Aloysius' Donut (SEEKING GREENLIGHTS)

Summary:

[almost] Anything that occurs in the donut's vicinity will go wrong.

Aloysius' Donut (SEEKING GREENLIGHTS)

Bezlabon 19 Jun 2021 04:14

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Comedy, Mystery

Page Layout: Standard SCP article format; uses the Anomaly Classification System (ACS).

Elevator Pitch: A frosted donut that makes things that occur in it's vicinity [anywhere the donut can 'see'] go wrong or fail, often in comical and impossible ways. (EX: Cutting onions and somehow accidentally cutting the knife) The circumstances that trigger the object's anomalous power
to manifest is strangely inconsistent, and can range from a set of complicated actions to a speck of dust falling near it.

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Central Narrative: Long story short, the object appears mysteriously in a senior researcher's locker and is discovered to be anomalous. Containment is extremely tedious and difficult, but the object is eventually contained through backwards thinking and methods, as well as the object strangely and momentarily ceasing anomalous activity after a couple hours. Multiple test logs will be featured in the article, results slowly transitioning from strange and comedic into creepy and, for the lack of a better word, sadistic, until finally they order a D-Class to attempt to eat the SCP, in which something unexpected happens.

Hook: I think one of the containment procedures would be to orchestrate a breach against the SCP weekly to 'preoccupy' it. I'll also throw in an image with the description of "Senior Researcher (name) failing to take a picture of SCP-XXXX," and the photo will be a cactus, or something equally as dumb. I also feel like the idea itself is interesting enough to grab the attention of the reader, but that isn't really for me to decide.

Additional Notes: One of my concerns is that there'll be another SCP that is very similar to this one, and that I accidentally stole from another author. I couldn't really check beforehand that there were SCPs like this one, considering the fact that it's a bit difficult to look for anomalies like this when they're this complicated.
Speaking of complicated, if this ever gets greenlit, I'm afraid the article itself may become too cluttered with ideas as I write it, and more likely, a lot longer than I originally anticipated, due to a specific twist I have planned.

Re: Aloysius' Donut (SEEKING GREENLIGHTS)

fairydoctor 19 Jun 2021 18:19

Heya!

Crit below!

Containment is extremely tedious and difficult, but the object is eventually contained through backwards thinking and methods, as well as the object strangely and momentarily ceasing anomalous activity after a couple hours.

What are the containment procedures for the donut? What is the bare minimum that the Foundation is able to do to contain it? What anomlous activity does the Foundation first experience with the donut? How long after them containing it does it stop showing activity? What are the backwards thinking (reverse engineering) and methods that the Foundation does to the donut?

Multiple test logs will be featured in the article, results slowly transitioning from strange and comedic into creepy and, for the lack of a better word, sadistic,[…]

What are the test logs? What tests are you planning on the Foundation performing? What strange and comedic effects does the donut cause? What sadistic effects does the donut cause?

[…]to eat the SCP, in which something unexpected happens.

What happens though? What happens when the D-Class eats the donut?

One of my concerns is that there'll be another SCP that is very similar to this one, and that I accidentally stole from another author.

Your scip vaguely reminds me of the pizza box one in series 1, and vaguely of a coffee joke scip. But this very much doesn't mean that you can't do something similar. Nothing under the sun is new, and what's important is how you bring your own experiences, feelings, and life into the piece. Because no one has the life that you've lived. You are a unique person.

Overall, I see a lot of potential in this. But it needs to be tidied up and the narrative strengthened.

Hope this helps!

P.S. Feel free to PM me or find me on IRC if you respond to my post. I don't get a notification otherwise. Be sure to include a link to your thread in the PM.

Note:

(EX: Cutting onions and somehow accidentally cutting the knife)

I don't know why I find this to be as funny as I do, but I can't stop giggling.

Re: Aloysius' Donut (SEEKING GREENLIGHTS)

ZG1906 21 Jun 2021 00:51

I agree with fairydoctor's points in that I'd like to know generally how you intend to execute some of these things. There seems to be a lot of potential here for something amusing and clever if executed well, though.

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A frosted donut that makes things that occur in it's vicinity [anywhere the donut can 'see'] go wrong or fail […]

Even with all of the implied events, this still feels like the core meat of this piece. Is there a particular story you want to tell beyond the "thing that does things in an unusual and amusing way?" Will the focus be more on the characterization of the researchers or the unusual ways the skip makes things go wrong?

[…] the object appears mysteriously in a senior researcher's locker and is discovered to be anomalous.

It can also be shaky territory with regard to clichés by having a skip just "appear" in a researcher's office without explanation. Do you intend to explain that as the result of some part of the skip's effects? Would it serve the same narrative end if the skip was found by a civilian instead and resulted in widespread havoc which garnered the Foundation's attention?

One of my concerns is that there'll be another SCP that is very similar to this one […]

If the bulk of the article is just a daisy chain of unusual mishaps until they figure out whatever formula the anomaly is operating on, then yes. There are a few articles like that already, and they don't typically do very well without a clever twist.

I'm afraid the article itself may become too cluttered with ideas as I write it, and more likely, a lot longer than I originally anticipated, due to a specific twist I have planned.

It sort of already sounds like it might be cluttered with a bunch of different stuff happening, but if its justified, unique, and interesting, then length isn't always bad. I'm more curious what the "twist" is and why it would draw the article out by a significant enough amount to cause you concern.

It sounds like you've thought out some of these things, but I would really like to know at least some of the details that have been withheld here before seeing this as a draft.

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I hope this helped! Feel free to PM me if you reply or update the post and I'll take another look! I think there is the possibility for potential here, but its contingent on how you intend to make this idea stand out.

Last edited on 25 Jul 2021 04:00 by ZG1906 Show more