Epitaph / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Epitaph.

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Dr Gears 30 Mar 2010 19:38

I will be the very first to admit that this is not one of my stronger bits of work. I was honestly looking for some way to "flesh out" Gears a bit more, and sort of shoehorned Iceberg in to it. If it's rubbish, please say so, or let me know how to improve it…or both. I like some of the stuff this touches on, but the flow and form bug me.

…then again, I dislike about 75% of everything I write, so I may have a bias…

Sophia Light 30 Mar 2010 20:27

The beginning seems a bit long, and it didn't hook my attention greatly. Sorry I can't offer any more specific advice then that- maybe more paragraph bits, especially at the start of a new character speaking, might help with that.
The description was great, and the second half caught me, and I saw what you were getting at loud and clear. Overall, pretty awesome!

LaranosTZ 30 Mar 2010 21:09

I have to agree about the first part, but then…I guess the first thought that comes to me about this is 'deliberate,' like the entire thing is written in the same tone that Gears uses every day of his life.

I think it's a good retelling though of a somewhat common theme, that of someone that has to deal with the horrors of their life, and has adapted to it in a way that makes him excluded from people in general.

RhettSarlin 30 Mar 2010 22:57

it definitely fleshes out the character, i appreciate this work. it's not your typical SCP story, but these are things that happen in the foundation as well. i understand and appreciate the story. dont dislike it, it's not a story of horror that you do so well, it's a story of humanity within seeming inhumanity. this is somewhat how i saw gears, i am glad to have my suppositions supported.

one question: what "literature" was gears referring to? i dont recall anything being mentioned. if that was intentionally left out then ok, just want to make sure on that

Last edited on 30 Mar 2010 23:09 by RhettSarlin Show more

Dr Gears 31 Mar 2010 00:54

It was something of a cover on Gear's part. He knows that The Foundation has the paranoia of a late-stage Hitler, and was trying to cover things a bit in case the doctor got suspicious.

RhettSarlin 31 Mar 2010 01:03

ahhh ok makes perfect sense. i've seen that kind of thing in movies time and time again and usually love it but somehow i didnt read that scene that way, though in retrospect i definitely should have. (specifically, his voice taking on that "odd toneless quality" again should have tipped me off)

Last edited on 31 Mar 2010 01:05 by RhettSarlin Show more

Dr Gears 31 Mar 2010 00:51

Hummm…i have to agree on the opening bit. I'll see what I can do to speed it up a bit, or break up the somewhat ponderous flow. This is well outside what I normally write, so I'm glad it didn't immediately tank. I'll have to see about tweaking the tone a bit as well, but overall I'm glad I at least got the concept across.

MisterFlames 31 Mar 2010 02:52

I suppose I can see what the others are talking about, although the beginning didn't bother me at all. I rather liked the flow of the tale. Since it's a character piece, I wasn't expecting really wild things, I was expecting character. And I got it. Thanks, Gears.

AdminBright 31 Mar 2010 05:43

I liked it.

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Admin, SCP Wiki

Pair Of Ducks 31 Mar 2010 19:21

I like it, too.

But I admit, there's a few writing issues with this one. A few awkward sentences/word choices.

Idea is solid though!

Dr Gears 31 Mar 2010 23:58

If you'd be good enough to help out a bit with some of that, I'd be grateful. My writing style is…stiff, sometimes, and I'm a wretched proofreader. just if you have time

Dr Motive 01 Apr 2010 12:26

I liked it a lot. I also liked the writing beyond the first paragraph, whose sentences seemed a bit long and stilted.

I always enjoy a story which fleshes out a character of the Foundation mythos. Is this suppose to fit into a series of stories about Senior Staff introducing their protégés as the new guard? Like Clef's recent story set in the future, the end of Wanderlust, and A Evening with Bright.

Last edited on 01 Apr 2010 12:26 by Dr Motive Show more

Deacon_Blues_117 30 Nov 2010 17:55

This is, in my not-so-frakking-humble opinion, a really good story. The tone fits in with Dr. Gears' deliberately detached personality, and helps explain how it became so.

I ran across a quote from an RPG the other day that reminded me of this. The character is from a fantasy RPG (either D&D or GURPS Dungeon Fantasy, apparently); he's a semi-disillusioned old paladin, who's had to compromise his ideals a few times in the interests of the greater good. One piece of advice offered in-character to a new party member:

"To protect everyone's smiles you need to sacrifice your own. Because in the end none of this really is about what YOU want."

I get the feeling from this story that Gears (the character, just to be plain, not the real person) feels the same way about what the Foundation has to do.

Crayne 09 May 2012 11:11

I upvoted at:

The officer on the security cameras for that area took almost no notice, logging only “Doctors passed, injured.”

Aside from being a very well-executed character study of Gears this piece also documents the insanity that being in the business of containing and studying SCPs brings with it without resorting to LOLFoundation reports of whacky antics and suicide watches. This one line tells me so much more about the general apathy creep, the emotionally blunting effect of being exposed to a truth that does not belong in a rational worldview.

Bravo.

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