SCP Idea (of course): Natural Selection

SCP Idea (of course): Natural Selection

Purple Daemon 12 Feb 2012 19:37

http://scpsandboxwiki.wikidot.com/natural-selection

Basically, it's an Artificial Intelligence that has integrated itself with technology that allows it to "select" people to die, for whatever reason. It's explained better on the page itself.

If I can get the main file sorted then I can expand to do an Incident Log of the recorded deaths that seem to be caused by the AI, but right now I'm uncertain as to whether it reads well, or if it's all a bit rubbish. I think it's somewhere between "pretty decent" and "good idea written badly", but I'd love to get some feedback on what's there so far, and possible advice on how to spruce it up.

Bare in mind this is my first crack at the SCP writing lark; hopefully it's a reasonable first effort. I just want to be confident it doesn't read terribly before I think about putting it up on this site.

Re: SCP Idea (of course): Natural Selection

Abengoshis 12 Feb 2012 20:46

The most curious ability of SCP-1054 is its apparent ability to cause people to die through various means.

These generally tend to involve the person being “unworthy” of continued existence.

I rolled my eyes at these (it just seemed a little cliché to have something that kills things it doesn't like: See overdone SCPs 3. )

It is believed, going on information from interviews with SCP-1054, that it gained this ability from another piece of technology developed by the researchers that originally created SCP-1054 itself (see Interview 1054-1).

Surely it would be in the Foundation's interest to find this technology. Also I don't really understand how an AI could change the hardware in a PDA to function in the way it needed (killing people around the world). A PDA can read and record information, and so an AI program running on the PDA could take advantage of that to express itself. Killing anyone, anywhere, seems a little OTT. AI is software running on hardware. Broadcasting "integrated" hardware isn't feasible (but then neither are most SCPs).

Anyway, since the AI "can take advantage of audio-emitting or recording devices", what about SSTV? Could the AI use SSTV to transmit itself to a receiver?

Currently, it seems your AI is some kind of god machine which sees everything and passes judgement. I think it would be better if it wasn't "kill anyone anywhere", but perhaps an effect caused by it is stronger around wireless Internet devices. Since most people use the Internet nowadays, giving some kind of real, physical threat to the Internet would work well as an SCP, I feel.

Last edited on 12 Feb 2012 20:50 by Abengoshis + Show more

Re: SCP Idea (of course): Natural Selection

Rioghail 12 Feb 2012 21:09

The addendum has too many [DATA EXPUNGED] signs in it. Consider:

These include the school bus in ██████, ████████ that [DATA EXPUNGED], as well as [DATA EXPUNGED].

The expungements don't aid the article here. Either the SCP killed the drier through the manner described, or killed the whole bus-full of children in the manner described. This doesn't add mystery or horror to the article, it just hides the facts. Also, the sentence '[DATA EXPUNGED], as well as [DATA EXPUNGED]' should never be in any article other than a -J. Multiplying the number of [DATA EXPUNGED] in an article only serves to makes it look amateurish.

Re: SCP Idea (of course): Natural Selection

Purple Daemon 13 Feb 2012 23:07

Thanks for the feedback.

I like the idea of it posing a threat to the internet. I'll look into that.

I will continue to make major and minor changes to this while I'm working on other ideas I've been coming up with. I'll fix the more cliché and God-esque stuff too.

Re: SCP Idea (of course): Natural Selection

Sage Alegari 15 Feb 2012 07:31

Good for you. I love the idea and agree with the posters up there. The little black boxes hurt there, the facts might be hard but we need em here. Keep working on this one, I like the interview log by the way, nice touch.