Haha, I didn't think you'd actually go through with this.
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I've seen it.
I can't un-see it.
I don't know if I should be happy or sad about this.
Rich.
Constructive criticism: The conversation interludes aren't as "real" as they could be. I don't see the doctors talking about it so…distantly? Such as: "Some personnel claim that we should keep these older files, simply for entertainment purposes, at least." I cannot imagine a human being ever saying that. More like, I don't know, "We should keep 'em in the break room for people to read" or something like that.
EDIT: Nevermind, figured it out.
Yoric, the point he was making was about the bits of italicized conversation injected in between the 732-corrupted report, which -is- supposed to be actual conversation.
Ah, I see. I just saw someone complaining about grammar in a, yanno, spoof article. Threw me off for a moment.
You're complaining that Gears is coming off as too stiff and wooden?
well, it doesn't say that Gears is talking anywhere, but I guess. I think it's mainly that line. and the "quite a badass" and "but of course, how could I forget?" but you're speaking for yourself there, so I can't comment on that.
I think my comment is that the conversation sounds "cinematic" rather than naturalistic, which a lot of Doctor/Agent commentary usually is. there's a certain degree to which I can't believe that people would maintain a totally professional demeanor in the Foundation. if you think about TV shows that show workplace scenarios, the professional demeanor usually begins breaking down when you spend a lot of time with the same people.
and grammar: "some personnel claim we should." you don't really "claim you should" do something when you're making a suggestion. "think we should"?
let me know if I'm totally off-base, I can be belligerently nitpicky. funny article nonetheless.
See, the fact that it's so stiff and wooden is how you can tell it's gears. Make sense?
I figured the point of the formal tone was to provide greater contrast between "reality" and fanfiction. "claim we should" is incorrect, I'll back you up on that one.
You know, reading this over, it strikes me that Gears is actually less stiff than in his other appearances, if it is indeed him. Of course, in a world where Clef is more ordinary than usual, it's not inconceivable that Gears is simply overly-professional.
my eyes…
what was seen cannot be unseen
however…
fukken saved.
CLOWDERCHEF
CHOWDERCLEF
DOING THE THINGS A CHOWDERCLEF DOES
COOKING CLAMS
KICKING ASS
CRAZY EYES AND A SPIFFY HAT
LOOK OUT!
HERE COMES THE CHOWDERCLEFFFFFFF!
ON TODAYS EPISODE OF CHOWDERCLEF:
FIGHTING CRIME AND F███ING B████ES, PART 2 OF THE EPIC 2 PART MOVIE SERIES.
IN THE EVIL LAYERS OF THE GOI BADDIES, CHOWDERCLEF SPIES UPON THE EVILEST OF SCPS!
SCP[EXPUNGEMENT OF DATA TO THE EXTREMES!]
(I am so sorry for this.)
/forum/t-185445/chowderclef#post-
page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
