The Talk / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Talk.

Awkward Repetition:

Mage_Of_Cats 15 May 2017 06:06

Quote: "We've all been under the heel of the Foundation for too long. The public — no, the world — deserves to know about the evils that haunt this world."

You say 'the world' and then 'this world.'

It seems like easily avoidable repetition.

"We've all been under the heel of the Foundation for too long. The public — no, the world — deserves to know about the evils that [have been hidden for so long.]"

Something like that.

I don't know.

Please reply if you'd like to discuss this further.

I like what you've written here, by the way.

Dr0Shadow 15 May 2017 20:08

Fucks sake. We now have the addition of inconsistent formatting alongside the same problems that exist with the rest of this series. This is barely 4 paragraphs, at this rate this will be bloody unsustainable. You can't just keep dripfeeding story to us, people will catch on after awhile and downvote this series into the next century.

In my opinion, This doesn't belong on the wiki; this is Tumblr fanfiction quality writing.

-1. Please take a step back and just follow the advice people gave on the last tale.

Last edited on 15 May 2017 20:14 by Dr0Shadow Show more

DrMagnus 15 May 2017 20:16

Two things.

1) There's nothing that says you have to consistently format your tales.

2) You're not providing any criticism beyond "I don't like this", which is normally fine, but you're being seriously way too venomous about it.

If you're going to give feedback, give feedback on the tale, avoid ad hominems against the author, and calm the heck down.

Staff Post - Open

Taffeta 15 May 2017 20:21

Turn it down with the attacks against the author. If you can't give feedback without being an obnoxious cock about it ("this is Tumblr fanfiction quality writing") I daresay you should leave it to someone who's both more level-headed and has actually written a successful piece for the site.

Please take a step back and be more mindful of how you deliver your critique next time.

Mod Post- Closed

ProcyonLotor 15 May 2017 20:22

1) Magnus is right on all points.

2) You're well out of line here, Dr0Shadow, as you have frequently been in the past. If you continue to leave these kinds of comments, expect disciplinary action.

Last edited on 15 May 2017 20:23 by ProcyonLotor Show more

psul 16 May 2017 20:39

The abandonment of the novelty device and the plot gears starting to grind is exposing the relatively shallow writing. The introduction of a moustache-twirling villain cliche is another unfortunate development.