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Summary deletions result for:
SCP-3615 is a hypodermic needle with a needle gauge of 27 and a short bevel, within the object is a unknown substance that through testing found that when injected into the blood causes blood clots in the heart and brain killing the victim then after 3 hours the body starts to melt chest opens up releasing spores and on contact infects others and on vewing the object the subject has signs of addiction to the substance inside the needle and will do anything physicly possible to inject the substance into themselves
Deleted at -22 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
-1. Criticisms:
There's really not much more to say. Author, in future, please refine your core idea on the ideas and brainstorming forum, create a sandbox page, post your draft in there, and then link your sandbox page on the drafts and critiques forum in order to receive feedback from other users. Coldposts (posting your article without receiving any advice whatsoever) are very, very rarely successful.
I fixed the title, made the headings bold, and added a rating module for you, author.
-1 because this, put simply, is incomprehensible. There are no punctuation marks at all after the first sentence and there are quite a few significant spelling mistakes. If English is not your first language, I suggest seeing if there is an affiliate site in whatever you speak. Also, for all future drafts, please seek critique on the forums or chat before posting anything to the main list.
SCP-3647 seems to have no reproductive system or gender. When contained, his eyes are completely black, accompanied by a strange, dark glow. When free, he has wings made of blades which somehow makes him able to fly. Its right-hand consists of eleven clawed fingers and his left hand has three. Professionals theorize that SCP-3647's inside is a black hole, and if its insides were to be opened, nothing could stop it from causing doomsday.
Deleted at -21 and three votes.
I added a module rate for you.
- Firstly, the image needs to be implemented into the page. Click 'Files' at the bottom of the page and add it, and use this code '[[include component:image-block name=XXXX|caption=YYYY]]' without the quotation marks, where XXXX is the image file and YYYY is the caption to go underneath it.
- There are numerous clinical tone breaks in the Special Containment Procedures. Use [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/clinical-tone-declassified|this]] to understand what clinical tone is and how to use it properly.
- The SCP:CB game, to my knowledge, is not canon. Regardless, it would not be a 'level 5 keycard' necessary to access its chamber, but instead 'only security clearance Level 5 personnel'. Also, Level 5 is only for O5 and important staff members; usually, both are never allowed near dangerous SCPs, especially Keter-class objects.
- The description is heavily lacking. While it is also necessary to keep descriptions concise (except for some SCPs such as SCP-082), it is also necessary for SCP objects to be clear in what they look like, even if the description of looks is brief like SCP-076.
- The SCP itself suffers from X-Man syndrome. It's a humanoid with superpowers. There is no narrative or reason for why it has powers. And considering that the Foundation can seemingly counter the majority of these abilities, there is no real reason for it to be considered Keter.
Meltdown: SCP-1986 must be contained within 100 square miles of fencing. Any person to come within 100 ft of SCP-1986 will be shot by a sniper rifle, courtesy of the SCP Foundation.
Deleted at -22 and three votes.
SCP-3433 is the classification for SCP-3433-1, SCP-3433-2 and SCP-3433-3. SCP-3433-1 is the designation for a magnetic wooden tournament travel chess set. SCP-3433-1 is in used condition with slight scratches on the board's exterior. The set appears to be missing the black set of game pieces. The white set seems to each be scratched or worn in some way. SCP-3433-1 will display anomalous properties when a person decides to arrange the white set of pieces as if they were about to play. Upon completing the setup of the white set, the player will begin to see SCP-3433-2.
Deleted at -13 and three votes.
SCP-3284 is a small, tropical island, approximately 0.4 kilometers in diameter. The island is densely populated with flora and fauna, having multiple species recorded there in permanent populations, despite the size of the island. Scattered around SCP-3284 are twenty-seven fully intact human skeletons, designated as instances of SCP-3284-2. Each instance of SCP-3284-2 is equipped with a weapon, ranging from the 13th century to the 19th century. Weapons carried by SCP-3284-2 instances vary from instance to instance. Currently, Foundation personnel have recorded cutlasses, blunderbusses, muskets, and boarding axes. SCP-3284-2 instances cannot be dismantled or damaged when they are on SCP-3284, and, although removing SCP-3284-2 instances from SCP-3284 is possible (which results in said instance to lose all anomalous properties), a new SCP-3284-2 instance will materialize on SCP-3284, 1 to 8 hours later. Security footage has been successful at viewing this event.
Deleted at -17 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
[sound of popping knuckles]
Iiiiiit's crit time!
Initial nitpicks:
████ ██ ██████!:
Redactions in your containment procedures is not advised. This is necessary information for personnel, and therefore must be present.
Words! Grammar!:
SCP-3284 is a small, tropical island, approximately 0.4 kilometers in diameter.
Unneeded commas (provided my englishing skills are up to par). Saying it's a small tropical island approximately 0.4 km in diameter flows better.
Currently, foundation personnel[…]
Foundation. Capital F.
Other word stuff: In general, there are a lot of commas used throughout this entire document (far too much to list) and some of the sentences are very long/verbose. Consider finding ways to be more concise.
Other generalised stuff: Okay I'm noticing a lot of numbers and stuff here, such as SCP-XXXX-a, SCP-XXXX-1 through to 4 etc, which is used heavily throughout - now I have no idea if this is just me, but after a bit this all got very hard to keep track of. I had to keep backtracking and referring to previous paragraphs because I was mixing numbers up so much.
Overall thoughts: To me it reads very cluttered. I get lost in the really long sentences and the use of the SCP numbers throughout, and I was simply unable to enjoy the idea because of it. I would recommend checking out this handy guide that highlights on conciseness in articles, and I would also recommend seeking out feedback both in the forums and in the IRC chatrooms (#site19 and #thecritters).
If a human subject places this hat upon their head, SCP-3284-4 will affix itself to its position. The subject then becomes SCP-3284-1, and transformation 3284-a immediately begins.
At this point, your article is suffering from complexity issues, especially since there's no -b instance and thus, no real reason to seperate -1 into further subinstancing. In effect, -1 is both the affected person and the resulting behavior. It gets even worse, as said person is overriden by the personality of a captain, which is subsequently labelled as -3, so it's technically all three.
In short, you have placed three seperate instances onto one individual. KISS1 applies here; why does this single individual need three seperate instances to describe what happens? It'd be much simpler to designate it as -1, noting that it describes the personality if the csptain overriding the subject, and is capable of telepathic communication with the -2 instances.
scp-3064 is a green porcelain on appearance but further testing proves it is smooth hardened citon as are the walls surrounding it. Scp-3064 will repair any and all damages to the shower head walls or tub. Scp-3064 is used as a normal shower but after 15 minutes the subject will start to feel a slight burning in the water. The subject can move the handle to try and change the temperature but will not change. the subject might attept to escape but the curtan will hard and be imbobile. If the subject starts to struggle the water temperature will rise rapidly until subject melts and flows into the drain (mouth). Scp-3064 makes scp-3018-2 after it has claimed a victim scp-3018-2 can take any form of a creature it has come in contact with via sight. with the mass of the victim without gaining the abilities this is to try to lure a victim to scp-3018. Scp-3064-2 is a clear gelatinous blob of human matter. Scp-3064-2 can terminated with a blunt object. However scp-3018-2 is extremely hostile if any human it comes in contact with doesn't follow it to scp-3018 and when enraged it becomes extremely strong with whatever form it is in. Scp-3064 will fog and steam any cameras watching it. Scp-3064-2 does not take any special abilities of the creature it is posing as. Scp-3064 origins are currently unknown.
Deleted at -23 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
I'll only make major points, as there are many errors with this article:
I strongly recommend you to read more of Series II, III and IV to grasp the current standards and the structure of an article3, also the Writing Guide for more info on formatting. Also, make a sandbox and use the forums for feedback before posting next time.
Good luck!
SCP-3656 is a humanoid standing at 1.71 meters tall. SCP-3656 appears to wear a white mask with a black squiggle going through it vertically, its mask is said to be a part of its body. SCP-3656's body is covered in what seems to be a ripped-dark cloth. SCP-3656 has no arms, but it does have dark, simple legs. SCP-3656 can run, walk, and sit, it doesn't talk but it can communicate by using body language (nodding, etc). There are only two thing that SCP-3656 can get injured by or can't go through, damascus steel and carbon steel. SCP-3656 is easily threatened by damascus steel.
Deleted at -23 and three votes.
I'm gonna just keep this brief, because there isn't much here to even go off of:
Initially there was no ratings module - this is usually a red flag in terms of whether the person has followed a guide or not.
The idea itself reads like a creepypasta, I will be honest. Cliche 'monster that's relatively tame until provoked into a 'rage state'' sort. This is not a good idea, simply for the fact that the Foundation doesn't just contain 'monsters' — the things the Foundation contains generally breaks the norm in terms of reality or general universal workings, and in all honesty a generic monster will not cut it.
Lastly, the article itself is also very brief. You have the containment procedures, the description, and that's it. No addenda, no discovery logs, nothing else. An article this short and this lacking in feedback comes off as sloppy or hastily written.
Overall, I seriously encourage you to spend time drafting your ideas, running them by people on the forums and in the IRC (#site19, #thecritters) and doing the reading work. Understandably anyone new to the site would be excited to get their first article up, but if you're not gonna really put in the effort as well as making sure people will take to the concept, you'll soon find it won't work out.
The concept here is a monster with a mask, and what does it do? Kill people. There is nothing here in the core idea alone to interest the reader. The tone is a miss, you use words such as "squiggle", which is anything but clinical, and have overly-specific measurements for subjects like the containment chamber when you can just call it "a standard containment chamber". Why is iit here? What is so special about this thing? What is here to interest me? -1
SCP-3062 is a 53cm tall ficus bonsai that is planted in a ceramic black pot. SCP-3062’s branches, trunk and leaves are a pale pink colour. The leaves have a slight green tint, indicating the presence of chlorophyll. The trunk and branches are able to be compressed slightly and have a smooth texture. The leaves of SCP-3062 are very thin but are still composed of the same material as the trunk and branches. SCP-3062’s roots are darker than other sections of the object and they resemble the inner layers of human intestines.
Deleted at -12 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
Meh. The effects are not cliche but not interesting enough to grab me. I see somewhat of a narrative presented here, but it's not that satisfactory. There's also a few hiccups pop up here and there.
No vote.
I have read the "plant what is actually skin/muscle/whatever" a few times before, and the tacked-on seeming hint that this is the beginning of a greater narrative does not sufficiently make this article stand out from the rest. There is also some clunky phrasing. -1.
SCP-3975 is currently taken the form of human boy, however unlike any normal boy SCP-3975 is covered in small, scar like openings across his legs, arms and face. A black unknown substances that has been given the name ███████ can be seen in these scars but most noticeably cover all of its left eye moving around like another organism. As of know scientist don't know if ███████ makes SCP-3975 blind in its left eye. SCP-3975'S seems to have the ability to change the way his clothing looks, however the scientist in the facility don't know how SCP-3975 can do this. SCP-3975'S was first found on the out skirts of ██████████████ in 1925 by Dr ████, SCP-3975 will only allow Dr ████ to touch it, however recently it has a allowed a D Class subject to come near it and touch it for some unknown reason. This subject is D Class - ███. SCP-3975'S behaviour throughout the day has been no different to a human child, it can been mostly seen skipping around its cell or using the black substance to draw on the walls of its cell. Due to this members of staff have to you bio suits to clean this substance off the walls and floors to use in testing. When members have touched this substance SCP-3975 can be seen reacting in pain depending on how much force is used to remove the substance. Substance is then taken to ██████████ for testing however all test have resulted in failure.
Deleted at -23 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
Criiiiiiiit.
Initial nitpicks:
████ ████.:
You have redactions in your containment procedures. Do not redact anything in your containment procedures. How are the personnel supposed to know where it's at if you're blanking it out on official documentation? They can't just wander around until they find the damn thing!
SPC:
This I am fairly sure isn't even remotely tied to the parody Shark Punching Centre, so this should be SCP. The fact that so many instances of SPC are dotted across the article actually baffles me.
Words.:
[…]SPC-3975 in containment as OF now[…]
Random CAPITALISATION of whole word is random. Please check for stuff like this!
SPC-3975's cell must be guarded 24/7 by heavily armed guards, at least 2. That have been trained to protect the foundation from powerful humanoids from breaching.
Random period is random. I'm fairly certain that should be a comma, so that this is all one sentence divided neatly.
SPC-3975 is currently taken the form of human boy,[…]
Grammar what. Rewords to 'currently takes the form of a human child' makes more sense.
As of know scientist don't know if ███████ makes SPC-3975 blind in its left eye.
Er…what? Did you mean: 'Currently personnel do not know if this substance has rendered SCP-XXXX blind in the affected eye.'
Okay my point is there is a lot of wording inconsistency, botched use of grammar and sentence structure, as well as an ungodly amount of redactions. Please check out the guide to clinical tone for information on consistent wording that fits clinical standard, as well as this guide on data expungement for help with what makes for good redactions. Tossing in a bunch of random redactions, especially repeatedly, clutters the article immensely. People won't care if you seen it in a mainlist, series one article, standards have changed since and people are less likely to favour it unless it is contextually appropriate.
Concept:
[…]it can be seen going into a fit of rage causing the black substances to take the form a medieval weaponry for unknown reasons.
Rage state cliche.
Overall, I…really don't get what this is supposed to be? Okay, it's a kid with magic black goo powers. So…what? What's differentiating this here from your average, Mary-Sue creepypasta? Because that is the vibe I am getting from this, and I am obligated to be honest about it.
Why is the Doctor and this one random D-Class so unique? I don't get it, and it leaves me questioning — and not in the good kind of way, either.
Overall thoughts:
This is littered with grammatical inconsistency, punctuation flaws, unnecessary redactions at literally every corner and is honestly not an interesting concept. It looks to me like another case of 'creepypasta monster idea'-turned-SCP — not to mention we have a ton of humanoid SCPs already, so finding anything unique for a new one in general is, in all respects, fairly difficult.
It also reads like there has been no feedback given, either — I strongly recommend running any ideas you have over with people in the forums (drafts, ideas/brainstorming) and the IRC chats (#site19, #thecritters) for appropriate feedback on content and structure.
-1.
SCP-3915 is a blue paperback book, determined to have approximately 30 pages written in black ink. SCP-3915's front cover reads the title "Children's Guide To Psychology", published in 2010 by ████ Education. No records of the author exist, neither the existence of any other copies.
Deleted at -17 and three votes.
Feedback Ported:
The only issue I have is less-than-clinical tone, specifically phrases such as "Fragile limbs ripping," "spouting gibberish" and "went mad". Language like that works well in traditional fiction such as SCP tales, but for item articles, clinical tone is vital.
Using a sandbox and getting feedback from the forums before posting to the main list will help you catch problems like that and avoid getting downvotes.
Well, they do say in their author post that they used the sandbox.
That being said, author, rujo_king is right about tone, including those specific examples. The idea that formed this (the one you cite in your author post, though the inclusion of a slur as inspiration was probably a bad start) is a one-off joke, and the article reads as having the same lack of depth. It doesn't have much context other than "bad things happening to or around kids" and that's some heavy subject matter that needs meaningful narrative to balance it out.
I want as much critique as I can. Remember, downright downvoting the page without telling me anything won't let me improve!
The mainsite is only for finished works, and people aren't required (or obligated) to explain their vote when something is on the mainsite. This is what you should have done in the sandbox stage.
An article using SCP-931 in its URL and SCP-3002 in the text, both of which are already claimed spots:
Scp-3002 appears to be a average sized book in a grey binding with a unknown symbol on the cover, said Symbol has yet to be confirmed on what it is, only on a potential Celtic origin. Scp-3002 also seems to have no visible author. The pages on Scp-3002 have no wear or any blemishes, as if it were new. Scp-3002, although having a small size, actually seems infinite. Scp-3002 contains apparently information on every and any item in the world, in any time period including people. Upon reading Scp-3002, all D-Class personnel seem to get a fascination with the book. At that point, D-class will become obsessed with it and begin hastily looking for random topics and items with accuracy, as if the knew exactly where the book would be. Staff had to forcibly take Scp-3002 from its viewer. Scp-3002 is to be contained in a metal pedestal in a small sized room with a security guard checking in occasionally. After a Researcher removed Scp-3002 from its containment and locked themselves in their office for about 6 hours, a bulletproof glass case has been put on the pedestal over it.
Deleted at -29 and three votes.
SCP-3067, literally just Venom from Spider-Man (he was the one in the shittiest movie, right?), summarily deleted with ARD doing an unprecedented 05 witness!
SCP-3064 is a red bra, made of linen, manufactured by ██████ █████████. However, SCP-3064's special trait is injecting some sort of an unknown substance inside female mammals' breasts, especially humans. When a female human wears SCP-3064, it will adjust it's cup size to fit perfectly on the subject wearing it, -23 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
This doesn't read very well, literally or in concept.
At the moment, it is a lot less like a scientific document (why is it unknown if the subjects feel pain? (ETA: Misread, as it says 'it is unknown how subjects don't feel pain'. But my point about it being a document lacking in scientific information stands.) Why is the substance unknown? The Foundation would do a lot of testing, and interview subjects) and more like some sort of fetish writing, with an excuse to make hypothetical boobs bigger, and do little else apart from that.
It would add to clarity if you made the 'spores' SCP-3064-1, but it isn't going to help the clumsy descriptive writing, nor the fact that this item is generally a dull concept, as it stands. Did you seek feedback on this idea before posting it?
It's not good when my most dismissive idea upon seeing the picture is what the article actually ends up being.
SCP-3062 is a glass eye composed of Glass, Green and Black paint, and an Unknown substance. SCP-3062 is called "The Third Eye" by foundation personnel. Because of the nature of SCP-3062 it is to be only taken out of it's glass container with something over the subjects hands. Any contact made with SCP-3062 will result in the glass eye sinking into your skin until it looks like a normal eye, -22 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Hi author. There are quite a few issues with this article.
Item #: 3062
Should be 'SCP-3062'.
Euclid/Keter
I rarely say you should 'never' do something, but I think in this case its appropriate. Object classes are firm and decisive. Pick one, not two.
Site 17
*Site-17
SCP-3062 is to be opened only on the rare occasion of a test.
Just say 'SCP-3062 is only to be opened during testing'. The 'rare occasion' bit is unnecessary fluff.
SCP-3062's chamber must be guarded by 2 Mobile Task Force members at all times.
1. Numbers below 11 should generally be spelled out, e.g. 2 -> 'two'.
2. Mobile Task Force agents aren't just generic high-level security like guards are- Mobile Task Forces are distinct groups of highly trained individuals, usually assigned to the retrieval of potentially dangerous SCP objects (hence the 'Mobile') and the control of anomalous phenomena.
SCP-3062 is a glass eye composed of Glass, Green and Black paint, and an Unknown substance.
1. You're telling us it's made of glass twice.
2. Why the random capitalization of words?
3. 'Unknown substances' are not only an overused trope, but are kind of anomalous in their own right- everything has some kind of chemical structure, and the Foundation certainly have the technology to discover it. Whatever it is.
SCP-3062 is called "The Third Eye" by foundation personnel.
No it's not. I'd cut this sentence entirely. Also, 'Foundation' should be capitalized.
Because of the nature of SCP-3062 it is to be only taken out of it's glass container with something over the subjects hands.
Poor clinical tone- 'SCP-XXXX is only to be handled with some form of hand protection.' would be more precise. Why is this mentioned here and not in the Special Containment Procedures?
sinking into your skin
Do not switch the tense mid-paragraph. It's very unprofessional and does not belong in an SCP document.
it self
*itself
Reading on, the quality of writing just becomes more atrocious. I would seriously suggest using a spellchecker in future, because this article is riddled with poor grammar and spelling.
The concept itself is fairly dull and uninspired- it's an object that does a bunch of very random, disconnected things because… reasons? There's nothing interesting or engaging that would make me want to know more. Could this eye belong to some kind of ancient deity or monster? Could it have been recovered from a forgotten tomb? Could it have even the slightest hint at a narrative backbone, rather than being a mishmash of generic superpower effects?
Author, this article is pretty bad. I'd suggest you refine your next concept on the ideas and brainstorming forum first. Then create a sandbox page in order to write out your first draft. Post a link to it on the drafts and critiques forum in order to receive feedback from other users before you post. You can also feel free to PM me or another member of staff if you find that the forums are too slow.
Best of luck!
SCP-3496 is a deteriorated skull (SCP-3496-A) and a bone of unknown region of the human anatomy (SCP-3496-B). SCP-3496 is of unknown descent, but is theorized to be from ████ ███████, but there are no current traces to the object with any museums in the specified region. Please view the Addenda for a more in-depth analysis of the objects, -21 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Let's see here, author.
glass chamber, a wooden top and bottom, with 'gold' (painted steel) on all corners as if it were support beams. Inside the chamber is a red cushion to preserve what is left of the object.
Is there a reason for this? I guess it's for the image, but the Foundation would not make a fancy container for no reason. Maybe you can change the image caption to "SCP-3469 displayed in a museum prior to its containment" or something similar?
SCP-3496 is to be supervised by research personnel every 12 hours, with one Senior Researcher and one Supervisor, along with a standard unit security officer as to prevent unorganized testing breaching of the object.
Why? According to the addendum, it urges personnel to do things, so why have people monitor it? > CCTV cameras are prohibited in the containment room, unlike the observation chamber, of which there are to be 2 monitoring CCTV cameras, both of which are to be faced away from the observing glass.
Why? The description and addendum don't say anything about cameras.
Please view the Addenda for a more in-depth analysis of the objects.
Addenda are generally not for in-depth analysis, it's used to add notes to the article. Sometimes the author hides certain aspects of the anomaly in the addenda for a twist, but general anomalous properties described in your addenda should be in the description.
I 'see' you
Why the apostrophes?
(luckily)
"Fortunately" fits better, and without the parentheses.
The second addendum is very unprofessional and does not reflect typical behavior of Foundation personnel at all.
There are no explanations on the behaviors of the objects and/or their behavioral properties.
Because anomalies are unexplainable things.
Why don't we just trash this one
Because of "Contain" and "Protect" in the Foundation's motto.
Very, very unique in it's behavior.
The anomalies presented here are not interesting at all, just a telepathic object and a compulsive object. Those types of anomalies have been very overdone and it's very hard to write them now without a strong story to support it. This article has no narrative to it and make it very boring. Imagine your SCP as not a simple generic magic object, but an object that stories can be told through. The article also feature logic holes, such as the unnecessary containment procedures. I recommend you to read more of the later series to grasp the site's current standards, and use the forums for feedback before posting next time.
Good luck!
SCP-3496 is a deteriorated skull (SCP-3496-A) and a bone of unknown region of the human anatomy.
This is now how anatomy works. If it's a bone from the human body, any medical professional would probably be able to identify it on the spot.
SCP-3496 is of unknown descent, but is theorized to be from ████ ███████, but there are no current traces to the object with any museums in the specified region.
Same deal. Forensic anthropology is a pretty solid field these days.
Beyond that, the tone issues throw this one fo rme.
I think there's a good concept here, but it requires a lot of polish and detail. There's very little detail in the description, nothing that explains the extremely specific containment procedures, and while there's the inkling of a good story, there's no follow-through. It just sorta starts and stops.
I'd also upgrade this to Euclid give the specific containment procedures, but that's just me.
Take this back to the draft boards and flesh this out some more. I'd like to see what becomes of this when there's some more meat on the bones, here. I think there's some good ground work (even if the idea, as-is, is currently a bit generic in relation to other SCPs), but you can definitely do more with this.
SCP-3950 is a retractable utility knife with signs of wear. The grip is a faded [REDACTED] color with no signs of any logo labeled on SCP-3950. Upon capture of SCP-3950 four (4) razor blades were in the holding compartment of the item, -21 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Most of this is just a weird magic super-knife.
This line, however, is an SCP in potentia:
3950 is allowed to be used for site ███ budget cuts.
"A knife what cuts abstract concepts" is interesting. Write about that.
Just to note that I have self-deleted my SCP-3250. I was never entirely happy with the result, wish to re-use the ideas present in it, and am feeling increasingly uncomfortable about some of the content.
SCP-3175 appears to be some kind of, cybernetic organic life form that shows a considerable amount of intelligence. We have debunked the theory of the life form as an artificial intelligence as many of our tests have shown that this creature has organic and synthetic structures inside, -27 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
There are a couple serious problems with this right off the bat, the most prominent being the lack of clinical tone, such as the following examples:
Example 1:
SCP-3175 appears to be some kind of, cybernetic organic life form that shows a considerable amount of intelligence.
Example 2:
We have debunked the theory of the life form as an artificial intelligence as many of our tests have shown that this creature has organic and synthetic structures inside.
"We, ours, yours, mine, etc." are violations of the passive voice of SCP articles, and are frowned upon, in general, within professional analytic writing.
Example 3:
Adding to the last notes, SCP-3175 appears to be a cybernetic xeno life-form that seems to appear to have the ability to control the space/time around it's body at short range, we calculated this to be around 25-50 mature radiuses from the creature itself.
As I was reading through, I took note of a proportionally large number of incorrect grammatical tenses, funky/odd sentence structure, poor word choice, and just general lack of good writing conventions.
Outside of the writing, the general concept of "Dangerous cyborg organism is dangerous" is something that's been done several times over on the wiki. It might have won some merit if the idea had been taken anywhere, but it doesn't develop. There's no plot, no tangible storyline, and even if there was I'm not sure it would matter because the writing conventions aren't there.
The first question that jumps to mind is, "Did you get feedback?" In it's current state, this certainly doesn't look like it, but I won't jump to conclusions. Please use the sandbox, and the forums. -1
SCP-3175 is contented
I'm assuming this should be "contained" not contented. An error literally three words in earns a downvote, which doesn't change upon reading the rest of the article.
All I can say is, read current articles to get a flavour of what works and what doesn't.
Sozzers.
alright, here's a line by line.
In addition its chamber should be lined with reality anchors to seal the chamber from any anomalous activity such as dimensional portals and other anomaly's that may hinder the structural integrity of the facility itself.
first up, anomalies and contained are misspelled.
No electronic devices (Except CCTV/Surveillance) maybe permitted inside or entering SCP-3175 chamber, SCP-3175 has shown extensive inelegance tests that link to programming and hacking devices such as computers. Surveillance cameras must be placed behind security cages to prevent any tampering with facility equipment within the chamber.
alrighty, intelligence is misspelled, and the ability to hack computers is mentioned nowhere else either. maybe throw that in the description.
Description: SCP-3175 appears to be some kind of, cybernetic organic life form that shows a considerable amount of intelligence. We have debunked the theory of the life form as an artificial intelligence as many of our tests have shown that this creature has organic and synthetic structures inside. Blood samples show no coloration with any type of blood on record, SCP-3175 blood has a rich, pinkish tone to it, slight metallic scent and somewhat thick.
don't use 'some kind of'. instead of saying 'we have debunked..' use 'SCP-3175 is not an artificial intelligence, as proven by testing' or something like that. also, a lot of this is a run-on sentence.
SCP-3175 is the fact that it has no arms or legs but some type of, anti-gravity nodes built into its ankle, torso, shoulder and writs areas on its snake like body. SCP-3175 also has quite the unique colourings, we are not sure of this is for camouflage but more test are advised to determine who or what this creature is and where did it originally come from.
again, don't use 'we'. also, the first sentence is a mash-together of a few different sentences. wrists is misspelled. also, if you dont know where it came from, why do you say below that you think it was from the government? and, which government? and why did the CI and PL have it?
SCP-3175 is believed to be a prototype government [DATA EXPUNGED] and is considered highly dangerous and unpredictable. SCP-3175 also had other Anomalous items present on date of capture. Objects tied to SCP-3175 currently in containment are:
SCP-3175-1: A sword of some type of energy sword made of an unknown material that does not appear on the periodic table nor does the swords strange every level.
SCP-3175-2: A submachine gun of unknown properties that appear to be related to object 3042-1 they both show characteristics of the same unknown material. This object has the same energy readings of the 3175-1 as satiated before.
anomalous shouldn't be capitalized, and the sword sentence is a mash up. also, 'every level' should be 'energy level'. anyways, what qualifies as an 'energy sword'? maybe elaborate on that.
Adding to the last notes, SCP-3175 appears to be a cybernetic xeno life-form that seems to appear to have the ability to control the space/time around it's body at short range, we calculated this to be around 25-50 mature radiuses from the creature itself. This anonymous trait which can resort into a catastrophic damage to the [DATA EXPUNGED] due to fluctuations that could even cause problems ranging from altering its molecular structure, for example SCP-3175 can change its physical formas size, this is not quite shape-shifting but this is to be taken into consideration for its containment procedure as well as the anomaly that SCP-3175 can somewhat, unstably control reality. For example, SCP-3175 is somewhat an inter-dimensional being.
why have this section here? move it up to the main description, and remove 'adding to the last notes'.
On the date of capture agent ████████, agent ███████ had infiltrated Prometheus Labs on ██/██/████ at ██:██:██ it was to believe that the The Chaos Insurgency was at the location of the incident at Prometheus Labs. The rest of this information has been categorised as [TOP SECRET] by [DATA EXPUNGED].
unnecessary expungement. also, you previously stated this was governmental. as far i can tell, PL isn't.
prime thing
the end result is far, far too mary sue-ish. what we have is a snake-like cyborgish reality bending hacker with an energy sword and sub-machine gun.
that's too much. tone it down a bit, work on the tone, and perhaps work with one or two of the ideas, like maybe go for a artificially produced reality bender. that could be good. just, keep it up, dont give up, you'll get better.
SCP-3067 has been discovered in a forest in Canada 135km north form Quebec by a citizen named ██████ ██████████, class A amnesic has been provided, the origin of SCP-3067 is unknown and any search has been stopped after Dr.█████ has come to the conclusion "SCP-3067 has not been created by a human being and the search should not be continued for only resulting in a waste of money.", -21 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
it is unknown why it takes around twenty-four (24) hour to recover but it is thought to have a link to the rotation of the sun,
Rotation of the sun?
(reply to above)
Well that is roughly 1/24th of the sun's equatorial sidereal rotation (25.5 days) but yeah probably being one Earth day and all seems less of a leap…
(account deleted)
