green light seeking

Summary:

2nd attempt for my greenlight seeking idea for a goddess among us

green light seeking

Tukapee 25 Jun 2021 23:07

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Historical

Page Layout (Optional):I plan to write it out as an scp document, with file logs clearance, and simple background story

Elevator Pitch:
The core premise of ‘A Goddess among us’ which is a humanoid entity that manifests itself anywhere on Earth. Able to change her appearance and look's to match the general public area it had manifested in. It's past is a mystery for the foundation though reports state that it may have been around since 1585. Containment is considered near impossible for this scp since one of its abilities is the ability to manifest itself anywhere around or even off world.

Central Narrative:
nothing

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The theme and setting is historical, being an extraterrestrial entity that seems to enjoy humanity and what the planet has to offer.

Additional Notes: All crit and advice is greatly appreciated! I hope I summed it up well enough but feel free to ask questions.

Last edited on 30 Jun 2021 20:47 by Tukapee Show more

Re: green light seeking

ZG1906 26 Jun 2021 01:11

Summoned from IRC

So first,

[+] A few questions...

The core premise of ‘A Goddess among us’ which is a humanoid entity that manifests itself anywhere on Earth.

• What exactly makes this entity a "deity," and a deity of what?
• How did the Foundation decide it was a deity rather than, say, a powerful thaumaturge or a reality bender?

Able to change her appearance and look's to match the general public area it had manifested in.

but then:

[…] several months later the same figure was spotted at a hospital within Boston […]

• Why wouldn't the entity just change its appearance?

[…] thanks to the glowing marks that leaked a light harmless gamma radiation trail […]

• How did the Foundation figure out they could track her this way? Were there reports of this elsewhere?

---

[+] The Narrative

The big thing I'm seeing here a series of events without very much narrative (that I can tell). There are a lot of ways that you can take this to take it above and beyond the "thing-that-does-a-thing" cliché, though. The biggest question I find myself asking right now is "Why?" Why does it do what it does? Why does the Foundation care? Why did it let itself be captured the first time?

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The theme and setting is historical, being involved in historical event in 1587

The hook should be the entire reason I (the reader) want to read your article. It is what you plan on holding my attention with. What is the historical event from 1587? Will you be leaning harder into that? Try asking yourself "what is the most interesting part of this story to you"?

As I said, there are a lot of different ways you can take this at the moment, and I really feel like what you've got so far is just a little too open ended, but if you can narrow in on a central story or theme that you want to emphasize, this could have a fair amount of potential.

Re: green light seeking

Tukapee 26 Jun 2021 01:17

Hmmm, I'm actually suggesting you focus more on the foundation characters here and build on that tenuous father/daughter dynamic
You can show that through repeated experimentation and the father trying to get approval to use the "cure-all" SCPs but they either fail or the approval requests get denied
have the entire narrative be a dissection of what "natural" means
Tacking on powers doesn't make for a story, what kind of things happen that can get some kind of response from the reader
what inspired you to write the article given form through the article

Last edited on 28 Jun 2021 19:54 by Tukapee Show more