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This draft (first tab, obviously) is far from done, so any form of feedback and thoughts are very well appreciated. ツ
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
SCP-XXXX is an anomalous device physically resembling a generic tablet computer.
It would be wise to at least state other physical descriptors of the object, including its color, dimensions, logos, or other identifying marks (including damage). That way, in the event of a breach, people would know what to look out for when attempting to reinstate containment of the object.
Upon direct contact with an individual, SCP-XXXX displays a feed of the location which it is currently held, displayed either in third person or bird's eye view, depending on the landscape.
I would recommend a slight change, to "… displays a feed of the location from which it is currently
being held". It rolls off the tongue better.
Despite this, the holder displayed from SCP-XXXX appears to continue a conscious state.
I would recommend a change to "… appears to remain in a conscious state."
Other than that, I feel that this is… unique, in a sense? It does have my attention, but as it is still a draft (and missing containment procedures), it could use more fleshing out.
It would be wise to at least state other physical descriptors of the object, including its color, dimensions, logos, or other identifying marks (including damage). That way, in the event of a breach, people would know what to look out for when attempting to reinstate containment of the object.
Would adding an image of a tablet do the trick? Something like "(see above image)"?
I would recommend a slight change,…
I would recommend a change to
I'd surely apply these recommendations. Thanks!
Other than that, I feel that this is… unique, in a sense? It does have my attention, but as it is still a draft (and missing containment procedures), it could use more fleshing out.
In a sense, it may be unique I guess. I'll try my best to add more content. Thank you for the feedback! ツ
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
Would adding an image of a tablet do the trick? Something like "(see above image)"?
Perhaps, but it is still good practice to include written description in the description block.
In addition, any image you use must be compatible with the wiki's Creative Commons license (CC BY-SA 3.0).
I don't usually state if I like an idea, but this one does have my attention, if only to see what could come out of it.
Perhaps, but it is still good practice to include written description in the description block.
I honestly have this particular image from Wikimedia commons that I've been saving for use. I believe images from there has that license. While I'll try to write, I'll keep that advice in mind.
I don't usually state if I like an idea, but this one does have my attention, if only to see what could come out of it.
You're actually the third person that liked this idea. Agent MacLeod said it's a "novel anomaly".
Sapphire-Alchemist said " sounds like a tech version of Astral-projection." So, I been really cautious on not overcomplicating things and keep stuff as simple and concise as possible, and focus on the story.
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
I've updated the draft. Feel free to say anything about it, seriously.
However, if you're feeling generous today/tonight,
I'll just be here, sitting in front of my computer, waiting for you to reply… ツ
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
Since direct contact from SCP-XXXX is strictly prohibited, personnel may use any conventional cloth or gloves upon handling SCP-XXXX, especially during maintainance and testing procedures.
SCP-XXXX appears to be a plane mirror approximately 15 cm by 18 cm by 2cm in size with no identifiable frames or marks.
… other than that, nothing else that I can note, at least writing mechanics wise.
In comparison to the last draft, it is starting to take more discernible shape, and I do like it.
I look forward to seeing its completion.
These are neat recommendations. Thanks! :)
In comparison to the last draft, it is starting to take more discernible shape, and I do like it.
I'm delighted. :3
I look forward to seeing its completion.
However, I'm afraid this idea would be quite from being completed any time soon. You see, I'm really having a hard time settling from the three ideas I have in mind:
I'm really drowning in ideas right now…
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
However, I'm afraid this idea would be quite from being completed any time soon. You see, I'm really having a hard time settling from the three ideas I have in mind:
Give your ideas numbers, and then roll a d6 (or any appropriate dice you have).
See where it leads you!
That's a very nice advice. Thanks! I really appreciate it. :)
I tried playing with the dice. Now it's simple.
edit:
I would imagine you wanted to use the word "plain" here in place of "plane", to describe the lack of identifying features for the mirror.
I used the term "Plane mirror" to keep things clear that the mirror is "flat."
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
I'm feeling kinda sick at the moment with a headache, so if I get anything wrong please tell me.
On XX/XX/XXXX, Dr. Sheen Alvarez proposed the "mirror world hypothesis", which states that the reality experienced by the holder, as displayed from SCP-XXXX, is in fact a separate or "mirror" reality occurring simultaneously with the holder's actual reality, in discrete periods of time.
I'm not exactly sure how someone could come to this conclusion, considering that there is no real evidence to suggest this or disprove it. It's an unfalsifiable hypothesis. Unless I'm reading into this wrong, but there just doesn't seem to be anything to suggest this within the document, at least to me.
During contact, any external influence to the holder affects the image displayed on SCP-XXXX, regardless of the state of the holder being displayed, and vice versa. For instance, when SCP-XXXX displays that the holder harms an observer, the corresponding observer in reality receives that state without delay; and when an observer harms the holder, the holder displayed from SCP-XXXX also receives that state, regardless of state and position.
This part heavily confuses me. Is the holder the person holding the image and the observer the person holding the image within the picture or is the observer the person observing the holder? I'd suggest making is clearer within the article, because it really confuses me either way.
Did time just paused?
*Pause.
The interview doesn't really add anything that couldn't already be assumed in the article. It just tells us, again, that the person holding the image is in an unconscious state.
Normally, I would go very in-depth with my critique for something like this, but I'm afraid I can't really do that because there's really nothing here. It doesn't have much of a story or much of a story. It's very bare bones in its idea and execution. The idea doesn't appeal to me very much, but that's a personal issue, but the short nature of the article doesn't help it very much.
The main problems you have here is that it (1) is very short, with very little time to fully develop the concept and (2) lack of a compelling narrative. On the first issue, the most I get from this object is that it's an image that may or may nor be from an alternate reality. Alright. Is that it? The article itself is too short to develop this idea, and what little development there is just doesn't compel me to keep reading.
As to the second issue, the narrative is 'spooky picture that may or may not be from an alternate reality and makes people go into an unconscious state'. Alright. Again, is that it? The narrative is very, very bare bones here, with only the anomaly to keep it going. And as I said before, the anomaly itself is also bare bones.
My suggestion is too focus on further developing the anomaly. Maybe describe how the evidence that lead this doctor to this conclusion, and maybe even explain the evidence itself. I'm interested to how the doctor came to that conclusion, so you have me going there. As to a narrative, maybe how this doctor came to the conclusion could be it. I'm not sure, it's too underdeveloped at the moment for me to make any true suggestions as to where the article could go.
Good luck.
Thanks for the reply! :)
I would properly reply to this post once I'm done applying changes based from this.
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
So, I decided to just remove everything that you suggested within the collapsible, because you're right. Those are just some ideas that I want to include, even though they don't really add content to the draft.
lack of a compelling narrative.
I decided to just conduct tests about the anomaly. I'm not sure if that counts as narrative, at least from my own definition of the term.
the narrative is 'spooky picture that may or may not be from an alternate reality and makes people go into an unconscious state'.
the most I get from this object is that it's an image that may or may nor be from an alternate reality.
And that's exactly what I like about this concept. It may or may not be from an alternate reality because we can only observe it. Subjects seem to influence it, but how can we really know that they are exerting influence to everything we see.
Anyway, I changed almost everything since the second update. If you have time, please check it again. Overall, thank you for the feedback!
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
Just a note to say I've not forgotten about this, the day just got away from me a bit.
Expect this post to be edited as soon as I can to give you critique (:
I have updated draft again. (first tab, obviously) It sure took me a while to add content to those experiment logs. Anyway, feel free give any critique and just say anything that comes to your mind while or after reading, especially technical, verbal or conceptual concerns. ツ
However, I'm specifically looking for:
Thank you in advance!
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
As someone who's been following this draft for a while, I'm really liking its shape now!
However, a few minor issues (mostly related to wording and phrasing!):
Individuals using SCP-XXXX immediately enters into an unconscious state, regardless of stature.
Direct contact from multiple or deceased individuals has been also ineffective in producing these effects.
Removing SCP-XXXX immediately resumes the consciousness of the person and returns SCP-XXXX to its normal state.
Otherwise, I'm starting to like the direction this SCP is taking, and (after the draft is complete) give a final rundown. From what I do see, however, I would be more than happy to give an upvote.
It would be worded better as "Individuals using SCP-XXXX immediately enter into an…"
Thanks for the correction!
What exactly do you mean by stature?
Body position. You know, to make things clear that it doesn't matter if you're standing, sitting or whatever. As soon as you hold it, it's game on! Or should I just use body position instead?
It would be worded better as "Direct contact with multiple…"
Thanks! That sounds better! :)
This would be better stated as "Removing SCP-XXXX immediately causes the person to regain consciousness, while returning the object to its normal state."
I mean resume to clarify that the person continues his or her consciousness from the mirror world to the real world as soon as the object is removed. But, ah well, your phrase just sounds better so I may as well just use it. Thanks!
Otherwise, I'm starting to like the direction this SCP is taking, and (after the draft is complete) give a final rundown. From what I do see, however, I would be more than happy to give an upvote.
I'm really glad that your liking it, sir! Thank you very much for the corrections and feedback. :)
sorry for replying as soon as you posted. I'm just really excited to read feedbacks about this update T.T i hope i don't appear to be creepy or something :3
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
Let's have a look, author.
SCP-XXXX is currently stored in a high-priority locker located at Site-11.
I don't think priority is identical to security. I'd say use 'high-security locker' instead.
A sticker bearing the Foundation's logo and SCP-XXXX's numerical designation has been attached for proper identification.
To the locker? Yes, that would be handy. Why is this included in the SCProcedures?
For some unknown cause, SCP-XXXX has never been observed in these images. Research regarding these phenomena is ongoing.
Could do with some rephrasing:
''Despite this perspective, SCP-XXXX is absent in this 'reflection'.''
Individuals using SCP-XXXX immediately enters into an unconscious state, regardless of stature
Enter*. Suggested phrasing:
''The observer invariably loses consciousness upon viewing SCP-XXXX, regardless of medical background.''
Also, how is that photo made if the person should be unconscious? How can we know the effect if everyone observing it faints? Or is it just the person directly in front of it?
However, current subjects have claimed to have not experienced this state.
''Subject so far have denied losing consciousness.''
Direct contact from multiple or deceased individuals has been also ineffective in producing these effects.
This is what I mean: If the effect doesn't occur when multiple people view the mirror, but knocks you out if you're alone, how do we know what it does? You'd be out before you could see what was happening.
For the following duration, the image of the person can be observed navigating the still landscape displayed from SCP-XXXX.
Didn't the effect stop when someone else viewed it?
So as said before, the effects of the SCP are very paradoxical and unpractical for testing. The effect occurs only when one person at a time views it. That would be fine if the person didn't immediately lose consciousness. How can you interpret the image (being in 3rd person) if you faint immediately? How can we see that the person can move around if the effect stops when a second observer is added?
More importantly, right now, you have an object with a clearly defined activation and function, with no context or backstory, essentially a generic magic object. I recommend adding some more to this, because at this point the idea seems to be more of an entry on the log of anomalous items than an SCP object that would merit special Foundation containment.
So the idea is interesting, but it stops rather abruptly. I was interested to see the origin or circumstances for the anomaly, but it stops very suddenly and doesn't go anywhere in a narrative sense.
Some aspects people like to add into the SCP to give the reader more to think about include answers to questions like
- Did this object ever have a greater significance before it was contained?
- How was it initially discovered?
- Why does it exist? Does it have a purpose?
- What might the intentions of the creator have been?
- Why does it act the way it does?
Keep in mind that you don't need to give a full answer for these questions, just enough information to give your reader something to contemplate. Give them enough information to make them care, but not enough to ''spoil'' it, so to speak.
Feedback over, good luck!
While these phrasing corrections are good, and I'll apply them, I'll be direct for specific corrections about what you have understood about the anomaly itself.
To the locker? Yes, that would be handy. Why is this included in the SCProcedures?
The sticker was suppose to be attached to the mirror itself.
Also, how is that photo made if the person should be unconscious? How can we know the effect if everyone observing it faints? Or is it just the person directly in front of it?
The image was captured directly from the surface of the mirror. While the person in the mirror appear to be in some kind of far place, the real body of the person is probably in a testinh chamber or something like that. And observers don't faint. Only the person that touches it.
This is what I mean: If the effect doesn't occur when multiple people view the mirror, but knocks you out if you're alone, how do we know what it does? You'd be out before you could see what was happening.
The effect only occurs upon direct contact, and from one person only. Direct contact from multiple people is not. We know the effect does because we see the person unconscious, but the reflection on the mirror is still moving.
Didn't the effect stop when someone else viewed it?
The effect only stops when the object is removed from the holder.
That would be fine if the person didn't immediately lose consciousness. How can you interpret the image (being in 3rd person) if you faint immediately? How can we see that the person can move around if the effect stops when a second observer is added?
Observers see the third person image. But the subject experiences what that third person image is in. And we could see because it is displayed in the mirror.
Overall, thank you very much for the feedback!
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
Yeah, I misread it as looking at the mirror. For some reason I thought it read 'visual contact'.
Anyway, pay special attention to the 'concept' part.
Ever since last night, after the update of version 4, I've been feeling that much of the experiment logs in that version contain heavily redundant information. So, I thought of removing much of them and just keep the logs that I personally like. It made that logs compress into a single log but it reads much better for me.
Other than the aforementioned trimming of the experiment logs, I didn't change much from this 5th version. I just want to know if it's better this way. Honestly, the over thinking is killing me, and I'm really close on either completing abandoning this draft for now or just cold post it and see how it goes. Anyway, I would be happy to have any feedback. Thank you!
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
Summoned via PM.
Bolded words/phrases are corrections. Bear in mind that they won't be perfect, they're just what I think reads better and is more accurate from a tonal perspective.
SCP-XXXX is currently stored in a high-security locker located on Site-11. Access to SCP-XXXX is to be supervised by at least two personnel of Level-3 security clearance.
SCP-XXXX is a plane mirror, approximately 15 cm by 18 cm by 1 cm in size, with no discernible frame or blemishes.
Despite this perspective, SCP-XXXX has never been observed in these images.
The phrasing on that last one is a little awkward- try 'However, such reflections contain no sign of SCP-XXXX's presence.'
Individuals using SCP-XXXX immediately enter into an unconscious state
Drop the 'into'.
While images produced by SCP-XXXX during contact from a person still maintain the third person view […]
However, this state excludes the image of the person involved, as it appears […] as observed under normal conditions.
Yeah, that entire section lost me. I have absolutely no idea what you're trying to convey- which is a bit of an issue when that seems like the most interesting part of the anomaly. What does 'experiences continuity' even mean in this context? I think you need to be far more concise and clear with what you're trying to put down.
This is all over the place, to put it bluntly. I noticed in a previous comment you put…
I decided to just conduct tests about the anomaly. I'm not sure if that counts as narrative, at least from my own definition of the term.
To clarify, you can tell a narrative //through// test logs, but if it's just generic experiments exploring what the object does, it's not the same thing. We still have no idea as a reader why the object does what it does, and as a result it's very hard to get properly engaged.
I don't know, at this point it still feels like a generic magic item with perhaps the slightest hint at a deeper narrative, but it's too vague and hand-wavey to grab my interest. Consider the why before you consider the what- that's a staple rule for modern-day articles.
You clearly want to improve, and I'll certainly commend you on that, but this doesn't feel finished at all in its current state. Best of luck.
Those corrections are really helpful. Thank you very much :)
Yeah, that entire section lost me. [..] What does 'experiences continuity' even mean in this context? I think you need to be far more concise and clear with what you're trying to put down.
I'll try to expand that part.
To clarify, you can tell a narrative through test logs, but if it's just generic experiments exploring what the object does, it's not the same thing. We still have no idea as a reader why the object does what it does, and as a result it's very hard to get properly engaged.
To be honest, initially, I had the urge to even draft this concept because of SCP-3942. The inspiration is very distant and distinct, but it's still there. Anyway, I suppose you're right…
Maybe I'll create two more tests from two subjects before finally adding a "Recovery report" or something, saying this SCP was found on a person who died from starvation. The idea of "ultimate reality" being achieved through this mirror but it turns out it's just an illusion of slow death is a good touch to me currently. :3
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
I agree with bittermixin's comments above in relation to the concept. Critically, I took quite a while to work out that this is a dream-TV, albeit one that shows events slightly differently to the way they are perceived by the dreamer. The Description needs to be tightened considerably on that front.
For the tests, they don't really follow a logical experimental pattern. When you're re-writing, think about it this way: what are the researchers trying to learn? what is the simplest way to learn that thing / test their hypothesis? I don't think it will be "send the D-Class camping".
In order to write those logs, you need to know where you'll end up - you need to know what the researchers will learn. Merely that it's a dream that can make you starve is a bit dull (and could be prevented by putting the D-Class on a drip?) - you'll need to surprise us.
Critically, I took quite a while to work out that this is a dream-TV, albeit one that shows events slightly differently to the way they are perceived by the dreamer.
Honestly, now I feel that making the description vague and purely about the object isn't good for this concept. My plan is that I'll make the description just about the object itself, while the rest of the addenda about the effects. Something like, "wow it's a mirror but it's not".
For the tests, they don't really follow a logical experimental pattern.
Yeah. And that's why I'm really having a hard time fixing it. It's like I tied a complex knot that I can't untie anymore. Would some kind of diary work?
Merely that it's a dream that can make you starve is a bit dull (and could be prevented by putting the D-Class on a drip?) - you'll need to surprise us.
The starve notion is something recent about the concept, which is I'm starting to like. But like you said, I need to make it more.
Anyway, college life is taking me away. I'm currently writing a thesis proposal and coding a website. Midterm exams have also started. So, I think I may not be able to continue this draft for now. I'm not abandoning it though. But I guess I need to refresh this concept anyway…
Thank you for the reply sir!! :)
𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪: 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕝𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥.
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