Hegel's Nightmare

Summary:

Demon that has been guiding human development since the beginning of history. The Foundation isn't sure what to make of it. 5400 Words

Hegel's Nightmare

Bernpax 06 Apr 2021 05:48

Wordcount: 5400 words.

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/bernpax

I would appreciate it if anyone could take the time to crit this article draft. I feel there might be some issues with internal consistency as well as loose ends for how the Foundation came to know about the anomaly, so I would appreciate help with respect to those things.
A line by line reading isn't necessary, just a critique of the general concept and major plot points. This is my first article, so if there are issues with tone or style please let me know about those as well.

Many thanks!
Bernpax

Staff notice: requisite greenlights obtained here http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-14031905/hegel-s-nightmare-seeking-greenlight

Last edited on 02 May 2021 23:30 by Bernpax Show more

Re: Hegel's Nightmare

Rhys Tanner 16 Jun 2021 04:50

Loved it! We discussed things in detail on IRC, but I think it's just about ready. I'd like to see some more examples of the SCP in action, like maybe involved in American union organizing throughout the early 20th century. Tons of fascinating history to get inspiration from.

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 13 Apr 2021 05:18

Since this thread has been on the thread listing for a week with no feedback yet, this is a quick reminder from staff for the author. Please remember to contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed, if you haven't done so already.

This thread has information on reaching out to reviewers: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already contacted multiple reviewers and received no reply, feel free to ask a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.

Re: Hegel's Nightmare

(account deleted) 22 May 2021 23:23

NOT A REVIEWER

So, I read it all in its entirety and I love it. I personally think it doesn't have any mistakes and so here are some of my suggestions for making it even more unique.

My suggestions: Since it appears to be an SCP that is kept pretty secret maybe use this theme:

[[include :scp-wiki:theme:the-way-out]]

You could also add the ACS (anomaly classification system). And if you want, maybe a dialogue between scientists at the Foundation and the O5s (ex. when they discovered it, how should they contain it etc.). My last suggestion: this might be of my personal taste, but I feel like we need a main character in this story. A researcher at the Foundation, for example, could make your story more relatable. Anyways, that<s kinda it. Overall, I love it.
Hope I helped,
-Aaris Whyle

Re: Hegel's Nightmare

ZG1906 19 Jun 2021 22:38

Noting also PM'd, but forgot to add crit to post

So firstly, I'm no historian so I can neither confirm nor deny most of the accuracy of the information used in the draft, but what I can say is… holy crap. This was beautiful to read. The language is great, the tone is great, the consistency is great. I couldn't find any loose ends with any of the major points given. That ending is just something else. I noticed in your draft post that you mentioned this being your first article, but if I hadn't read that, I wouldn't have been able to tell. This was just overall a treat to read.

The only (minor) points of crit that I can think of are just that this needs a once-over for SPaG and that you might lose some less-patient readers with the high-level language, but that's not even an issue in my eyes as it absolutely nails "clinical" in every sense. I really don't think anything in the article could have been stated better. The list of related anomalous artifacts felt a little lengthy but made sense with the ending. You may also get a little flack for some obvious political undertones, but I really don't see that being much of an issue for the success of this article, either.

All in all, I really can't say much outside of the normal SPaG polishing. Bravo and good luck!

Last edited on 22 Jun 2021 19:31 by ZG1906 Show more