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SCP-2893 is an extremely hostile humanoid figure of unknown origin that measures 1.7 meters in height and 35.4 kilograms in weight. The figure has completely black skin with no hair of any sort. SCP-2893 has no discernible eyes, nostrils, lips, tongue, uvula, reproductive organs, or facial features. SCP-2893 has razor sharp quills on it's palms and the front of it's toes, -20 and three staff votes.
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It's just a basic monster that kills you, with some unnecessary and cliché paranoia generation thrown in. Extra graphic detail on how specifically you get killed does not make the entry more interesting if that's all the entry focuses on.
Also, good gravy, break those giant blocks of text up into separate paragraphs.
After stunning its prey SCP 2893 will typically bite at the jugular vein, spine, or [DATA EXPUNGED] of the target to quickly incapacitate them in preparation of [DATA EXPUNGED].
Aaaaand you've just removed anything unique and gripping that this thing might be interesting to read about. Preparation for what? What could be so mind-blowingly distressing/important/secretive/classified that it had to be stricken? Do you as the author actually have it established, or was it redacted so you wouldn't have to come up with anything? The complete lack of context leads me to believe it was the latter.
Why is it so important that the part of the body that is bitten just cannot be known? Was it the butt? I'm guessing it was the butt.
Use black boxes when expunging names and locations. You should separate this into paragraphs. I saw several grammatical errors and I don't see the reason to expunge the other place it bites you, also the expunge from "in preparation for DATA EXPUNGED" doesn't seem necessary. Another thing that could be fixed is the part basically saying it has no facial features, you don't need to list every single thing its missing from the face, just say it has no facial features. also there is no dash in SCP 2893, it should be SCP-2893. Did you look for feedback in the forums? If not do that next time before you post.
SCP-2687 is an abandoned 1960s diner located in __ Massachusetts. Possessing over 250 square feet of the surrounding area, SCP-2687 only takes up 2/3 of this total area. Though the outside of SCP-2687 poses no real threat to anyone, or anything, there is is still a dominating sense of eeriness, anxiety, and sadness. When explored from the inside, SCP-2687 does not start having an effect on explorers until after five minutes of exposure, -19 and three staff votes.
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This is merely a classic haunted house - there's no real variations on the genre that make it interesting enough to warrant being a successful SCP. SCP-2740 does a much more interesting take on the archetype:subverting expectations while still retaining key aspects of the genre. This is a familiar haunted house story - familiar enough that I could guess its effects and how the story would play out from the first sentence.
SCP-2895 is an employee at the SCP facility. He is commonly referred to as John Johnson. SCP-2895 claims that to be his real name. SCP-2895 is 183 cm (6 ft) tall and weighs 86 kg (190 lbs). SCP-2895 appears to be a normal human being. SCP-2895 is a male Caucasian that has brown hair and blue eyes. SCP-2895 has this appearance no matter which job he's in, -19 and three staff votes.
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If SCP-2895, on the off chance, goes rouge in any way; only officials that are level 5 may order him to be terminated.
So he turns into makeup?
Thaumiel is a rarely-used class that refers to an SCP that is capable of containing, terminating or reversing the effects of other (keter-class) SCPs. This SCP doesn't meet that requirement or if it does, it isn't made clear here.
There are multiple tonal issues, as well as grammatical and spelling errors. Did you proofread the draft first?
File written by Dr. J███ J██████
So…is this an SCP that describes itself? The idea isn't bad but the execution needed a lot more polish in order to draw a reader in. You don't tell a story through the article, it's just an X that does Y. Occasionally it does Z as well.
Please take the time to read through all of the required and relevant guides and essays that relate to your idea.
Bounce your ideas and drafts off of the community first, and above all take their advice when given, especially from established authors.
We are more than willing to help you get off the ground, but you have to help yourself as well.
Surely the Foundation would just lock him up in such a way that he is constantly in line of sight of guards so he can't teleport or change jobs?
SCP-2658 is a light blue roller backpack weighing approximately 3.2 kilograms. The backpack's blue color is faded with dirt covering the bag. This worn appearance of the bag makes the backpack assumed to have been traversing multiple terrains in extended periods of time before recovery. The collapsible handle on the top of the backpack is broken, and will not collapse, -16 and three staff votes. Rewrite volunteered by Bluemorpho. Author permission has been given by
Cytroen.
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The biggest problem I have with this is that there is no story. If your premise has any advantage at all it's the potential for a story. You mention how its wear and tear indicates many years of use, possibly by many individuals, but then you just leave it at that and don't explore the possibilities that are set up.
SCP-2587-1 is a copy of the Shakespearean Play, "The Taming of the Shrew." When within 10 meters of SCP-2587-1, subjects will feel a slight urge to read the book. The urge is resistible unless someone makes skin contact with SCP-2587-1, in which the urge to read the play will increase drastically. When a sentient object reads SCP-2587-1, it will disappear after approximately 60 seconds, -15 and three staff votes.
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I like the concept, definitely needs a tune-up in some places though. Generally, the interviews feel odd, there's only one question being asked and then for some reason the subjects are being asked to follow the interviewer out. The door-closing sound effect feels unnecessary as well, I know it's supposed to be an audio log but it doesn't feel like it adds to it at all. Maybe you were trying to find a way to put in some "exiting stage" lines of the characters, but this feels forced. Additionally, the third addendum seems to be missing some words, not sure what Dr. Clark is asking.
Also, the test logs need some restructuring. Personal pronouns ("we" in this case) should be avoided unless someone is being quoted (unless you're 426). JoJo's test log doesn't say anything the interview didn't say, so maybe there could be just two interviews in the main section and JoJo's could be moved down to the test section in a collapsible.
It's a good idea, but I found the interview logs to be awful. Names were given unnecessarily and I feel that the language wasn't "Shakespeare enough" and didn't use enough words from the time.
SCP-2879 has silver-white fur, yellow eyes, and resembles the Grey Fox. however the subject also has wings, allowing it to fly, and control of wind currents. The subject is 2ft taller and longer then the average Grey Fox. SCP-2879 was found in ████, Kansas. The foundation went to investigate after rumors and sightings of a strange flying creature were reported. It took two hours to capture and to contain the subject, because of the wind storms it would use to stop them, -25 and three staff votes.
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I fixed the title, the image formatting, and added a module rating. There are still some errors left, but I'll leave those to you, mainly because it's ourly aesthetic.
Other than that, the tone is barely clinical at all, and the interview is pretty bad in its writing, especially in the ending, with the skip just laughing. Just uninteresting over all.
EDIT: yeah, considering you had so many punctuation and spelling errors, you seem to have very poor knowledge of how to write a basic sentence, with having, commas, every, single, line, and, never, ending, sentences. It gets annoying quick. And you were missing multiple words. Like how you forgot to include date in a sentence.
-1
This reads like a decommissioned skip, which is not a good thing.
A good article should tell a story, not just be character or object, and being badass and mysterious is not good writing unless those traits can be justified through good storytelling.
As an aside, a silver-haired, magic fox that can control wind is just way too similar to my own joke article, 777-J, a silver-haired magic swordsman that can control water, for me to even begin to consider this article's concept with any degree of seriousness.
I can't see any difference between this and the last version. Ignoring that, it's basically a weird animal with a few abilities and a poorly made image.
SCP-2638 is a foundation file composed of an ever growing set of documents, USB files, DVD files and one floppy disk. SCP-2638 has the anomalous property that periodically but at irregular intervals more content will be added to this file without the intervention of any foundation staff. This property of self updating seems to be inherit to the object it self, -17 and three staff votes.
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No real sense of scale here. And I don't even mean length alone: while length can certainly help, with good enough writing one can make a short article still feel grand. Here there's just a bunch of titles and claims, and no real meat to it. There's nothing pointing towards maybe the (in-universe) file's contents being real.
SCP-2724 is a humanoid entity, formerly Brandon █████████ of ██████, California. On 2027-01-06, SCP-2724 developed a microscopic gravitational singularity, designated SCP-2724-A, in its genital region. While SCP-2724-A has a hypothesized mass of 3 billion metric tonnes, its gravitational effects do not extend beyond a sphere 8.2cm in diameter, and it retains its position relative to SCP-2724 at all times, -22 and four staff votes.
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Largely agreeing with others. The elements you add never surmount the stupidity of the explicitly stated backstory. Around when you mentioned the singularity in his genitals is where I checked out, and never came back in.
Also, the cold + memes containment feels massively convenient and vastly undersold if you want it to be convincing. Him being susceptible to memes for some reason is strongly different from "He totally blows through them unless he gets really cold." It's never set up, paid off, or explained; it's just there.
-1
While this is extremely well written, with excellent character development and amazing technical writing, I cannot in good conscious upvote this. One reason is that this is a meme I know nothing about, and therefore the central concept falls flat. The other is that this leaves a very bad taste in my mouth for reasons I cannot discern.
No vote
EDIT: on second thought downvoting because while this a very funny and accomplished -J, it sits poorly as a mainlister.
This is disappointing. It's a man with a black hole for a cock. It's a meme presented in a pathetically straightforward way that, much to my shock, makes me yearn for GAW articles. It's a potentially interesting reality bender ruined by an association with a shitty meme. The character is minimalistic and dumb. The concept of a memetic cryochamber is an exciting setup with minimal payoff. Reading SCP-2724 is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line.
A god-tier threat with a ludicrous origin. I'm not sure how to feel between dread and amusement, but I do know I love it.
I'd swap the first two paragraphs in the SCProcedures; start with the wide shot, then zoom in, so to speak.
Eh.
I'm not intrinsically opposed to using silly memes as the base for mainlisters, but this never really evolves much past that. Seeing the containment procedures and the first paragraph of the description I was expecting something weird and juicy, but it ended up turning into subpar territory quick.
SCP-2429 is a white, opaque, microscopic parasite measuring 7nm in width and over four meters in length when completely straight. It has the ability to move through most liquids and gasses with extreme ease, completely uninhibited by gravity. SCP-2429 is able to slip through cracks of almost equal width or greater, although it is able to temporarily compress its width by another whole nanometer if necessary, -21 and three staff votes.
Feedback ported:
1. It's means it is. Try going back and replacing all it's with it is to realize why sometimes its is the correct term to use.
2. Include the fact that it is sentient and knows english in the description, or at least the fact that it can steal language from those it infects (in less broad terms at least)
3. "Inside the brain" seems pretty unclinical. Maybe just say that they hosted the entity.
4. O5 would NEVER go into a Foundation site with an entity that can escape containment like that. That is ridiculous.
5. The containment procedures are necessary, I know, but maybe go on about it less to make it more brief?
6. Maybe instead of an O5 getting infected, maybe a researcher who had secretly stolen information was infected? Seems way more reasonable to me.
7. If that information was so important that every single person in the room was killed on sight rather than amnesticized, why is this thing not at least PENDING termination?
8. The concept is pretty good though. A sentient parasite that can learn and steal information from those it enters? Sounds pretty cool to me.
9. Needs a name on the main Series 3 page, methinks.
Bluemorpho nailed it with their critique, and I don't have much more to add other than I liked the concept overall, but the interview killed it for me. There are *far* too many interviews of this type on the site, where the researcher/doctor attempts to talk to whatever being, and then the being gets all mad and says something along the lines of "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH HUMAN" and then something bad happens. It's just tired at this point.
I think I'd like this more if the creature didn'5 come off as so intelligent. It's a flying tapeworm that has limited access to its host's brain, so why is it so smart? If it were more animalistic, yet still a clever and hard to contain beast, it would be more interesting.
Don't use a paragraph when a sentence will do.
SCP-2841 is an elevator at the ██████████ Accounting Building in ███████, California. SCP-2841 sits within a 500 story building where a lot of people come and go at a swift influx. The creator of 2841 is unknown as the three companies building the structure were cited as having no plans in their blueprints for such an elevator. SCP-2841's design is clear, get people to their destination as quick as possible, -19 and three staff votes.
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Never mind the elevator - five hundred floors make it two and a half times the height of the Burj al-Khalifah. That's damned anomalous right there.
For future endeavors, I encourage you to make a sandbox and seek feedback from other members on the forums. Writing something and posting it directly to the main list without any previous opportunities for advice, guidance and support is typically discouraged.
… Why not just take out the elevator cab and replace it? Or wall off that elevator's entrance on each floor?
SCP-2792 is a grecian male, approximately 10 feet in height. SCP-2792 appears to be in a constant state of decay, but cannot decay fully. Subject has blue fire shooting out of the top of it’s head. SCP-2792 is currently impervious to any method of termination known to the foundation. SCP-2792 has to have a golden staff tipped with a human skull, -27 and three staff votes.
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As undeveloped as this is, I did like the imagery of the SCProcedures.
ornate chair with obsidian right in the middle
This is both unspecific and colloquial simultaneously. What do you mean by ornate? Is there a specific ascetic that should be adhered to? An obsidian what in the middle? 'right in the middle' would be better as 'in (or at) its center'.
Dittoing that the fact that it turning out to be Disney's Hades was a humongous letdown.
Summoning dead corpses? Summoning living corpses would be more anomalous.
To echo the above comments, yes, this is the movie character. It would have been more interesting if it *resembled* the movie character while being different in some crucial but non-obvious way, or didn't resemble it at all but functioned/behaved similarly.
SCP-2471 is made up of 3 entities, referred as SCP-2471-1, SCP-2471-2 and SCP-2471-3. SCP-2471-1 is a reinforced metallic box that has a lid fixed on by 2 metal hinges,upon opening SCP-2471-1, a keypad will be displayed, upon entering ████, all personnel in the same room will seem to disappear into SCP-2471-1's pocket dimension, any tracking devices on personnel entering SCP-2471-1's pocket dimension will not function until leaving the pocket dimension, -23 and three staff votes.
SCP-2653 is a small land dwelling animal that resembles a flatfish, except that it is paper thin. SCP-2653 can glide under spaces less then an inch high, allowing it to move throughout houses with increased mobility. SCP-2653 has been noted feeding on small insects, but groups of 5 or less have been observed smothering smaller mammals, such as mice and rats, -22 and three staff votes. Rewrite volunteered by Bluemorpho, permission given by author
BBKrusty.
Feedback ported:
Let's get started.
SCP-2653 is a small land dwelling animal that resembles a flatfish, except that it is paper thin. SCP-2653 can glide under spaces less then an inch high, allowing it to move throughout houses with increased mobility.
"Paper-thin" is colloquial and imprecise. Give exact measurements of its thickness: in metric, as that's the measuring system we use.
"When a group of 6 or more SCP-2653 are in close proximity of each other, they will become increasingly aggressive to personnel, attempting to wrap themselves around the faces of personnel and producing an acid similar to HCI."
Do you mean hydrochloric acid (HCl) or hydroiodic acid (HI)?
"a substance similar to Gorilla glue to stick themselves to the victim."
Again with the colloquial comparisons. You could say "produce an adhesive substance" instead.
Containment or neutralization of SCP-2653-1 before it has grown SCP-2653 is necessary. Lethal force is approved. No warning shots are allowed.
This should be in the containment procedures, not the description.
Also, the list of terms should be a table or list, to make it easier to read.
There's a lot of different concepts going together here that simply do not gel well at all. The "my name is Steve" addition appears as an attempt to add depth that comes off as random and disjointed.
SCP-2653-2 attacks Dr. ██████ with several clubbing blows until death
<End Log>** [further interviews yield similar results] **
"Wow. The monster just killed our experienced, essential Researcher. Okay, send the next Researcher in with no increase in security."
"What? You're just going to do the same thing again? Isn't that a waste of valuable resource?"
"It's okay. We'll stop after five or six."
One thing that will definitely earn downvotes is having the Foundation act apparently foolishly. I'd lose that interview if I were you (note that the other issues noted above would still apply though).
SCP-2541 was created by small experiments conducted on members of the German People's Republic and the Soviet Union in the year of 1946. They collected the worst of the surviving members of the Nazi’s Schutzstaffel and conducted experiments to test different unknown chemicals and their reaction with the human body. Experiment-[REDACTED], Experiment-[REDACTED] and Experiment-[REDACTED] were many of these experiments conducted on the Schutzstaffel members resulting in the [REDACTED], -21 and three staff votes.
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Downvoted for the photo alone; it's a still taken from a short film about the Rake creepypasta. And I could not tell what the hell this thing was, on top of that.
If you're going to do a [insert country here] war experiment monster, have it be more than "this thing look ugly and is hard to kill… SPOOKY".
