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Summary deletions result for:
Scp 2893 is a teddy bear bank named Roza.It can hold up to $1,000,000 inside of it.It's partner scp 2893-B is a small panda figure that is stuck to scp 2893.Anyone who sees Scp 2893 is called Scp 2893-A.Scp 2893 will sometimes offer $1,000 to whoever sees it.If you take all of the money then you die, -27 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
1. Why are you using hyphens instead of colons at the end of the section titles (Description, Containment Procedures). Why aren't the section titles in bold? Why is Euclid capitalized?
2. Why is AT ALL TIMES capitalized?
3. Up to 1,000,000 in what? Gold? Pennies?
4. So, the base anomaly is called SCP-2893, subjects who see the base anomaly are called SCP-2893-A, and there's a weird panda figure that's called SCP-2893-B…? The way the designations progress makes no sense.
5. What happens if you take three-quarters of the money? What if you take $3.50? Does nothing happen?
6. Its owner? What does that mean? What does SCP-2893-B do? You never explained.
7.
•spikes repeatedly stabbing your hand
•poison gas coming from Scp 2893-B
•brainwashing
•bullet to the head
•Memory loss
Spikes from where? What kind of poison? Brainwashing? What does brainwashing even mean in this context? Where does the bullet come from? Do these effects occur if you take half of the money or all of it? It doesn't specify, and only a few of these could kill you.
8. Why is it Keter or even, why was it originally Euclid?
9. How do they know SCP-2893's name?
Dr. ████ tested Scp 2893 and got results
Dr.████: hello Scp 2893
Scp 2893: …
Dr ████: do you have anything to say?
Scp 2893: do you want $1,000?
Dr.████: no thank you…
After that Scp 2893 was never experimented again…
What was the point of that? I didn't learn anything new. If it was never experimented on again, how did they figure out what happens if you take all or some of the money? The doctor took no money.
11. Is this some kind of item that you own? It's ridiculously specific, and some parts are underdeveloped.
12. Why is there no space after your periods?
Part of me really wants to to help re-write this Scip, there is some interesting elements. I think if this ends up getting deleted, you should consider bringing the same idea back to the Critiques and Drafts section of the site and get peoples insight and advice. Some of my favorite articles are the ones where multiple people collaborate on an idea to make it rich and full.
Some thoughts:
Scrap the Panda - unless you have a clear reasoning for its presence, I say either scrap it, or ellude to its existence as a separate but similar entity. Perhaps this is a toy designed by a certain toy company, or one of its competitors, to teach children economics? Toys like this might have more than one option for "Teaching" so you might think about different ways the same result or lesson could be taught to people, and what "new features" an additional style might have.
What if it didn't just kill you? What if this bear had additional methods for inflicting torture than just killing. Does the bear hold any anomalous ability other than being able to hold large sums of money? How does it talk, or is that an anomalous property? Does becoming its owner have additional issues, consequences or circumstances applied to it? Why was testing discontinued?
There is a LOT to play with here. And answering some or all of these questions (or completely different ones) could give this Scip a richer story and help you move to the grammatical editing part. But you do need to take it back to the drawing board.
Good luck.
Scp 2597 is a red and green lizard that is 2 feet tall.It needs heat all the time or else it will get aggressive and attack.If Scp 2597 attacks find a safe area to hide and contact the MTF immediately.The temperature that Scp 2597 should be in is 180°F.The members of the foundation nicknamed Scp 2597 "the easy growing lizard".When Scp 2597 is around another Scp it becomes more friendly, -24 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Author, this article is rather short, and doesn't really offer anything substantial. It's a lizard that gets big and… that't it. There's no interesting hook or substance to keep a reader engaged. Your tone and formatting are way off as well. I highly suggest that you receive feedback on your work before posting next time.
Scp 2597 is to be kept in a hot open spaced room in sector ██.
How hot is "hot"? After all, 21°C/70°F is hot… if you're native to a polar climate, and it would be downright chilly… if you're native to the tropics or places on the equator.
SCP-2593 is a male human of ██ years. Every organic life form having physicall contact to SCP-2593 shows symptoms of deseases written in SCP-1025 and dies within █ hours. SCP-1025 doesn't seem to suffer from any deseas. Experiment 412-████-██: An experiment on D-1025-500-01 using SCP-1025 and a cloned version of SCP-500, -21 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Although SCP-2593 is a human being the object should be treated like any other SCP
Have you read any human scips? They're always treated like objects. Heck, SCP-2134 flat out says it.
Overall, this is just a dude that can poison you, which isn't interesting. Mixing two well-known scips together can't hold an article up. There are various spelling errors(one I caught was "toilett")
Please, put all your drafts in a sandbox and have those drafts critiqued in chat and/or the forums. Also, read more SCPs and the guides.
First off, it is too short. Next, it really depends on SCP-038 and SCP-1025. The test logs seem to ignore the fact that SCP-1025 doesn't actually give you diseases, just makes people paranoid that you have the diseases. I
n Addendum 2593-2, humanoids are already just treated like that, so it is redundant.
In Addendum 2593-1, annihilated is extremely strange word choice, remember: this is a document that in-universe, someone would give to a superior, it has to be clinical. Also, why must it's clothes be destroyed? You don't give reasons why. There are various grammar errors. Finally, it is just a boring idea. it is just D-class what gives people diseases.
I recommend you get a sandbox, then get feedback on the forums, as clearly, you haven't.
I took the liberty of fixing the grammatical issues for you.
Author, relying so heavily on other articles makes it look like it's trying use the success of those SCP's to make yours better. Unless there's a very good reason for it, I advise against it.
I see some misspellings for one thing. This SCP seems to ride the coattails of other, more important SCPs. If anything, this should be in the testing log for -038 but I do believe that -500 clones either work or don't work without any weird side effects. As for the idea in general, it's just a guy who spreads diseases to everything it touches. It's not very interesting, especially with this crutch of cross-experimentation. -1 from me.
deseases
diseases
That part alone made me down vote hard. If you lack the effort to spell check common words then I'll put in the same amount of effort to review your piece.
Please seek assistance from the critique forum for your future works.
SCP-2671 are two sets of pillows refer to SCP-2671-1 and SCP-2671-2. Anyone who lays down will start to get sleepy and soon they will sleep. Whenever someone sleeps on a bed containing them they will experience someone whispering to them. If they continue laying down for about 30 seconds, then they will become paranoid. Many tests have been conducted to record the whispering, -21 and three staff votes.
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A 5m x 5m bed wouldn't even fit into most bedrooms. Why is the bed so big?
SCP-2568 is an oak wood closet door located in ███████. SCP-2568 is on the 23rd floor. Because of this, it is difficult of moving SCP-2568. When SCP-2568 is opened it will lead to a "void". Testing shows that when walking inside SCP-2568 it will lead them back out. The reason for this is unknown; testing is still ongoing, -21 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
There is a sandbox wiki for work in progress. You should finish writing your skip on that site before posting it on the main site (the link can be seen under the "New Member Info" section of this site, on your left).
You should not post a Work in Progress on the main site, so I had to downvote it.
SCP-2576 is a male human of Middle-Eastern origin roughly 1.7 meters tall and weighing 54 kilograms. The exact age of SCP-2576 is unknown. SCP-2576 has proven to be highly intelligent in fields specific to mathematics but displays symptoms of chronic Amnesia. SCP-2576 has been engaged in interviews with Dr.██████ and is noted as extremely polite yet rather obsessive of its desire to escape, -20 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
This is a pretty standard SCP, but I do enjoy to horror of cruel containment. Although I feel that the middle-eastern origin is supposed to be a reference to something. It would be interesting to add a testing or incident log of the alternate realities leaking into ours or something about its origin. At these low temperatures, how does this SCP survive? Is it immune to the physiological effects of the cold but can still feel it as painful? Some of the lower level powers like levitation aren't too much of a problem and the foundation has contained SCPs with stronger stuff. I did notice a misspelling error with "storey" and I found that making an SCP promise not to use their powers was pretty useless and out of character.
+1 from me.
SCP-2576 is to be kept in a high-security containment cell with walls consisting of 12 cm aircraft grade Aluminum
I may be mistaken here, but I think the last thing you want is to use a good thermal conductor such as a metal for a Containment room that you need to keep cooled.
Foundation personnel may only interview SCP-2576 from a speaker-microphone system implemented into the walls of SCP-2576's containment cell
Microphones and speakers are extremely sensible to temperature, so you should write that the system is adapted to the extreme temperatures.
In the event of a containment breach, standard X-6 protocols must be initiated as retrieval of SCP-2576 is of utmost importance since SCP-2576's anomalous effects may cause a Z-9A end-of-the-world scenario.
There should be some explanations about those "X-6 protocols" and "Z-9A scenario".
Given the massive powers of your SCP, i think you should explain how the Foundation managed to find and catch him.
SCP-2576: C-can I g-go? P-please?
Dr.██████: Only if you promise not to destroy our world nor leave it and let us study you.
The answer of the doctor sounds rather…childish (unless it's sarcastic).
We need to keep a close eye on this thing. It said that it "can't control" which I assume might be its own powers. What I can deduce is that it is able to control its powers to some extent but details such as where the portals lead to is not under its control. We need to investigate this further if possible.
That's Sherlock level of deduction here ! (and a bit naive at the same time, reality benders can lie)
Overall, it's a "all-powerful but cannot control its powers" reality bender SCP, a thing really cliché unless you make it original. The temperature gimmick is interesting but isn't enough to really set it apart from the cliché, so I had to downvote.
I feel that this SCP is trying to take aim at being a semi-duplicate of SCP-682 or something along those lines. Although, it might just be me.
(reply to above)
There is literally nothing here that relates this to SCP-682. 682 is a reptile that can't die because of regeneration and adaption; this is a man with telekinesis and teleportation.
Overall, this isn't very interesting. It seems like a mishmash of abilites put into oneperson with out any story to it. The interview log did nothing to characterize the scip.
The Day When McDonalds opened a restaurant in site-19, This is the detailing of the Site-19 incident where multiple SCPs have breached. The Incident is believed to be the result of the popular fast food place "McDonalds". Several Foundation agents have been tasked with looking into the matter, but no one has real proof of McDonalds doing something. But O5-█ thinks it is a good idea anyway, -23 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Alright. I'm going to assume that this isn't a shitpost. (If it was intended as a shitpost, I'm afraid you're a week late - April Fools is the target date for that.)
There's a lot of flaws in the concept of this tale, to start. Yes, Maccas (Australian for McDonalds) is a huge fast food chain, but I don't think they would be aware of the Foundation - the Foundation strives on secrecy, and it generally seems to be canon that a huge portion of the world's population would have no idea about it. I strongly suspect Maccas would be part of this portion. This issue extends to the remainder of the tale as well; The Foundation struggles to obtain any information on what should be a fairly easy-to-infiltrate company, that even literally has a branch in one of their facilities.
Another issue is the exorbant amount of money that Maccas spent repairing the resturant. Even for a multi-million dollar company, spending $1.5 million is a huge amount on any single resturant - it would be far, far more likely that they would have simply abandoned the establishment, cutting their losses.
Ronald McDonald isn't the CEO of Maccas; he is the mascot. A quick google search shows that Steve Easterbrook is the current CEO of Maccas.
Giving the codes to the on-site nuclear warheads to a resturant chain is an impecibly bad idea. The vast majority of members on the site probably dont even know the nukes exist; giving the codes to detonate them to fast food employees just doesn't seem reasonable at all.
Similar to the 'Maccas aware of Foundation': I don't think Maccas would be aware of, let alone involved with, the Chaos Insurgency. Perhaps if you presented it well enough, you could pull it off, but in this case it isn't done well enough to justify it.
The ending ('This controversy may be believed by everyone or no one it still stands still.') is extremely counterproductive to the article; you spend the whole time explaining and exploring this controversy, establishing that it did in fact happen, then say that it's 'open to interpretation.'
Finally, the tone and presentation of the article is rather erratic. It doesn't come across as a factual recount or explanation of events at all, especially with the writer constantly including their opinions. 'it was a big resturant' may be true, but it's presented in an opinionated way.
Please seek feedback before posting another article, either on the forums or on the irc chat. It may take some time to get feedback, but I can assure you the information people give you will almost definitely help improve your further works and help them be more successful on the site.
For now, though, I have to downvote.
Breached, Personnel involved: Dr. Bawls, Prof. Kalian Croft, Captains ██████ and ████, Mobile Task Force Tango-9 (aka “Operation Unicorn”) Date: ██/██/██ Location: ██████, Russia Description: Mobile Task force Tango-9 set course for ██████ after having reports of 3 deadly SCPs breaching and killing any personal at Site ██. After reports of SCP-2729 breaking open a secured area helping with the breach of SCP-259, -18 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
This is a very rough, generic breach event which serves little purpose other than to act as scholocky action material and further the purpose of science. While I have nothing whatsoever against schlocky action material or the occasional dab of science, the story does nothing to expand on its characters, create a coherent narrative, or act in a manner that manages to produce emotion on the part of the reader.
I recommend taking this back to the drawing board and/or forums, where you may receive great amounts of high-quality knowledge units with which you might supplement the entertainment value of your article.
I'm not the sharpest tack in the shed, I'll admit that easily, but I wasn't able to easily follow the 5 W's in this piece. Brevity can be the soul of wit, but being too brief is often bad for its own reasons. Flesh the idea out some more, give motivations to the actors, including the SCP itself, why did it do what it did?
SCP-3000: навсегда, SCP-3000 is a large block of stone like material found on Kholat Syakhl in the Ural Mountains of Russia. It is visually indistinguishable from a normal outcrop of rock found in a mountainous range, measuring 4.6m x 2.9m x 3.1m at its widest points. It is currently unknown if that the mountain peak that SCP-3000 came from also possesses the same properties, -18 and three staff votes.
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Initially downvoted, but switching to neutral after thinking for a minute. Under a lot of what Kalinin always called "ethical handwringing", there's a deeper level to the narrative here:
The Foundation showing the difference between cold and cruel. Despite the doctor's assumptions, the 05 council ultimately decides that no matter how useful it could be and how much they can learn from it, it simply isn't worth the cost. That's a side of the Foundation we don't see enough, and for me at least, there's more horror in a quiet and reluctant "Stop. We're done with this one." from the council than any amount of description could produce.
I think if you shifted the focus to that aspect, and weeded out some of the ethical lamentations in the doctor's note this would be exponentially improved.
I think if this were rewritten just a little, with more attention to pacing and some general cleanup, especially on that end note, then it could be a great mainlister. For SCP-3000 however there's just not enough going on really.
My main criticism for this entry is that I feel it's too rushed. I really think this is a solid basis for an engrossing narrative showing the progression of the research/opinions/whathaveyou has it makes its way up the chain in Foundation hierarchy. The stuff is objectively useful, but it's also the worst, and seeing the back-and-forth, objections, and supporters up until the O5 Council makes its final decision could be quite cool; kind of like an oral history. Do not abandon this, and I look forward to reading a future, beefed-up version if you do so.
The section where they received the full effects of 3000-1 because of not wearing adequate protection, despite no adequate protection being available, is…worded poorly, I think is the best way to say it.
I would try to put the lack of adequate protection before the full effects, as an explanation pre-fact, rather than double the statement post-fact.
Scp 2629 is a can of eyeballs that was made by the company Can O' Eyes.The eyes inside Scp 2629 is called Scp 2629-A.Any Consumption of Scp 2629 is not safe. The actions of Scp 2629 is not safe either.Scp 2629 Speak and understand English but doesn't say anything but "eyes".Dr ███ tested the taste of Scp 2629 and got symptoms of: Nausea,Nose bleeds,and diarrhea."it was like eating a can of [Data Enplunged]" says Dr ███, -17 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
I like "[Data Enplunged]" but the rest of this is just a mess. I wrote a Walkthrough for first time SCP writers so perhaps reading and seeking out feedback might help to create a better article if you should try again.
Why is the company "Can o Eyes" said like it was a company everyone knew about until this anomaly?
Description:SCP-2166 is a spatial anomaly affecting the ████ city.The SCP-2166-1 is a twisted demon face that encloses the garage of an abandoned buliding in the ████ city. SCP-2166-2 is a GOC agent dressed in French Uniform common to French policemen by the turn of the century.He was reported dissapearing in the ████ city. After the Agent's dissaperence,GOC agents were dispatched to the town to search for him, -22 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
Your image needs attribution to show you have permission to use it or that it is in the public domain, even though it's a rather famous photo of Café de l'Infer in turn-of-the-century Paris.
And by the way, that's not a "Nazi Uniform," it's the uniform of a Paris gendarme or police constable.
The brief overview of image and copyright policy is a good place to start, but my biggest issue with this? Formatting (and language use, but I'll get to that).
To preface this, I am critiquing this on a mobile device. It's all I have right now, so sorry bout that.
Aside from the copyright issue with the image, MAN is it huge. Especially on a phone, it hurts to look at. Definitely get that fixed. Another simple fix: BOLD TEXT. Seeing this can turn anyone off of an article without even reading it, hell, I know I was.
Now, Language:
-Not really worthy of a quote, but there should always be a space after periods, makes for a much smoother read
-Quite a few typos in the article
SCP 2166 is a spatial anomaly affecting the [Blackbox] city.
Think about word order here. If I said "I am from the Chicago city", you'd think my first language isn't english.
.The SCP-2166-1 is a twisted demon face that encloses the garage of an abandoned buliding in the ████ city.
Not sure what irks me about this sentence, maybe it's just put too bluntly. No real build up or intro.
GOC agents sent to the town of ████ were detected by the Foundation satelite TRAREC 2 in orbit at the velocity of 25 meters per second.
This is like specifying a test subject's fingernail length. Frankly, no one cares.
Other nitpicks:
Footnotes, namely, using them. It was pretty difficult to read through the section where you talk about the GAFAA between the period spacing (of lack thereof) and other typos and such.
Also, the cross reference to 682 when there's no reason to do so isn't good writing. Don't capitalize off of another successful article if it doesn't make sense.
Lastly, the interview. I have the same reaction as D-Class 5555A: What? From what I can tell, there's no exploration log to warrant it. There's no meat there, no point for being in the article. Unless it were heavily revised or had a narrative-driven reason for being there, I see no point.
I realize this article already isn't standing too well vote-wise, but I hope this helps.
SCP-3000: The apex predator by. M-9, SCP-3000 appears to not have a defined appearance, and appears as a black featureless cube. SCP-3000 becomes active when any sentient living being touches it, SCP-3000 will then transform into a Apex predator from any region in the world or SCP-682 (See Addendum-682-B) SCP-3000 is hostile to any life form and attacks any living being no matter species or class, -20 and three staff votes.
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under no circumstances is SCP-3000 to be spoken to at all and personnel are forbidden to speak to SCP-3000.
Redundant wording right in the first line.
SCP-3000 appears to not have a defined appearance, and appears as a black featureless cube
It doesn't have a defined appearance, and then the next moment you say it appears as a black cube.
That's kinda symptomatic of this article, it doesn't seem like a professional document and the Foundation doesnt seem like a professional organisation.
Examples: shoehorn of 682 into your article suggests you're riding on that article's popularity.
Only one experiment has been performed, but it's known that it can turn into at least five different things?
Someone showed it's picture of 682? What did they expect to happen? Did they think that was a good idea?
Self-insert for no real reason.
Mention of Dr Bright, again for no real reason other than "hey look, I mentioned Dr Bright!"
Illogical containment procedures - 18m thick blast doors? And if it gets out, there's a single machine gun? What makes the Foundation think that's going to stop something that can breach an 18m thick blast door?
Bottom line (and this is only my opinion, YMMV) this is a generic item that will kill you and doesn't elicit any feelings of engagement on the part of the reader.
SCP-2593 is a humanoid reptile-like creature measuring aproximately 0.94 m in height. Subject's hind legs store up energy so that when SCP-2593 steps down on them and pushes off, the energy is released, explosively driving it forward. research suggests the creature can run up to increased speeds of about 50 kph and can jump upward 18 ft. from a sitting position, -17 and three staff votes.
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I was going to ask the same question than Zyn's,
especially given the numerous typos ("maintenance" is never properly written, "humanoid" at the beginning of the description, "surveillance", "camouflage" in the containment procedures, etc…)
I think that your SCP starts well, the containment procedures are ok (watch out for the typos), and the beginning of the description is rather well written.
EDIT : some parts of the description are poorly written (such as the spring description with the "does so that" that I had to reread 3 times before understanding, you could put a comma between the "does" and the "so that").
However, the weakness part is just too fast.
EDIT : what I actually meant here is that it sounds fast when you compare here it with the heavy description in the rest of the article, it's out of style.
Moreover, I don't think your skip isn't that interesting, it's just a predatory (should be keter though) chameleon humanoid.
EDIT : It's a pretty common monster, actually, thus I don't feel engaged in the SCP. The issue is that beyond the writing, the idea itself in its actual form is too unoriginal and I don't have that feeling of uneasiness you have when you are reading good skips.
In other words, your skip is too flat to be interesting, you should find a way to "deform" it out of its own cliché state.
Sorry for no quotes, I'm on phone.
—-
Also, I don't see why you would give a special designation to its preys. They have no anomalous properties whatsoever.
Detail is not really the issue. I can spend all day writing a big monster and describe it down to every last scale, tooth, and claw, but if the idea and narrative supporting the article are weak, then it'll be a weak article.
—-
SCP-2593 is to be kept in its cell, a dark, 5 m x 5 m x 5 m
airtight steel chamber, at all times
Are the exact dimensions of the cell crucial to containment? What about the material make-up? Why does the cell need to be airtight or dark? From your description light would make this creature easier to contain if anything.
Muscles do not really function like that. Organic propulsion operates considerably differently from a simple spring.
research suggests the creature can run up to increased speeds of about 50 mph and can jump upward 18 feet from a sitting position. It also can leap up to 40 feet horizontally. Arms are about 0.63 meters long each with hands ending in 3.5 inch retractiles.
We use metric here (kph, m, & cm rather than mph, ft, in)
SCP-2593 has no eyes and has a melon shaped bump on its head below the jaw believed to contain sensory organs which facilitates sonar that's around 40 to 150 kHz.
Neither "melon shaped" nor "around" are very clinical phrases.
It is believed that this sound is used to see
I understand the oversimplification here, but using echolocation/sonar to navigate isn't really seeing per se. I would suggest just using "navigate" or "perceive its environment".
SCP-2593 also has a unique cell system called chromatophores just below the surface of the skin which helps it camouflage itself.
I wouldn't say unique, really. Chromatophores can be found across the animal kingdom, from mollusks to amphibians to fish to crustaceans.
SCP-2593 will also try to alter its body shape by softening it's bone structure
Skeletons are, by design, relatively hard and inflexible. How exactly would something regulate its bones like this?
Despite being a hairless white creature, SCP-2593 has tiny hairs on its hands and feet which helps it climb.
Having hair means it is not hairless, by definition. Also I'm not sure you should assign it a color when the nature of chromatophores means its color is not static.
The big problem with this article is that it's pretty uninteresting. You threw a bunch of predator traits together to make a big scary monster, but you're not telling any sort of story and this article lacks any sort of compelling element to keep a reader engaged or entertainment. I would strongly suggest that on your next attempt you think about the question words (why is this creature here? Where did it come from? How did the foundation find it? What is it and what does it want? etc.)
It would also be a good idea to create a sandbox page so you can receive feedback on your next article before posting here to the mainsite.
I have to question whether this creature is actually anomalous at all, to be honest.
It's fast, it's bitey, it's shocky - all things that already exist in the mundane world.
SCP-2593 also has a cell system called chromatophores just below the surface of the skin which helps it camouflage itself.
I'm sorry, and I'm not sure how to say this without coming across as kind of rude, but this sentence reads a lot like something from "baby's guide to cephalopods" instead of a scientific document. You could probably get away with just saying something like "SCP-2593 has chromatophores which aid in its ability to camouflage itself" or something similar. (Then again, one of the criticisms of my 3000 entry is that it reads like "medical terminology: the SCP" so take this crit as you see fit.)
Hell, you could just say "SCP-2593 has structures similar to chromatophores", with the description of chromatophores in a footnote.
The end result would be something looking like…
Chromatophores[[footnote]]Cellular structures containing pigment that aid in camouflage.[[/footnote]] are present within SCP-2593.
