SCP rough draft: The wizard's hat.
Alrighty, here's a rough draft for an SCP, the wizard's hat.
SCP rough draft: The wizard's hat.
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» SCP rough draft: The wizard's hat.
Summary:
Need some feedback on this SCP.
I like it (particularly the test logs), but to be honest with you some of the wording is really awkward. Stuff like;
SCP-XXXX's effects seem to cease approximately one minute once the the hat is knocked off of the subject and not worn again. Though when worn, it does not seem to be affected by gravity and thus cannot be knocked off.
There's a contradiction implied there; can you knock it off or can't you?
Even when the user goes sideways or even upside-down.
Two uses of 'even' in the same sentence, as well as the fact that a scientific researcher probably wouldn't use a phrase like 'goes sideways'.
The wording needs to be far more clinical and concise. For example, everything above could be condensed into this;
Once worn, SCP-XXX will remain attached to the subject's head until removed again by hand, regardless of gravity or other external forces. SCP-XXX's effect will cease approximately one minute after removal.
Fixed it, made it more clinical..ey anything else I should change?
I'd recommend having someone proof-read it for grammar and punctuation, as both are still a bit slap-dash. For example…
Though when worn, it does not seem to be affected by gravity and thus cannot be can only be removed by another person. Even when the user is turned sideways or upside-down.
…could be one sentence, there's no need to split it up.
I'd offer to do it myself but it's 6am and I shouldn't be up at 6am. I just shouldn't.
You should really add more detail and just really explore the whole concept of "Jasmine", and how the hat is sadistic in it's effect. As it is, it feels like you've skimped over those concepts.
/forum/t-442005/scp-rough-draft:the-wizard-s-hat#post-
