Here it is, A Syringe. As always, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!
SCP-991 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-991.
Cool. One thing. you put an Addendum in the middle of the description. move it to the bottom.
Wouldn't it be a bit more consistent with other articles to make the syringe SCP-991 and the fluid SCP-999-1?
Also, IIRC, it's not "multiple personality syndrome", but "dissociative identity disorder".
Well, it seems like this one is still in limbo. It has been see-sawing between 0 and +1 for two days now, but has yet to reach +2 or -1 (that I've seen). If people downvoting could post here in the discussion why they downvoted (even if it is just "I don't find it interesting"), I would appreciate it. Constructive criticism breeds success!
I don't really see why the donor would not suffer from any ill effects. To be honest I was expecting that the liquid was some freaky life force mojo hidden the blood and can only be extracted by the needle, but the creep factor paled when I read that the donor would remain completely the same.
I quite like it. However, as minmin said, a lack of negative effects on the donor makes it less creepy than it potentially could be. Suppose, for example, in keeping with the idea that SCP-991-2 are apparently concentrated thoughts, memories, and emotions, having SCP-991-2 extracted from the body causes memory loss, lack of emotions similar to autism, and other effects akin to mental retardation?
That occurred to me but I didn't want to seem like it was trying too hard. Still, that seems to be one of the main issues, so I think I will work on incorporating that.
Hmm, I don't know. We already have a Soul Extractor with serious consequences for the donor; I don't really see that this article would be improved by making it hurt the donor directly.
Perhaps you could address the indirect harm — namely, violation of privacy. What if the object imparted precise knowledge to the donor of what had been transferred? Knowing exactly which of my private thoughts had just been drawn out of me and handed to someone else would make me positively sick with revulsion.
*edit: I fail at formatting.
SCP Wiki Administrator | Earth: We're all in this together.
I dunno, I can honestly say that that wouldn't likely bother me at all. But perhaps that's part of why I'm not liking this SCP article so far; I've never been one to consider my privacy sacred, so the whole concept just doesn't creep me.
Regardless of the cause, the "thought leak" caused by SCP-991 often results in the recipient becoming unhinged, especially if he or she receives multiple injections.
"Unhinged" is evocative, yes, but it's not a scientific term. Perhaps "…often causes mental illness in the recipient, especially if…" ? You detail the effects in the following sentences, so that's descriptive enough.
SCP Wiki Administrator | Earth: We're all in this together.
While I was writing it I debated on using "unhinged". I ended up deciding to include because, while it isn't precisely clinical, it is still a term that very accurately describes what I was going for, without being something ridiculous like "seems batshit crazy".
I really like this. I think it's nicely creepy without being utterly soul-destroying, which makes a pleasant change, and although it's similar to 158, it strikes me that with well over a thousand SCPs in its possession, the foundation is bound to find some which resemble each other.
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page revision: 1, last edited: 25 Feb 2021 03:57
