First Impressions: The tone is completely off and the idea is shallow with barely any development. The virus itself seems to have no purpose or story as to how it acts the way it does, adding to how simple and ineffective it is at intriguing an audience.
Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar (SPAG):
Anyone exposed to it is to be kept away from anyone else
everyone else
anyone else, in a separate cell.
No need for a comma
cured using medications that are more than $1,000.000.
more expensive than
eyes, ears, noses or mouths
eyes, ears, noses, or mouths
Limbs grow either from other limbs
Limbs also grow from either
The Special Containment Procedures: First off, to elaborate as to W_Oberst said, the containment procedures are quite bland and general. Specifically how short it is and a severe lack of a clinical tone.
Anyone exposed to it is to be kept away from anyone else, in a separate cell.
This is not clinical. When users suggest to you to use a more clinical tone we refer to this.
Example: Any personnel who are accidentally exposed to SCP-XXXX are to be quarantined in a separate cell. Those infected by SCP-XXXX are now to be considered SCP-XXXX-1 (I say this because you never specified if the virus was deadly, as there are no lethal symtoms suggested in the description.)
Basically, make it clean and efficient. State what is there and nothing else, there is no need to add fluff to the sentence. Also take to the guides if you need more examples as to how to use clinical tone.
In the event that containment is breached, a pesticide is to be sprayed throughout the chamber.
I'm no microbiologist, but I am unsure as to how a pesticide designed to kill insects is supposed to eradicate a virus. Perhaps you are referring to an Anti-viral or some other form of subduing a virus.
The Description: This also suffers the same issues of the Containment Procedures. That is lack of clinical tone and a bland, unexplored idea.
SCP-XXXX is a virus that can only be cured using medications that are more than $1,000.000.
If you take a look at several other successful SCPs, they describe exactly what their SCP does within the first few sentences. So far the only anomalous part of this SCP you've given me is that it is expensive to cure.
First off, that's not anomalous. Funds are never an issue for the Foundation, so don't bother adding the price. Second, if it can be cured then why bother putting personnel into separate cells when they can be brought back to normal? Third, how did you cure it? Do you have special anti-viral? You never go into further detail into this incredible feat.
Their skin starts to develop red spots, similar to [REDACTED].
[REDACTED] is usually only used for locations and numbers, it really isn't that important for a small detail like this. Any user can guess smallpox or some other disease, you aren't fooling anyone. If you are trying to hide an important detail for a mystery effect then use [DATA EXPUNGED], as this is the regular method used.
smell more things, talk louder, or hear more.
Again, the clinical tone is missing.
Subjects report having conflicting thoughts from multiple brains, or being able to touch the floor when walking perfectly upright.
This can use some clearing up. Also this is probably the only interesting part of the SCP, more on that later.
Victims report people being scared of them. Victims have also gotten scared from looking at themselves in the mirror.
This is completely redundant. I'd imagine anyone just looking at those infected are going to creeped out. This is nothing note worthy and should be scrapped all-together.
Final Synopsis: Your SCP, at the moment, is under-developed and shallow. There is very little of interest and other SCPs have done it better. I do think there are a few directions the SCP can go for success, which I will elaborate now.
My Ideas: Keep in mind that this is what I thought could be interesting as I was reading your SCP. These are merely suggestions as to future paths, purely made from my imagination. Take these with a grain of salt.
The conflicting thoughts made me wonder "What if this virus adds the personality of others into the infected? Causing an induced state of multiple-personality disorder?"
Or "What if the virus replicates the humans it has infected before into newly infected bodies? Causing the forced reproduction of other humans into the infected? Causing a mess of limbs, torn tissue, and general bodily destruction."
Overall I wish you luck in your endeavors. This ain't going to be easy.
(account deleted) 24 Jan 2017 22:46
