being made of selenite and engraved with the image of a large, black scorpion. When placed around the neck and pressed into the chest, the wearer is transported to an unknown location(More below). All GPS equipment and other navigational tools malfunction, becoming inoperable. This only seems to happen to tools that would help with navigation however, as video and audio feeds work seamlessly, albeit a ten second delay.
Deleted at -16 and three votes.
SCP-3184 is a largely immobile semi-humanoid organism showing resemblance to both a human child and a porcine animal. The creature stands at approximately 75cm if stood on hind legs, and weighs 3.7kg. SCP-3184 possesses two (2) underdeveloped hind legs ending in fleshy hooves, two (2) developing human arms resembling that of a 12 year old human child, and one (1) semi-developed front leg ending in a fleshy hoof. The third hooved appendage is fused at the elbow and shoulder to the spine of the creature, rendering it completely useless. X-ray screening has revealed that the bones in all hooved appendages are extremely underdeveloped; in particular the left rear leg femur is not attached to the kneecap in any way, and is instead suspended in the muscle and fat tissue of the limb.
Deleted at -15 and three votes.
SCP-3269 is a collective neural network stationed in Hainesville, Missouri. SCP-3269 is capable of producing microscopic neural agents that enable SCP-3269 to gain control of the neural system of infected individuals. In order to spread neural agents beyond Hainesville, SCP-3269-1 will initiate the society of a random town as a sleeper cell, convincing individuals to relocate to Hainesville, where SCP-3269 can easily infect them. Instances of SCP-3269-1 have been known to be inseparable from their assumed identities, and are even capable of infiltrating Foundation ranks (see Incident Report 3269-A)
Deleted at -15 and three votes.
SCP-3983, holds the appearance of a blue, ballpoint pen. However, no mechanisms of a ballpoint pen have been identified. The pen is nothing more then a shell filled to it's brim with ink. Once this pen is left alone within it's case, it will begin leaking out it's ink. Often times, it will overflow it's case and begin to flood a room with ink. Left alone this ink will endlessly flow into the room.
Deleted at -17 and three votes.
SCP-3194 is a small globe with a diameter of one (1) meter. SCP-3194 has no anomalous materials in its composition. Its anomalous properties only begin to manifest when it takes any form of damage. This damage appears to "reflect" onto Earth, causing massive natural disasters when it takes heavy damage. It has been theorized that destroying the globe would, in turn, destroy Earth as well, and so the special containment procedures were designed to keep SCP-3194 from sustaining damage.
Deleted at -17 and three votes.
Case File #00025-A: Fukushu Corporation GoI Format
Case File #00025-A
Case Type: Unknown/Unexplained
Location: Kurato Offshore Drilling Station
Incident Cost: 88950400000.00¥
Incident Results: Destruction of Kurato Offshore Drilling Station; 109 casualtiesINFORMATION RELEASE APPROVED 1/16/2016
BONU YOSHIDA, CEO
Deleted at -12 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
One issue that struck me as odd is the Company Notes. It feels odd and off in terms of tone, for it feels more akin to something seen on chat. You might make an argument that it can be shorthand, but won't they be 'translated' into original text for archival.
Moreover, the News Report tab does not mesh as cohesively as the other tabs do.
Incident Cost: 88950400000.00¥
Yen isn't counted in decimals. The yen is a singular unit. It's also the only unit of currency in use in Japan, barring the 1/100 value sen and 1/1000 yen value rin which haven't been in circulation for over 60 years at this point. In situations where decimal calculation of the yen is reflected (like showing exact currency exchange rates), it's expressed in sen. And especially since the incident cost is rounded (unless by some freak coincidence it was exactly that amount), there's no point to putting the decimals there in the first place.
The company notes don't look like they were translated from Japanese. These read like someone is typing in English. If that's meant to be the case, then it's not a problem, but this is a Japanese company. I'm assuming the executives are talking in Japanese, and if that's the case then the translated company notes would never look like that.
There isn't much about the case that's interesting enough to me. It's an anomalous(?) giant squid, that was made for a reason never specified, with no explanation as to its importance or lucrative worth for the corporation.
This is slicker than the other format articles for the GOI, but i still get the feeling that I'm mostly enjoying it because it has that familiar Umbrella Corporation/Weyland-Yutani feel to it, rather than because it's particularly interesting on its own. No vote.
A few comments on the GOI, since it looks like the hub is going:
I think there's definitely a place on the wiki for an immoral, greedy, and otherwise "normal" corporation getting into the anomalous. You should probably do some deeper thinking about their role in the setting (e.g., who they think they can sell to), but there could even be a place for a brick-stupid Umbrella-style "1) create monsters, 2) ???, 3) profit!" corporation. It's not very realistic, but we're a sci-fi/fantasy horror website, and it's a fun trope. The GOC tale cycle is basically campy superhero fiction, so there's room for that.
It also fills a niche we don't have something for, in my estimation. Prometheus Labs did crazy things for money, but that always felt more like science gone awry with a profit motive stapled onto it. MC&D are an auction house/luxury brand. Anderson Robotics fills a very specific niche. IJMEA(?) remnants have corporate ties but have their own agenda.
But you've got to do your research. Zaibatsus don't operate exactly like American or multinational corporations. Japanese culture has intricacies you've clearly ignored, including corporate culture and how people communicate with superiors or subordinates. (Although western higher-ups being vulgar/informal is believable, even if you wouldn't see it in an "official" report.)
This isn't even hard research. Skim Wikipedia for a while. Ask for help in chat or on the forums, there are plenty of people around with at least some amount of knowledge about Japan and/or corporate culture.
If not for us main site voters (who care about research), remember that people on the Japanese branch are definitely going to see this. If you want it to behave like a typical American/multinational corporation or don't want to research Japanese culture, don't make it Japanese.
Having learned that the "company logo" you used is actually a real-life religious symbol, I'm changing to a downvote. I don't think religion is off-limits for this website, but I do think the way it's utilized in this article is rather distasteful.
SCP-3472 is a dark blue liquid resembling water that seems to defy gravity. At first look, SCP-3472 tends to be completely harmless, but once touched it can reach a temperature of up to 700 degrees Celsius without signs of evaporation. Due to recent breach, SCP-3472 is discovered to be sentient. SCP-3472 possesses no appropriate anatomy vocal interaction though it is fully capable of it by anomalous means. SCP-3472 can change its own temperature depending on time of day, and SCP-3179 can not evaporate or freeze.
Deleted at -20 and three votes.
SCP-3297 is a sound/heat wave that infinitely travels at a rate of approximately 250 km/h through the air but can be slowed significantly by a solid material or counteracting forces. SCP-3297's motion can also be temporarily stopped by confining it to a space a normal human would have difficulty physically fitting into. SCP-3297 has additionally shown signs of changing trajectory if a material is too difficult to travel through, but will try again if it can find no other way to reach its destination. At its loudest, SCP-3297 has reached up to ███ decibels, but unless entering a hostile state, SCP-3297 constantly remains at 140 decibels loud. The sound that SCP-3297 projects vary, depending on the situation. 100% of the time, however, SCP-3297 communicates via covers of varying songs. The artist who is singing the covers is currently unknown. SCP-3297 also gives off a prominent thermal signature of approximately 37 degrees Celsius, but the exact temperature will vary by environment, and if SCP-3297 is in a hostile state or not.
Deleted at -16 and three votes.
SCP-3216 appears to be a woman of Caucasian decent, though this is a false image, the form changes almost daily in many subtle ways, The entity truly appears to be a species of plant, taking the form of a man or woman depending on the gender of whatever human or animal enters its containment. The entity usually takes the form of a young woman, around her early twenties, though this changes depending on the situation, other forms include A large older man of an extremely muscular build with very long pure white/grey hair, this feature changes regularly with time,As well as many known and unknown animal species.
Deleted at -18 and three votes.
SCP-3342 has a humanoid girl appearance of around the age of 8, with 14” ebony black hair and golden eyes, along with pale, white skin. It’s 4’ 3” tall and seems to have no weight; however, it’s body seems healthy, as a normal girl should appear to be. The Foundation has found that the abnormally long hair seems to be connected to SCP-3342, and it only feels pain when it’s hair is trimmed or damaged, thus leading it to grow furious and lash out. Further tests were enacted, but SCP-3342 showed more aggression about it’s hair then originally predicted, including to effects of it lashing out at scientists and destroying Lab #0. The experiments have also seemed to have left a dent on SCP-3342’s mental health, making it classified as Euclid.
Deleted at -24 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
For the record, if it's a contraction, you include an apostrophe. If it's only possessive, then no apostrophe.
Besides that, the tone is spotty in parts, and the anomaly itself isn't terribly interesting. There's also a logical inconsistency in the addendum: if the children have met before, why was the researcher so surprised when SCP-3342 wasn't hostile?
Finally, if you're going to expunge the name of the doctor, referring to them as "Dr. Unknown" or "Dr. Blank" isn't an acceptable substitute. Either don't expunge the name of the doctor or just use blackboxes.
Why is the Interview log in a code box? It actually hurts my eyes to look at.
You've used imperial measurements instead of metric, you're saying it attacks dangerous SCP's for some reason (why would the Foundation let it anywhere near other SCP's) and the idea itself just seems to be an angry child. The only feeling pain when having its hair cut would be anomalous, albeit boring but the rest of it doesn't sound anomalous.
Please ask for feedback from the draft and critique forums or IRC chat before posting.
-1
SCP-3848 is a doll filled with cotton that is approximately 1m tall when standing. None of its materials exhibit anomalous properties when separated from the whole. SCP-3848-A is the designation for the individual currently imprinted upon by SCP-3848.
Deleted at -13 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
As the title of this post says, this article is written well. I can't see any spelling/grammar mistakes and the tone is consistent. I however can't really get on board with the idea. There are already a few articles that do something similar to this and this doesn't bring much that is new to the table.
The Addendum is where it really starts to lose me, I don't know if it's just me but I got really confused as to wth was going on. I don't think it helps that your logs don't prefix numbers with 'D-' or 'SCP-' which makes it rather confusing.
Couple of points:
3848 reaches under its clothing and produces a switchblade. 16003 attempts to open the locked door.
Did it just make this appear or was it given it? I'm so confused as to why it suddenly has a switchblade.
16003: [into earpiece, using professional tone] Can I get confirmation that the Foundation will refrain from allowing men into 3848's enclosure when it's between imprintings?
Has this D-Class imprinted on the SCP? Either way, this bit just seems bizarre that a D-Class is requesting this and the Foundation after this then says "Oh absolutely, we'll totally do that." Why on Earth would the Foundation agree to this immediately without at least discussing it? Especially when a D-Class has requested it.
Overall I ended up being more confused with what was going on than enjoying this SCP and as similar things have been done before, this didn't interest me that much.
SCP-3361 is an elevator that looks exactly the same to other elevators in its respective building, with a cab of 1m x 1.5m x 2.3m and a door of 0.8m, in dimensions. SCP-3361 appears to be sentient, as it will always attempt to descend to the 13th floor, so as to time its arrival at the 13th second of the 13th minute of any hour,and will enter it's "active phase" when a maximum of ten minutes is left to the aforementioned time, and seems to be aware when the personnel(s) guarding SCP-3361 is relaxed and will attempt to close its doors during that period and begin its descent. SCP-3361 is also capable of purposefully slowing down or speeding up its descent so that it will always arrive at the 13th floor at the 13th second of the 13th minute.
Deleted at -18 and three votes.
SCP 3172 appears to be a 13 year old girl in a large
hooded German military jacket, carrying in the front pocket a pocket
knife and in a holster under the jacket is a luger pistol.
Deleted at -21 and three votes.
SCP-3388 has been self-deleted, shortly after rewrite. I feel that War on All Fronts doesn't need it.
can I get some nice "no signatures on my forum"
sigma-9 css machine broke
understandable have a nice day
SCP-3294 summarily deleted by me after a failed self-delete. Witnessed by subtletea.
SCP-3911 appears at face value to be a Fifteen year old African-American male. He stated his name to be Justin Johnson and as we have no data pointing otherwise we are inclined to believe him. His attire fluctuates seasonally, with his fall/winter attire consisting of a light gray hoodie, blue jeans, work boots and half-framed prescription glasses, -27 and three staff votes.
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So this is just calling certain fans of certain things the spawn of satan? If this was written better, and was a -J, it could be ok, but this gets a downvote from me.
I'm inclined to agree. I can't imagine the Foundation reacting to this tool with anything but disdain and harsh containment.
Closing statement: “Me and Dr.████████ have been thinking it over"
This Foundation scientist is saying "Me have been thinking it over". That says all I have to say about this article. -1
Item #: SCP-3495 required access: Level 2 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: [The are no special containment procedures needed for this SCP, yet.] Description: [This Anomaly is a White Door that opens, To nothing] Interviewed: [D-Class] Interviewer: [ Dr. █████] Foreword: [Where interviewing one of the D-class that has left this anomaly.], -24 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
As you must've seen, the reason for people downvoting this is unoriginality of idea and the lack of content whatsoever.
1. There's always a containment procedure. Even if the containment procedure is to protect a false security of mind, there's always one.
2. People love description that's more than one sentence long. The shortest description for an SCP is perhaps SCP-2719 and even that have three sentences—with more content promised for non-biological sapience or non-sapient biological entities, neither of which exist in our current user base.
3. The interview left us more confused than the first we came in—if because the doctor repeated the same question and the D-class repeated the same answer and somehow both accept it as totally normal and acceptable interview. Interview logs should never do that.
Description:SCP-3676 is a human like figure that emits a radiation like poisoning aura. Test has not shown on how strong the radiation is. SCP-3676 is known to like the food that is given to him, any change of disliking of his food may lead to the testing of new food. SCP-3676 is in a neutral state in his room, as again any change of behavior will lead to a report to Agent ████ himself, -23 and three staff votes.
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I recommend learning how to format your articles using bold and italics. The containment procedures don't seem to be very relevant to the actual entity you're trying to contain. The bit about the food doesn't seem to be necessary at all, as you've given no legitimate reason to give it those specific types of food or to write them into the containment procedures.
Also try to use specific terms when you are describing the object. Remember this: cold and clinical. Instead of saying "how strong the radiation is", try saying "hourly dosage", as that's usually how radiation is measured.
Also why do you need to wear a hazmat suit? A hazmat suit would be effective at protecting you from alpha and beta radiation, but not gamma radiation. What kind of radiation does it emit?
I also get lost easily reading this. The grammar isn't that good and it is anything but concise. I have to downvote this one, but don't be discouraged. You'll improve. It just takes practice and experience. SCP articles seem to be a bit harder to get right than, say, a tale. Why not try your hand at a tale? The free form nature of tales can help you improve a lot.
SCP-3676 is known to like the food that is given to him, any change of disliking of his food may lead to the testing of new food. SCP-3676 is in a neutral state in his room, as again any change of behavior will lead to a report to Agent ████ himself.
These sentences make exactly zero sense to me. I don't understand what SCP-3676 is supposed to or not to do.
SCP-3182 is a staff-like weapon, similar to the Naginata, an oriental weapon used in feudal Japan by elite samurai. Interestly, despite the similarities, SCP-3182 was discovered buried in the Arctic, several hundred meters below the surface in the late 1970s by a Soviet expedition drilling for oil. First thought by the Soviet expedition to be a mundane staff weapon discovered in an odd place, it was cast aside in their search for black gold, -22 and three staff votes.
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This is really bad. It's a super l33t weapon what kills everything when you're angry which the Foundation suggests using to kill all of the bad SCP's
The tone is poor in a lot of places e.g. referring to oil as "Black gold", you refer to the Foundation as "SCP" and the idea is lackluster. There's nothing interesting about a staff what kills everything if that is the entire idea, especially when it's anger that makes you able to do it. Anger being the reason people can kill/transform/whatever has been done to death and it is boring.
You also cross referenced to another SCP basically just to say "My SCP could destroy that much more popular SCP". Cross referencing in that way very rarely works well.
Please get feedback from the draft forums or IRC chat before posting next time.
-1
500 was created a decade ago, in the ages where there isn't even a thousand of SCPs, and in that time the idea was novel, creative, and absolutely unthinkable. That age is lost a few hundred articles ago.
This however, as "things that could destroy everything" is overshadowed by items such as 2700, 2399, 2317, 3000, and many others that could destroy absolutely anything and everything and still have compelling narrative to accompany them.
Besides, the part where it's suggested to be used to neutralize SCPs detract heavily upon this article. What if for a split second the appointed handlers felt the Foundation is disgusting? What if the handler thought about their despicable in-laws? Their bosses? The colleague who spilled coffee seven years ago in campus cafetaria? The lady that stepped over their toys one day thirty years ago? The cook that served burnt bagel—you got the point. The fact that you name-drop 096 also make it seems like you want to ride over its popularity, even if you didn't intend that.
Hey, don't usually do reviews but I figured doing so might help me identify problems in my own articles, so here I go.
First off, I'm okay with the general idea, even if it's a bit generic. I reckon any idea can work, as long as it's executed properly (even the "item that does something" stuff that people usually hate). So I'm cool with your general idea.
However, I'm guessing you just posted this straight up without any reviews from people on the forum, or the IRC server, since it's riddled with bad grammar. I would advise writing up your article on the sandbox located here, first, and getting feedback from the forum and IRC server first. Posting them straight on here is frowned upon and might even get you banned if you do it multiple times.
ANYWAY, here's my list of issues…
Interestly
Should be spelt "Interestingly", however, you shouldn't use the word at all because it's not very professional. In a scientific document, the opinion of the writer is irrelevant. Whether something is "interesting" to them, or not, doesn't matter. All that matters is whether details are relevant to understanding and/or learning more about the object and since the document should only contain relevant details, it doesn't need to be pointed out.
black gold
Again, gotta stick with the professional tone here. I think you may be trying to avoid using the word 'oil' twice in quick succession, but keeping the scientific tone is far more important.
it was seen to be much more than that.
This kind of suspense building works in something like a monologue, or a speech, but it looks very out of place in a scientific document. Yes, building suspense is key to a lot of SCP articles, but that particular technique doesn't work because it breaks the formatting, in the same way that putting "omg you'll never guess what happens next" would look out of place. To keep it scientific, you should just jump straight into the explanation. Cut that whole last sentence and start the next paragraph with "When one of the Soviet expedition team attempted to handle it, blablabla happened."
SCP intervened
The Foundation isn't really ever referred to as "SCP". Sometimes "The SCP Foundation" but more commonly I believe it is simply "The Foundation".
when news broke
Breaking that scientific tone again. News "breaking" is considered a colloquialism. Imagine someone with a scientific background that was still learning English is reading your article. They'll see "news broke" and think you mean the news physically "broke", like a newspaper was torn up or something. It's okay to use scientific terminology and even complex language, but colloquialisms don't belong in a scientific document. Instead try: "…the Foundation intervened upon receiving reports of…" or something in that manner.
of all places
This sounds very informal. It's what people say when they're trying to emphasize the weirdness of a situation to convey their own emotions regarding the situation. Again, we don't need to emphasize our own emotions about a situation because it's irrelevant. It's the difference between, "They found his dead body in the river." and "They found his dead body in the river, of all places!!". The last one sounds very informal, the first one is more serious because it gets to the point and doesn't try to emphasize the speaker's opinion.
A mere hint
Informal. Works nice in speeches and regular stories, but not here. Something like "Should the wielder hold any form of malicious intent, regardless of severity, towards anything…"
something normal humans would shrug off as a passing frustration
If you were to say "humans", we would assume you mean "normal humans". The "normal" isn't needed.
"Shrug off" is again, a sort-of colloquialism.
I don't really like that sentence at all, really. You've already emphasized that small levels of malicious intent cause this thing to fire, it seems unnecessary to emphasize it anymore.
penetrate through anything known to man
"known to man" isn't really needed. Are you saying it can't penetrate things not known "to man"? Saying "it has proven able to penetrate all tested substances, including…" then list some tough materials.
This blade
There's only one blade, it's implied which one we're talking about. "The blade" makes more sense than "This blade".
unidentifiable to current science
The breadth of scientific advancement is large in the SCP universe. Are you talking about current mainstream science in 2018? Current Foundation science (which is ahead of mainstream science)? The term "current science" is ultimately not needed. Simply saying it is "an unidentifiable metal" is enough. You don't need to specific "current science" because when you say it's unidentifiable, then it's pretty clear "science" also can't identify it.
and is a conundrum to scientists.
"Conundrum" is a fun word, but is too expressive for a scientific document. Scientists don't write papers trying to use as many fancy words as possible. They use scientific terminology where relevant, but they don't use complex words for the sake of it. They want their article to be understood, not read like a best-selling novel.
In general though, that last statement is unnecessary. If it's defying the laws of physics, we can already assume it's a "conundrum to scientists" because anything breaking the laws of physics is a conundrum to EVERYONE. So you can cut "and is a conundrum to scientists." entirely.
it’s origins
I haven't been looking out for this, you may have done it earlier but I was paying attention. The possessive form of "its" doesn't have an apostrophe. Yeah, when you say something like "Ben's origin", then it does have an apostrophe, but "its" is a little weird because it doesn't. It only has one when it's a proper contraction, such as "it is". I was making this mistake up until a year and a half ago, it's pretty damn common to do, so it's cool.
What is known is that it is very unpredictable in the hands of humans
This is implied. One of the common tropes of SCP articles, and writing in general, is letting the reader think about this stuff for themself. It's like when you tell a joke, you shouldn't have to explain why it's funny, the person you told it to should be able to work it out. The fact this staff is "unpredictable in the hands of humans" should be obvious. Giving an example (maybe some experiments) of it doing something unpredictable to help inspire the reader a little is cool, but outright saying "it's unpredictable in the hands of humans" is like explaining a joke to someone. It will help a reader if they're a moron, but it will just annoy most people.
Humans are naturally emotional beings.
Again, something the reader already knows. Imagine SCP-173 has a description that said "It moves when no one is looking at it. Humans have to look at it to stop it moving. Humans naturally blink. SCP-173 can get them when they blink.". See what I mean? You read that and you're like "well fuck, no shit, sherlock". If you've told your story well enough, then you shouldn't have to explain the fine details because it should be obvious.
Instead, what you can do to beef it up is something like a "twist" (I personally love these but lots of people think it's over done or something), or as I said before, introduce some experiment logs that have an outcome that isn't immediately obvious. Like for example, have a doctor hold the staff for a test, then accidentally kill his wife because a stray thought crossed his mind about a fight they had earlier, or make a D-Class accidentally blow up his own leg because he has a cramp and the pain is pissing him off. Y'know, something that'll make the reader go "oh yeah, i didn't think of that, that's cool, does that mean it could also… [reader makes up more ideas here]".
Giving a human an object that can destroy anything on a mere spark of frustration, or envy, or anger, or any negative emotion, would be a recipe for disaster.
Same as above.
Letter to Dr.[REDACTED]
This isn't how you use redactions. Check out this article for help with how to expunge and redact correctly. For names, you usually use the block character things: ████
However, I've seen a lot of people criticising the blocking out of names entirely, recently. I don't really know why, I see no issue with it. Not knowing a character's name doesn't take away from the article, unless the character plays a heavy role (e.g. they're the only one the SCP responds to, they're related to the SCP, they are the SCP, etc…).
I am proposing the use of this weapon in battling harmful SCPs up to Keter class in the case of a breach
This is largely frowned upon in modern SCP writing. Creating "more powerful than keters, can destroy all the scps" is considered lazy and just an attempt to make "teh best scp evur". Additionally, the Foundation heavily discourages the use of the objects (I know some don't, especially older ones, but times have changed).
fight SCP-096
This comes across as a "look guys i made an scp that can kill this super strong famous scp!". Writing SCP articles isn't about trying to be "cool" or relevant to the famous ones. Generally an SCP article mentioning one of the Heritage Collection SCPs, or one from Containment Breach comes across as "noobish" because it looks like you're just trying to muscle in on the fame of another article. Your SCP should be able to be cool without any of the other objects. Imagine 096, 682, 173, etc… didn't exist and you were writing an article that is awesome by itself. Strive for that.
So yeah, fix that stuff and add a bit more meat to it and I think it could be fine. As I said, I think a lot of people won't like it because it fits the format "it's an X that does Y". In this case, it's a spear that kills anything you dislike. A lot of people on here will probably find that boring, so you'll have to do some fancy shit to make others accept it.
Keep it up though! You're on to something, I'm sure you'll get there in the end! <3
SCP-3182 is a staff-like weapon
Those are called polearms.
, similar to the Naginata, an oriental weapon
That…is a very racist term these days.
used in feudal Japan by elite samurai.
Oi. During the feudal era, the naginata became a symbol of women in japan, not "elite samurai". (What exactly is an 'elite samurai'?)
First thought by the Soviet expedition to be a mundane staff weapon discovered in an odd place, it was cast aside in their search for black gold.
The tone here is completely wrong, and immediately (even more than the above complaints) shows me this isn't going anywhere successful.
The rest of the article shows that a) you don't really know much about weaponry, and b) you didn't spend a lot of time on tone here.
This is really bad, and you should definitely spend some time drafting next time.
To answer your fourth question, modern articles are expected to maintain a clinical tone throughout (unless there's intention behind not doing so,) which consists of conveying information in a concise, accurate, and formal fashion. Clinical Tone: Declassified is an excellent resource for understanding how to execute this.
Sentences like "SCP-3182, when held,destroys anything the wielder wishes it to, either voluntarily or not" fall short of this standard due to vagueness. "Anything" encompasses a wide range of things that aren't taken into account but are commonplace on the site (conceptual and pataphysical entities come to mind.) "Destroys" is similarly non-specific.
Sentences like "A mere hint of malice directed at anything, something normal humans would shrug off as a passing frustration, would direct the blade to destroy whatever the cause of the feeling is" would be more at place in a novel than a scientific document, and also fall short of this standard. The difference can be hard to pin down, but try to avoid the perspective of a narrator.
Looking at most successful, recent articles should give you a good idea of what is current expected in terms of tone. Write as though you're someone who could not care less about how cool and rad the super powerful weapon or whatever is. Make sure there aren't basic typos or other grammatical errors that would be fixed in the course of writing professional documents. Also, don't assume someone's insulting your intelligence when they're merely accusing you of an absence of specific knowledge.
Hope that helps!
First off, I was using the term staff-like weapon because I figured not everybody that's reading this understands what a polearm is.
Not everyone knows what teleomerase does, but if you were writing an article about anamolous chromosomes you still wouldn't write "substance that makes the strings that have the life information longer", you would write "teleomerase".
Secondly, are we really bringing politically correctness into the SCP Foundation? It's not racist. I'm not getting into any arguments here, but it's not racist. It's opinion. Strangely enough, it seems that white people are more offended by it then Asian people. Huh.
That "oriental" is an obsolete, fully denigrated term in anthropology isn't an opinion, it is a factual statement about the current standards in the field.
Using the term makes you look ignorant at best, unless you are attempting to write in a deliberately archaic style.
Besides, saying that a Japanese weapon is "oriental" is just redundant, as would be saying it is "Asian". It is Japanese.
Most samurai didn't use Naginatas, so thus, you'd have to have training specific to the weapon, which would be considered elite, wouldn't it?
No, because "most samurai didn't use naginata" is a meaningless statement. The weapon, in the periods it was employed extensively, principally during the Genpei War, was deployed by all footmen regardless of class. In later periods in which calvary was less significant (and even after the samurai were no longer even principally warriors), there were still several schools which taught it (and these schools are regional, associated with clan affiliation, and aren't meaningfully more "elite").
Also it is really difficult to find a period in which "elite samurai" make much sense. The samurai are an elite class, universally. They were initially a professional soldier class, and later an aristocracy. Individual clans and schools may claim to be more elite at some point or another, but this is impossible to verify, or even quantify and really is propaganda and marketing.
However, if you really want to get into it, fun fact, there were two kinds of naginata.
There were many more than two distinct styles over the history of glaives in Japan. However you are probably referring to the ko-naginata, a design associated with the onna-bugeisha samurai women in the Tokugawa period and later. This style emerged as formal nagintajustu schools for women of the bushi class were established.
One used by the women, and one used by the samurai.
Prior to the Showa period (when nagintajustu became a public school PE requirement for girls) the women who practiced it were bushi.
All I'm getting from my criticism so far is that creative ideas are okay as long as they are creative in the same way.
Yes, this is what writing in a format is.
Please don't insult my knowledge.
If you see corrections as insults, then you are probably not allowing yourself to learn.
SCP-3984 refers to two identical plumbing vans of an unknown make which appear to be from the 1970's. The trucks are white, with a five-foot thick blue stripe spanning both sides of the back, stopping at the cab and the back door.
Deleted at -17 and three votes.
SCP-3358 resembles a flat 40mm decorator paint brush. The bristles of SCP-3358 secretes a liquid resembling white paint. SCP-3358's secretions never drip off its bristles but it can be blown off through strong winds. The secretions made by SCP-3358 dries instantly when it comes into contact with a solid object other than SCP-3358. Any solid nonliving object besides SCP-3358 that comes into contact with SCP-3358's secretions has its perceived value increased. This effect becomes greater over time, eventually giving the affected object compelling properties after 4 hours. Humans who see objects that have been made compelling via SCP-3358 begin to worship and protect the object, but this doesn't trigger if the subject is looking at the affected object through a picture or video feed. Humans exposed to affected objects for 8 hours begin to exhibit traits of canines. Such traits include snarling at others and marking their territory with their own urine.
Deleted at -16 and three votes.
SCP-3406 is a mass of a clay-like substance that stains clothes and skin weighing in at 60 kg. The object was found at a fortune teller’s shop in [DATA EXPUNGED] New Orleans, Missouri. SCP-3406 is able to change its appearance into a person’s cause of death. The object is highly aggressive toward Foundation personnel using its forms to attack and kill any personnel in its path. SCP-3406 does, however, feel affection towards Class-Ds and other SCPs. SCP-3406 uses its forms to play with Class-Ds. The object’s diet mainly consists of protein and dairy with chicken being its favorite, though Foundation personnel are a close second.
Deleted at -16 and three votes.
SCP - 3186 is a sheet of plain Paper with one (1) black dot in the center. SCP - 3186 owns a unique ability to teleport within a 8046M radius when not contained within steel. when any Subject tries to touch SCP-3186 they're hands are severed off and the Subject within one (1) minute dies.
Deleted at -17 and three votes.
3279 - A is a double-edged sword that is 3ft (1 meter) long and 1/2 foot wide, and the handle is 3/4 foot long. The middle of the blade is cobalt blue and the cutting edges are dark grey. It has a dark brown cow leather wrapped handle and seems to be indestructible. It has Runic going right but both sides of the blade. On it there are 12 aqua blue stones going right down the middle, the Runes say the stones contain the spirits of 12 dead Viking berserkers. SCP - 3279 - B is a dark grey sheath, it has runic etched all over it. This objects runic says how the sword will curse all who unsheath it in daylight or in the presence of a woman. The curse is that the sword will make the user will dissolve into a blue mist. When unsheathed 3279 - A will glow with a blue aura around it, 3279 - A can only be sheathed into 3279 - B after 3279-A has made a wound, that bleeds, on any living thing. SCP - 3279 - C is a small grey stone with blue flecks, this SCP has the ability to infinitely sharpen SCP - 3279 - A.
Deleted at -20 and three votes.
SCP-3175 is a wheelchair and computer made from unidentified refined materials. Noted that SCP-3175's recent occupier was "Stephen William Hawking" until the death of subject from AML. SCP is fitted with a computer with 5 x 5 inches in parameter. SCP does not have any more ability to move. SCP was noted on ██/█/████ of willing movement and incomprehensible speech followed from the computer. See Abdomen-3175.
Deleted at -46 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
If this was a well written tribute to Hawking I wouldn't have an issue with it, regardless of timing. But the brief and excessively simple nature of this seems more like an attempt to cash in on public sympathy rather than actually honoring him in this format.
Or do you have any idea how this could have been done differently?
SCP-3172 is an anomaly that is highly dangerous but is not fully understood. Its hostile behavior was explained after a complete neuro scan. It showed that when sensing any living organism nearby, it seems to get brainwashed almost instantly. Then comes the hostility. SCP-3172 is a humanoid creature that is bipedal and has pitch dark eyes. Its hands are long and thin that supports the SCP to tear through one's skin, exposing the organs. SCP-3172 is about 5'9 and has a slender appearance. Skin tone would be described as light peach, and arms are about 3 feet long. Although its terrifying appearance, it does have traces of a personality.
Deleted at -27 and three votes.
SCP-3427 is a traditional looking Japanese Katana, with a blade length of 70cm and a hilt length of 15cm. The hilt is made out of a silk like material for the base, and a rubberised material in the form of small circular dots, made to add a more secure grip for the user. The blade, at first glance, looks like it's made out of a generic metal material, but this is not the case. This unknown material shares similar properties as most metals, but is near unbreakable. All attempts to destroy SCP-3427 have failed, and the sword shows no signs of damaging or rusting. All future attempts to destroy SCP-3427 are to be denied without hesitation or questioning.
Deleted at -27 and three votes.
SCP-3277 is a caucasian human male of approximately 50 years of age. SCP-3277 has demonstrated the ability to remotely manipulate syringes, as well as any objects that resemble a syringe in shape. The exact specifications of what qualifies as “syringe-shaped” have not been fully defined, but the presence of a pointed tip, a broader section resembling the barrel of a syringe, and a segment resembling the plunger are necessary. An object does not have to function as a syringe in order to fall under the effects of SCP-3277. and The strength of this manipulation is unclear, with SCP-3277 being able to levitate syringe shaped objects of several tons and move them at speeds of up to 50 kph with no signs of exhaustion. The effects of SCP-3277 extend to any syringe shaped object within approximately one kilometer of SCP-3277.
Deleted at -16 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
I like that this is "just an x-man" but dives really deep into the implications of a comic -book style superpower. I was enjoying that concept enough to keep reading (both images really helped sell it for me). I think the only thing keeping me from upvoting is that the clinical tone, and overall style, feel a bit rough. This idea is cool, but it needs to be executed just a little bit more neatly.
This is a nice, simple idea which has a lot of weirdness and potential depth behind it, but aspects of the writing feel off. Punishing via starvation and weaponising SCPs by making missiles are a bit silly and are more reflective of dated aspects of the site. Saying 'approximately 50 years of age' but making reference to a birth certificate is also silly. Although the simplicity of the idea helps the article, I agree with the other comments that some more detail in the experiments would be interesting to see.
Reluctantly downvoted - I'd be sorry to see this concept disappear from the site forever, but it could use more work.
SCP-3684-A is a 18-year-old boy that the foundation found at the age of 5 outside of at destroyed orphanage, which was destroyed by SCP-682 after it’s breach. Surprisingly SCP-3684-B was fighting 682 and holding it's own despite it’s size. After 682 was subdued by foundation personnel, 3684-B went unconscious and turned back into 3684-A. SCP-3684-B’s skin seems to sprout from 3684-A’s body and over taking it to control. It is made of an unknown material with spikes coming off the elbows. 3684-B has a heavy Bloodlust against Dr. [REDACTED] and SCP-682
Deleted at -21 and three votes.
SCP-3953 is a small wooden statuette of, what is believed to be, an American Shire Horse, approximately 10cm in height. SCP-3953 also appears to be covered in dirt, and mud, further testing of samples of the dirt have revealed to be in origin from [Data Expunged]. More information on the recovery of SCP-3953 can be found in Recovery
Deleted at -18 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
There is such a thing as too many Data Expungements. This article has too many.
The formatting is odd, the idea is an object which makes things rapidly decay which we already have a very famous SCP that does that (Spoilers: SCP-106) except this one just does nothing interesting with the idea. It's just an object which causes rapid decay and your logs just reiterate this.
Please get feedback from the draft forums or IRC chat next time before posting.
Hey there, welcome to the site! Always pumped to see new authors dipping their toes in. Feedback below (click +show block)
The core of this SCP isn't a bad one; you've got this weird little knick-knack that causes rapid decay in everything it touches. Solid base to build off of. However, the SCP lacks a hook; the entire recovery log is superfluous, because it doesn't tell us anything about the SCP we didn't already know (that it decays things it touches). You need more substance. Beyond that, a few nitpicks:
Remember to post drafts to the sandbox and collect a lot of feedback from the forum/IRC prior to posting to the mainlist, a lot of these issues would've been caught in editing.
Best of luck!
