SCP Article: The Vessel of Souls

Summary:

An anomaly who takes on the souls of the deceased, and the crimes its able to solve with it.

SCP Article: The Vessel of Souls

somekidbewack 17 Jun 2021 01:38

UPDATE: Article’s addendums looking for critique!

I’m looking for critiques on how to execute the story of my anomaly indirectly assisting solve multiple unsolvable crimes over the years. If anyone could read the SCP and addendums and give me critiques that would be great!

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/somekidbewack

Staff notice: requisite greenlights obtained here http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-14118679/soul

Last edited on 26 Jun 2021 10:22 by somekidbewack Show more

Re: SCP Article: The Vessel of Souls

Zyn 18 Jun 2021 06:29

Noting that this has been mainlisted here: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5469

Re: SCP Article: The Vessel of Souls

ZG1906 18 Jun 2021 10:52

also pm'd and added here in event of page deletion

I was in the process of looking at this when it went up and was called from IRC shortly after.

I took a look at the concept post and it sounded like it had the potential to be interesting. It had a sense of turmoil, urgency, and a generally intriguing story to tell. This feels like it strayed from that and just sort of fell flat for me because of it. This still sounds like the basis for something good, but it definitely needs some revising to get there.

+A few broad notes

Narrative

As I said before, everything feels like it sort of fell flat by the end. The characters didn't feel very deep. The relationship between the investigator and the skip didn't seem very clear. I didn't really feel like there was anything noteworthy by the end. The concept had a lot of potential, but the execution sort of turned it into a "thing-what-does-a-thing" and I didn't really feel any attachment to the piece.

I felt like there was a lot of unusual detail that didn't really feel justified. The skip's appearance could have been anything: an amalgamation of ghosts (which is what I thought of while reading the concept post), a talking radio, a telepathic sandwich that projects the voices of the dead. I don't know that its appearance really made sense. Was there any particular reason for choosing a bear head? If so, that should be expanded on.

There were also a lot of redundant statements like the skip's height and the fact that it was helping solve these cases (although this is only stated as a growing set of numbers, rather than being made clear through the article). This leaves the core piece of the narrative (as I understood from the Ideas Forum post) feeling sort of secondary rather than the focus. The explanation of the skip's involvement with the detective and their cases felt so brief that it could easily be overlooked and the cases were being solved, but… how? The way that information is kinda glossed over makes it difficult to come to the conclusion that the collection of souls were the victims in the cases.

It's also not really clear why. What made this thing? How did the Foundation actually find it? Why didn't they find it sooner? What made it? I feel by the end that as a reader I am left with a lot of the wrong kind of questions. That isn't to say this is a bad idea, just that the execution doesn't seem to live up to the potential of the Idea that was Greenlit. With a little fleshing out, though, I wholly believe it could and I'd be more than happy to help out with any specifics or clarification on anything I've said.

Last edited on 24 Jul 2021 22:05 by ZG1906 Show more

Re: SCP Article: The Vessel of Souls

somekidbewack 19 Jun 2021 10:28

Major update: A rewrite is in the works! Entirely rewritten from scratch and continuing to work, please give critique as it is needed!

Re: SCP Article: The Vessel of Souls

somekidbewack 26 Jun 2021 00:14

Article open for critique! Looking for advice on article addendums and better ways to develop the story. Thank you!

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Truc Linh 26 Jun 2021 02:13

somekidbewack, instead of posting multiple comments in succession, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of every comment. That prevents spam buildup, and it's in the rules.

Additionally, please try reaching out to reviewers via Wikidot PM or IRC Chat as you will have better luck receiving critique versus seeking attention via forum post. You can find more information here: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews