Unless I'm totally missing something...
You need to change the article Title to an SCP one. No vote yet, cuz I'm busy, but figured I should say something.
SCP-553 / Discussion
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I went ahead and changed the title, unlike Itching Powder, this one is worth saving. I quite like it. Couple of things though:
- The addendum. It doesn't add an awful lot to the article and makes the Foundation look incompetent. Remember that these are meant to be highly trained people working with some of the most dangerous objects and beings in the world.
- "Seeds". Seed crystal is a legitimate term for a small crystal out of which a larger one can be grown. I wouldn't say you need the inverted commas.
- [REDACTED]. I wouldn't use it as a substitute for [SCARY]. At least try to hint what they're capable of. Maybe describe the potholer's injuries?
I'll check back in a few hours, see what you've done with it. Tighten it up a little, it'll be well worth an upvote.
^This.
But yeah, ditch the addendum, it adds nothing and breaks the tone. Your redacted's are kind of sloppy, I would just get rid of them. I'm assuming the cause of death is lacerations, right?
But yeah, on the whole, I actually like this. It is quiet, simple, and well-written. Not terribly revoluationary or anything, but a cool idea that is, with a few exceptions, relatively well-executed.
This is one of those "would set the scientific world on it's ear!" things that happens every decade or so. Microbes from space/Mars (or so we thought), that live in volcanoes, life forms thought millions of years dead - all this has happened in my lifetime.
Points for "That's really different!" but in the end, it's 'just' a new lifeform.
I'm not sure I agree there, Bland. Up to a point maybe, but flying butterflies made out of inorganic minerals? I'd say that crosses the line between a new, believable lifeform and something just a little more extraordinary. It's just that they strike me as an artificial lifeform. The idea that these creatures were created rather than evolving is kind of cool.
Aw hell, I'm going to upvote this, despite the imperfections.
I'm not a student of xenobiology - I do know there's some weird stuff, and some stuff that's been theorized:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothetical_types_of_biochemistry
Dunno. I just don't feel it as a "Foundation" study.
This isn't some extremofile bacteria, this is a crystal life form. If this were real, that would mean that everything we think we know about chemistry is wrong. This is a biochemical SCP-033. This is completely, utterly an SCP.
…uh SCP-033, "The Missing Number"?
I'll have to take your word for this; my thing was computer sciences and physics, not chemistry or biology. I guess I don't have the background to be properly freaked.
Yes, I meant 033. As in, if 033 is real everything we think we know about math is wrong. This SCP is a LIVING ROCK. How is that not worthy of containment?
As a living bag of water (two EXPLOSIVE gases) and carbon, I guess I just don't feel the urgency.
Carbon based life, no matter how it is phrased, conforms to our understanding of chemistry (obviously). We know how it works. This SCP, on the other hand, does not. So that right there is enough to justify containment, as "maintaining normalcy" is and always has been an acceptable cause for containment. 507 is not a threat to anybody or anything, but we contain him because people don't randomly teleport.
I can't possibly make this clearer. OK, you're a physicist, we contain this for the same reason we contain the rock that falls sideways.
There isn't any urgency to contain them; they are unnatural abominations, so they will be contained. There isn't urgency in containing a horse with two stumps on its back the once were wings either, but it's an anomaly, so the Foundation will capture it.
I personally find this one simply interesting, although not enough to upvote. At least it used the Mohs scale correctly. Although the mental image of a scientist desperately trying to scratch a butterfly with his pocket knife while receiving numerous lacerations as the thing squirms is almost funny enough to warrant an upvote…
I love the concept, but the article as it stands could use some work. Null vote for now, with probable upvote if the article improves.
The writing could use some cleanup. Two consecutive sentences in a row start with "It appears to…", and another sentence uses the phrase "in that" twice. Overall the description reads somewhat awkwardly, but I'm not sure how to fix that, and fixing the two glitches mentioned would help immensely.
You put a lot of stuff in the containment procedures that the description doesn't really explain. The humidity and temperature requirements are clearly to emulate 553's natural habitat, but why are the nutrients delivered in a water spray rather than just dumping a bag of sand? Also, I find it odd that a Safe-class SCP has requirements for the rooms and corridors around the containment unit. If that's really needed, I'd call this more of a Euclid-class. Also, why the low humidity and UV lamps? Those are not explained, and really should be.
Also also, agreed that the addendum is unnecessary and unhelpful.
I saw the image and upvoted, then read the article and switched to a downvote.
The expungement here is clumsy and reads like a halfassed attempt at [SOMETHING SCARY GOES HERE LOL], and that last addendum is terrible. All it added to the article was the impression the author does not know what "unprecedented" means.
Wait, these destroyed a Foundation facility, and are classified as Safe? Not just broke confinement/caused the death of blankity-blank personnel, but destroyed the entire facility.
Pretty much what everyone else has said. The basic idea here is sound. A living creature made of rock is absolutely worthy of containment. Tone needs some work. Kill the addendum. Ask yourself if you really need to redact those bits. Also, formatting. There should be a full line of space between each paragraph.
I've held off voting for now. Fix the issues, and you'll have my upvote.
I really like the idea, but there are some minor edits (losing the addendum, upping it to Euclid, basically what everyone else has said.) that would improve it. So, no vote for now, but I very probably will upvote it with said edits
/forum/t-359320/scp-553#post-
page revision: 5, last edited: 18 May 2020 23:10
